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Really need someone to talk to

I am new here, and not really sure if I am posting in the right place, but hopefully I am, as I have alot to get off my chest. I apologize in advance for the length of this letter.

 

I will start off by saying I am bipolar, suffer from depression, panic attacks and social anxiety. Yes, a wonderful brew of mental illness and general pain. In 2008 I married the most wonderful man. He accepted me for who I was, waited patiently while I went through a "mood", and was a shoulder when I needed that, too. We were together in person up ntil July of last year, when my world was turned upside down. We had just moved into a new townhouse, we had 1 dog, 2 cats, and a hamster. He was in law school, and I was a housewife. Things were great, and perfect. We were even trying to have a baby.

 

Then, it all went to hell. He lost his job. We were losing our house and everything else. At the time we were in Canada. He was Canadian, and I was not.I had not yet completed my citizenship process. His family refused to help us.Perhaps in their minds, they thought they were doing tough love. They wouldn't even offer me a couch to sleep on. We were both going to be homeless. He ended up buying me a bus ticket headed back to the states to stay with the only person who would help me, a friend of mine I had known fo 5 years. He had to stay there, because his passport had not been renewed. It was hell on me, because the man was my best friend, my balance, my everything. Just before I left, as if things werent bad enough, we discovered that my brother in law's girlfriend had accidentally gotten pregnant. It hit me hard , since my husband and I were actually trying and nothing happened. 

 

For the past 8 months, we have both been struggling to get back together, to get on our feet.She had the baby the other day, and it has made me even more depressed than I already am. It hits me hard, makesme feel like I am a failure as a woman and as a wife.Something seems wrong in this world that someone can get pregnant on accident, yet people who actually want a baby and are trying for one, can't get it done as easily. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, but at the same time I'm not. GRanted I am glad I didn't have to put a baby through this bad situation I am in now, but I still feel saddened. What makes it even worse was I logged in on Facebook to a picture of my husband holding the baby, and smiling, and happy...and it just made me feel worse, and I spiraled into an even deeper depression. 

 

I don't know what to do. I know I need to see a therapist desperately, but I can't afford insurance,nor can I afford simply walking into a therapist's office. I don't have any friends where I live, I don't have anyone really. I just need someone to talk to, I guess. Thanks for reading.

Re: Really need someone to talk to

Hello abrokensoul!  Smiley Happy

First of all, good on you for hopping onto the forums and sharing your worries with all of us.  It sounds like you have gone through and are still going through some really tough battles.

 

Can I ask, what are your living arrangements at the moment?  Are you still in the US and your husband in Canada?  I'm asking because reachout is and Australian organisation and I'd want to make sure I'm offering information that is available to you.

I do know that through http://www.headspace.org.au/ you can contact them to maybe get a room for a night, they can also help you with trying to find a place to stay.  In terms of finding a therapist, they also run a counselling service online or over the phone, which you could give a go for now.

Hope this helps!


Re: Really need someone to talk to

Hi abrokensoul1!

 

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you're going through a really difficult time at the moment.

 

Firstly — you are not a failure. This is a common experience for many women. While in her early 30s, after years of trying, my own mother was told by two separate doctors "I'm sorry, you cannot have children", then a few years later, I was born! A couple of years after that, my sister was born! Don't lose hope.

 

As for someone to talk to: what about the person you're staying with at the moment? Your friend? Can you talk to them?

Also, are you not able to call and talk to your husband? My girl lives a whole state away from me but staying in touch via text and FaceTime makes it a lot easier and reassuring.

 

For phone services, if you're in the USA, I must confess I'm finding it difficult to find many resources. The Australian service, Lifeline, recommends people in the US call 1-800-273-TALK — this is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, but they may be able to direct you to a more appropriate free telephone service. There is also the online chat-based counselling service, http://crisischat.org, but that seems to have limited online availability.

 

You could also look for local support groups that meet once a week that can help you express how you're feeling. I know you mentioned social anxiety, which must make things more difficult for you, but maybe if you can find the courage to share your story here, you can find a little more to share it in that environment?

 

Good luck and welcome again to ReachOut.com. We hope you'll come back soon and share with us.

 

Re: Really need someone to talk to

I have a friend in the US who is doing some voluntary work for a hotline over there.

http://www.crisis.org/

They have a TXT4LIFE service. If you know a teenager or young adult who could use extra support or counseling but doesn't want to do it in person/over the phone, tell them to text 'LIFE' to 839863. We answer text messages from noon-midnight