Supporting someone else
Hey guys,
i wanted to make this thread to chat about something that's important to me. I care a lot for my siblings and growing up I did a lot of the parenting for them. Anyway, as I've mentioned before, my littlest sister has autism and I'm learning how to support her and make suitable adjustments etc, many of my other siblings have behavioural conditions like ADHD and ODD.
it can be really hard to learn to support others when you may be dealing with some some things yourself like a mental illness for example.
I thought this thread would be handy for us to talk about/get support/ask questions/find out some more stuff around how we support people around us who are dealing with different things.
I decided this would be a good idea because I see my sister on a regular basis and find it difficult to be there for her during a meltdown and it can sometimes lead me to feel a bit like crap when I don't know what to do.
Keep in mind though that everyone is different so some suggestions on here may not work for some individuals but there is nothing wrong with sharing 🙂
Comments
Nice @j95.. Reckon your sister would be similar? Sometimes we don't have to say the right thing, but instead be present with the person 🙂
yeah thats true @Bree-RO i just feel the need to help all the time ,you know? and i suppose its about having a suitable environment thats not over stimulating etc as much as it is about trying to help her when things do go bad
@j95 so if an environment that's not too stimulating is helpful, are there ways that you could make sure she has that kind of environment?
Or is there a song or toy or something that could act like a security blanket of sorts and give your sister something to focus on if she is having a meltdown?
This is a great thread, by the way. It can be so tough trying to support someone else as well as ourselves and it'll be great for us all to talk it through.
mostly around my sister and communicating with her in a way she understands @Bree-RO
basic stuff like getting down to her level, because she is so busy if she doesn't actually see your face and that you are talking to her she will just run off, so like you've go down to her level. and also giving her options like instead of asking something like, would you like a snack and then making up your mind for her, giving her like 2 choices. and I learnt how she'll say yes or no.
if i ask
"would you like biscuits or a sandwich"
if she wants the biscuits she'll look at my eyes and if she doesn't want the sandwich she'll turn her face right away from me.
and more, we play this game, its with toy cars and they go down a ramp, she likes to watch me do it. and i noticed that she'll look at my face and sometimes touch my cheek if she wants to do it again, if she doesn't want to play she just knocks it off the table, but anyway lol
and also some stuff around recognising when she might be heading for a meltdown and what things to do
trying out social stories too at the moment, im not sure if you know what that is, but its like using pictures to explain what we are doing and the routine so she is aware of whats happening, they use them at her school and her respite programs.
its just really hard with heaps of other kids around helping with her sensory stuff because theres a lot of noise and she doesn't react very well to that, which is fairly common, i think it was last visit or maybe the time before my little brother scared her from behind, twice, and i've never heard a kid squeal so loud in my life, my ears have never been the same, and then i tried to help and she bit me.
I would love to take her out once and do stuff with her just us two. I was allowed to once, but it's just so hard, she wouldn't get out of the pool and I looked like I was stealing her and she started screaming and kicking me and just oh god
@j95 that is such a tricky one! You are so loving and caring of her, your strategies in working with her are incredible too mate. Just amazing.
thank you @Bree-RO one day i will have unsupervised access with all of them and it will feel like we're all family again
Unsupervised access sounds incredible 🙂 @j95 Definitely. Do you know when that will be?
no idea when or if that will ever happen @Bree-RO like i never did anything to them so technically its not really supposed to be supervised right now but I suppose there is a lot of them and the care stuff is so complex, its probably for their safety. I'm not sure really sure how I can get it unsupervised though, cause I just want more than what we have now, I want to take them to the park snd they can come over and stuff like a normal family. i just want to be like every other family, i want them to be able to come over and see their big brother after school, and i can buy stuff for them to play with at my house, and we can do some cooking
I hear you @j95 that makes sense to want all of those things. Completely. Who provides you with the information on all of this generally?
the place that their care is ran through like the service itself I'm pretty sure, just this one lady that always calls @Bree-RO
the only one i don't see supervised is my brother, the annoying one (i do love him)
i think its also helping the other kids understand it too @Bree-RO like my little brother really gives her a hard time because he doesn't understand that she doesn't get over things like that very quickly or understand its just fun like a lot of kids do
Great convo to open up @j95 well done mate. Looking forward to hearing others suggestions/experiences.
With your Sis.. What sort of support would you look for if you were to have a meltdown I wonder.. ?
