Rekindling with an ex partner
Hey folks i need advice on my situation and I'm lost for what to do.
I dated my ex for 8 months and i cheated on her for stupid reasons. Before i met my ex i met another woman where things didn't go well and we became best friends. She saw what she could of had and showed up earlier this year and confessed her feelings and i was confused at first and she played mind games until i gave in and i lied to my ex partner where i was going and i cheated on her. My body after felt with disgust knew after it was not a good choice and the guilty conscience kicked in. I felt sick and it wasn't the alcohol but i knew i made a terrible choice. So i told my ex what i did and the next day she dumped me.
I have removed everything related to that woman i cheated with and even screenshotted proof that i said my goodbye to the other woman and that it was a bad idea and that it ends here. Now with my ex we had a period of not talking and we caught up for catch ups and she could tell i was happy when i'm around her.
It's been 3 weeks since we broke up and she doesn't know what she wants in life. I want to fix my mistakes and prove to her it won't happen again and that i really want to rekindle the relationship we had invested so much in. We use to live together with her sister and sisters partner, the whole family hates me and if we got back together she would get a mouthful from her family. We catch up regularly but it was just the other day we slept with each other and we are friends with benefits it feels odd because im emotionally attached and want to get back with her and this makes it tough making me question am i being used for just sex or is she testing me. She doesn't want me to involve feelings so i try put them aside. She wants me to get my act together get my licence underway and get my own place and set out on my future and goals i have laid out, she wants to support that. But she want me to get my hopes up.
Can i get advice on how to approach this? I really am struggling and need valid advice.
Comments
Hey @Llamakins .
That sounds really rough, it's a really awful feeling when you know you've done something that maybe wasn't the best choice. You definitely wouldn't be the first person to try being friends with benefits with an ex too - but it can be really hard, especially when it sounds like you're wanting more. Do you feel like you are wanting to continue a more casual thing with her, or are you wanting to rekindle your relationship? It sounds like sleeping with her at the moment is pretty confusing for you - do you think it could help to take a break from that side of things, so you can both work out what you want?
It sounds like a really tough situation for you right now, do you have any other close friends or people in your life who you can chat to about how you're going? We're happy to chat here any time too.
Yeah its really tough and im just lost with what my head is thinking. I wrote her an accountability letter 2 weeks ago she hasn't read it and not sure if she wants to. Im ok with either option its just hard when im around her because here is me thinking she might reconsider a second chance. But in most cases i've read or heard of it never works out. You cant build a relationship off benefits. However we do catch up out outside those things we go for lunch or dinner and sometimes drives. But i know if i continue this benefits path it will come to a point of what now you know. Maybe im just rushing it and overthinking and i need to go back to before we dated and get that connection back. The trust is the hardest thing and she said she wont ever forgive me for cheating and i know what i did was wrong and she knows i want to try for a second attempt. But also part of me feels used and if she cares we could work on it slowly work on it. Just dont know how much more time i can give. I just want to know at this point but also seems like her words are hot and cold.
I'm sorry to hear how confused you are at the moment @Llamakins, relationships can be a super tricky thing to navigate, particularly when they're in these sort of grey areas. It maybe sounds like you and your ex haven't been able to find enough space to process what's happened and decide on what you want, and what will be most healthy for both of you. What are your thoughts on spending some time apart as a way to focus on what you need for a relationship and a partner?
