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Friendship issues :/
I'm jus gonna let it all out... Second year of high school and my first group already split up. I have fitted myself into some classmates and old primary school friends' group. They are all super sweet and welcoming. I having been hanging out with them for 2 terms now. They do all these tiny things that effect me hugely. None of it is verbal at all. For example at breaks, they go walking after ( they) finish eating without asking me and just leaving for the whole time. ( I'm an introvert so I can't bring myself to say anything.) My birthday was the first out of all of us... I got one gift out of 5 people. They barely even acknowledged me at the time and I was so happy to go home. The second birthday that came around was amazing to watch. Gifts from everyone, food all the time. She is the closest to me in the group and I thought we were going pretty well. She held a birthday party ( hangout) with everyone in our group... but me. Didn't say anything to me so I just had to sit back and assume I wasn't invited. ( Which I wasn't). They would plan everything in front of me and talk about it all making me feel like crap... ( can we swear on here??) I went onto the birthday topic because today, ... today was someone else's birthday. Same things happened -_- I don't know other groups I can go to and I'm pretty anxious to meet new people these days. I suppose I'm waiting for my senior years to come around so I'm "too busy" with studying. 😭
Wahh, I just needed to vent, I don't know how this works but if people can reply, I would love some advice instead of feeling crap at the end of every day.
HappyDays People 😄
Comments
Hey @ImTotallyHappy
Hope you're okay! Feeling left out of a group you initially thought was welcoming is difficult, and it's sad to see that you aren't being treated the way they treat each other, especially after two terms. The fact that they didn't acknowledge you on your birthday is not nice. If you feel comfortable, and you think these friendships can be repaired, I would suggest expressing how you feel to the group, or maybe just the person that you're closest to in the group. If you don't say how you feel, then they won't know that it hurt you... Communication is key! At the same time, protect your energy, peace, and your mental health. If you feel like they are purposely excluding you and making you feel upset, even after communicating with them, slowly distance yourself and try and see if other people are willing to be friends! At the end of the day, you deserve to have good friends that will make the effort for you!
I hope this helped ❤️
Hey @ImTotallyHappy welcome to the forums! We're super happy to have you here 😊
I'm sorry to hear about what's been happening in your friendship group. It must be hard to have your first friend group split up and then to find a second group that seems welcoming but does these things. I can imagine how much it hurts to not be considered at lunch, and then with what happened on your birthday. Being given one gift, and then seeing the way that your other friends treat each other on their birthdays would be upsetting to say the least. It seems like even though you've been hanging out with them for 2 terms, they're not treating you the same way that they treat each other and that's not fair on you.
You mentioned that there is one person in the group who you thought you were close to but then found out they hung out without you. I was wondering if there was any way that you could communicate to them how you're feeling? We have an article here on how to tell a friend they've hurt you, which points out that it might help to plan what you'd want to say and what you want to get out of the friendship. It could be worth seeing if you can sort things out in this friendship group as these experiences have come up more than once.
You also mentioned that you didn't know any other groups you could go to. Are there any other people you're friends in the year that you could strike up a one-on-one friendship with, and maybe learn a bit about their group? Alternatively, is there anyone else in the year who you noticed is looking for a friendship group too? You might be able to build some new connections. Another option could be to see if there's any lunchtime or after school extracurriculars that you could do. It might help to meet new people and make you feel included.
Let us know what you think 😊