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I'm worried about a friend
So I used to be pretty close to this friend and we'd talk pretty regularly. But then it felt like suddenly they were ignoring me and I haven't heard from them in months. I'm pretty worried as I don't think anything happened for them to dislike me and I'm concerned it's their mental health affecting them as I know they struggled with some things in the past. Would it be annoying to text them every so often to see if they needed to talk or should I just leave them alone? But I'm also worried if I don't reach out it might affect them more. Any advice is appreciated, thanks.
Comments
Hey @Rose_Frog 
You sound like a really caring friend. It’s really difficult when people stop communicating with an obvious reason. Some people really distance themselves when struggling and do want someone to reach out to them. Others can view it as an expectation that they aren’t able to meet and can feel guilty. I’d say you best bet is to reach out to them and see what they would like/need. Hopefully it’ll be compatible with what you require in a friendship. Make sure you look after yourself too!
Hi @Rose_Frog 
Thank you for reaching out! I am sorry to hear you are feeling worried about your friend. You must be feeling rejected if there is no obvious reason for the distance, it is not a good feeling. You are an amazing friend for considering their perspective and current state of wellbeing as to why the distance has been made.
It is quite common for a friend who is struggling to distance themselves as they may feel like a burden. This is all the more reason for you to reach out and check on them (being mindful of your own mental health first!). A good starting point is to send a message saying hello and subtly asking how they are, whilst trying to initiate closeness. An example could be: "Hey! I miss you, how have you been?" Another way of initiating communication could be sending a meme which reminds you of your friend and seeing whether or not they are receptive to it.
Let me know if you try the above suggestions and if your friend responds! If anything else happens, please feel free to reach out again. Looking forward to hearing from you 😊
Thanks for this. I think I'll start with telling them I miss them or something along those lines because hopefully it comes across as more welcoming then blaming them for what's happening, if that makes sense. Maybe it might be enough for them to feel comfortable to have a small chat. I'll definitely update if anything happens with this. Thanks again.
You are most welcome! That sounds like a great start, I completely agree with you. I can see this friend is important to you, hope all goes well! 😊
Hey, so sort of an update. I didn't get anything back from my friend (we'll call A) but I reached out to another friend (we'll call R) to see if they knew if A was alright, and R got upset and told me to mind my own business and stay out of other people's lives. So I'm assuming because of that reaction that A is going through something. Knowing this, should I just give A the space and let them reach out on their own, or still check in on them every once in a while? Sorry for all this, and if you don't really know that's ok.
Hi @Rose_Frog
Thank you so much for reaching out with an update! Please do not feel sorry for reaching out, I am more than happy to provide support 🤗
I am very proud of you for initiating contact between yourself and friend A. Again, I wanted to reiterate what a caring friend you are to take the initiative to not only reach out to your friend in need but also a mutual friend to check in on the situation. From my perspective, it sounds like friend A must be confiding in friend R for friend R to have responded in such an abrupt manner. I wanted to check in on you and how this situation made you feel. How did you feel when your friend A did not reply? How did you feel when you received that response from friend R?
As lovely as it is to reach out to a friend in need, you also need to be mindful of your own mental-health. It is lovely for you to create space for friend A to feel safe and that you extend your hand in support. However, I want you to be sure that you are not negatively affected by not receiving a response from your friend. As long as you feel comfortable holding space within yourself for friend A to reach out, I suppose it would not hurt to send them a message from time to time like: "Hey, I'm thinking of you. I hope you are well." Or, "If you need anything let me know!"
Looking forward to hearing from you 😊
I'll admit it didn't make me feel the best to realise that A had spoken to someone else about what is going on, I think to me it meant they didn't trust me as much and they didn't want my help. I guess I did realise that trying to support A was having a negative effect on me, but felt guilty when I tried to leave the situation alone. I must have convinced myself that it was me being selfish, and not me trying to better myself. Reflecting on everything, I think it'd be better to leave things alone at least for now, as I am making myself feel worse. Thanks for helping me realise this, I just never really think of putting myself first which I can see now how it has affected me and the way I view friendships with other people. Thanks again, I feel much better talking this out and coming to a sort of conclusion I guess. Have a great day/night.
Hi @Rose_Frog
I am happy that you have been able to check in with yourself first before you put your energy into another person. I hope that feeling of guilt has been resolved knowing that you did reach out to your friend. It is important to know that sometimes receiving no response is a response, and that it puts you at peace to know that friend A is likely confiding in friend R and is not alone. You are most definitely not selfish, you are extremely kind, caring and empathetic. You set aside your ego and reservations toward the distance between friend A and yourself, and extended your hand regardless because you care for your friend. You have done the right thing and all you can for now and that is more than enough. I hope that you don't take the lack of response to heart, as you truly don't know the reason as to why they did not respond (maybe it isn't personal).
I appreciate you reaching out! If any problems arise don't be a stranger 😊