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Don’t know what to do
Hi everyone
I’m wondering if anyone has good tips for making friends/relationships as I’m kind of stuck without any atm.
Throughout school I never really had a friend group that I fit in to, I had some friends but never really saw them outside of school, and haven’t seen any of them since unless I ran into them. I’m at uni now where I started really optimistic that I could make friends or even relationships but it just hasn’t happened. I always try to be friendly and I can chat with people I’m sitting with but that never leads to anything else.
I’ve gotten some peoples instagrams and stuff (mainly for group assignments) but then nothing happens because they don’t message me and I wouldn’t know what to message them, and I don’t post or anything, so it feels very pointless. I’ve never really understood how that sort of social media works.
and ofc I’ve had plenty of crushes in classes but there’s never any real chance to even talk to them, and if I am talking w them idk how to make that turn into something bigger (same applies for friendships).
im mainly just venting but if anyone has any tips for me I’d appreciate it.
it kinda feels like I missed the bus in a sense for making friends in high school which then carry through because people in uni in my experience don’t rly have the same mindset of being open to make friends wherever, and I have no idea how to go about trying to make meaningful connections on social media
Comments
Hey there @Aardvark
As a fourth year uni student, what I can tell you based on my experience and from this situation is that getting friends in the first year is very difficult. Everyone is trying to understand what is going on and trying to adapt to the univeristy environment.
I don't nessarily think you had missed the opportunity in getting friends from high school and carrying it through university, as most of the people I knew who were friends in high school now have completely different cliques and friend groups.
It's more so that you just need some time and the right moment to find the right friend or group for you. Like for myself, I had only been able to find friends in my second year of university through groupwork. And the thing is, we are still friends to this day and are still talking to each other.
Don't try to rush in finding friends, yes friends in university will help you in the future, but also use it as a way to understand the people around you and see what kinds of people you want to get close to.
Hope this helps you to find new friends.
Hey @Aardvark ,
Ahh, what a struggle it is to make friends at uni!! I'm in my final yr of uni, and you can see how much of a struggle it is for everyone even now. You aren't alone - we're all here to support you! Even though it's common, I am sorry to hear how hard it's been for you, despite all your amazing efforts to build relationships with people.
Like some others have said, everyone wants to make friends at uni, especially first year!!!
I found that joining social groups at uni that you're interested in - whether it's an academic one based on your degree, or sports/games you like, volunteering, or other hobbies - REALLY kick-starts how you make friends. Because in these groups, you've got something in common. Maybe even other interests too! At these clubs or groups, you often have frequent (like weekly) gatherings which is a great opportunity to keep meeting the same people - building a stronger relationship with them over time! And if you find someone from your degree there, it can make the relationship deepen further.
Another things that works (at least personally) is this: Get to know one or two people from your tutorial/class (not lecture, they're often too big) really well. After chatting with them, maybe offer to spend lunchtimes etc with them (ask for their timetable or when they're free, and you can make it a weekly thing then!), and see whether they spend time with other people or know anyone else. Then you can progress from spending time with 1-2 people, to a slightly bigger group (because they know others). Or chat with people about their mutual facebook or IG friends - more commonalities!
These friendships take SO LONG to form, honestly. It is exhausting. And at uni, in my experience, you don't always have a big 'group' but more friends scattered in clusters in different areas of your life. And that's okay! There are many benefits to this too, like less group dynamic issues (big fights, etc).
Sometimes, I'll offer to make a group chat for people when we're in a class together (so like a big class group chat) - and then people get to know each other a bit too and recognise each other across different classes.
Hope that helps and that everything works out for you! Making friends at uni is hard, and your efforts are incredible! Go you!! 🤗
Hey
I was in a very similar situation just a couple years ago and now my closest friends are people from university that I didn't even know existed. Making quality friendships is so hard particularly as you get older. As a result of moving to a new school in year 9 I also felt like I had missed the wave of making life long friends because I went to a very small school and everyone had known each other from childhood. This was really upsetting because it felt like I was only friends with people because it was convenient for them in the classroom, yet we'd never hang out outside of school, so I completely understand how you feel.
With university just remember that everyone is On the same boat. EVERYONE WANTS NEW FRIENDS!!!! If you see someone you think seems friendly or has a good vibe in class go sit next to them and make conversation about the content I.e. this class is so boring or I didn't have time to do the reading did you, that way it opens up a discussion since you already have at least one thing in common which is that class. Definitely take it slow, it is never a good idea to rush a forced friendship. If you get along that's great and u can ask to meet up next time before the class begins. If not, no big deal there are soooooo many people you have yet to meet and go put yourself out of Ur comfort zone. Another way I like to ,make conversation is by going up to someone at uni who is in my class and that I've seen at different classes or lectures multiple times and sqy hey I think I saw u in _______ class, are unalso studying _______. Chances are they have noticed you and from there unmight realise u have heaps of classes together and therefore end up making an effort to meet up before hand, which will eventually lead to hanging out outside of uni, but it is very important to initiate. If the person's not feeling it or ut not that's okay, move on to the next, we're not always going gel with everybody!
