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Pornography has ruined my life

Hey all,

 

I'm making this post out of shame and embarrassment. Yesterday I told myself that I would not relapse at all today, but I did relapse. I've watched countless videos on how to overcome the urges, done the challenges but I still go back to square one after a few days. 

 

Porn has caused me problems, like insecurities about my body, becoming more sensitive and dopamine spikes which have ruined me. I've watched some things which I'm not very proud of, and I'm looking to change my ways.

 

I'm making this post sort of as a promise to myself that I will not relapse, but I am also looking for advice on what to do when the urges come back and how to overcome my addictions and insecurities.

 

Thank you, have a good day

Estakz
EstakzPosted 04-10-2024 11:05 AM

Comments

 
 
Marimo-RO
Marimo-ROPosted 14-11-2024 01:38 PM

Hi @I_Tried,

I can see that you have connected with this thread as you share similar experiences to Estakz.

Given that pornography addiction can disrupt one's daily routines and affects one's body image, I'm wondering if you've had a chance to talk to someone about what has been going on for you?

As @Astra-RO  has shared, Kids Helpline or EHeadspace may be helpful to you.

We also have an article on what is addiction that could give you more information around how addiction affects us.

 
Astra-RO
Astra-ROPosted 04-10-2024 12:42 PM

Hey @Estakz thank you for sharing and being so open with us about your experience of porn addiction. It can take a lot of courage to speak about things which we feel embarrassed/ashamed about, especially when there is already stigma in society around the topic. It sounds like things have been quite tough managing these urges and it's having a negative impact on your life. 

 

I think you've shown a lot of self-awareness in recognising the negative impact porn is having on your body image and increasingly not liking the way you are engaging with porn. You've also shown a lot of strength in trying to work through these urges and reaching out for support today. Relapses are really common and understandable in addiction, and it's not something you have to go through alone. Have you been able to talk with anyone in your life or even a professional about what you've been going through? If you're wanting to chat anonymously one-on-one with a counsellor, a service like Kids Helpline or eheadspace might even be helpful.

 

I can see we've already had such great responses and advice from @teacup5 and @Green_Ghost. Do you feel like you might try any of these strategies? 

 

I also wanted to share a few resources if these could be helpful: KHL has a page on porn here, healthline also has an article about porn addiction, and you could also check out ReachOut's article on addiction

 
Green_Ghost
Green_GhostPosted 04-10-2024 11:37 AM

Hi there @Estakz

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, this sounds like something that has been affecting you for a while now.

 

I think it's important to remember that you are on a journey to overcome this, and that relapse is a part of that journey. Porn can be a very powerful dopamine hit, and it can be difficult to just stop altogether. I admire your dedication to stop, however, as you seem very determined. That's good!

 

Is there maybe some way you can remind yourself daily of the problems this has been causing? Would being reminded of these deter you, and therefore make it not worth it? I've also heard of people trying to gradually reduce their porn watching, so watching less and less over time until it's nil. Additionally, I had a motivational speaker come to my highschool years ago, who used to be a porn addict, who said avoiding sexual imagery was key (for example, don't watch game of thrones or overly sexual shows because it may trigger that need to watch porn again).

 

Remember to be kind to yourself if you relapse, as it seems to be causing you lots of internal shame and embarassment. Remember that it's okay to have setbacks, even if you're determined on the end goal. If this happens, maybe practice some self-care. What do you usually do for self-care that makes you feel better? I like to sit and read a book, listen to music, watch my favourite sitcoms, treat myself to a little snack, etc...

 

Best of luck to you 💜

 
teacup5
teacup5Posted 04-10-2024 11:28 AM

Hi @Estakz

 

Thank you for reaching out about a vulnerable topic for you. Firstly, you should feel proud of yourself for being so self aware, making active efforts towards overcoming your urges, and keeping yourself accountable with this post. 

 

When you feel the urge you have talked about, it may be helpful to try to replace the 'fix' with a different, healthier source of dopamine. These could include a fun form of exercise, getting some sunshine, engaging in or finding some new hobbies, and seeking some social support from friends or family. 

 

Working towards a happy and healthy relationship with your body can be really tricky. Although it can feel difficult at first, being intentional with practicing self-compassion and being kind with your words to yourself is important. Surrounding yourself with more positive influences and reducing viewing of social media etc is also helpful. 

 

Thank you for sharing so openly. I wish you the best on your journey to a healthier relationship with your body. You've already taken the hardest step by acknowledging change is needed—you're on the right path. You got this!

 
 
Estakz
EstakzPosted 04-10-2024 11:37 AM

Hi @teacup5 ,

 

Thank you for the support! Means a lot to me.

As for "replacing the fix", could you give some examples of what I could do instead? Preferably something to do in bed or something that's going to get me out of the covers, as that's where my urges usually trigger.

 

Again, thank you!

 
 
 
teacup5
teacup5Posted 04-10-2024 12:50 PM

Hi again,

 

Hmmm, I think if being in bed is a known trigger for you, attempting to engage in swaps that happen away from that trigger will be most helpful - maybe sitting somewhere outdoors, going for a walk with some music or heading out to a cafe etc. If that seems like too much of a jump for now, maybe you could find a great new TV show to watch in bed? Also, I am not sure if you like reading but I find fiction books can take me into a whole different reality and it can feel like a welcome escape. 

 

Hope this helps 🙂 

 
 
 
 
Estakz
EstakzPosted 05-10-2024 07:53 PM

Hello again to you too,

 

I have been trying to stay away from my bed as much as possible, but it's hard for an introvert like me. I have been going to my local library for the past week, but I just end up thinking about porn there. I feel like I've just dug a hole which I'm never going to be able to get out of with this addiction 😭

 

But nonetheless, thank you again for caring, means a lot to me.

 
 
 
 
 
Astra-RO
Astra-ROPosted 05-10-2024 08:55 PM

Hey again @Estakz I can hear you've been trying to avoid triggers and find other ways of coping with these urges which shows a lot of strength and openness. It sounds like it's still been really tough and you've been feeling quite hopeless about things getting better? Overcoming addiction is a really difficult thing to do and can take time. Getting support from a professional can really make a difference as well. Have you thought any more about reaching out to a service like Kids Helpline?

 

Just letting you know that we've sent an email as well so please keep an eye out for that!

 
 
 
 
 
Estakz
EstakzPosted 05-10-2024 09:00 PM

Hey @Astro-RO

 

Yeah I've revealed the email, thank you! And no, I haven't thought about reaching out to services like Kids Helpline. To be honest, I thought of reaching out to the before about other issues but I've always been embarrassed or shy to talk to them.

 
 
 
 
 
Astra-RO
Astra-ROPosted 05-10-2024 10:37 PM

Hey @Estakz that's great you've thought about reaching out to Kids Helpline in the past! It can be really scary reaching out to speak one-on-one with someone so it's understandable you've felt too embarrassed/shy in the past. They do offer a webchat service if that feels less intimidating, and they don't judge. It's totally up to you though but it could be helpful talking with a professional

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