TW for dissociation; Maladaptive Daydreaming - a very real problem

This is a very long post because I basically went through the whole story of my experience with maladaptive daydreaming. Looking for support and advice please but make sure you're in the right space before you try to help me please

I struggle with maladaptive daydreaming, which is a dissociative problem. It's a thing I do to escape all of the real-world problems - but it means I miss things, I get really angry when I'm forced out of it (even though the other person doesn't know, ever) and when I'm not daydreaming, I feel really numb.

"Maladaptive daydreaming is a behavior where a person spends an excessive amount of time daydreaming, often becoming immersed in their imagination. This behavior is usually a coping mechanism in people who have mental health conditions like anxiety. For some people, this behavior disrupts work, hobbies or friendships and relationships." (Source: Maladaptive Daydreaming: What It Is, Symptoms & Treatment) For me it's also very vivid, like it almost feels real.

Maybe 2 years ago I was really struggling with my mental health. I was being bullied more than ever because I'm autistic and I was really struggling with my Pathological Demand Avoidance (which I prefer to describe as torquence, and is a profile of autism). Home felt worse too because my metaphorical bucket was fuller, and I needed more from my parents that they wouldn't give me. Around this time one of my two friends betrayed me, and I started drifting away from the other. So, it was an all-round bad time.

I'd always been a person who played pretend games, even after it was socially expected. But now I did it whenever I could, thinking it was 'just for fun'.

But slowly it stopped being for fun and turned into an escape from everything. And from there it grew quickly. Daydreaming became a way for me to hide. To everyone else it looks like walking around wherever I can and listening to music. To me I was imagining having a girlfriend who played rock music but would stop to listen to me. Being part of a perfect band, a perfect found family. I lived and breathed for the hours I spent thinking about, dreaming of the Forbidden Misfits. (I haven't shared that name anywhere else so it should be OK, right?) In reality I still do, really.

But maladaptive daydreaming is ruining my life. I'm constantly unfocused, and I'm numb. I don't really feel emotions that much anymore. And because of that, I don't care very much.

OK, imagine it like this. Everyone has a metaphorical bucket. Pretty much everyone's consciousness wraps around their bucket, but mine is just sitting on top. So I only feel emotions as they overflow. It also makes it hard to deal with the emotions because I don't know what they are until it's too late.