I relapsed back into my restrictive eating disorder over 6 months ago. I've lost a lot of weight (supposedly) but I can't see it. My blood pressure, heart rate and blood sugar levels are very bad. Even though I've recovered a lot of times this time feels impossible to recover from. I've been told I look "healthier" despite being really unstable mentally and physically. It certainly doesn't help that I'm a trans man and am in a larger body. My family tells me exercise to lose weight but all I want them to tell me is that I'm beautiful no matter what I look like. I eat mildly better when I'm working because I care about the kids I'm working with. I have really bad brain fog and all I think about is food and obsess over what I look like.
I'm just about to see my new psychologist who specialises in art therapy. She specialises in anxiety as well and I think it will be very helpful to treat the conditions that feed off my ED rather then try to treat the ED which doesn't work for me.
