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Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys

Hi @Sophie-RO, thanks for checking up on me. No more tears today so far, stomachs churning but the thoughts are less loud which is nice. I was able to go out for a walk by myself and (with carer) off on a domestic flight now.

Brainstorming things to do to keep my mind busy on the flight


Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys

Glad you felt a bit better yesterday, @Blueeyes.  It sounds like you really know the coping strategies that work for you.


Just wanted to check in and ask how your flight was (oooh, that's punny! Smiley Wink) - did you manage to keep your mind occupied?

Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys

@Lola-RO haha I love puns. The trip to Melbourne was good, I didn't get to shake off as much stress as I hoped to but it was still a much needed break and catch up with some friends from my support network. (I have the best friends ever, very sad I didn't get more time with him)

I made a spontaneous purchase of the book 'career leap'. Its aimed at people who are always hopping from job to job due to a variety of reasons, and how to embrace it and make it work for you.


Actually was so much more applicable to me than I was hoping, as it also focuses on how career effects your happiness so much, and how following a career in passion vs curiosity can take its toll. Super effective at taking my mind off things as it has so many exercises to do to help put you on the right path. Helps me to ask the right questions and actually take good, helpful action instead of letting stress rule my career. Haven't finished it yet, can be rather direct and blunt but its extremely helpful, especially to people who may suffer like I do with mental illness and (slightly work addict and wannabe entrapenur) jobs needing to balance hand in hand along with self care and *life*.

Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys


Sounds like a great trip to Melbourne - how wonderful that you have such supportive good friends! It's always hard when good friends don't live closer.. but I guess the perk is that you get an excuse to go visit other places and stay with them!?

Spontaneous book purchases can be the best - I had a quick google of Career Leap - is it the one by Michelle Gibbings? So great that it's been so applicable to you - it sounds super interesting! 
So true that work can play a massive role in our happiness - and striking the balance between work and self-care is a challenge for us all. 

I think it's amazing that you're taking such a proactive approach to reflecting on your work/ home balance, and looking intentionally at strategies to best look after yourself. 

You sound very insightful and resourceful-  it can't be overstated how useful those skills are as you continue to look after your mental health! 


Are you thinking about changing anything in relation to work, or self care as a result of reading the book?


Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys

@gina-RO I feel like if I ever stop trying to constantly strive to be the best I can be, I will fall down the hole of self hatred. Its one extreme from the other, I can't give myself a break unless I make my *break* a goal to work towards, or see it improving myself. Somehow putting one type of stress on myself makes me less stressed in other ways? It doesn't sound like it makes much sense but I find the feeling of rapidly moving forward, being busy exhilarating and euphoric. I would say I am addicted to it honestly. I don't know if it is healthy or not but at my age, in this moment it feels great. Sometimes it bottlenecks, but it is happening less and less.

I have achieved so much and do good things, put myself out there so much and exhilarate courage because I feel if I don't I'm going to go tumbling down into my depressed, anxious well and struggle to climb back up.


I am planning to immigrate to Canada with my partner this year, we lived in Toronto for a year and a half. It was so tough, but I was undiagnosed and treated then and I was doing better than I ever had before. I can't imagine how good life would be if I could afford the help over there on my working holiday, with the opportunity to enjoy the work that I do and feel great satisfaction. We came back with a great plan to work in industry like we always have in the past, make our big money in 2 years, sell our investment properties and make the permanent move back. We got back and every single aspect is a huge struggle. House market is terrible, we are advertising it for less than we bought it for year ago, we have gone through redundancies, through sacks, through terrible jobs and industries just to barely scrape by. I desperately want to learn and study since I've been diagnosed with ADHD and have good treatment, it is no where near as difficult as it used to be and my passion has developed insane amounts! But I'm stuck in the need-to-work trap and have to keep putting it off and saying to myself I will do it in Canada.


