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Somehow not doing to bad maybe

Hi everyone 

 

Who knew I could have a few good days? 

 

I went to a new bakery opening on Saturday which was so fun I got a free doughnut it was so yummy.

 

On Sunday I went and saw my Aunt for lunch and we went for a very long walk which was nice with her dog. Then I went back to her house and waited for my uncle to wake up to go to the footy. Funnily he didn’t wake up and I texted my aunt and said to her she got him up lol. I didn’t want to risk going in hahah. 

The afternoon with him was nice we got to chat about what’s been happing with work uni and my psych and all the drama there and he couldn’t believe what has been happening he said it’s neglect. Carlton did lose but Charlie Curnow got the goals he needed to with the Coleman medal for the second year in the row so that was very exciting. 

Todays has been really good too I’ve done all my uni lecture content for the week so I just need to focus on my assignments that are coming up. 

I’m also starting to come off my current medication to go onto something else a SSRI I think. Oh yeah also got to see a psychiatrist in the community team but they weren’t very helpful at all and were very negative and kept saying how I’m fine just because I’m working and at uni. Anyway I spoke to my GP today and she is going to send a referral to the outpatient clinic so I can see a psychiatrist. Hopefully they get it by Wednesday as the clinical trial team will look at it to see if I can get an appointment with someone sooner as the wait normally is six months which I can’t wait that long. 

I’ve also applied for three new jobs so I hope to hear about them soon for an interview if my application is good. Fingers crossed as my probation is coming to an end at my current job and I’m not sure I’m going to pass as my boss has been terrible at training me so technically it’s a reflection on her. Anyway it will be good to start fresh somewhere else if I get on of these new jobs. Ones is in cardiac outpatient at a hospital and the other two are in a hospital in medical records. 

I feel like things have actually been okay this past week so I am concerned that things might take a turn again which I do hope doesn’t happen, but I’ll keep an eye on things. I had a chat with my regular at KHL and we have an appointment booked for next Tuesday and she said if things aren’t going well that we can talk on Saturday so that’s good. 

Eating wise I’m still a bit confused and concerned about what I’m doing and my regular is concerned as well but I see my psychologist on Wednesday and will discuss it with her so I think that will be good. 

Overall I think things are okay right now. I’m just walking at the moment the weather has been really nice the past few days. I’m definitely looking forward to spring. It’s my birthday next week so Im looking forward to going home for that. Though I’m working till midnight on Thursday and I will be going to bed at 2 am and have to get up at 6 am for my flight I will be very tired. 

Anyway hope everyone has had a good week. 

Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 28-08-2023 08:51 PM

Comments

 
sunset_hues
sunset_huesPosted 30-08-2023 09:46 PM

Hiya @Red_Flamingo 

 

First of all, it's so good to hear from you and I'm actually really happy that you had some good days recently, especially after hearing how hard the last few weeks (and much longer) have been on you. It can feel so amazing to finally have a break from feeling low, even if it's small one. And it's great to hear see you spending time with your family, working on your uni goals and taking proactive steps regarding your mental health and job applications. Can I ask which was your favourite moment of those few days and why?

 

I'm hearing that you started feeling low yesterday night, which can be disheartening. I've definitely felt that dread of anticipating when I'll feel the heaviness again after a good event. And it can be extra hard to deal with without the support of your psychologist. How have you been holding up today? Is there anyone you feel comfortable opening up to about this when you get home? 

 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 31-08-2023 09:11 AM

Hi @sunset_hues 

 

Thank you. It was nice, I guess, not feeling as bad about myself or depressed. I enjoyed the two days between the new bakery opening up and seeing my aunt and uncle. I had a great weekend. 

 

Ah yeah I was feeling pretty flat on Tuesday night I knew it was enveatable but it would have been nice to have a few more good days. Yesterday I was feeling pretty flat and this morning I am much the same. 

 

I still get to see my psychologist for three more sessions and then I'll need to have someone new lined up. I think she will help me find someone. 

 

I live in a uni dorm room so I don't have anyone around me to talk too. I went for a walk last night and I was so exsuasted I went to sleep at 8:30. I guess I really needed to sleep lol. 

 

What are you up to today? I have work at 12-7:30 so fun hahahh. 

 
 
 
sunset_hues
sunset_huesPosted 02-09-2023 09:25 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo  

 

Your bakery trip and being around your uncle and aunt did sound lovely. I'm glad you had the chance to have a bit of a break from everything else. But I get it, it's difficult and tiring when the tides turn and the flatness returns. 

