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My "Friends" Exposed A Huge Secret And Now I'm Possibly In Huge Trouble
A while ago I was with a girl (as a girl myself, I'm 16) and my mum is a huuuuge homophobe and conservative Christian. I stupidly told people I thought I could trust but it turns out I couldn't. They told their mum who told two other people including my mum but luckily I was able to get that under control and I thought that was the end of it. SPOILERR it wasn't. A few weeks later it turned out that girl was really really toxic so I broke up with her and my sister wrote a break up message for me that was way way too harsh. I blame myself because I okayed it but I sent another message on another platform just to apologise and try to explain but idk if she read it. Now this other boy we'll call "Issac" is at my church and I had told him aswell but he told his mum who told my best friends mum that I was dating this girl but she didnt believe him. Now my old gf's mum has come out and told everyone something but I dont know what. How can I put a dampener on this and make it look like this isnt true?? I would really appreciate some help ❤️
Comments
Hey @SwiggitySwoog
Thank you for being so open and honest about this with us. It sounds like it has been a really distressing time for you lately and it must be so hard knowing that other people are involved and talking about your sexuality. That must be really tough to be dealing with and I am really glad that you have found us and have been about to share this with us, it takes a lot of courage to share this so you should be really proud of yourself for taking that step.
I am sorry to hear that your mother is homophobic towards you and that other people are talking about your sexuality. That must be really hard for you to be dealing with, and to not feel supported or accepted for who you are. Your sexuality, and your journey with your sexuality is a journey that is unique to you. And that means that you should be the one, and only one who is allowed to share your sexuality with others, when you feel comfortable. It sounds like your sister has been a support for you and is aware of your past relationship. I am also happy that you have found our Online Forums and want to remind you that this is a safe space where you will always be accepted and supported for who you are.
Dealing with homophobia at home must be very difficult for you and it is understandable how distressing this situation must be for you. I am mindful of the impact this may be having on your mental health and wellbeing and was wondering how you were doing with all of this going on?
I was also curious to know whether you have any supports at the moment, or people that you can talk to about what's going on, whether it be a friend, family member, GP or mental health professional? You deserve all the support available to you and don't have to deal with this alone.
I also know that you mentioned that you would be in huge trouble, and was wondering if you felt comfortable sharing what your concerned about that might happen if your mum does find out that you were in a relationship?
I wanted to share some resources with you about homophobia and sexuality which I thought you might find helpful to have a look through. I also wanted to let you know that if you are ever wanting some 1 on 1 support and would like to speak to someone about this, that Qlife is a LGBTQ+ specific service that provide support to young people.
Thank you again for being so honest with us about this. We want to remind you that we are all here to listen and support you as best as we can and that you don't have to go through this alone.
Take care and we look forward to hearing back from you soon.
Hi @Blake_RO
Thank you so so sooooo much for replying to me 😄 In regards to if I have any supports, yes I have my two bestest friends ever who are also in the closet and together, one being semi-pan (but mostly attracted to males so essentially gay) and the other being trans (ftm) and bi. They've been absolutely amazing to me and have had my back through everything and helped cover for me.
Basically if my mum found out that I used to be in a relationship with a girl, she would pull me out of everything and isolate me, and never trust me again... her punishments are incredibly harsh. She would never hit me but we live on a mountain and her rules are ridiculous (ie. no skirts above knees, no shoulders showing, no tight clothes, no shorts too far above knees, no phone, no job, no getting a license) so I have no way of getting anywhere without her.
My mental health is pretty good (very very surprisingly) but I sometimes struggle with anxiety and paranoia about people talking behind my back.
It means a lot you replied so quickly as I was really panicking. My mum will have my side though because the boy who spread this rumor is a complete pervert. My mum was not happy.
Again thank you so much for the support and I hope to hear from you again ❤️
(Also just a lil note I am now in a new relationship with my ex's ex they're the sweetest person I've ever met and they were also subject to my ex's manipulation)
Hey @SwiggitySwoog
It is great to hear back from you! 😊
It is really great to hear that you are surrounded by best friends who are so supportive and have your back the way they do. They are equally as lucky to have you in their life. It must make things a bit easier for you to be able to talk to them about what's going on, and to know that you can be yourself around them.
I am sorry to hear about what might happen if your mum were to find out, it is very understandable how concerned you must be about this. That must be pretty tough to be experiencing. Do you have any other supports at home?
I know you mentioned that you struggle with anxiety and that can be really tough to experience. Have you received any support around this or is any aware about your anxiety? I was also wondering if you have any coping strategies or positive ways to help manage your anxiety. If you were wanting to learn more about this, or find some ways to help deal with anxiety, we have some resources here which you might find helpful.
Are you feeling a bit better about everything now? I know you mentioned that your mum will have your side which must be a big relief for you.
It is also great to hear that you are now in a new relationship, it sounds like they are really nice and like it is a healthier relationship which is good to hear.
It sounds like you've had a big day, and a lot going on. I was wondering if there was anything nice you could do for yourself tonight to take care of you?
Thank you again for sharing this.
Hope to hear back from you soon💜
Hi @Blake_RO
Yes, I'm feeling much better about everything, I think it helped having you reply 😄 Yes it does get really hard with my mum, but my dad knows I'm pansexual and he supports me, but he's at work most of the week and only has saturdays and sundays off.
Thank you for the resources, it helps because my mum thinks psychology is from the devil and anxiety and depression aren't real, just figments created by satan to try and make us stumble. I also have ADHD, and am unfortunately undiagnosed though my mum thinks I have some kind of neuro issue and admits I would be diagnosed with it but its nonsense🙄
Anyway, thanks for everything and I hope you're doing okay aswell 😄 ❤️ I'm off to watch Harry Potter on incognito window XD
HI there @SwiggitySwoog ,
It's great to hear that you found the support helpful. I must be so difficult that your mum does not understand your sexuality, and does not believe in anxiety and depression - nor psychology. I read that your dad, on the other hand, is supportive but is often working. Do you have other supports you have reached out to? I know Natalie-RO shared QLife which may be be a helpful service to reach out to. They are a free, anonymous LGBTIQ+ service.
I'm also wondering if you have found any supports helpful for ADHD? If you scroll down in this resource, there are some practical ways for managing ADHD that you may find helpful.
It's great to have you on the forums and we look forward to seeing you around!