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TW: Psych Going on Leave

Hi, 

I just have a couple of questions I was wondering if anyone could help me with. 

The first isn't about him being on leave. So, over September, I am seeing my psych on the 4th and 18th. I think someone booked in the session for the other two weeks. 

I saw him on Wednesday, and we decided to keep doing weekly, so I was happy about that, but I'm worried about how I will cope with the week of the 25th of September. On the 11th, I am going to my parents' house for my birthday, so I will be very busy and stay okay while I'm there without seeing him. 

Then october is okay. We have weekly sessions, but he told me on Wednesday that he is taking time off. I have a session on the 23rd of October and not again until the 13th of November. I am more worried about how I will cope as if I email him, he won't reply until he comes back from leave compared to the week of the 25th. In September, I only had two appointments, but I could still contact him. 

I understand using the rational part of my brain, he needs to take time off, and everyone needs a break from work, but from the emotional side, it's really hard. I just don't know what to do to make myself not feel so upset over it all. When he told me on Wednesday, it was like a stab to the chest. I just wish I could be acting more rationally around it, and I don't understand why I feel so hurt over it. Someone said he should be helping me gain independence and the skills to cope, not leading me to have increased anxiety and feeling like I won't cope. I'm trying to work out how to approach this on Wednesday. Does anyone have any feedback or suggestions on what I could do? 

I'm safe; I have a call with KHL soon at 4:30, so that is good. I'm just working on some physics questions. 

Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 31-08-2024 01:13 PM

Comments

 
Catlover101
Catlover101Posted 12-09-2024 02:38 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo

Have you talked to him about how you are feeling about him leaving? I think maybe bringing up that discussion and asking to talka about coping strategies before he leaves could be really helpful. It is important to remember that you have the right to direct how your sessions go and if that is something you feel you need you should ask 🙂

I also don't know how it works at the psych you go to or if he works in a clinic or on his own but at the clinic I work at (multiple clinicians) if a clinician goes on leave clients can have a session or two with another clinician while they are away (if the client is comfortable with that). So if that is an option and something you might be comfortable with, see if you can arange that.

It is super hard when someone you rely on for support isn't available but it is so important to work on the skills to manage in those situations as well. I personally don't have any advice or knowledge on how to improve those kind of skills but definitely ask your psych before he goes! Thats what he's there for.

You are doing amazing and you are strong and can get through this. Even if it is difficult it will be over sooner then you know. You can do it!

 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 15-09-2024 09:03 AM

Hi, 

Sorry I've taken a while to respond. I've had a busy week. 

Yes, I mentioned it in my last session, but we didn't thoroughly review it. 

He only has a two-week break, so I'm sure I'll manage it. It will be challenging, but I don't want to talk to someone I don't know. Technically, it will be three weeks between sessions, but this month will be a test as I didn't have a session this week while at my parents, and then I have one next week but not the week after as someone took my appointment. 

Yeah, well, I have no clue where to start on that one. 

Thank you. I'm also not rushing it. It's not until the end of October so there a few weeks left. 

 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 02-09-2024 06:29 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo , this sounds really tricky. I know that you've mentioned a couple times recently about that you've been having conversations re session frequency with your psych recently, and I totally get that it would feel pretty overwhelming to learn that he's going to be uncontactable for a chunk of time.

 

It sounds like you're first of all feeling pretty unsure about having longer gaps between sessions over the next couple months and not having the same level of support available, and it also sounds like you're feeling a little frustrated about the fact that you're feeling this way too. Please take it easy on yourself, there's no right or wrong way to feel.

 

I know that your psych is a big one, but how have things been going with your other support systems lately? 💛

 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 02-09-2024 08:57 PM

HI, 

Nice to hear from you. 

Yeah, like really great timing. 

Thank you that is true. It's just hard. I guess I don't like change and uncertainty. 

Oh the outreach lady is alright she seems to self diclose a lt and I find it a bit odd. I see she is trying to show things in her life and how I could do something similar. 

I have my KHL regular. We had a session on Saturday, and I have a long list to share with my psych on Wednesday. I also see my pdoc after my psych so that will be interesting to see how that goes. 

I'm really stressed today. I have two assignments due on Friday, and I have been so busy that I haven't been able to start them until today. The other weekly assignments, lectures, class content, and work have made it hard to balance everything. 

I did only just get the lab report to do on Friday. I am working on that tonight. It's been such a long process. I jus want them to be over with. I don't normally get so stressed with assignments, but mainly because I normally don't leave things so late to begin with. 

Anyway, I am safe. I'm studying. I'll call khl if I start getting too distressed. 