 

How are you holding up now? If I'm correct you're back with family now and your birthday is soon? 🥳

 

I'm okay! I caught up with a friend I hadn't seen in about 2 years and we went for a walk which was really nice. We walked about 7km without even realising and got some ramen :') 

 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 02-09-2023 09:34 PM

Hi @sunset_hues you're just the person I wanted to talk to. How are you today?

 

Yeah, it was nice. I wouldn't say the past few days have been very good. I don't know why things have had such a shift, but oh well. I've been very preoccupied still with all this food stuff and it's effecting me a lot. I just hope it won't be too bad when I do go home. I go next week on the 8th my birthday is on the 9th. So not too far away. 

 

Aww, that would have been so nice. Did it feel like no time had passed? Oh, gosh, that's a good distance. I went for a walk after dinner which was nice.

 

I'm trying to find a psychologist now as I have to finish up with mine after three more sessions. I hope I can find someone in time. 

 

What are you doing tomorrow? I am going for a bike ride, maybe depending on how I feel, but I'll definitely go for a walk. I need to do an assignment that's due on the 8th and clean my room. 

 
 
 
 
 
sunset_hues
sunset_huesPosted 02-09-2023 10:35 PM

ahoy @Red_Flamingo ! It's great to hear from you too! 😊I'm okay, my legs are finally starting to hurt a bit from the walk hahaha :') I think I'd like to get more fit as a challenge but I've never really had a exercise routine haven't settled on what I should do (strength, aerobic , flexibility??) 

 

That okay. I've learnt sometimes things get worse without any rhyme or reason, and you can dig yourself into a bigger hole trying to figure out why. But it sounds like the food stuff is understandably concerning you a lot 😕  You also mentioned social media as something that might be contributing. Have you ever found any benefit of deactivating or somehow limiting triggering content before? Social media was a huge trigger for me, and I found deactivating instagram while I worked on stuff gave me an unrivalled peace. But I know this might not be the case for everyone, as some people also use it as a crucial source of connection. 

 

Oh sorry! I thought you were going this week, but no that sounds great! Do you have any specific plans for your birthday? 🙂  

 

It was! I missed her. Actually it felt like so much had happened in both our lives, we joked that next time we should prepare powerpoints hahaha. 

 

That sounds like a lot to deal with, do you have your psychologist's help with finding someone else/ hand over of notes (if that's something your comfy with)? as it can be draining having to re-explain things to a new person. 

 

hmmm tomorrow will involve planning out the next month or so and organising my room/unpacking. Ohh very nice, hopefully the weather is as good as it was today, a bike ride/walk is perfect! 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 03-09-2023 09:34 AM

Hi @sunset_hues 

 

Sorry, I fell asleep to reply to your post. 

 

Oh no, I bet they hurt more today. How fast were you walking? 

 

Yeah, maybe a little. I think it's more of a control thing, as many things have gotten out of control. Perhaps I should delete TikTok for a week and see how I go. It's just that there are many good things on there but also a lot of bad.

 

My flight is at 10 am, and once I get in, I think I'll go home and get ready. I'm sure we will see my nan, who is in a nursing home and then either lunch or dinner. I think we will have cake at my house. I hope it's a carrot cake, hahaha. I've got to have some veg in there, and I like the cake. Maybe the family will come over, too. I'm not sure it's hard to say what will happen as it depends on my nan. If it is, I think my parents and I will go out for dinner, have my two nans, and pop over for lunch. I will be going out for dinner with my ballet friends. 

 

You wouldn't believe it. I work on the 7th till midnight and fly out the next day at 10 am, so I need to get to the airport around 8:30 ish and get up at 6:30 when I won't be going to bed will 1:30 am. I'm going to be so tired that day. 

 

That sounds like a good idea, haha. 

 

I think she is having a look. I've found three people I like, so I'll let her know and see what she thinks of them when I see her on Thursday. She said she would write up a discharge plan and contact them to give a handover. So, at least I'm getting a proper handover, unlike last year. 

 

What is the new place like you've moved into? 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
sunset_hues
sunset_huesPosted 07-09-2023 05:41 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo 

So sorry for the slow reply! I've been trying really hard to get out of my comfort zone recently, and face some fears. It's been great but also quite anxiety provoking and making me crash pretty hard 😬 

 

That's fair, social media can play different roles. For me even if I was having a relatively good day, seeing something on social media could really trigger a negative spiral that would last for a few days and disrupt other important things in my life. I decided to deactivate for a bit while I took care of myself. But it sounds like for you there are also benefits to it - and I could definitely see how it would be helpful to have distractions when feeling low. In terms of the bad, is there a way to shape the algorithm so it shows you less of that? 

