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I don’t know anything anymore
I miss when life used to be simpler. I feel like I know nothing anymore. I used to have so much going for me like family, academic achievements, sports, etc. and now I feel like I don’t do anything. I always feel lonely and sad and there is just so much going on in my life at the moment and my stress just doesn’t stop. Feeling like this all the time makes my friends upset with me and I don’t know how to change. I feel like the only thing that makes me feel better is smoking pot and even that causes me stress to get it and to buy it and financially it hurts and where to do it and everything else. I left home a while ago and was in a refuge I now live by myself with a roommate but they are so rude for no reason. I try to avoid being home as much as possible but then I fe well like I’m intruding on other people by staying with them. Leaving home has been really hard on me. I always feel lonely. I don’t have many friends and the ones I do have are always angry at me for being sad all the time. My boyfriend is one of my only friends and he treats me amazingly and makes me feel good and puts up with so much of my stuff but he also gets mad that I’m so sad and doesn’t know how to deal with my mental health. We are fighting at the moment because I was upset and he tried to comfort me and I told him off. I shouldn’t have because I know he was just trying to be helpful but I couldn’t help it I get really angry sometimes. But then I get sad after and I was crying right in front of him for 6 hours and he gave me the silent treatment the entire time. He didn’t ask what was wrong or try to comfort me and that really hurt. I understand that he was mad but sometimes you just need to put that aside. I also feel like I’m always the one to apologise and he never sees my point of view and that I’m always the one who has to start a conversation after a fight. Not just with him but with everyone. I just feel so lonely and he’s not here but even he was he would be mad.
Comments
Hi again @Lonely_loser , it sounds like there's a lot going on for you at the moment and that maybe you aren't getting the support you need from the people in your life right now.
Loneliness and sadness can be incredibly challenging to deal with, and feeling angry and down can be a very normal part of struggling with your mental health. I'm sorry to hear that your friends and your partner get mad at you for being sad - no one deserves to be judged for the way that their feeling, particularly when you can't control it. My guess is that you don't exactly want to be sad either, and that some patience and compassion is all you're looking for from your loved ones. How are things between you and your boyfriend now? Do you find that you argue like this often when you're upset?
You also mentioned feeling as though you used to have lots of things going for you before moving out of home, and it sounds like it has taken some tough times and some real effort to find a place to call your own. If you feel comfortable sharing with us, what led you to move out of home? You also said that you've got your own place now with a roommate, but that they're pretty rude and you try and avoid being at home, which doesn't feel very fair on you. Do you feel safe and comfortable in your current living arrangement?
I'm also curious as to what supports you have in your life aside from your friends and your partner? Have you ever seen a counsellor or psychologist for some additional support when things are feeling tough? I can see that you've mentioned smoking weed as a way of coping, but it sounds like you have some awareness of the fact that this can create stress for you as well. Have you ever talked to anyone about using marijuana before?
We are ok now just fighting about other things. Yeah we argue the most when I’m upset. I feel safe where I am living just very uncomfortable but as t he roommate is meant to be leaving in the next few months it’s ok. To be honest I’m not sure what lead me to move out, my family and I have always had problems And I’ve always said I wanted to move out so one day I did. I used to have cousin lees and psychologists and case and youth workers but my sessions are up or theyve moved away so pretty much I have my case worker who I don’t speak to much and that’s it. I’m on a waiting list for a psychologist but it’s pretty long times. I’ve never talked to anyone about smoking before it’s not something I’m proud of but it just helps.
Hey @Lonely_loser,
It's great that you are at least on a waiting list to see a psychologist, that's a huge first step! In the interim, would you feel comfortable speaking with a counselling service such as Kids Helpline? If you've not called a helpline before, this article and this article give a really good overview of what to expect.