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Struggling to find friends:(
Hi, i'm new but i'm really struggling because i feel like i have no friends in school.
i see other people having so much fun with their friends and i get really upset because i feel like i'm missing out on so much!
my old friends didn't actually care about me and bullied me so i stopped being around them but now i have no one to talk to or sit next to in class
i really struggle to make new friends because i'm really awkward and i don't know how to talk to new people and i also have trouble finding fun, kind and supportive people that i want to be friends with.
any advice on how to make friends in school?
Comments
I 100% get it. In my last year of high school, I was struggling really badly with loneliness and insecurity, and it meant that sometimes I lashed out or got frustrated. In the end my friends cut me off, probably when I needed them most. And also, I have been on the receiving end of bullying often enough that making new friends can be hard. That being said, as it was my last year of school, I was determined to leave with no regrets - to try new things, say yes to (almost) anything. That would be my advice to you. The school's got a new club? Put your name down for it. Try joining one of the sports teams. If you think there's even the smallest chance you'll like it, try it! That way at least you might still have a good time, even if you don't make any friends. And don't restrict yourself to the school environment. If there's more public, local clubs, for sports or performing arts, you could try that. And lastly, the community here is always here for you.
Hey @iwashere
A lot of people have given pretty great suggestions here already.
Is there parhaps any other people at your school who appear to be by themselves too that you could connect with? They might be feeling the same as you, and want to make friends but struggle. Maybe if there is anyone like that, you could be that person for them and approach them.
Alternatively, as others have suggested, I would say there's nothing wrong with approaching other poeple or groups and asking if you can hang with them. Have you tried this before? It can be scarily daunting, but it might pay off to try and put yourself out there to form some connections with people. I've been doing this at uni the last few years and it has payed off significantly
Hey @iwashere , making friends can be pretty hard. I am proud that you've come to this space to ask for help - it's not easy! I am also glad to hear that you've created some distance between yourself and your old friends - you deserve to be surrounded by people who care about you and make you feel good. I can see that this has been tough and a bit lonely, but it is a step in the right direction.
Are you part of any school clubs or extra-cirruculurs? These can be a good way to meet people with similar interests to you. Plus, (speaking as a fellow awkward person), it can be a great conversation opener.
Another way to meet people and make friends is to put yourself out there. I know, I know: scary!! I have a lot of social anxiety so I truly understand how terrifying this piece of advice is ... but I also know that can be very effective. I found that asking people about themselves can be a great way to have a conversation which doesn't involve too much input on your behalf. It makes the other person feel like you're interested in their life (which makes you look a bit more confident than you're probably feeling) and allows you to get to know the person, and maybe feel more comfortable around them. Does this sound like something you could try?
And just a little reminder: most people are nice! Most people are also thinking a lot about themselves, which I've always found to be a helpful reminder when I've been particularly anxious in social situations. For example, if you're thinking, "this is so scary, I can't believe I'm talking to this person, they must think I'm so strange/awkward/etc", the other person is probably thinking, "wow, they seem nice, I'm so glad they started this conversation, I hope I'm interesting". I hope this reminder can help reduce some of the anxiety you're feeling around talking to people you don't know very well.
I've dug through ReachOut's website and I've found a couple of articles that might be interesting. Here's one on how to make friends which has 10 dot-point suggestions and one on how to conquer social awkwardness. If you're feeling lonely, here's an article on things to do.
Thanks so much for being so understanding!!
One of the biggest problems for me though is that i never know how to get into a situation where a conversation is like normal or appropriate. In school i dont want to go up to people at lunch or recess, because they are surrounded by their own friends, and i dont want to interrupt their own fun.
it's pretty much the same in any co curricular groups, i don't want to interrupt the activity they are doing and again they're usually surrounded by their own friends.
Im also really bad at holding a conversation. I'm fine to ask one question but I get really scared of asking follow up questions because they might think i'm really weird so i don't know what to say after and i end up just waiting in awkward silence 😞
I'm really into music so i try joining all the music clubs but i'm so intimidated and scared by the other people and i have no idea why i'm like this, with people i already know, its really easy to talk to them.
@iwashere it's good that you've tried to join the music clubs. Are you still a part of them?
I don't think you're going to like this but I think it would be a good idea to go up to a group at recess/lunch and just ask "hey, is it okay if I sit here?" The reason why I think this could be a good idea is that the group setting puts less pressure on you to make conversation one-on-one with all the attention. And as I said before, most people are nice!
Another option could be asking an acquaintance if you could hang out with them and their group at recess and lunch. This could feel a little scary too, but it could allow you to hang out with these new people with somebody you sorta know by your side. How does this sound?
Hey @iwashere !
First of all, I totally resonate with you, it can definitely be difficult when you feel that you are interrupting someone else or their friends. But just remember, all friendships started from a simple conversation! It's definitely tough that you had a bad experience with your old friends and can appreciate the process you are going through in building trust in people again. You never know, someone in a "friendship group" may also be feeling isolated from the rest of their group and they may appreciate a word or two with you. Who knows, this could turn into a blossoming friendship!
Hi @iwashere 👋🏻
First of all welcome! I know it can be scary reaching out but I commend you for taking this step.
I completely understand how hard it can be making friends at school. School can be quite an overwhelming environment for a lot of people. I personally struggled a lot with social anxiety in high school (I still do) which made it incredibly hard for me to feel like I fit in with those around me. It often made me feel quite alone because as you said it's hard seeing other people find these things easy. I am so so happy that you have been able to share this because I know for me, this was terrifying.
You said you had a bad experience with some old friends so it is completely understandable that you feel this way. Making new friends can be so hard and I promise you, you are not alone in this. I didn't find friends until University because I found those who shared similar interests.
Making new friends is definitely possible once you learn how to get past the anxiety of it all. Finding common interests is a great way to do this. While it can be scary, simple conversation starters are great. Join clubs etc. where people share your interests. Initiate conversations. I know you feel alone in this but I promise you that there are so many people around us that probably don't know how to make friends either.
It is absolutely fine to take small steps and gradually build connections. Remember genuine connections take time so be patient with yourself. You will get there. Be yourself and surround yourself with people who appreciate you and who you are. You've got this! 🫶🏻
im not really "unpopular" or anything im known and liked by alot of people but i can never seem to make a deeper connection than that, which is making me feel really lonely and im really anxious and scared to talk to people who i think would be really good friends that i dont already know.