bpd and destroying relationships

@angelxcxI have BPD too and I do often find myself with a range of unpleasant feelings when I think of the friendships I no longer have, for one reason or another. Some of the things that I hold in mind to help myself sit through these feelings are:

• Like every other feeling I've ever had, it'll pass, even if I'm not sure how or when.
• It's actually very normal for people, distant or close, to come and go in our lives. The people who stay with us for longer are the outliers, and that's not necessarily a bad thing because it makes them that much more special to us.
• For us, losing connections (or even just the idea of it) can be especially daunting. It's not a pleasant experience for anyone usually, and as we have a tendency to we feel that intensely.
• What's in the past is in the past, and there's always the future. I find sometimes that if something has caused me to lose contact with someone I actually have a unique opportunity to reflect and learn from that while keeping a bit of distance. Then I can use what I've learnt to have happier, more sustainable relationships going forward.
• In my head I get all sorts of ideas about what people think of me. But realistically, I don't look at myself the way other people do, never have and never will; I don't have a separate body to do that with Second best to that, I find that asking honestly for other peoples' perspectives on me is the best way to understand them.

What you said about feeling like everyone hates you because they don't understand you really strikes a chord for me. One of my recurring struggles is feeling like because my emotions can be so intense, no-one whose emotions aren't also that intense could understand them. The most recent time I felt this I messaged someone who I thought I was bothering by being too intense. It was this big apology that I ended with "or maybe I'm freaking out about nothing, I don't know!" and their reply was "you're freaking out about nothing" and then we had a really great conversation for the rest of the night. I felt so relieved that they didn't see me how I thought they did.

Perhaps with what's in the past being in the past, it's a good idea to focus on your current relationships. If you were to pick someone to catch up with in the next few days, who would it be?

Hi @angelxcx 

I don't know much about bdp sorry, other than a few friends of mine who have it.

Feeling like no one understands sounds incredibly hard though...

Have you been able to talk to other people with bdp about how you feel?

For me being able to talk to people with similar experiences makes me feel so much less alone.

As for suicide hotlines, that definitely is a thing I know about (lucky me)

And yeah, some of them are.. less than helpful.

Honestly I always make sure my safety plan has a step after contacting one, so that if it doesn't work I still have somewhere to go. (For me it's the emergency department)

Anyway, an incomplete list:

Suicide callback service

- Phone, webchat and I think video chat for over 18s

Kids Helpline

- Phone, webchat and email counseling for people between like 5 and 25 years

Lifeline:

- Phone and limited text and web chat crisis service

SANE Australia:

- not a crisis line, but a really helpful place to get information, resources, act. Really good for complex issues. Limited hours phone, webchat and I think email

I think there's also the Samaritans, but I've never used them personally.

Oh, and your local emergency department or mental health crisis team.