I need help! Should I open up to my colleague/manager as I don't want to keep worrying them or not?
Hey,
I need some help and advice! So in relation to my most recent post, I shared about what happened on Friday.
I need advice on whether I should talk to my colleague and centre Manager. They've been super worried, and all I was able to tell my colleague was that it's about court and my meeting just prior. They both said I don't have to say anything, but I trust them, and who knows, it could help?
I was able to sit behind the desk with her for the rest of the day as I didn't feel being on my own or going home was an option. They also said I don't always have to go to work, nor do I always have to go to help out, especially if I feel safe there and that I can just hang-out but I feel guilty as I love helping and even tho she keeps reminding me I'm not a burden I still feel like one. and I'm unsure if I talk to her and the manager on Monday as I don't want to stress them out or worry them further, but not saying much is worrying them.
Especially since 1- I don't eat there often but more so I often take some snacks home to share when offered of an afternoon and didn't, and 2- I don't eat/drink as much when I'm experiencing such heavy feelings.
The manager asked me if my colleague could drop me off anywhere I feel safe, as they were closing I said I don't think so, so she dropped me home after checking, she reminded me they love me and asked if she could give me her phone number and I agreed and apologized for breaking down and thanked her.
She told me not to be sorry for being human, that it's only something to be sorry for if I get physical and lash out with others and that she broke down in the managers office once as he listened to her.
So I guess I have an option to message her but I don't want to disrupt her weekend or I could message my work via messenger as the manager is in control of it, I just don't want to further worry them or rant about it and see them and break down again in person on Mon as it was embarrassing even tho the colleague told me I can always talk to her if I want even if I rant to her and follow up with "That feels better, I don't want anything done."
Does anyone have advice or any recommendations of what to do?
Comments
Hi @Anonymous_Owl,
Thank you for sharing your situation with this community.
From what you've shared, it seems like both your colleague and manager care about you and want to help, so reaching out could be reassuring for both them and you. If you don't feel comfortable sharing further details with them, perhaps letting them know you’re managing in your own way could be helpful.
I also think that the suggestion around EAP counselling in the workplace by @Riley-RO is an important element to consider. This way you're still able to speak to someone about your experiences and they are in a position to offer you practical advice about how to navigate your workplace and the resources that are available to you.
In the meantime, please remember to practice self-care. When I'm feeling overwhelmed I find that taking care of myself can make the world of difference. The smallest of things, such as reading a book or watching your favourite tv show can help to ground you in the moment.
Either way, I'm sending you my very best moving forward. Please remember this community will always be here to listen and support you! đź’›
Hey @SteadySteps
Thank you for your helpful response!
That's true, but I'm unsure how to reach out. With EAP, I'm unsure how to bring it up and if it'll be a source for me as I'm just a volunteer and working school holidays unless there are extra things I can do, if that makes sense!
In relation to "reaching out could be reassuring for both them and you" I'm unsure how to, like speaking to them has been mostly a bit useful but I spoke to a colleague on Wednesday as my go-to had just gone home and she was noticeably stumped on what to say/do, to the point she mentioned she was unsure how to help and that she's sorry it's a lot. We had sat as she suggested calling my counsellor or Police officer as I mentioned she's my support person for court but neither picked up.
She must've then spoke to my manager and he came in with a police officer on the phone and I've met her before so it's more the worry that it could be more serious, I'm making it seem bigger to them than it is or because my manager and the 2 female colleagues now know I'm good with the other police officer and know I've met them before but not as close to the other officer but she was the one they could reach as the usual police officer wasn't free.
When I was talking to the police officer she was checking in with my well-being etc and I wasn't exactly honest with her and now I'm worried as it's in my VIS for court and the police officer will be there and so the other officer most likely will find out and I'm worried I'll get in trouble. I just freaked out as she mentioned she could send down some medics and people to talk to and I'm scared of ambulances so that's why and as my morning program (Fit for life) starts back on Thursday and will run every Thursday down at PCYC during the school term, I'm worried the other officer will be there this week as the usual police officer will be because they wanted to talk at school on Thursday but couldn't once I replied as they were then busy with another student.
I hope this makes sense and if not I'm happy to amend it.
