New here, idrk what I'm doing.
As the title says, I'm new here and I don't really know how this works. I guess I'll talk about something that's troubling me lately?
I've been feeling really disconnected from everyone, and I've been really lonely because of it. I have people around me but it's all like surface level relationships, I don't feel connected in any way. I want to try meeting new people but I can't because I'm pretty awkward and I'm not the best looking so It's hard to approach people. I have been feeling this way for upwards of a year.
I don't have the ability to talk to much off my family, it's a bit of a longer story though. I've been relying on music mostly to keep me company, but it's not really working anymore. So if there's anyone that reads this that might have some tips, it would be greatly appreciated.
Comments
Hi @JayC67,
I just wanted to hop in because I can really relate to your feelings of isolation, loneliness and feeling a disconnect with the people around you. This is something that I’m navigating as well so I really resonate with your feelings.
Firstly, I just want to say thank you for reaching out because you’re taking the first steps forward so you should be so proud of yourself 😊. I’ve lost a couple of close friendships during the beginning of the pandemic and found it difficult to form meaningful connections with new people. I can relate to your experience of feeling brushed off when trying to confide in someone who you thought you could trust because one of my close friendships ended after I realized how I could never truly be myself with them.
I think what helped me navigate these feelings of loneliness and disconnect was volunteering, Bumble Friends and counseling. Like others have mentioned, I think volunteering can be a great way to connect with yourself and with the broader community. There are a lot of online volunteering opportunities and you can find them through Seek Volunteer and Go Volunteer!
Bumble Friends is an app I used to meet new people and I’ve made a couple of uni friends through this app. It eliminates the social awkwardness you might encounter when you approach someone in person because you can easily start an online conversation with them and can tap out if you don’t really vibe with them. As previously mentioned by the others, speaking to a mental health professional can be really helpful to gain some insight, guidance and support. I recommend Kids Helpline where you can chat to a counselor 24/7 via phone, email or web chat and can speak to the same counselor each time.
Just remember that you are loved, valued and appreciated and soon you will find your group of people! Please take care in the meantime and know that you’re not alone and that the ReachOut community is always there for you too ❤️.
Hi, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely and disconnected it can be really tough, I understand that too. I've been in a similar situation where I live a while away and there is little to do in my suburb. I went to a school that was 30 minutes away from where I live so making friends and staying connected with them was often difficult as I had to organise everything in advance just to get there especially when I didn't have my license. When this was the case I did feel lonely and disconnected from them. This is what worked for me, I made friends with my neighbours so I would often walk next door, they were similar age to me but some of the older neighbours in my area enjoyed having me around. I would go for a walk, that way even if I felt disconnected from the people around me, I could try and feel connected with myself and try to get out of the house, even if I didn't talk to anyone. I would also end up focusing on the things to take care of myself, the things I did simply for me which meant putting my phone or technology away as well. While I could still feel disconnected and lonely from the world, I could feel connected to myself even if it was ever so slightly.
Meeting new people is always difficult, I have often found it difficult as well. I found that I met more people when I was by myself and not around people I know just because I was more forced to have a conversation with others and that's how I get to know a lot of people and then I can meet new people through them, that's how some of my good friends and I met. Even volunteering in your local community is a great way to meet people in your nearest suburb and make it a one-day-a-week kind of thing that is fitting for you and how you can get there. An online community is always a great option as well. I hope you find this helpful. 😄
Thank you for sharing your feelings to us. I'm sure it took you a lot of courage to reach out. Feeling disconnected and lonely can be really tough, but don't worry, we're here to support you! 😄. True connections go beyond surface level, and what matters most is being genuine and authentic. It takes time to find the right people who appreciate and understand you and it is completely understandable that the time before achieving that connect is very hard to go through, but I'm sure you will be able to find someone when the time comes. If you want to take a more proactive approach to meeting new people, you can try joining groups or activities that align with your interests, like joining a band or a club. This can create opportunities to meet like-minded individuals and make connections in a more relaxed setting 🤝. But in the meantime, be patient with yourself as you navigate these feelings. It might be hard but we're here for you, so feel free to share more if you want. We are always here to listen and ready to lend a hand. You've taken the first step, and that's a significant achievement. Keep reaching out, and know that things can improve with time and support. 👍
Thank you for your very kind response! Because of where I live, my job, and my school curriculum I find it difficult to be able to join anything involving my hobbies. I will continue trying though, thank you!
Hi @JayC67
Welcome to the forums. I understand that you're going through a tough time and I'm sorry that you're feeling so lonely.