 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 02-09-2024 09:18 PM

I'm glad things are going alright with outreach and KHL, that's good that you've got a couple different avenues for support. That's great that KHL are helping you work out things you need to chat with your psych about too. I hope things go ok with your psych and pdoc Wednesday!

 

I get what you mean about uni. It's definitely getting to the busy part of semester at the moment I think. It's so so tricky balancing work with uni assignments + all the week to week uni tasks + life admin stuff. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling pretty stressed tonight, it's that's good that you're working on your assignment tonight though. If it makes you feel better you're not alone!! - I'm also a little stressed with uni at the moment 😞

 

How's your new job been going?

 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 02-09-2024 09:23 PM

Yes it is a few good things. I'm still not sure how much it's all helping though when I am still struggling so much. 

Yeah, I'm in week 6. We get next week off, but I have a few assignments due next week as well. 

I'm sorry you're stressed as well. I wish it wasn't so stressful. If we didn't have to work, it would have helped a lot. 

Yeah, it's good. I just had some mandatory training in the main hospital today for like all the hospital safety and stuff. 

What have you been up to?

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 02-09-2024 09:42 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling a lot at the moment. I know it can feel pretty upsetting when it feels like nothing is working too. It's really great though that you use all these support services, even if it doesn't feel like it's doing a lot. Do you have any friends or family who you talk with about MH stuff too?

 

I really agree with you about uni. I think that young adulthood can end up being a really busy life stage for a lot of people, purely because you're balancing multiple ongoing commitments at once + learning to be a functioning adult at the same time too. It absolutely would be so much more doable to either just do full time work OR full time uni for sure.

 

Glad you're job's going well! That's great that they're giving you all the correct training etc.

 

I've had a pretty busy weekend! My family got a cute little puppy friday night so i've been spending lots of time playing with her. She's so gorgeous and I already love her so much but she also needs so much attention and training too haha.

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 02-09-2024 09:47 PM

Yeah, it really sucks. No, not really. I used to have my aunt, but the dynamic has changed, and for a few other reasons, she isn't the best to go to anymore. I lightly do have professional support, not friends or family to talk MH-related stuff to. 

Yes It really would. It would be good if uni was more accesable. 

Yes it's good getting the training is helpful. 

Aww how cute. What type of puppy. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 03-09-2024 11:05 AM

Sorry that the dynamic has changed with your aunt recently, that really sucks. It's great that you've got lots of professional support avenues though.

 

The puppy is a little golden retriever!! She's a couple months old so she's still small enough that I can pick her up at the moment. I'm working from home and babysitting her today so i'll have to see how much I can get done 😂.

 

What are you up to today?

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 03-09-2024 11:14 AM

Yeah it really has. She seemed very biased about a few things. 

Yeah, but then I get annoyed at everything being on a time factor, and I don't have a friend I can just sit and talk to and not have to worry if the 45-minute to 90-minute time is up. 

Aww how cute. I don't know much about dogs. How big will she get and what have you called her? 

What type of job do you do? That's cool. You can work from home. 

I've been busy cleaning as we have a cleaning inspection today. One roommate went home. She said on Sunday she would clean before she left but did she? No. Then my other came back last night and woke me up this morning cleaning the shower at 6 am, but it's not even clean. Well, it's not clean to my standards. Ahh, it's so frustrating that I have to do all the work. So she won't be up until maybe 3 to 5 pm, so I can't vacuum, and plus, it hurts my back and hips. I was hoping to get her to do it before they come and have a look around. 

I'm just working on my physics lab report. I got my grade back for the biochem test I took last Monday when I was really sick, and I only got 55%. I'm so disappointed that it is my lowest grade all semester. I have mostly been averaging 70 to 90%. 

Then, once the lab report is done, I will have a short break and work on my public health essay. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 05-09-2024 11:40 AM

That's really understandable about feeling frustrated about time restrictions in sessions, it's really nice to be able to just speak freely about something in an informal context. 

 

The puppy is called Phoebe! She's a golden retriever so she'll grow to be a bigger dog over the next couple of months 🥰. Oh and by work from home I actually meant uni work from home haha. I work in admin and there's a customer service element involved, but I wish I could actually work my job from home that would be so convenient.

 

Your cleaning inspection sounds really stressful, I hope it all went ok! That really sucks that your roommates didn't do their share of the cleaning to help, especially if you've got injuries that make cleaning difficult too. People who won't do their share of the work in a given situation are easily my least favourite type of people - I get that in uni group work too and it's so frustrating.

