TW - Trying to adjust being off medication (for mental health) but struggling 😅😭
Having recently stopped taking anxiety/depression medication (as discussed with my gp), everything is hitting hard—all emotions are more intense. All aspects of my life just feel so overwhelming. Keeping on track with uni (weekly content, classes and assessments), working on multiple art pieces for an exhibition at a local gallery, other programs like this mentorship I'm participating in, fitness/health, finance, friendships/family,...
I just feel so frustrated and so upset about almost everything, just wishing I had someone I feel like I could talk to.
Like with the art pieces I'm working on, the concept/theme I'm focusing on is queer/trans visibility, and there's so many aspects that I'm worried about, like trying to do my art pieces to a high standard, the equipment etc. availability and costs, trying to get them done on time, and trying to figure out what I really want to accomplish like one of them being a painting etc. and I'm trying and things go wrong or it's not working out, and I find myself feeling stuck because of the specifics as well as wanting to be proud of my work. There's so many things, like what if the canvas or paint isn't right and it won't last, or the colour scheme isn't good, or the composition, and if I've only got one canvas the right size or if it's expensive, or... even if I finally figure things out, the problems just never seem to end.
Then I also feel so embarrassed because I forget things or get confused, or just feel so depressed, it almost seems like a joke. Like why can't I have a parent that sees me for who I am, maybe that would make things so much better. But I shouldn't care so much about things I can't control, wishing doesn't do anything. Or even if I'm asking about something or trying to learn or just get a grip, I feel pathetic or exhausted because of my lack of knowledge or just hearing people talk at me and I'm trying to listen like someone giving advice.
I barely know where it starts or ends, it feels too much for me. I just wish someone to listen to me and be there for me.
The depression and anxiety hits so hard, and each day or week I'm just hoping that finally I'll be able to adjust. but right now I can't stand it, I don't want to live at this level.
It takes me 2 hours to travel into uni, 2 hours there, 2 hours back. I'm trying to get the support I need in some way or another, but feel like I keep running into obstacles. I already see a psychologist, but not super often, and in the sessions I wish I could be able to talk more instead of listening to them as much, it can get overwhelming. I'm trying to do so many things right. Tried to book an appointment with my gp but had to cancel it because of uni.... Overall, it all just hurts. I'm thinking at this rate I'll need to go back on the medication.. I wonder if I'm not strong enough, but it isn't like that, or it shouldn't be. Wish there was less negativity around people who 'rely' on medication for mental health. So I don't feel like a failure anymore than I already do.
Comments
Hey @TankRadical,
That sounds like so much to be dealing with at once. It makes complete sense that things feel overwhelming right now, especially while adjusting to being off medication. It’s really hard when emotions hit so intensely, and on top of that, you’ve got uni, your art, friendships, and everything else to manage.
I hear how much you're trying, and I just want to say that needing support doesn’t mean you’re failing. Medication is just one way to manage things, and going back on it (if that’s what you decide) doesn’t make you weak. It’s tough when there’s stigma around it, but you deserve to do whatever helps you feel okay.
It also sounds like you’re really craving a space where you can just be heard. Therapy can feel frustrating when it’s more about listening than talking and maybe you could let your psychologist know you need more space to speak? And if it’s hard to get appointments as often as you’d like, are there other supports that might help in the meantime? Maybe a uni service, an online group, or just checking in with someone who gets it (like a close family member or friend).
You’re not alone in this. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you are doing so much just by getting through each day. Please know that the ReachOut community will always be here to support and listen to you.
Hey @TankRadical
Thank you for being brave enough to reach out. It seems like you have a lot on your plate and are struggling to juggle things and adjusting being off medication. All these things can be overwhelming and it is okay to feel that way. It also seems that you are having some issues with art as well. art in general is a very difficult thing to do please be kind to yourself.
It is great to know that you are seeing a psychologist, i wish you be open to your psychologist and share your concerns. Please take care yourself and be kind to yourself. If you wanna talk about anything we all are there for you.
Sending you hugs.🤗
Hey @TankRadical,
I really appreciate your strength in reaching out. It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now and it’s been difficult for you to balance responsibilities on top of adjusting to being off medication. It must have been really difficult to adjust, and I can see how this has been making you feel depressed and isolated. I just want to say that you’ve been incredibly strong for going through all this and going back to medication for your mental health doesn’t dismiss that fact and doesn’t make you less strong.
You also mentioned that you’re already seeing a psychologist, although not as often, and that you wish you could talk more than listen to them. I am wondering if you were able to discuss this with them? Your sessions are about you and should be a space where you feel comfortable talking about your concerns.
In any case, I truly wish you the best and I hope everything gets better soon. Adjusting to being off medication is a challenging and exhausting journey but I know that you’re trying your best. There is also no shame in going back to medications if you need to; you’re doing this to take care of yourself and that is such a brave thing to do. I know it’s difficult right now but please be kind to yourself. The online community is here for you.
Hey @TankRadical
It sounds like you have a lot going on and it all feels so difficult. I just want to say there is absolutely no morality for taking medication even if it’s related to mental health. Some people will only need medication for a short period of time, others (like me) will probably be medicated for the rest of their life. It’s really just about what works for them. If you find yourself functioning better on the medication, that’s something to consider carefully.
Creating art is difficult enough without the pressure of an exhibition. It sounds like you have really high standards for yourself. There is nothing wrong with trying to do you best but remember that it shouldn’t come at the expense of yourself. It really doesn’t need to be perfect to be good enough. I’m sure your art will impact others; especially given the topic you’ve chosen.
I’m sorry your parents don’t see you for who you are. Is there anyone that does? Sometimes our chosen family can provide us with the support we need. It’s perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed, especially considering all the things you have going on and the huge change with medication. Do you have any activities that make you feel better? Weaning off medication can be exceedingly difficult, try to be patient with yourself.
That’s a really long journey to and from university. How do you spend your time? Are you able to find anyway to relax for some of that time? It’s great that you’re seeing a psychologist. Have you been able to tell them that you want to talk more? At the end of the day it’s your session, you have control. You are strong enough and you are not a failure. You are doing the best you can so please be kind to yourself. I really hope things feel easier for you soon!
Hi @TankRadical
Welcome back to the ReachOut Youth Community. Thank you for your courage in sharing how things have been for you since stopping your medication. It's understandable that adjusting to a change in medication can be intense. I see that there are a lot of other commitments on your plate at the moment as well which can make things overwhelming. It sounds like there's also a sense of isolation there from not getting the support from your parent and wishing you could share more with your psychologist. I want to let you know that everyone's mental health journey looks different and you're not "weak" for going back to medication if you need.
You've mentioned that you've been having some concerns with eating, have you had a chance to talk to your GP or psychologist about this experience?
If you're seeking further support around this, the Butterfly Foundation can be helpful as they can offer free and confidential support for anyone with eating concerns or body image concerns. QLife may also be helpful to you as they offer free and anonyous LGBTIQ+ peer support.
We will also be sending you an email so please keep an eye out for it!