Please know that I truly understand how you're feeling. I have many individuals around me but find it hard to connect because we lack similar interests which makes conversations awkward and dry. Therefore, I tend to keep to myself and don't talk to anyone which can often make me feel quite alone and isolated. However, since I go to the gym often, I have made friends with a few members and the workers. It started off with compliments and small talk about their PBs, and chats to the workers about their day, etc. I guess from small talk each day we now wave at one another and engage in full conversations, which frankly delays my workout, but it is so worth having someone to talk to about common interests like the gym and their day, etc.
Additionally, I often attend a type of music festival to which I have found a few people already in my life who share this interest and we now organise to go together. I have also met 2 lovely ladies who I added online and we organise to see each other when we attend these festivals and catch up while enjoying the music.
I guess what I am trying to demonstrate is to get yourself involved in activities that interest you, or that you're passionate about. You will find some people who are open to new friendships and share common interests with you. Most of the time, people don't pay attention to what you look like and if they do, they are not worth being friends with. Putting yourself out there can be hard but it will help reduce your awkwardness, increase your confidence with time, and It will help you make new friends who you can connect with.
Do you enjoy playing console or PC games? Maybe you could find some friends in the online community if you aren't too comfortable with going out.
Thank you for replying and letting me know how you were able to get out of a similar situation. I don't find myself going out much because I don't have my drivers license and I live at least 20 minutes from the nearest other suburb or store. Maybe I just have to wait longer before I am able to meet new people. Anyway I really appreciate you taking the time to write your reply, and I'll be sure to do what I can to involve myself in new activities.
Hey @JayC67
Welcome to the Online Community!
How are you feeling today?
I just wanted to jump in after reading your post. I know you mentioned that you have been feeling really lonely and disconnected from everyone, which is a pretty tough thing to be experiencing. I am really glad that you have found our forums and have been able to share this with us!
You mentioend that you have been feeling this way for upwards of a year, which is a long time to be dealing with these feelings and must be pretty difficult to be experiencing for so long. I was curious as to whether anything may have happened or changed during this time (if you can remember)?
I was wondering if you have spoken to anyone else about how you have been feeling? Whether it be a family memeber, GP, counsellor or mental health professional. Sometimes it can be really helpful to talk to those around us about these things and to get some more support.
I know that Pho-Ro has shared some really great articles with some tips and was wondeirng if you think any of them might be helpful? I know you shared that music was helpful but it isn't really helping as much anymore and was wondering if there was anything else that helps you when you are feeling this way?
Thank you again for sharing this with us. Remember that you aren't alone on the online community and that we are all here to listen and support you as best as we can.
Hi Natalie, I really appreciate your reply. In the past year it has been really difficult with a few events, I had once tried to confide in one of my “friends” but the subject was brushed over because of the awkwardness of the conversation, trying to have that conversation didn’t work and I didn’t confide in anyone else out of fear that I would be ruining the opportunity of a deeper relationship. Sometimes, when music isn’t working, I will go for a run. And I haven’t had the chance to look at the articles yet but I will definitely be checking them out. Thank you for replying.
Good on you for finding what works for you @JayC67 - music and running.
I'm sorry to hear that when you tried to confide in someone, it was brushed off. I'm wondering if you can think of someone else who may be able to understand a little more about what you are going through? e.g. a trusted adult?
As for the resources, I hope you find them helpful. We look forward to hearing what you think of them.
Hey @JayC67 welcome to the forums. Really glad to have you with us, hope you find it to be a warm and welcoming community.
Thanks for sharing your story with us, I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling so isolated. It is unfortunately a super common experience for young people, and can be very painful to endure. It sounds like you haven't really found people with whom you are able to form a close connection, where you can be open and 100% yourself. I think something that can sometimes help with awkwardness is naming it. So for example, if you're lost for words, you can just say, "I am feeling a bit awkward, and can't think of anything to say, but I'd like to keep chatting." You might get a response like, "Oh I totally get that, happens to me too sometimes. Don't worry about it." If their response is judgemental, harsh, or otherwise not very nice, then they're probably not someone you'd want to spend a lot of time with anyway.
We've also got a few articles that could be helpful for you to have a read through:
How can I stop feeling lonely?
11 things to do if you're feeling lonely
How to make friends and meet new people
If you do ever want to share your story about your family, you're more than welcome to. This space is one where folks can connect and make new friends, and it's also one where you can get stuff off your chest and get some support for those harder topics. Hope you find what you're looking for!
Hi Pho, I really appreciate you replying! Knowing that it's a lot more common makes me feel a bit better about it. I will be sure to utilise the info in the articles, and I appreciate you taking the time to give them to me. Thank you.