I feel so trapped here, and I can't get out no matter how much I bust my ass. This is our 3rd year in, and we are only about 30% towards our goal. There are triggers for my past everywhere I look, and I feel homesick for Canada. The frustration, and emotions running high are causing tension in my relationship, even though we feel the same way, we are frustrated at the choice to come back, at the environment, at the employment market, at the economy of Australia and we made a point to limit making friends so that we don't spend much money and have to go through any heartbreaking goodbyes when we leave. Honestly the loneliest I have ever felt, although I am doing well, I am happy. The loneliness is not making me depressed - I just have never felt this way before. It makes me want the attention and affection of other men, but I don't know if its because I can't see my good friends enough as I only have 2. 

Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys


thanks again for sharing more of your situation with us - it sounds like there is a lot of stuff that you're thinking about, and juggling. 
I just want to say again though, that I can tell how insightful and aware you are of the ways you think and cope, you may have a lot to offer our other members here in the RO community too...


I can hear that you're frustrated with the unexpected challenges and delays... and at your goals taking longer to achieve than you had planned. It certainly sounds like you and your partner have been hit with some really difficult situations.
I think its worth recognizing that you are indeed still moving towards your goals - no matter how slow it feels - you're still chipping away at it. 

I wonder if there are ways you can still be connecting with others and making friends, while still sticking to a budget? Doing things like going to the beach, on a walk, or a picnic in a park  - can be cheap social activities that might help you feel less lonely. 
And I hear ya - goodbyes can be hard - but friends can really help us get through the rough patches of life, even if they are not super close. What are your thoughts?

I think some of the other RO members might be able to offer you some support and insights on some of these issues ... @letitgo @basketofmonkeys @Bee @lokifish


Hopefully together we can keep nutting this out, and at the very least, offer you a space to vent, and be heard. 


Smiley Happy 



Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys

Hi @Blueeyes
I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing this week? 
I saw on the other thread that you got a new job?! That's amazing - congratulations Smiley Happy 

How are you feeling about it? When do you start? 

I hope you're doing week, and practicing some self-care-  I know moving jobs can be an exciting, but stressful time. 

Let us know how you are Smiley Happy



Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys

Hi @gina-RO


Thanks for checking in on me! My new job is good, everybody I have worked with is very nice and safe. Its in Traffic Control, I am struggling a bit and remember how much stress it is wanting to keep people safe but not being able to put traffic control in place, or do anything about it due to legalities. It can be very frustrating, as well as seeing contractors forced into doing things that are life threatening, not safe for very little gain (and can be done much safer with more preparation and time) with threats of their employment! D: One of the main reasons I left the industry in the beginning.

I am enjoying the work a lot, in the nice countryside again talking to my friendly cows, sheep, horses and farmers haha. I get frustrated with the lack of recognition, safety ect in this job compared to other construction jobs, traffic controllers are one of the lowest wages, longest hours, most dangerous intensive jobs out there and I get sad when I don't see organisations doing simple things like providing sunscreen and water because 'employees keep stealing'. Smiley Sad

Its casual, 3-4 days a week, both a blessing and curse, I don't know if I'm working until 2-3pm day before, but I also have some days off to recover and do things at home which I like, and to focus on me and my animal training!


I had one big meltdown on Sunday, but I called my interstate friend and he talked me through the whole thing and helped me so much. I love him to pieces for being so good to me and never judging me. The three positives thread is very helpful and lovely, I may not always comment but I always read them every morning and every night!

Re: Over-analysing - Was it rape? 2 days, 2 boys

Hi @Blueeyes

Thank you for the update  - I was curious to hear how you were going!!
Your new job sounds mostly really positive - with some pretty significant challenges as well. Make sure you're doing all that you can to look after yourself in that work environment, and make it as safe and enjoyable for yourself as you can! 
I'm so glad to hear that your inter-state friend was able to support you through a dark time on the weekend without any judgement. That's so wonderful to hear Heart
Just goes to show how powerful a listening ear can be. 

I love what you said about the three positives thread- and I completely agree with you! It's such a good reminder to reflect on the good in each day. Not that we should judge ourselves for being sad, or having bad days - because being sad is a necessary part of being a human too. But reflecting on the good can be a pretty powerful thing to do!

Keep up all the amazing work you're putting into looking after yourself. Smiley Happy