Another advice would be to potentially get a job and from there slowley get to know Ur coworkers. U might then realise you both like sushi and fro, there you might initiate plans and say things like "I'd love to try this .... restaurantcive heard they've got such good sushi " that way Ur able to make plans outside of work. Lastly, I'd recommend joining clubs or societies at uni that Ur passionate about because chances are ull also meet someone there that has similar interests as you. Before I forget I know there are heaps of groups on Facebook (I.e. podcast groups where people who listen to a certain podcast join or gaming groups where people who like a certain game join) you can join where you can post that ud like to make friends and a bit about yourself. I always see people replying to these posts and then people making friends out of them, but ofcourxe remember to be safe and cautious.
Making friends when u get older is a struggle for a lot of us. Just remember to put urself out there, don't always wait for others to initiate (instead be the one to) and honestly just remember what's the worst that's going to happen - you guys don't click (which is completely normal) and that's it u move on (you both won't remember this in a few days). There's no rush so I just wanna leave you with this "you still haven't meet the best people in Ur lifr" so go out there put yourself out of Ur comfort zone and make friends for life!!! I really hope my post inspires you and please update me if you can :))) good luck you are good enough for both friendships and relationships. It is a privilege for anyone to be Ur friend!!
hey @Aardvark
first of all I would like to say thanks for reaching out, I think its really nice and brave of you to share your struggles on here
secondly, I understand completely where you're coming from. uni can be a very lonely place, but it doesn't have to be. my biggest advice to you would be to reach out. text those people you added on social media. I can say with a lot of confidence you won't regret it, because what's the worst that can happen? really, think about it. worst that can happen is they may not reply, may not give you the same energy, and that's totally okay! you put yourself out there, and that's absolutely amazing of you to do because most people don't even do that. and you never know, they may also feel the same as you and are hesitant to text and reach out. life is so short! take risks, do things out of your comfort zone, and don't overthink it! you never know, something amazing can come out of it! I speak from personal experience. last year, I had freshly transferred to my uni and knew nobody at all, heard of a party one evening, did not wanna go at all, and last min I decided I'll go. long story short, I met someone and now we're literally best friends and have done so much together! take this as your sign, and text those people 😉 and something that really helped me was that even if I make just one good friend, I'll be set, because you can meet other people through that one person and even if you don't, you still have that one person you can count on 🙂
I hope everything goes well for you, and I really hope some time from now, you'll have made amazing friends!
Hey @Aardvark thanks for reaching out.
Friendships, especially at university, I've found have been notoriously difficult for a lot of people. I have some friends from high school who go to different universities than I do and they've all expressed how difficult it can be to make new friends. The good news is, you're definitely not alone. I was alone for about a semester when I first started, and gradually started to make some friends here and there.
I think it's great that you've been really friendly and chatty and approaching others! Unfortunately not everyone likes to bite the bait, and I've found this also - especially in first year. When I've done this with others, I often like to start discussing the class I'm in or the assignments coming up - because that's what we have immediately in common. After a while I try to steer the conversation away from university and more towards personal discussion. For me, I've found that finding a common interest is always the way to go; something that you can talk about and bond over that will strengthen the relationship. One particular friendship I made at uni, we bonded over the both of us being a bit scared of driving (of course I have my license now, and am doing swimmingly! 😇)
Perhaps, with the people whose instagrams you have, it could be a good idea to message them first? Remember that it's possible they might be equally scared to message you first! Messaging new people can be scary. The message doesn't have to be too extravagant, you can always start off with a simple "hello! How are you? Remember we had *this class* together, it was so nice to meet you! Would you like to chat?" Me personally, I've had people message me after classes and I've always found it flattering that they'd like to take the time to get to know me. I treat it as though I'm approaching them in person, which makes it a lot less daunting. I also do think social media is a tool that can be used to make friendships. It can be tricky to figure out at first, but I personally love that I can proofread my message over and over before I send it to make sure I'm getting the right message across. Can't do that in real life, that could be a potential perk to consider!
Crushes in university I've found are equally as difficult to naviate. I've found in my experience that starting and then developing a friendship is an excellent starting point. It feels like a very subjective thing as to how to turn it into something bigger, as everyone is different and likes or is capable of different things. Previously, I went the brutal honesty route and decided to just tell them straight up (worked for me once, but everyone is different and some may not be as daring). Talking and developing a friendship first would be a good way to get to know them well before anything happens further. It's also an excellent way to sus out if they're already in a relationship or not. Unfortunately I used to really like this person in some of my classes, come to find out they had a partner a few weeks in - devastating at the time but I'm glad I built up this friendship first. Even if it doesn't end in a relationship, hey, that's still one friendship under your belt!
I hope that some of this helped you 🙂