 

Ah sounds like a very full on couple of days, I hope work is going okay today. oof that's some crazy timing there, I hope you won't be too sleep deprived tomorrow. But I'm glad you get to spend your birthday with family and friends, it'll be a nice change of pace 😊 (Carrot cake sounds delicious!)

 

It's great to hear you're working with your old psychologist to find someone that might suit you, finding a psych can be a pretty tiring process so it's always good to have some support in the process. 

 

I used to live much closer to the city, so this place is a lot quieter which is kinda nice. Beautiful area for walks which I plan to take full advantage of.  

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 07-09-2023 07:24 PM

Hi@sunset_hues 

 

thats good you’ve been doing that. 

I’ll have to try and figure that out hahah. 

My mum called me yesterday to say my nan is dying. It’s a matter of hours or days before she does pass. I’m really scared she will die before I get to see her tomorrow and how it’s going to affect me. I’ve never lost someone before it’s going to be a big shock. 

I have a lot of other things going on as well. So this will just make everything a lot harder. 

I hope you enjoy the walks. 

 
 
 
 
 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 07-09-2023 10:17 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo ,

 

We're sorry to hear that about you nan. We know you mentioned in the past that you were very close to her. We hope you get to see her tomorrow when you fly out. It sounds like your nan's passing will have a significant affect on you. 

 

If you have time, it might be worth speaking Griefline to help you prepare for some of the feelings that might come up for you? Otherwise, even when waiting to fly out, this article about losing a loved one might help you understand some of what you may experience. Sometimes, knowing in advance will help a person prepare. 

 

All the best.

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 07-09-2023 10:54 PM

Hi @Chloe-RO 

 

Thank you. It's pretty hard. I'm already upset about it and I'm just not sure how I'll cope seeing her tomorrow. It's really sad that she is dying. I just hope I'll be able to cope once she does go. Which I don't think I will, but oh well. I hope I've got a new psych and things are more stable because I feel the sadness will hit real hard for me. 

 

I don't finish work tonight till midnight so I might give them a call if I get a chance over the weekend or when I come back on Tuesday. I'll have a look at the article tomorrow morning thank you. 

 

I just hope it won't lead me into a downward spiral. Especially with my eating and how it just keeps getting worse, then also looking for a psychiatrist and a new psychologist. It's just all to much to cope with. I really need some stability in my life right now. Anyway I'm safe right now. I'm just at work. I have about an hour to go then I'll go home sleep for a bit then get up for my plane ride. 

 

Thank you for your support @Chloe-RO and others I really do appreciate it. 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 08-09-2023 06:40 PM

Hi everyone, 

 

My gran passed away this morning. So I’m in a bit of shock and sad. I didn’t get to see her in time. Though she is in a better place now. 

 
 
 
 
 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 08-09-2023 10:38 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo ,

 

I'm extend my sincere condolences to you on the passing of your nan. I'm sure you have many happy memories of her and you know how special she was to you. We recognise this can be a very difficult time for you. 

 

Please know you are not alone.

 

Screenshot 2023-09-08 at 9.25.01 pm.png

 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 09-09-2023 11:29 AM

Hi@Chloe-RO 

 

Thank you for your lovely wishes. 

It was a hard day yesterday but I’m hanging in today. 

I’ll find out more on Monday with when the Funeral will be. 

 
 
 
 
 
sunset_hues
sunset_huesPosted 08-09-2023 07:11 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo 

I'm so sorry for your loss, losing a loved one is extremely difficult. Sending all the virtual hugs your way 💛💛 Are you with your family at the moment? 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 08-09-2023 07:41 PM

Thank you@sunset_hues 

 

I really appreciate your support. It’s going to be a hard adjustment. 

How are you?

 
 
 
 
 
sunset_hues
sunset_huesPosted 08-09-2023 08:24 PM

It will be, but you're not alone in this 💙 Please keep continuing to reach out to us and your other supports. I went through a similar thing when my grandma passed away last year. It was really heartbreaking to be on video calls and see/hear her deteriorate in those last days, but for me it helped to talk with my family about good memories of her, as we were all experiencing the same loss. I know it's probably not the exact same but I hope you find the things that help you through this time, whether that's talking with someone or taking some time out for yourself. Do you have something you can do tonight to take care of yourself? 

