Creating and Maintaining Boundaries
Hey everyone! I wanted to ask you all how you create and maintain boundaries in relationships.
I feel like i am pretty good at it, but there are a few things i slip up on occasionally with my own personal boundaries. I find it hard to make myself the priority sometimes, but ill tell you the things i do. Please let me know what you do! doesn't have to be specific to romantic relationships.
- clear communication of boundaries: i am not scared of saying what i want. I believe if i am too scared to express my feelings about something, then the relationship isn't right for me
- have alone time: i am an extreme introvert and need it to recharge. my partner is well aware of this.
- point out a clear violation in the moment
- make sure to tell them how i feel when a boundary is broken: i feel like this really hits home. You may have a boundary that the other person doesn't understand. I think helping them to understand can solidify that boundary
- make sure respect of boundaries is reciprocated: it helps my case if i am able to respect the other persons boundary.
Excited to hear what everyone else's opinions!!
Comments
This is a very relevant post for me at the moment haha. I think the most important thing I've found for me is to reflect on how I feel when I don't respect my own boundaries. I used to often feel really bitter and annoyed at how people treated me and forced me to do things I didn't want to do (whether it was at school, work etc. or agreeing to plans with friends that I didn't actually want to do), until I realised that I actually have a choice in deciding what I want to do and a choice in how I react to how people treat me. So I am currently trying to unlearn not sticking to my own boundaries, even though it can be really scary!!
I recently had a manager try and tell me that I wasn't allowed to resign from my job for another job, and I think that experience really highlighted to me that even in early adulthood, there will still be people who try to cross clear boundaries of respect and dignity of a person. So I think it is such an important skill to learn and develop and discuss 😊
@apricotprincess This is a very good post on how to develop good boundaries on any type of relationships.
The clear communications aspect really do resonate with me a lot, especially with some old friendships I had in high school. Even if you had tried to communicate with them, sometimes people would ignore it which would make it difficult to maintain said platonic relationship.
I also find myself at times talking too much or just talking to specific people in a group, so I do try to maintain the boundary of speaking enough but not to the point where other people are feeling uncomfortable or annoyed about it.
I love these @apricotprincess 
I think with boundaries it's very important to keep yourself accountable with them. I struggle a lot with letting people overstep my boundaries without doing anything about it, because either its too hard, i'm scared of confrontation, or i convince myself it wasn't that bad, etc...
I've only just begun finally letting people know they've overstepped (from time to time, not always because it's still hard sometimes), and it feels pretty good to be looking after myself like that, by being assertive when it comes to boundaries.
Thank you both!! @Mulberry_Jay the thing about work/studying is so good to consider. i always find myself dropping everything to accomodate someone even when im deep in work.
@Invictus-Ernest honestly downtime is so important!!! having people who understand this in you life feels so good. I also am still working on how to tell people they have crossed a boundary, especially when i know they dont have bad intentions. however i have learnt the short term akwardness is more worth it then a long term grudge (grudge isnt the perfect word).
Thank you both again!!!! 😄
@apricotprincess this definitely is not spoken about and can often be a difficult conversation, so I love this post.
Only the other day, I was having a conversation with a friend about boundaries and what we each needed to do when our boundaries are pushed, or even crossed.
I do this thing where if I am overwhelmed, or I've had the longest day, I stare. I had a friend who was super high maintenance and I couldn't focus when I was in this state and they were just talking at me. But for another friend, who is very low maintenance, she can talk, I can stare off yet we both know that I am listening to every word she says. So, for me, I absolutely need downtime. This gives me the time to switch off and rewind, then I can go back to being my happy self.
I will be honest, I'm still working on how to tell people when they've crossed my boundaries, it can definitely be awkward and hard to tell people so I have been guilty of ignoring the situation until it happens again.
The boundaries you and @Mulberry_Jay have listed are amazing and I'm looking forward to seeing what everyone else writes.
Hey @apricotprincess !
I think you've created some amazing boundaries there! I totally understand slipping up on occasions, sometimes we tend not to put ourselves first, but I think its important to do so.
I also want to say you are being really strong by committing to telling your partner/friend immediately when they've violated your boundaries, because it can often be hard to tell someone they've made a mistake, as we don't know what their reaction may be, and we also don't want someone close to us feeling bad. However, this is the best way to move forward, and make sure it doesn't happen again, because we have to prioritise our mental health and wellbeing.
In terms of having personal boundaries this is what I do:
- Communicating when I'm working and studying --> I really can't focus on my study or work if I am talking to someone at the same time, so I make sure to communicate when I am doing these things, so that we don't disturb each other.
- Communicating to them clearly when family time is, and not mixing conversation in between that.
A lot of my other personal boundaries are similar to you 🙂
Hope this helps!
