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I'm not sure what to do anymore
I've seen the notification for this website pop up in my gmail a hundred times so I thought i might as well participate.
Anywho, I'm not entirely sure how to phrase this, hm. I've struggled with depression for a while and tried to 'into the great beyond' myself. I've been to a psych ward, clinic, and boot camp and nothing helped, I still can't seem to go to school or find enjoyment in anything. The therapist and psychiatrist haven't helped and parents are at a loss as to what to do. I just find myself sort of drifting, I don't have friends and aren't in a situation to make any. I literally have nothing to enjoy (Wanted to lose weight, tried exercise, didn't work, tried most hobbies you can think of, didn't work, or didn't have access). I literally just have no idea where to go from here, I just don't like anything or really anyone (No offence to you reading this, I'm sure you're great, nice hair). It just seems like life has come to a halt. Everyone's telling me its not long till I graduate but my attendance is so bad i probably won't be allowed to. I can get the work done I just can't show up. I'm starting to think I'm not even depressed just lazy and unmotivated. I got diagnosed with Autism last year and that certainly hasn't helped. I just, well, have no idea what to do. You guys got any ideas? 😛
Comments
Hey @SlimeRancher 👋
Thanks for sharing what's going on for you at the moment, I hope even just getting it off your chest maybe helped a little bit. It sounds like you're understandably feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment and aren't too sure where to start. A lot of the time that's for sure the hardest part as it can feel like everything goes round in a big circle! But we're here to support you 😊
You've mentioned that you feel like your psychiatrist and therapist haven't really helped you, do you have any thoughts on why that is? Have you been able to let them know that their approach isn't working for you?
You also talked about not having friends and aren't in the situation to make any - do you mean that you find it difficult to socialise? Have you been able to make any friends online?
I can totally understand why your attendance might be down at the moment, it seems like you've got a lot on your plate. Well done for still being able to get the work done! Do you reckon chatting to one of your teachers about your concerns would be an idea? They may be able to see if there's a work around for you so you can still graduate.
Thanks for the hair compliment too, that gave me a little giggle! 😂 I'm going to send you an email too, so look out for that in your inbox soon.
It's my third therapist so, idk if therapy as a whole works 😛
I mean with the friends things, I go to an all boys private school so most people who go here are... I think the stereotype speaks for itself, I can make friends online but I just want friends who actually like me as a person to hang out with irl, which are hard to find cause everyone at school is either a meathead or eshay.
Teachers can't rly help attendance lmao that's a pastoral issue and even then the law requires i be there a certain amount of days.
Hope your squishmallows are well
Hey there @SlimeRancher ,
Sounds like you feel that finding like-minded people as you at your current school is a bit difficult? In that I mean people who want to hang out with you for who you are and have similar interests?
What we do have to recognise is that you are able to reflect on what is currently not working for you; You know where you currently are you what you would ideally like things to look like (hang out with peers irl). And now, the challenge is to workout how to get from one point to another.
I read you find you don't really have the motivation to do anything, however, if you had the choice to hang out with a friend/s and do something, what activity would you choose? Would it be more:
1) an active activity (rock climbing, footy, kayaking, tennis, hiking)
2) computer games
3) partying
4) cafe/lunch style
5) libraries and museums
6) concerts
.... the list goes on.
What would you choose?
The first bit, yeah it's rather difficult, established friend groups, and even out of those only a handful of actually decent people.
The second bit, all of them sound fun (maybe not hiking haha) but, essentially, I just don't know how to make friends I suppose. Motivation is certainly lacking in the day to day with school and some other activities, but its not so much I lack the motivation to make friends and participate in those activities, its that I don't have the opportunity to make friends in the first place if that makes sense?
Actually hold on I'll break this down so, go to all boys school since year 5, no out of school friends, not really friends with anyone at the school, only youth program/group I can find is Army Cadets and I still have nightmares from the Veteran Mentors camp so nope, meaning I can't find a viable avenue to actually make meaningful, in-person connection with people my age, especially anyone from outside the specific socio-economic sphere of an elite all boys school.