 

I'm okay thank you. Just made myself some hot chocolate with Baileys, which is nice. 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 08-09-2023 08:41 PM

Thank you @sunset_hues 

 

I will find out more on Monday with the funeral arrangements. 

We did go over some memories today. Which was nice. 

That sounds yummy. 

Im just watching the footy I hope Carlton win. 

 
 
 
 
 
sunset_hues
sunset_huesPosted 08-09-2023 08:48 PM

@Red_Flamingo 

 

I'm glad you got to talk a bit about her, hope all goes okay. 

 

Yeah, it was delicious! 😊 Probably going to watch some episodes of One Piece now and then journal a bit. 

 

Ooo! Exciting, good luck to them! 

 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 28-08-2023 10:59 PM

@Red_Flamingo really lovely to hear that things have been going so well for you hon! Sounds like you have had some really nice times with your family and that you're reaching towards your goals with work and uni. I hope the appt with your psych goes well on Wednesday. It is a pretty common experience to feel worried about things turning south again - 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' is how I've heard it explained. But there's no guarantees, and even if things get rough for you it sounds as though you've got heaps of support around to turn to. Hope you had a nice walk, and that you're feeling super excited for your birthday 😊

 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 28-08-2023 11:07 PM

Hi @Pho-RO 

 

Yeah, I know it's weird how one day I just feel okay and sad but not happy either. I have been really busy the past week as well between appointments and uni, but that's the joy of uni life, haha. 

 

It was a really nice day yesterday. I just hope Carlton gets through to the second week of finals.

 

Very true I'm on edge. I don't usually feel this okay without it just going downhill again a few days later. Yes, my walk was very nice, I got my steps in for the day so I am happy. I just need to get through the next few two weeks and things will be good. 

 

How are you? Have you been doing anything exciting? 

 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 29-08-2023 03:21 PM

I have some more exciting news. My friend mentioned yesterday how she is dropping the anatomy unit as it's really not necessary for the Masters of Dietetics, so I had a look, and it's so much easier if I drop the Biomed major and choose electives. I don't know why I didn't think of that earlier. Now I'm doing three units this sem, which is fine more time to focus on the other units, and I will still finish in two years. I want next year to come around. I'm really looking forward to the units I've chosen. I've got a criminology unit and some neuropsych units, and I'll get to learn how to do an EEG and an ECG, which is cool. I also have a food science unit and health promotions. Other than the criminology one, I think it's much more nutrition-focused. Who knew one would be so excited to study? 

 

Does anyone know if they are studying for a master's degree and how long a thesis is? I can only seem to find the 70,000 to 100,000 for a Ph.D. I do hope it's not that much. 

 

I need to cook. I've got a pork knuckle with roast veg and kangaroo spag bolognese to cook. Kangaroo mince is healthier than the extra lean beef mince and a kilo is $14 whereas a kilo of beef mince is about $20 so it's a no-brainer. 

 

 

 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 29-08-2023 09:58 PM

Hey @sunset_hues 

 

How are you going? 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 30-08-2023 04:27 PM

Why do people always have to leave me? 

 

I need to find a psychologist now. I have three sessions left, and then I'm done. 

 

The tide turned last night. It feels like all that okayness has just washed off and gone. I'm back to the depressed part of me. 

 

Everything is just so out of control. I need something to go right for once. I've lost my psychiatrist and now my psychologist. Nothing seems to be simple. 

 
 
 
 
 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 30-08-2023 10:49 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo ,

 

That sure sounds tough. I hear where these feelings of people leaving you are coming from. I hear your frustration at what has happened. Your questions are very valid.

 

Upon reading your post, I'm wondering whether your psychologist would help you find, or recommend, a psychologist you can transition to? Perhaps maybe your notes can be transferred over too? They may be ready to facilitate that transition. There are many psychologists who are willing to do this. I hear you have 3 sessions left. However, were you aware you get another 10 in the new year? Hopefully, between your KHL counsellor and 10 sessions of 1:1 psychology, you may find that gives you well rounded support. I believe there is also flexibility to add on another 10 group psychology sessions each calendar year. Not sure if this would be helpful?

 

Between these supports, I hope you will be able to find ways to practice and implement some of the self-care strategies in your toolkit. 

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