 

That's good that you've been chipping away at your assignments, i'm trying to do the same this week as well. It can definitely feel pretty upsetting when you get grades a little lower than you were expecting too. It's super impressive that you actually sat the test while you were really sick though, so it sounds like you did great all things considered!

 

How did your appointments go yesterday in the end?

 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 05-09-2024 11:54 AM

Yes, it can be quite annoying. I did tell my psych about the emotional part and if I'm crying, etc, with five minutes to go. 

Aww, that's a lovely name. Ah, okay, that makes sense. Working from home would be nice. 

It was hard them not helping. You wouldn't belive the one who cleaned the bathroom or well not really cleaned it said well that was good it's not like we had much to do anyway as we are clean. I'm like ahhhhhhh in my head. It's only because you did nothing. I cleand everything. 

Yes, well, I have a group this sem. Some people haven't turned up. 

Slowly getting there my physics lab report is done I just need to do a final edit and I'm doing my public health one it's due tomorrow and I've done like nothing for it. 

Yeah I know at least I know where I can improve for the next test at the end of September. 

It was good. We talked about a list. 

Dependency, building confidence, emotional regulation, self-esteem, coping strategies/confidence in the strategies. Expression of how I feel or what I need - confidence, Passive vs assertive communication, being blunt

Black and white. I wrote a message to my group as they didn’t turn up to class and it was very factual and black and white. I had to try hard to chnage it to sound nicer.

Stop pleasing people if I do not agree with them. 

These were more ideas to go over in the future. 

We also talked about distress and how sometimes I don't realise how I am feeling in the moment until after something has happened. 

We also talked about how I was upset over the weekend when he was going on leave. 

What are you doing today? 

I have a biochem lab at 1:30. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 05-09-2024 04:16 PM

The house inspection stuff sounds super frustrating. I can imagine it would be a pretty awkward conversation, but would you ever consider having a proper chat with your housemates about chores/cleaning allocation etc? 

 

Sounds like you had a really good session with your psych yesterday though and covered lots of stuff! I love doing lists for things like that - makes it heaps easier to goal-set and work out your short vs long term priorities i think.

 

People pleasing is definitely such a big thing - i'm trying to work on that at the moment too. I'm really trying to focus on setting boundaries with my workplaces atm re how many hours I can actually work. Usually I have set hours but they often ask me to cover extra shifts, even though they know I have uni too. So i'm really trying to say no if I can't work rather than just giving in when they ask me to work extra haha. 

 

I get what you mean re that point about distress and delayed processing too. I think it's really normal to just enter into survival mode, do what you have to do in the moment, and process things later when you actually have the capacity. I think the ability to be emotionally present in the moment is a really big skill that it can take a while to develop. 

 

I've been studying at uni today, and i've been going outside during my breaks. The weather is nice today, so i've been trying to enjoy the warmth a little! ☀️

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 06-09-2024 01:23 PM

Hi, 

Sorry, I didn't reply yesterday. It was very busy with uni. 

Yes, it is very frustrating. I just laughed when she said there wasn't much to clean lol. Well of course not if I do it all. I am going to make up a list and put it on the fridge for each week. 

Yes it was good having a list. we didn't go into detail over it all but it's a plan I guess he can come up with on how we can tackle it all. 

A yes, that would be hard. Is it going okay to say no to them? 

Ah, okay, so I'm not the only one. It's just hard to understand why I am like that. 

The weather hasn't been great today or yesterday. 

What are you doing today? 

I am finishing off my two assignments that are due tonight. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 10-09-2024 06:00 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo , how are you going this week? 🌻

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 10-09-2024 06:13 PM

Hi, 

It has been a few emotional days with the anniversary and my birthday. 

I'm feeling a bit off right now. I'm working on a biochem lab report, and I don't understand a question, which is making me a bit upset. 

I've been working on a physics assignment today, which was good. 

How are you?

I'm safe; I'll call KHL if I get further upset. I'm just going to work on the report for a bit longer and then will have dinner. Mum and Dad went to water aerobics until 6:45, so they returned home around 7:10. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 10-09-2024 06:29 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo ,

 

That's completely understandble that you'd be feeling really emotional. Anniversarys can be really really hard, and I can imagine that you might also have pretty conmplicated feelings around your birthday too.

 

Is there anything nice that you like doing that you could do to show yourself extra care? What are you having for dinner? Even cooking something really nice is a lovely way to look after yourself.

 

I'm glad you're safe, and that you know you've got KHL if you need the extra support.

Thinking of you and sending lots of care your way 💗

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 10-09-2024 06:53 PM

Hi, 

Yeah, very mixed feelings right now. It's hard with my parents around to regulate myself as they would wonder what I'm doing so I'll have to manage the best I can with being so limited, but I'm sure I'll be okay. 