Not to self analyze, but that certainly contributes to my poor mental health, along with various other factors such as stress, home environment, and weight, but the friend thing seems like one I could actually get useful advice for on this website for lmao.
Anyway, whoever's reading this should drink more water 😛
Certainly makes a lot of sense @SlimeRancher . It's like having to 'find your tribe', but all the people around are from the socio-economic sphere of an elite boys school, and you feel you perhaps don't necessarily 'fit' so much in this circle?
For example, while one person wants to go 'out', the out for them might be the local cafe, whereas the 'out' for another (the more elite) may be the some prized private dining silver service restaurant?
I'm curious to know, how do you feel when you are at school?
I mean, I wouldn't know about the cafe vs restaurant, I don't get invited to anything lmao so I can't rly speak on that
At school, I feel just, tired? (I get enough sleep). Sort of mentally and socially, being surrounded by hundreds of guys from 8-3 is just draining, I don't find anyone enjoyable to converse with or be around, the work is easy but sitting in those uncomfortable classrooms in those crappy chairs just makes me feel shit, so
Hey @SlimeRancher 
I was wondering if there were any extra curricular activities through your school that you might be interested in? Sometimes being part of these can be a good opportunity to connect with like minded people who enjoy similar intests to you.
I know that Chloe already shared some activities before and I just wanted to add to that as doing some of those activities outside of school can be a great way to connect with other people outside of your school. Even something like joining a local sporting team, it can seem a bit uncomfortable at first especially if you don't know anyone but once you start getting to know people it can be really fun. Club sports or activities are also good as majority of the time, there's people from all different schools, areas etc. Is this something that you'd consider?
I wanted to share this article with you which I thought you might find helpful to have a read through. We also have another resource around making friendships.
Extracurriculars at my school are elite sporting teams and that's it, club sport near where I live is just American NFL for some reason and I seriously do not want to play that.
The article is about a rugby club, which I don't have any near me and I don't rly wanna do team sport lmao, and the resource says to join a sporting club to make friends, and the rest of it is about how to behave once you've met someone, and not actually how to meet people. I don't mean to be negative there so sorry if it came across as that.
Anyway have a good night!
Ahhhh @SlimeRancher ,
That makes sense. Thanks for clarifying that it's not about MAKING and MEETING people, but more about how to keep friends.
Well, I'm just thinking.... if you had a good friend, what would you like them to do/not do? What does an ideal friend look like to you? (Of course you don't have to answer here. It's more for you to consider). Based on your responses, your values probably shine through. Then it's about looking for those that have similar values to you.
After all, friendships don't have to be made at school. They can be made anywhere. A trip on the bus, train, plane etc can stir up a friendship. Friendships are also about transparent/clear conversation. It's a give-take relationship. This may be of interest to you - What makes a good friend 🙂
Do your family members still hang out with their school friends? I'm asking because I have found that not many people keep their friends from school once they move into adulthood. They may have one or two that they keep in contact with, but it seems like it's not common. Thoughts?
I mean, again, my issue isn't keeping friends or what makes a good friend yknow, it's about the struggle to find anyone my age outside of school, I think I know how to be a good friend if I had one, at least I certainly hope I do lmao.
My parents and brother still hang out with friends from school but that's because they were 'in a group' at school and they've all stayed together and connected, while I don't actually want to be a part of a group at my school because most of them, tbh, kinda suck.
Also, it is about making and meeting people for me, I meant the article is about keeping friends which isn't my issue, it's making and meeting them, moreso meeting them.
@SlimeRancher You're not alone in your struggle of finding good friends at school. For some folks, they find close friendships at school that last a lifetime. For a lot of people though, it's not until they leave school and start pursuing a things they're most interested in that they find that kinship. Often, engaging in hobbies or interests is the best way to find people that we can connect closely with. Even finding a part-time job or volunteering somewhere could be a good way to meet like-minded people.
Another way to find connection is in seeking it in the online world. Finding groups on facebook or reddit that interest you and connecting with the folks there might be worth looking into? I know it's not the same as having people to connect to in real life, but may still be a way to feel connected and social 😊