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TW: My mental health is declining (again)

First, my mental health has been really slipping lately. My ybocs score (grades how bad a person's ocd is, 0-40) is an all time high of 31. That's on the brink between severe and extreme. It's really affecting my life. I'm missing classes because of panic attacks. I feel myself becoming more irrational, suspicious. My depression, after letting up for a few weeks after my last bad episode six weeks ago (which landed me in mhoa after a few suicide attempts), is closing back in on me.

 

Which leads me on to my next point. I think I might have bipolar ii. Sometimes, after a bad bit of depression, I get this weird swing of being good. Sometimes too good, to the point where it's kind of scary. It only usually lasts a week or two before I start slipping back. And. Last time wasn't that weird scarily energetic thing. It was just happy. Still significantly better than usual, and my friends did note the good mood, but it wasn't so strong as it has been before. This has also been my first up swing since I started taking medication during the day. It is an atypical antipsychotic, which can be used as additional treatment for anxiety and depression, which is what I've been using it for, but its main purpose is in treating schizophrenia and bipolar manic/hypomanic episodes. I also didn't have any of this before I started taking SSRIs. But, I also have convinced myself I had other disorders before. I've believed I had schizophrenia because *How can I prove I'm not hallucinating?* But this time there's forward evidence. It feels more real. I don't know what to do.

Crocidolite_Blue
Crocidolite_BluePosted 20-09-2022 10:47 PM

Comments

 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 21-09-2022 12:07 AM

Hey @Crocidolite_Blue thank you for sharing with us tonight.

I'm so sorry to hear that your mental health has been slipping lately, that sounds really scary. I want to say well done on reaching out, I think that is so brave of you and shows just how strong you are. As you mentioned that your last bad episode landed you in mhoa, I just wanted to ask if you are safe right now? 

You mentioned that you have been missing classes lately due to panic attacks, so I was just wondering if this has happened before? Is this something that you experience often or is it new to you? If you are up for a read, we have a great article on Panic attacks and things you could do to help manage them. Panic attacks really are awful, so im sorry your having to go through this right now.

I also saw that you have been wondering whether you have Bipolar ll. As this can be really difficult to diagnose online, I was wondering if there is a health professional that you would feel comfortable talking to and asking them about it? Sometimes it can be really helpful to talk it over with someone, even just to answer some of your questions and ease some of your worries. Is that something you would feel comfortable doing?

I also just wanted to remind you that you're not alone and if you would like to talk to someone, services like Kidshelpline and Lifeline are there to support you.

I am going to send you an email shortly just to check in too, so please keep an eye out for that. I have also had to make a couple of edits to your post just to keep within the guidelines.

Is there something nice you could do for yourself to help you get through tonight?

We're all here for you 💜

 
 
Crocidolite_Blue
Crocidolite_BluePosted 21-09-2022 12:53 AM

Hi Courtney. I am safe at the moment, I’m not at that point yet. And, the anxiety attacks are not new (I accidentally wrote panic in my post, I do get panic attacks as well but they’re generally manageable), but they’ve been getting worse recently. I also will waste whole classes or even the full school day because I’m too anxious to pick up my pencil (harm ocd). I’ve been locked out of my email for now, so I won’t be able to respond there until later. And, with the bipolar ii thing, I’m just not sure if I’m making it up, and I don’t want to make a fuss if it’s not real. But I’m okay for now. Thank you.

 
 
 
seal2099
seal2099Posted 25-09-2022 02:28 PM

Hey @Crocidolite_Blue, 

 

I just want to jump in and see if you're okay at the moment. It sounds like you're going through a stressful period of time with so many frustrating things going on. It feels like there's a lot of things to unpack as well - I honestly can't imagine how scary that would be but I'm glad you're able to share them with us. You're at the right place and feel free to update how you're feeling with us on this forum.

 
 
 
Blake_RO
Blake_ROPosted 21-09-2022 12:01 PM

Hi @Crocidolite_Blue 

Thank you for letting us know that you are safe. I’m sorry to hear that you have been experiencing this, it sounds like it has been a really difficult time for you and I’m really glad that you have shared this with us.

I'm mindful of the impact this must be having on you and was wondering whether you had any professional support or any other type of support?

 

I know you mentioned that your anxiety attacks have been getting worse recently and I’m sorry to hear this. It must be really difficult to be experiencing this and it is understandable how much this has been impacting on your school work – which isn’t always easy at the best of times. I was wondering whether you had any strategies or anything that helps you with your OCD thoughts? I wanted to share this article that shares some quick tips and strategies to help with anxiety that might be useful to try whilst you’re in class or experiencing an anxiety attack.

 

I know you also mentioned that you weren’t sure about whether you might have Bipolar II, if you are having concerns about this or have noticed any differences, it is really important to raise these and talk about this with a professional.

 

Thank you again for letting us know that you are okay, your safety is very important to us! I was wondering whether you had a safety plan in place?

 

Remember that we are all here for you and that you aren't alone. 

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