It's just chicken breast in the over with little chippies and steamed veg. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 12-09-2024 01:11 PM

Mixed feelings is really understandable. I hope things are going ok with your parents being around, and I hope you're getting through the week ok 💜

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 15-09-2024 08:55 AM

Yeah, it's been okay. Thank you. I'm back at uni now. Mum and Dad came as well and will be back tonight. 

Sorry I've taken a while to respond. I've had a busy week. 

 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 31-08-2024 03:10 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo

 

Thanks for sharing. It’s a really tricky situation to navigate. I think your best bet is to talk to him about how you’re feeling with complete honesty. He’ll have some suggestions that are hopefully helpful. It’s perfectly natural to be worried about being able to cope without him but try to have faith in yourself and all the effort you’ve put into recovery. My psych takes at least one break a year that is over a month. This year it was during my exam period. I was worried about how I would cope. Everything turned out alright in the end, but it did stress me out a bit.

 

If you’ve spent a bunch of time with your psych you might be able to predict how they would respond to the problems you’re facing. That way they are still giving you advice even if they’re not there. It’s understandable to be upset that your psych is taking a break as it can feel like you’re losing a person that cares about you (even when you know they're coming back). It can be hard to think logically when you are feeling upset. It’s good that you can understand that your psych needs a break regardless of how difficult it is for you. It shows you have insight.

 

Do you have other places you can receive support from while he’s away? I know this community will provide as much support as it can. Always remember that you’re a lot more resilient than you believe.    

 

Best of luck!

 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 31-08-2024 04:36 PM

Hi, 

Yeah it's a bit hard. I don't know why it's upsetting me at the moment, but I need to try to stop thinking about it as I have so much uni work to do this week. 

I hope this ins't a reflection on me being to dependent on him. I don't want to be, but I don't know how not to be. 

Oh gosh, I'm here complaining about two weeks off, so three weeks between appointments. I don't think I would cope with more than a month. I

I'm not good at trying to pretend someone is there when they arent. 

He might not. You never know. 

I have here, SANE, KHL, reach out lady through the hospital I go to, pdoc. 

That is true; it's hard to think about before it happens. I am just thinking the worst about it if I can't email him. 

I just need to get through September, and hopefully, that will be okay. However, I have a couple of anniversaries coming up, so I need to be cautious about that. 

Safe, I'm waiting for KHL to call she is a bit late today. 

 
 
 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 01-09-2024 02:25 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo

Hopefully uni will be a good distraction. I think it’s natural to be a bit dependant on your psych, especially if you still working through issues.

Yeah, its hard pretending someone is there. That’s true, it’s possible he doesn’t come back but it’s pretty unlikely.

I’m glad you have support systems in place.

How often do you email him?

Anniversaries can be really hard. Is there anything that could make it easier for you (beside your psych)?

 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 01-09-2024 02:46 PM

Well I think exams are right when he goes on leave. 

Yeah, it's unlikely; it's just me being irrational. 

Yeah, it is good. 

Oh well, the past two weeks, I have emailed him several times due to so much happening, forwarding emails to him, and scheduling, but I usually try not to send more than one a week. Maybe two if I have let him know something before our session and then if I've become upset afterwards I then might let him know so we can discuss the following week. Obviously, I'll reply, but I try to limit emailing. He emailed me on Friday as I asked the admin people why he didn't charge me for 90 minutes, so we spoke then, but I don't see myself needing to email between today and Wednesday. 

He has never mentioned it being an issue with me emailing, so I am assuming it's okay. 

I've spoken to people about it and some say I shouldn't or it's not fair on him because I pay for that session time not other things as well. 

Do you think that's too much? 

I know I can't email him like I did last week but I think because of how bad things were I assume it was okay. 

Twelve emails back and forth, me sending and replying. I think his amount would be similar, maybe. I think there are four email threads, from the 19th to the 28th. Everything went down from the 19th. I was struggling a lot with a session we had on the 14th, but I really had to just write it down and let him know how it made me feel. 

I will be around family. 

Spoiler

I'm not sure if you remember, but my nan died on the 8th of September last year, and I am flying to my parents on the same day, same time, same flight. Then it's my birthday on the 9th, and it will be challenging as it's been a year since she died. Then, the 18th is the day I attempted, so that will be hard. I just looked at my calendar, and I see my psych that day, so that is good. 

I'm not really sure what will help. I will just look forward to it being the 20th of September. 

My mum will be upset on the 19th as she had a daughter who was born four months premature and died, so it can be hard being around her. She hasn't processed it fully. 

So just a few things happening. 

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