Unusually major boy problems
Hi everyone!! This is my first post so apologies if it's in the wrong spot, pretty sure this category fits my problem best,,
TW: depression and Suicidal ideation
I've been in a relationship for the past month, and it's amazing. I know it sounds absurd but I just know he is the love of my life. The problem is, now that I've got him, whenever he's not here I feel so depressed I can't function. I've been missing classes and shifts, not talking to friends, no interest in hobbies, barely even looking after myself. We both want to see eachother more but unfortunately his living situation is not great right now and we don't really have much choice. I've only gotten to see him twice in the past two weeks, it's made me so miserable all I can do is stare at Walls and check the clock. It's hard to feel like my life is worth living, even though I know he loves me and needs me here.
Does anyone know what I should do? I go to therapy and do talk to my housemates (2 closest friends), but there is no sign of this issue getting better. I'm working on things to help me see him more, but I have no idea how to handle the pain of not being with him. Its just so intense. Has anyone else been in this situation or have any advice? Thanks
Comments
Hi @XxfrankiexX
Thank you for telling us how you feel.
I can heavily relate to how you are feeling right now. I have been with my partner for 3 years and have felt this way before when we were in lockdown as well as when we first started dating.
A couple things I did in this time was
Facetime at night (if you are both free) to call and debrief your days (like a mini date)
Watch movies together apart (start at the same time and talk about it on text or call)
Play online games (scrabble, minecraft etc.)
Please remember to take time for yourself. Put a face mask on, read a book, watch a movie and catch up with friends (emphasis on this one). When I was first head over heels for my partner I started neglecting friendships as they didn't bring me the same amount of joy as hanging out with my partner, but your friends are just as important and probably miss you. It is so important to remember that relationships (platonic or romantic) will only grow when you put in effort with those people. Keeping others in your circle is also so important to prevent codependence and to just have other people to talk to when your partner isn't available or if their a things where someone else may be more suitable. (eg. My boyfriend doesn't like scary movies but I love them so I go watch those with my friends who can handle it haha)
Practising mindfullness whether it be through meditating, journaling, exercising or whatever else works for you is something you could try and focus on when the feelings of longing become overwhelming.
My therapist once told me that true fulfillment comes from being whole within ourselves, even in the midst of relationships, and that is something I work towards everyday as someone who does not like spending too much time alone.
You are doing a great job and I am so happy for you for finding someone you love so much! Take care of yourself ❤️
hi @XxfrankiexX
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, I can see how much this is affecting you. It sounds like you care a lot about your boyfriend, it's understandable that having to spend time apart is really tough on you. Have you explored ways of staying connected while being physically apart? Like planning virtual dates or gaming together?
I kind of felt the same way being in my last relationship during lockdown, I really struggled dealing with the emotions that came with not being able to see him. Something that really helped me was reconnecting with some of my old hobbies and finding new ones. I made an effort to do something I loved everyday, even if it was something small like taking a walk outside. It made me feel a sense of purpose outside of the relationship.
Take care + keep reaching out for support. Things will get better 🌻
Hey @XxfrankiexX first off welcome to the community and thank you for sharing how you've been feeling lately.
It sounds like things are feeling quite intense and confusing at the moment. On the one hand, you've found someone you truly love and the relationship has been amazing, but on the other, it's been really hard to cope when you're not together. I can hear that things are really depressing during these times and you're not able to do things you normally would or take care of yourself, and this sounds really tough. It's great you have the support of your housemates/close friends and therapist but it sounds like things aren't getting better? Have you been able to talk with your therapist or friends about how you've been going?
It could also be helpful connecting with a service like Lifeline or Kids Helpline if you needed to chat with someone sooner. Is that something you would feel comfortable doing?
We have some articles you might find helpful about feeling lonely in a relationship, living with relationship stress, as well as a collection of articles about coping with thoughts of suicide.
I just wanted to let you know I've moved your post to "Heavy Feels" and we'll be sending you an email to check soon so please keep an eye out for that!
The community is here for you
Thanks for responding :)) my housemates and therapist know, and they're trying to help but the help I'm getting just doesn't seem to be enough. I'm usually very socially isolated and distrustful of people, so now that I have someone who I feel understands me, it's actually really hard to get support from people in my life. I always struggle talking to people but now more than ever. I'm not even sure how anyone could help me feel better.
I came to this forum from a helpline, so don't worry I'm very familiar with those.
Hey @XxfrankiexX, it's great you were able to to tell your therapist and housemates what's going on and it sounds like they've been trying to support you. Though it sounds like this hasn't been enough and things are still really hard.
I can hear that you're normally quite socially isolated and distrustful of people generally but now you have found someone you feel truly understands you in your partner? It would make sense then that having your need for connection and understanding met would be so distressing to lose during the times you aren't together. Do you resonate with that at all? I wonder if there's anything you could do to help yourself feel more supported and understood during times you aren't with your partner?
Just a reminder that we're still waiting to hear back from you over email and want to make sure you're doing okay
