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Young relationship at school

I've known this guy at my school for a while now. Recently we started texting more and kind of got to know each other better, but it was always in a group chat, or hanging out with our friends, never really one on one. I started catching feelings for him, and long story short I found out from a mutual friend that he liked me back (but he didn't know I liked him). Immediately after finding that out I lost feelings for him and every little thing he did started to annoy me. None of that has really been a problem because we hadn't seen each other in weeks cause we weren't at school so I didn't have to see him or even talk to him if I didn't want to.

But I started to gain feelings for him again just before school started back up (about a week ago), and on the weekend we got to texting and I basically told him I liked him, knowing he liked me back. We haven't spoken about it, or really spoken at all, since that day and I'm now realising that I don't think I ever liked him and I think deep down my brain was just trying to convince me I did cause I wanted to fit in. I think he's expecting us to get in a relationship, but I 100% don't want that, not just with him but with anyone in general.

 

I never intended for any of this to happen, it just started out as a small holiday crush but I feel like the whole thing has just absolutely blown up for no good reason. I feel awful because apparently he likes me a lot, and there are heaps of people rooting for us to get together and it just makes the whole situation even more uncomfortable for me because I know I'm not ready for that. He's a cool guy and I like being friends with him, but I don't think we'll be able to bounce back from this. I also just don't get why I can't keep my feelings for him, since they were very off and on before we were at school.

 

I'm rambling lol but I just really need some advice from someone who's been through this kind of thing too.

loser_geek_whatever
loser_geek_whateverPosted 07-02-2024 03:56 PM

Comments

 
loser_geek_whatever
loser_geek_whateverPosted 09-02-2024 01:48 PM

Thank you all so much for your advice, it's been really helpful and just freeing to be able to get this out. You're all right, I do need to talk to him. I know it's probably going to be hard and uncomfortable so I'm definitely not looking forward to it but I hope we'll be able to resolve this respectfully and stay friends.

 
Rara
RaraPosted 09-02-2024 11:25 AM

Hi @loser_geek_whatever 

 

Sounds like you have been going through a rollercoaster of emotions which is completely understandable. I have been through this and it was hard especially when people want this to work out for you. Crushes are feelings that often come and go and it is okay to not act on them as well. They come with new stages in your life, different priorities that you value, and different attractions that can make it difficult to understand them. 

 

Start with communicating with this guy and being honest with him about how you are feeling at the moment. That you aren't ready for a relationship and that you really like being friends and you value the friendship with him. It might be a little awkward for a while but with time you both can be really good friends again. With being at school often enough from my experience within the next few days people have something else to talk about if they are worried that it might be uncomfortable at school. 

 
SmilingSeahorse
SmilingSeahorsePosted 08-02-2024 06:49 PM

Hi @loser_geek_whatever 

 

It sounds like you've been through a rollercoaster of emotions, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and confused in this situation. It's not uncommon for feelings to fluctuate, especially when you're navigating friendships and potential romantic interests.

 

Firstly, please know that it's okay to feel the way you do. It's natural for emotions to ebb and flow, and sometimes they can be influenced by external factors or even by our own desires to fit in or conform to expectations. It's also common to have mixed feelings, especially when there's pressure from friends or mutual acquaintances.

 

What's important now is to be honest with yourself and with him. It's commendable that you've recognized your own feelings and are willing to confront them. It's crucial to communicate openly and respectfully with him about where you stand. While it might feel uncomfortable or even daunting, honesty is the best policy in situations like these.

 

You mentioned that you value your friendship with him, and that's a great starting point. Let him know that while you appreciate his feelings, you're not ready for a romantic relationship at the moment. Reassure him that you still value his friendship and hope to maintain that connection. It's possible that he may need some time to process this, but ultimately, being upfront and sincere will lead to a healthier outcome for both of you.As for why your feelings for him have been inconsistent, it could be due to various factors such as timing, personal growth, or simply realizing what you truly want in a relationship. Remember, it's okay for feelings to change, and it's all part of the journey of self-discovery.

 

Take your time to reflect on your own feelings and priorities, and don't be too hard on yourself for the way things have unfolded. Trust your instincts and stay true to yourself. In time, things will settle, and you'll find clarity moving forward ðŸ’›

 
Red_Fish
Red_FishPosted 07-02-2024 09:28 PM

It's completely understandable to feel conflicted about your feelings, especially when they seem to fluctuate so much. It's not uncommon for our brains to try to convince us of things, especially when there's pressure from external factors like peer pressure. Its important to recognise that it's okay to feel the way you do. Relationships can be complicated, and it's okay to take the time to figure out what you truly need. Communication is helpful in situations like this, having an honest conversation with him about where you stand can provide clarity for both of you. It's okay to express that you value his friendship but aren't ready for a romantic relationship, especially if that's how you genuinely feel. Remember, it's important to prioritise your ownvwell-being in situations like this. It's okay to take a step back and reevaluate what you need and if things don't go as hoped, know that it's not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. You deserve to be true to yourself and pursue what makes you happy.

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