Painful Breakup
Hey everyone,
This is my first time posting on anywhere like this but I’m feeling very alone and unsure if what I am feeling is valid or if I’m being unfair on my ex partner. Sorry in advance for the long post!
I began dating my ex back in May this year and things were incredible to begin with. We fell for each other really quickly and I had never felt happier. She had warned me that she had some previous mental health issues which I was more than happy to support her with and accommodate as much as she needed but it wasn’t long before it started to take a toll on our relationship.
She would have episodes where she would be convinced that I was a horrible person. Out of nowhere she would shout at me, tell me I was a bad person, an embarrassment to her, that she wishes we’d never met and told me that it was my fault she “went crazy”. When it would get too much and I would walk away, almost instantly she would realise what had happened and would call me crying, begging for me to come back because she needed me.
This went on for a couple of months and with her mental health declining to the point of me having to physically watch her 24/7 to ensure she stayed safe, I encouraged her to get professional help which she did.
She was diagnosed with ptsd and ocd which explained all of her behaviours and was put on medication. By this point we had only been dating for a couple of months and my entire life had become consumed by looking after her which I never once complained about nor made her feel bad about. I genuinely loved her and hoped we would have a future beyond this stretch.
However, after 2 weeks on the medication, as soon as they worked and she started to feel better, the relationship was broken off and she has now left with her friends travelling, something which was always planned anyway but we had talked about maintaining our relationship throughout it because of how much we loved each other.
I am happy that I could help her reach this point where she is diagnosed and medicated and finally is happy but I can’t help but feel incredibly used. The day we broke up I told her that I felt as though I had sacrificed so much and had now been left with nothing but she said that was selfish of me as her life had been turned around in a good way and I should recognise that.
We have been broken up for almost a month now but are still in touch as “friends”. She is genuinely doing really well and I am happy for her but I feel as though I have been left with all the trauma of the relationship. Even though she didn’t mean the things she was saying when she’d get angry with me, they still are on a constant loop in my head and I am only just processing it all now. I feel like a shell of the human I was when we met.
I think I was in a bit of a dissociative state throughout our whole relationship as I had to be strong for her and didn’t have the mental energy to deal with what she was actually saying to me and now that I’m on my own, it is all feeling extremely heavy and I am starting to resent her even though I know it wasn’t her fault.
I loved her unconditionally, supported her when she had no one and sacrificed weeks of my life to ensure her well-being and then as soon as she didn’t need me, I was binned off with a quick thank you the last time I saw her. I’m starting to question whether she ever wanted me in her life or whether it was just a case of her needing me.
Just a month ago I loved her more than anything in the world and now I’m wishing that we’d never met.
Comments
Hi @fjoy17
Welcome to the forums! I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time. I can hear how hard it has been for you throughout your relationship and now post-breakup. I commend you for being so courageous and resilient throughout your relationship and now, for reaching out on the forums! You should be so proud of yourself.
I can definitely see how you have been left to feel used and now picking up the pieces of everything you have gone through. Have you considered speaking to a professional? It might help you process everything in a greater light.
Hey @fjoy17
Thank you for being so open and honest with us about this, it sounds like this has been really tough to be managing and I am really glad that you found our Online Community and have been able to reach out for some support.
Firstly, I wanted to acknowledge that the way you are feeling right now is very real and very valid. It is okay that you are feeling this way, and it is very understandable as it sounds like your relationship and the break up was very difficult for you.
I can hear how much you care and love your ex-girlfriend, and how hard you were trying throughout the relationship to take care of her and look after her which isn’t easy to do. It sounds like this must have been really hard to manage, and a lot of pressure for anyone to be dealing with. From what you have shared, it is clear that you have a lot of compassion and really care about the people in your life, even through the harder times which is a real reflection of who you are as a person and everyone in your life is lucky to have you.
It is understandable how hurt you must’ve been when you broke up. Breakups can be really tough regardless, but it must have been even more upsetting as you put a lot into the relationship and helped her through a difficult time as you loved her and had hoped for a future with her.
I know you also mentioned that since the break-up, you have been processing everything that happened during the relationship which must be really hard to be dealing with and trying to sit with. I am really glad that you were able to reach out for some support on here as this is a lot for anyone to be dealing with and you don’t have to go through this alone.
I was curious about what supports you currently have in your life and if you’ve been able to speak to anyone about this like a friend or family member?
I was also wondering if you have any professional supports or if you have thought about talking to a mental health professional or a GP? It is important that you are also receiving the support you need at the moment and are taking care of you.
I know you mentioned that you have still be in touch with your ex as friends, and was wondering how this has been for you? Everyone deals with break ups differently, and sometimes remaining friends so soon after the break up can be really tough and make it harder to process and heal from the relationship. It is important that during this time, you are prioritising your own wellbeing and doing things to take care of yourself.
I wanted to share this article with you about coping with a break up which I thought you may find helpful to have a look through. It provides some tips and things that can help you cope with what you’re going through.
I can hear how much of an impact this has been having on you, and I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like a shell of the person you were before the relationship. I was wondering if perhaps there was anything you used to do and enjoyed doing that you could try getting back into? Whether it was sport, any hobbies or things you used to do for self-care, or perhaps it could be trying something new.
Thank you again for sharing this with us. We want to remind you that what you are feeling is very real and valid and you don’t have to deal with this alone. The Online Community are all here to listen and support you as much as we can.
Take care and I look forward to hearing back from you soon.
