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Love sickness

Hi,

Falling in love is a beautiful thing. I believe I fell in love, but recently I've felt this heaviness within.

(For context, we had a 'relationship' for a short while before he told me he feels like he's not suited to be in one, but when I stated that he didn't want me to be his love, he said no and that he wants me in his life as anything - english isn't his first language so there might be some miscommunication)

A part of me tells me it's okay to be calm and to wait patiently, but the other half (usually the victor) is alot more sensitive and causes me to feel physically uncomfortable and to a point numbness.

It makes me feel conflicted, because it's not like I don't have the hope to continue or the will to go forward, but in the current moment I feel like I've been wrecked and I don't even know why. A week before I was okay with waiting for him, but now it's overwhelming me?

I understand that in this situation all I can do is await his response and to take things slowly but for some reason my body doesn't allow that, I feel terrible physically. 

I also feel guilty and selfish because I want and love him and I feel like because I'm thinking of him so much, it's unfair for him.

My mind is filled with him, and even if it's not a solid thought of him, I can feel like I'm thinking of him. Even if I space out or am not thinking of anything in general, he is still in my thoughts...

 

I'm open to any sort of advice - on how to resist this negative feeling, etc.

Alx
AlxPosted 04-08-2023 12:08 PM

Comments

 
Jade_1728
Jade_1728Posted 08-08-2023 07:04 PM

Hi@Alx

 

I've just read your post and I'm sorry hear that you are going through this! Feeling that level of closeness to someone but not being able to be with them is heart wrenching, so I completely understand your thoughts. 

I suppose I am wondering has he told you why he's unsure or if there is reasoning behind this? It can be really hard on your mental health to wait around for someone because the unknown can make you feel worse. I think you should weigh up how long you can wait for him to decide and whether the outcome is worth you having to wait. I know this is no easy task because it feels like there is no other choice, but there is always another choice. 

remember to always put yourself first!

 

here if you need anything 🌸

 
stargirlmaz
stargirlmazPosted 04-08-2023 07:07 PM

Hi @Alx 

 

As I was reading over this, I thought "I've definitely felt this one". Falling in love is extremely scary, and it's also very beautiful. From my experiences, it was very difficult to let go, and I always had a heavy feeling, but in the end I realised that it wasn't worth it to drag my mental and physical health to the ground for. In your case, if you're willing to wait and you have some hope that it will work out, then I would say stick it out. But if it comes to a point where it becomes more confusing and you feel like he doesn't know what he wants, then I'd say leave for the sake of your health. At the end of the day, you deserve happiness, and you should always put yourself first <3. I hope this feeling goes away for you, and that you can be at peace with yourself. 

 
loona
loonaPosted 04-08-2023 05:22 PM

Hi @Alx

 

Firstly, you express yourself so well here, and your description of your feelings makes them sound really powerful, which of course renders them all-consuming and hard to break down at times.

 

You sound empathetic based on your desire to wait for him, and with the volume of emotion you have for him, it's common to experience that numbness you talk about. I would take that numbness to be a subconscious protective mechanism shielding the particularly tough feelings from you.

 

Are you still communicating with him? It might be easier to handle the thought of your relationship if you minimise the number of reminders you receive about it. For instance, if you often look at his social media profiles or your past conversations with him, I would suggest you slowly cut back from that.

 

When we build relationships with people, we generally not only feel obligations to them, but also expect things from them in return, which they may not be capable or willing to give. Reducing the amount of contact you have with him could make your relationship feel less obligation-based, which would make it less heavy-feeling to think about.

 

In regards to your feelings of guilt and selfishness, it's not at all a bad thing to want love and affection. Almost every person is a little selfish in that sense; it's typical to want human connection and happy things for yourself. Do you feel undeserving of love/of him? I think that it would help to cultivate your love in things that aren't human, if that makes sense. For example, I have cacti that I care for (not that they need much care) and I can pretend that they love me even though they have no consciousness, while they invigorate my own love for nature. This can also apply to pets if you have any. Creating a space for something personal to you could ease the dependence on lingering thoughts of other people.

 

Remember to physically nourish yourself if you feel able to, and try to sleep if you can too, preferably away from distractors like phones.

 

I have hope that you'll get through this!

 
Stormy-RO
Stormy-ROPosted 04-08-2023 03:38 PM

Hi @Alx

 

It sounds like you're in a really confusing and difficult situation with love and this person. It's hard when you don't know exactly what is going on and don't know whether to keep waiting or to move forward with your life. The way you describe wanting to be patient but also not unfair to him shows you are a very caring person, and I'm sorry to hear that it's been making you feel uncomfortable, numb and overwhelmed. At the same time, I can see that you're trying to look after yourself first and that's a great way to be. Does he know that you've been waiting on him to reply?

 

As @Carnation_Snail has already mentioned, I was wondering if you've found that anything helps your negative feelings go away while you're waiting to find out what's happening in this relationship? Sometimes it helps to distract ourselves or otherwise give space for the emotions to pass. This article we have on coping skills has some suggestions which may help you take your mind off what's going on. I was also curious if you have any friends or family that you've been able to talk you through this with and how you might approach the situation? Sometimes letting someone else know what's going on can help give the clarity you need.

 

It may take a bit of time, but you'll get through this.

 
Carnation_Snail
Carnation_SnailPosted 04-08-2023 01:43 PM

Hi Alx, Firstly  i would love to acknowledge how strong you are, with sharing your feelings about your partner. Relationships can be really tricky and can make you feel different things immensely. 

 

I can completely hear how you are feeling at the moment. Sometimes when I am in situations where I feel  periods of sadness or feeling flat. I try to practice self care. I love to journal and go for walks, this helps me rationalise my feelings but also helps me get out of the house. 

 

Do you have a trusted family or friend to talk to? Sometimes talking to the people we love can help ease some anxiety about situations. Being around the people you love in times may also make you feel supported!

 

Do you have anything that you love to do? Walking your dog?, getting coffee with friends, playing a video game, or reading. Sometimes prioritising yourself may help assist with acknowledging your negative feelings but then also prioritising you :).

 

Hope to hear from you soon! 

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