Hey @Anonymous_Owl 
Thank you so much for continuing to share your story on ReachOut!
I just want to say that I really admire how much thought you’re putting into this—it shows how much you care about the people around you, even while you’re going through so much yourself. But I also want to remind you that you matter too, and it’s okay to let people support you. Your colleague and manager clearly care about you a lot, and from everything you’ve said, it sounds like they want to be there for you, not because they feel obligated, but because they genuinely care about your well-being.
If you trust them and feel safe talking to them, I think opening up a little more could help—not just for them, but for you. It doesn’t have to be everything at once, and you can set boundaries on what you’re comfortable sharing. Maybe just letting them know you appreciate their concern and that you’re still processing things could be a good start. If talking in person feels overwhelming, sending a message over the weekend might actually help ease some of that pressure before Monday.
And please don’t feel guilty for accepting their support. You are not a burden. You help and care for others, and it’s okay to let people do the same for you. Just because you’re used to handling things on your own doesn’t mean you have to. Whatever you decide, just know that it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling, and you don’t have to go through it alone. 💙
Hey @Almond_Platypus
Thank you for your response! I just find it often difficult to let people help me as I'm in constant fight mode, doing things constantly to keep busy and occupied so my mind doesn't wonder etc. I get that they want to help and they're extremely nice it's just I'm not really working (volunteering) there currently as school just went back on Thursday and I'm allowed to visit whenever they're open but they're still working and I don't want to add to that stress if that makes sense. Like I'm choosing to be there to chill and if I keep bringing this issue up I'm worried they'll get sick of me.
Also Mum n Dad want me to give it a few weeks till I go back so I can figure out school, however I'll go tomorrow (Monday) as it's my B-day and PCYC is my happy place, they're all really friendly so yea, I'm going to give it maybe 2 weeks then try and see with my parents if I can hangout more often after as I'm also allowed to go n study too as long as mum and dad are ok with it. I'll hopefully go on Wednesdays as I finish school early.
Also by any chance do you have any suggestions of how to open up a little more? if so what's something I can start with?
Hey @Anonymous_Owl ! đź’™
I completely understand why it’s hard to let people help. It makes so much sense—you’re doing what you can to cope, and that’s really valid. But I also want to remind you that just because you’re choosing to be there to chill doesn’t mean you’re a burden. Your colleagues and manager have already shown they want to support you, not because they have to, but because they genuinely care about you. You’re not taking anything away from them by allowing yourself to lean on them a little.
That being said, I think it’s great that you’re being mindful of your school schedule and giving yourself time to figure things out. It’s awesome that you’re planning to go to PCYC for your birthday, it is your happy place after all—what better way to spend your birthday than in a space that feels safe and positive? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 👏 I hope you have a wonderful day surrounded by people who care about you! 💙 And giving it two weeks before discussing things with your parents sounds like a solid plan. Wednesdays sound like they could be a nice balance, giving you time to study while also having that space to connect with others.
As for opening up more—I think it’s important to do it at your own pace, in a way that feels safe for you. If it feels overwhelming to share everything at once, maybe start small. You could try mentioning how you’re feeling in the moment rather than diving into the full story (e.g., “I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately” or “I appreciate you checking in, I’ve had a lot on my mind”). Sometimes, just getting comfortable acknowledging emotions out loud can make it easier to open up more over time.
Another idea is to set boundaries around what you do and don’t want to share. You can say something like, “I just need to vent right now and maybe I will need advice on this later,” or “I want to talk about this, but I’m not ready for questions yet.” That way, you’re still letting people in but in a way that feels more manageable.
At the end of the day, you deserve support just as much as anyone else. You don’t have to go through things alone, and the people around you want to be there for you. Even if it takes time to let them in, that’s okay—just take it one step at a time. 💙
Hi Anonymous_Owl,
Thank you for your follow up, I can see you're debating a tough decision at the moment about whether to talk to your employers or not about what's been going on for you. I read your other posts also and it sounds like it's been a difficult and stressful time for you. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your experiences.
It sounds like your workplace has been quite supportive towards you, even when they don't know the full details. I'm really glad you've been getting this support.
