Annoying to move on

Yeah it is complex a lot happened and it's just abit hard to really not let us go I still try to be a better person as in I like to improve on myself as I just wanna be better but yeah I think she and I could get back together like it's not impossible but yk just gotta let it roll out aye but I still try to just face my emotions like I try to actually let them roll out that way I'm not holding them all up inside but yeah was very complex especially cause I wasn't the person who made her stop speaking my brother did some stuff and it just went bad and also she wasn't exactly in the best mind space and she probably still isn't but she may one day be like he was actually really nice and try to come back my idea is to focus on myself and make a better me as there isn't anyway you can get anyone to stay with you if you have nothing to offer so being a better me would just give me more chances at most things

@Navy_Oyster sounds like a healthy approach to me, it can be so tempting to try to push the emotions down or away when they hurt us so. I hope you two can find a way to reconnect in a healthy way and that you are able to learn and grow from this too. 

We have a couple of resources that might be worth a squiz, they're about coping with breakups and even if it wasn't fully that kind of relationship maybe they'll still help 😊

Coping with a break-up

Breakup shakeup 

Yeah but there are times like I still have her Insta and stuff and she posts kinda annoying things and stuff and kinda just sends me back to before we went out ways but yk I thinking of improving myself but I just kinda want a girl like her or better obviously because I don’t want to settle for less then what I have had so yeah but it’s abit hard to find better when you think someone was the best aye

@Navy_Oyster I wonder if it might help to think about it in terms of finding someone different, rather than better. In my experience, every relationship I've had (including friendships), the experience is new and distinct every time. It doesn't necessarily help to put people into categories or hierarchies, because everyone has something different to offer us. So if you find someone and start to build a relationship, but find yourself feeling not-so-enthusiastic about it, it's not that that person isn't good enough for you, it's that they're just not the right match. Maybe this person did seem like 'the best', but that doesn't mean you won't be able to build other, equally exciting relationships with people in the future. 

Yeah that’s very true I’ve had like a few connections since but haven’t actually had a relations ship but I see where your coming from as I felt like this other girl was a good match and tbh maybe she is but she doesn’t like me rn like she doesn’t have a crush on me she told me that but she may eventually like me idk but she felt better then this other chick who’s hard to get over but they are different and idk who I like truly more see the other chick the one that is hard to get over she just was like physically she was perfect she had some problems with her mental health and I wanted to help her but she also was nice at times

Hey @Navy_Oyster , it sounds like the situation with this girl that you were dating has been quite challenging for you, and from what you've said here, I'm curious as to whether you're ready to let her go? I can see that you're holding on to some hope that maybe as time goes on, you might be able to rekindle the relationship with her, and this can make it really tricky to try and move on. There's certainly no right or wrong answer when it comes to letting someone go or giving things another try - what are you leaning towards at the moment? If you are keen to move on, are there any steps you think you could take that would make this process easier for you?

was just wondering what i said and i decided to come back and check and i tell you life is great im gonna start a website and stuff and i do a martial art legit amazing not gonna i already am

Hi there @Navy_Oyster ,

It sounds like you have made a lot of growth and been able to move on to do things that are meaningful for you. Well done! It sounds like in the past, you didn't know how to move on, but it just goes to show that you have pulled through and made a difference to your own life - for the better!

I wanted to acknowledge the effort you have made and wish you well in both your website and in martial arts. Martial arts can be so powerful in terms of refocusing the mind to be in the present. Have you found that?

I'm so glad you were able to pop by and share your progress with the community. We look forward to hearing how things go for you - even if it's from time to time 🙂

All the best!

Sorry I just replied to my own comment of you wouldn't mind looking at that and btw I'm also thinking of joining the army

yeah for real good to see you again and cheers for helping me back when it all happened

I think I'll always reply to this yk cause we'll tbh you never really stop loving someone do you but I just thought I'd come and speakin how you can still feel like something is still going on for example I used to listen to young and beautiful with that girl but obviously I stopped when we stopped talking but it like when I listen to it I still have that feeling of regret it's like damn I know if I knew what I knew now things would possibly not 100% but be better then they are now but yeah that song when ever I listen to it she obviously comes to my mind and I just think damn I coulda helped her a lot more if I was the future me yk like I think relationships at a younger age usually won't last as long as you don't have the knowledge you will once your older and things like songs they make you reflect and the main thing I feel with this song is that I listened to it to try and help her as she was going through a hell of a time and I think it woulda made a big difference cause Nowadays I am likely to really try to help I don't care what other people think as much and I woulda talked to her 1-1 and really tried to help but my young mind didn't know these things and I just feel it's helpful to realise things before they happen and are over cause I doubt she thinks of me as she most definitely doesn't want anything to do with me and I don't really anymore but there's something about how me and her spoke I just don't think I'll ever get again but I'll probably be wrong but she just had this I am not so sure about the world scam you help me kind of thought process and it was like she really could do with guidance and being able to help another person really made it feel a lot better but yeah I still think she is good but idk how I will feel in other relationships like I can see myself being in other relationships and just not liking them like with her she had a nice personality and was nice obviously looking and the two made her very attractive anyway would you happen to have any experience with this things specifically with how love is after love ing someone you think you'll never have again or soemone like again if that doesn't make sense I'll elaborate

Hey @Navy_Oyster thanks for coming back and giving us an update 🙂 It's been a little while since you last came online, how have things been?

It sounds like listening to this song has brought back a lot of old reflections for you. I can see that you're wondering if you could have helped her more than you did in the past and this is partly because of your growth as a person today. I think it makes sense that with the benefit of hindsight you can see how things may have been different and that can hurt because there's a wish for what could have been. Even if it didn't work back then, the fact that you have grown into someone who really wants to help others is really special.

I also saw you say that you know she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore and you don't really want to go back either. This is a huge reflection to make and if you wanted, I was curious to know how it made you feel when you recognised this?

I can see you have a question about what it's like loving again after loving someone. It sounds like you've already done a lot to grow away from this previous relationship and that is part of the healing journey, and that this has been a gradual process for you especially as you relive some of these old memories. I was wondering if you've been able to access any other supports on this journey? We have a piece here on heartbreak which has some guidance from a psychologist if you'd like to have a read. You might also want to book in a session with Peerchat to chat it out with someone 1-1. Let me know what you think 🙂