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not sure what next

So things have been really hard, with strong feelings of disconnectedness and brokenness and hopelessness and being overwhelmed. Not really feeling like I can handle it. A couple of days ago came closer than I've been to acting on suicidal thoughts, but called KHL and ended up at ed. Now there's a few things my doctor's suggested but I'm just kind of exhausted and don't really believe in the capacity of any of them to help, and am scared they might be harmful. Kinda just wanna die? I mean it's not a great option but I'm scared it's the best one there is Smiley Sad

Re: not sure what next

Hi @hellofriend,

 

I want to thank you for being so honest with us about where you are at right now Heart I noticed you mentioned that when you felt unsafe, you made a call to KHL and reached out for support- that is amazing and we are so proud that you took steps to maintain your safety Heart We really encourage you to continue to reach out to help lines again when you need it.

 

We see from our discussions on the forums how hard you have been working to maintain your safety and wellbeing. Are you feeling like you can stay safe today? 

 

You mentioned that your doctor made some suggestions, do you want to tell us a little bit more about these?

 

Right now I can see from your post that you are feeling a lot of pain. I want you to know that when it is hard to hold hope, we are holding hope for you Heart 

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Re: not sure what next

Heya @hellofriend,

 

I agree with what @Jess1-RO has said - I really admire your courage in opening up here. It can be really hard to seek support for ourselves when the unsafe urges are telling us to do otherwise Heart

 

I'm also curious about what strategies the doctor suggested, if you'd like to share them? Are there any that seem a little easier to implement right now?

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: not sure what next

Thanks guys <3 The doctor wrote me a script for some antidepressants, but it sounds like there'll be pretty significant side effects if I do take them... And she referred me to headspace but they rejected it because I was too acute, so she referred me to a program (?) aimed at reducing the risk of suicide/self harm which I'm kinda scared about for reasons I don't really get but if I'm alive next week (which I probably will be) I'll go to the first appointment. Kinda wanna talk to Khl again but my counselor's just gone on leave till next week and I don't know how helpful speaking to someone else will be.

Re: not sure what next

Hey @hellofriend, did you speak to the doctor about the side effects of the medication? Some side effects can be more or less likely based on your personal history. It can be scary when faced with these but often doctors can provide support and guidance around your concerns. Sounds great that you have been referred to a program that is more appropriate for your needs. It is really up to you but it might be a good idea to become comfortable with a second counselor so that you are more likely to have support in case situations like these arise again Heart It sounds really important that you have that extra support at the moment, is there anything else that might help right now?