It's tough when we feel like a burden, but do you think your manager would have offerred her phone number and support if she felt that you were burdensome or if she was not wanting to be disrupted by you? Her comments around "not being sorry for being human" seem to me like she has some sense of understanding, empathy, and care for your wellbeing.
It's usually your decision what personal information you feel comfortable disclosing in your workplace & there are usually protections in place around that info if it is disclosed. Here's a bit about privacy and confidentiality: https://lawpath.com.au/blog/difference-between-privacy-and-confidentiality
You might find some of these links helpful. This first link 'mental health in the workplace' goes through some potential pros and cons of disclosing mental health struggles at work. This may be relevant to your experience: mental health in the workplace
Here are some more tips for looking after yourself at work and how your workplace can look after you: Get and give support now
Even if you decide not to fully disclose to your workplace about what is happening for you, you can still seek support and considerations. EAP is a free, confidential, counselling service workplaces usually offer, speaking to them may also help you with how to navigate this situation & determining what support you may need at work.
Thanks again for sharing 🙂
Riley-RO
Hey @Riley-RO
Thank you for all of your help and support.
Following up with your question- "Do you think your manager would have offered her phone number and support if she felt that you were burdensome or if she was not wanting to be disrupted by you?"
I suppose not, but I fear she could also just be being really nice and maybe not expect it? or just a quick thing of the moment and may regret it if I rant to her.
And in relation to EAP I'm unsure how it works and I don't know how to sign up/if my workplace uses it and I'm only volunteering and go back to school on Thu so even tho I most likely will continue during other holidays I'm unsure if it's worth while being open as it'll most likely leave being awkward after and I have a program there during school terms so I get picked up from home, do some activities and breakfast then dropped off to school if that makes sense so it'll be awkward but there's something in me telling me to reach out as they're worried with the unknown but I feel will worry tons or not understand completely if I disclose stuff whether I say much or not.
Thank you!
Hey @Anonymous_Owl
I know you are unsure about if you should open up to your manager and talk to her and it is completely up to you and if you feel comfortable doing so. Like @Riley-RO said, it sounds like your manager is caring, empathetic and wanting to make sure you are okay. If you are worried about telling her, I wonder if you could ask her before telling her everything? It sounds like you have so much going on and you really deserve all the support available to you.
With the EAP, I am not sure if workplaces provide this to volunteers but was wondering if there is someone you could talk to about whether the workplace has any additional support for you. I also know that you mentioned you are at school and I was wondering if you have any supports through school that you could access? Whether it be a school counsellor, nurse or teacher. Do you think you would feel comfortable talking to someone through school.
I also want to remind you that KidsHelpline provide free counselling to people aged up to 25. You can book sessions with the same counsellor and can speak to someone over the phone or via webchat.
How are you feeling about going back tomorrow?
Hey @Bailey_RO
Thank you!
That's true, I could ask but she'll probably just say it's my choice and she's there for me like she did Friday.
I do have a few supports via the school, who know of what's going on, most are teachers as my school counsellor left last yr when school finished and we have 2 left now but they go by school yrs and I seen 1 I connected with hugely a few years ago then she left and came back last year however I've been told by the one who just left that the one I barely know will be looking after my yr group this year and I'd prefer the other but I tried that last yr and wasn't allowed+we have to book in to see them. I hope that makes sense!
Thank you for sending about kids-helpline, I have spoken to them a few times but it's hard to find one who's capable and willing to be a regular counsellor.
To be honest, I'm not feeling great about tomorrow as I already know my colleague will ask how I am and same for my manager, which I feel bad he was involved as he's really busy and shouldn't have had to deal with me and same for the colleague but she came to me and then told the manager. They have mentioned I don't have to come into work everyday, that I'm more than welcome to sit and relax but I want to help, however with the kids as it's a holiday program I don't want them asking me about why I was crying on Friday as some seen.
I feel a little better that I don't have to be alone at home in my room if I go tho. And they're quite friendly, also a few other colleagues will be in tomorrow which weren't aware of Friday as they didn't work so I'm worried they'll be involved to see if they can ge tme to speak. I feel as tho I'm just overthinking now, so I apologize for that.
