TW: Feeling exhausted
TW: Suicidal Ideation
Hey everybody, sorry for not being on much recently. Things have been pretty tough for me lately and I would like to share them. I normally journal but want to feel like I'm talking to people instead of to paper.
So since my last post I have been getting worse. My mental health is sitting around a 4/10 on a good day. I'm very mentally exhausted and not finding much fun or enjoyable anymore. Work is hard. I asked for an adjustment to my roster so I have an additional day off but asking for that has triggered some really negative thoughts about myself because I had to admit what I see as a weakness in myself. But even still I go to work and see really negative shit that is way too similar to how I feel and I have to act like it doesn't trigger me. I feel too much - too upset, too numb, too sad - that I don't know how to handle it.
I keep having thoughts about ending my life. I've told my therapist though - I don't have access to anything I can use. I am safe. Right now I'm at work (yes weird hours) and couldn't do anything. Speaking of my therapist I wish I could talk to her more. I spoke to her yesterday and it feels like so much has happened in the past 24 hours. But man that shit is expensive and she's booked out anyways. Talking to anyone else is is so hard because I just feel like a burden. Mum keeps talking about how stressed she is which is really effective at shutting me up even if she doesn't intend to.
Back to work I am so tired. So exhausted. I don't want to admit I am burnt out but I am and I've literally only been here for three months. I thought I wanted to work in mental health and thought I was up for it but that was before mine took a nosedive and it's so hard to cope. How does everyone else cope with feeling burnt out at work? How are you nice to yourself when everything is so hard? My usual coping mechanisms aren't working as well this round of depression so would like to hear your thoughts 😊
Thanks for reading if you got this far ❤️ Have a good night
Comments
Hey @fishyie
Thank you for reaching out and for being so open and honest with us. We really appreciate you confirming your safety with us. I’m sorry to hear that things have been worse for you recently, it sounds like it has been such a difficult time for you but I’m really glad that you’ve reached out for some support.
Working in mental health can be very rewarding but can be difficult at times. It is understandable how much more challenging it must be for you to be working in this space while you’re having your own challenges. Prioritising yourself and wellbeing is so important. I know that you mentioned that you asked for an additional day off work and wanted to remind you of how much strength you have for doing that and putting your wellbeing first. It is far from a weakness.
I was wondering if you have felt comfortable speaking to your manager and explaining how you’re feeling? I was also curious as to whether you had access to supervision through your work?
I wanted to share an article with you about burnout, it has some really great tips and strategies that might be helpful for you. Is there anything you can do after work to take care of yourself? I know that you’ve mentioned previously that listening to music has been helpful and that you have crocheted, would these or anything else help you unwind after work?
ReachOut has a peer chat service that is a free text-based chat with a peer worker who has experience with mental health challenges. If you wanted to speak to someone or wanted some more support, you can book a session online.
If you begin to feel unsafe or need some more support, Lifeline is available 24/7.
I want to remind you that we are all here for you and that you are not alone!💜
Hi @fishyie
I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling with this, and it sounds like it's been really difficult. I totally get what you mean about journalling- I journal too but sometimes I want to feel like I'm talking to someone real too. I relate so much to what you said about taking some time off work and feeling guilty about it- I think that the negative self talk in our head makes it hard to do that peacefully. I just wanted to let you know that taking this time (and maybe some more time off if you need) will mean that you can replenish your fuel and focus on self-care and your own well-being so that you can be more present and positive at work. I know its difficult, but when I'm feeling burnt out, sometimes taking a break is actually the first step I take to heal.
I'm sorry that work has been so difficult. Working in mental health can definitely be exhausting and I want to remind you that you are so brave and resilient for working in such a demanding field! When we feel low and burnt out we often forget our hobbies and passions. Some things I like to do is to play the piano, listen to music and spend time in nature- things that make me happy and remind me that my well-being should always be a priority.
You said that your mother was contributing to this stress- is there any way you could have a conversation with her about how her actions are negatively impacting you? Maybe if she knew then that would help.
Here to talk xx
Hey @goldwing03 and @Natalie-RO, thanks for responding 💙. I am feeling a bit better today but I guess that's because I haven't had to go into work yet. Thanks very much for your kind words around taking time for myself - after posting I thought about something my therapist had said about taking a whole week off to have a break and a reset. I've spoken to my siblings and we're looking at organising a trip to the beach once uni ends for the year which should be really nice. If they can't come then I'm thinking of just taking it myself so I can have a break before Christmas/New Year, which I am working over. Just thinking about organising that has really helped as it gives me something to look forward to.
My manager does know a bit about how I feel, as I brought it up when I asked for the extra day off. We also have an EAP program available as well as supervision, but I don't feel as comfortable talking to either when I have my therapist. She knows me really well so it seems like a big effort to open up and I always find it hard to talk about my past experience with suicidal thoughts. But I will keep that peer chat in mind @Blake_RO as it can be easier to talk to people who have been through similar things 💜.
In terms of coping strategies - I've recently been listening to music more, specifically the Decide album by Djo. It has this message about change which really speaks to me and the songs just sound amazing. And I'm very similar @goldwing03, going out in nature is always really helpful to me! I'm going to take a walk tomorrow morning and go to my favourite tree, then next Monday I'll head to the botanical gardens near me and read. I always forget how much getting out into nature helps - it can just feel like a challenge to get there sometimes :/. Unwinding right after work can also be tricky because when I finish at midnight all I want to do is go to sleep haha! But when I work days I normally go to the gym/go for a walk which helps clear my head and I can listen to music during the exercise.
Talking to my mum always seems easier in my head than it actually is. We can both be pretty reactive so when she is upset I will get upset and start to withdraw. It's hard too because I work nights this week so probably won't have the chance to talk to her until the weekend. Actually, we normally go grocery shopping together on Saturdays, so I might ask if we could also get coffee too and take some time to talk about it. Plus being in a public spaces means that we can't be as reactive.
Thank you very much for your comments - they have really helped me think a little bit more kindly about myself, and writing this out has helped me recognise some things I can do to take care of myself now and in the future 💙.
Hey @fishyie
Thank you for getting back to us and letting us know how you’re feeling today. I’m really happy to hear how helpful it has been for you to share this and how it has helped you be kinder to yourself.
Taking the time to have a break and to reset is so important for everyone and going on a trip to the beach with your siblings sounds like such a lovely idea. Even if they can’t go, it will still be such a special time for you to have a break and some down time surrounded by nature. I know you mentioned how helpful being in nature is and I couldn’t agree more!
It’s great that you have such a good relationship with your therapist who you trust and already knows you. It is understandable that you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone new and that is okay. Although I was wondering if you could still use the EAP and supervision to gain some support around work and keep it work-related. They can provide some support and even some strategies that might make work more manageable for you or even some ways to create a work-life balance and assist you with burnout. Do you think that this could be helpful and something you’d be comfortable doing?
It sounds like you have some really powerful coping strategies, thank you for sharing these with us. It must be difficult when you finish work so late, I can imagine how tired you must be and it’s not like you can pop out for a walk!
I was wondering if there was still something small you can still do to help you switch off and create some boundaries around work and personal life? I wanted to share a list of apps with you that you might find helpful to try after work. You can do a quiz to find what app would be best for you. Some of these apps provide really great mindfulness, meditation and breathing exercises that you could do for a few minutes before bed. Is this something you could try or is there something else you could try for your late-night shifts?
I know you mentioned that it can be difficult to talk to your mum and wanted to share an article about talking to your parents that I thought could be helpful.
Thank you again for being so open with us. Remember that we are all here for you 💜
