I'm feeling really terrible the last couple of days. I'm so lonely, have no friends, don't know who to turn to. My counselor is away until the 30th (I have an appt for the day she gets back), I don't want to call any phone lines cause I don't want to reexplain everything. It's Saturday night and I have no friends to go out with or see, and same for last few months. Losing hope and don't know where to turn.  ... View more

I'm not too worried about the surgery, it's on Tuesday I found out today. I'm excited to get it over with because it's an issue that's been bothering me for almost the entire year and I feel like I'll be able to be more social and do more exercise etc. once I'm recovered.   I will make an appointment with the uni psychologist for two weeks time once I am recovered. ... View more

I dunno if I can talk in real life to people because it's private what she's going through. I dont want to tell anyone. And I'm not sure when I can go to the psychologist next because I'm having a surgery soon but I'm not sure exactly when I am so need to confirm before booking the psych appt. I will find out Thursday when I can have the surgery.  ... View more

I'm sorry everyone I didn't reply for along time, I had a lot going on and a lot has been changing but in the last few days maybe for the worst. But before then, I had been going ok and was moving on.    Basically, my ex seemed to change and become nicer and sent me a long text saying she thinks she has Borderline personality disorder, and it's so hard for her and that's probably why she acted the way she did. So I started talking to her and engaging with her more cause I was caring about her. (she's still with the new BF, but he is away on holiday...)   Then last night she messaged saying can she come over so I said yes and she came to me and we went out and played pool. I had a good time overall when playing, but it just seemed to have ignited the confusion in me all over again.   And honestly, many of the same issues with her behaviour are continuing, I thought because now she understands she has an issue that she would be different as she has insight. But some of the same issues continued, like she said we would get pizza after playing pool, but then after pool just took me straight home and said she would eat at home, and she was quite bossy and anxious when playing.    What should I do? ... View more

Just I was messaging a lot of people from school and being invited to some events, but then people stopped replying to me and I just feel helpless and hopeless because of these events there are people I want to talk to, but they dont talk to me. I'm just constantly on the sidelines :( ... View more

I feel totally exasperated now. I am just ready to give up. nothing helps and things just get worse.  ... View more

Very true. I found at the event I spent a lot of time standing on my own with not many people to talk to which made me feel down and awkward. I just wish I had a circle of friends to talk to there etc. Everyone there seemed to know eachother.  ... View more

Thanks. I agree, the religious holiday and blocking on snapchat is good.    I think I'm ok, and can wait until the counselor in a week. I'm trying to keep busy and go to more social events, I have a thing I was invited to on tonight, like a youth movement event. When I went last week a lot of people started speaking to me that I haven't spoken to in a while. I'm also studying hard for exams, the whole situation has really messed up my studies but I think exams will be ok if i work hard and focus.    I forgot to bring up my concerns about studies with the counsellor last time.  ... View more

I don't get why she would block me on snap and not anywhere else :/ ... View more

It seems she blocked me on snapchat lol ... View more

Yeh I think she is deliberatly trying to manipulate me to get me to respond.    She has never been like that before, calling and texting multiple times so I think she's getting worse as time goes on. She obviously didn't intend to never speak to me again because she didn't block me or anything and answered the phone straight away when I called.    I find it ironic that she claims I'm hurting her as well. If me not answering her straight away after everything that's happened between us, 'hurts' her, then imagine how she would be if I did to her what she has done to me with the breakup etc. I think she would be totally inconsolable and probably needing hospitalisation for her safety if it happened to her. This isn't a thought I've had since the breakup, during the relationship I thought, if I said just 10% of the rude things that she said to me, that she would be totally inconsolable.    I hate to say it but she has a total lack of self-awareness or true empathy in my opinion. I feel as though she is using me for narcissistic supply, and since I met her it's largely been all about her. A lot of the kind things she did for me during the relationship is because her parents told her to do it for me tbh. I actually feel so sorry and bad for her, because she is a sweet girl who I want to be happy but she is very very troubled.    I think another sign of narcissism is that she always has her hair, nails and makeup done up and makes a big deal about it, unless she is with someone she is really close to like her family or myself.    It is now a religious holiday for her so for three days she can't use her phone or anything, so I won't hear from her. And she waited 6 days between messages last time. Let's see what happens - if worse comes to worse I will just have to block I guess.  ... View more

It's really confusing. I don't know if she actually wants me as her 'best friend' or if she's just trying to keep me on the line for validation. She clearly values something about the way i interact with her because me not replying was 'hurting' her. I called her because she said 'I'm done trying, have a nice life' after I didnt reply. That's a bit of a manipulative statement I think.  ... View more

I just spoke to her on the phone, I basically had no choice becasue she was messaging and calling me so much, saying i was hurting her by not replying etc. etc. ... View more

Thanks. Things have been going ok. Yesterday my ex sent me a message saying 'hey how are you' again though and i read it but haven't replied and she hasn't messaged me since. I honestly don't know what to say. It's stressful needing to think about what to do. I would prefer if she just wouldn't say anything becuase I dont know what to do now. like if I ignore her she will be pissed at me but I dont want to talk to her right now.    She was last online at 2am wihch is rare for her so obviously she was checking if i was replying or not in the middle of the night. ... View more

I went yesterday to the counsellor, and the next available appointment is in two weeks. She said I'm doing a really good job and going through a period of self-improvment. I'm trying to go to more social events to meet more people. I went to an event last night for the first time in like 4 years and caught up with some people I haven't spoken to in ages.    I feel better today but not as happy as I was in the past after going to the event and seeing so more people. Honestly, like just the aquantances I saw last night who I know from school seemed to be more friendly and caring than my ex when I talked to them.      ... View more

I'm feeling terrible now. The uni counsellor tomorrow can't come soon enough :(  ... View more

It kills to feel like I had someone but now I have no one, and the other person already has someone to replace me. So they're happy while I'm quite miserable :(    I so wanted to be the one to care for and be with her forever but now she says she sees a future with her new BF (said two weeks ago, I haven't spoken to her since the brief exchange on friday) ... View more

I wonder if she is being deliberatly manipulative with nefarious intentions like stringing me along or if she really cares about and needs me though :/    She's actually been quite rude to other people before so I think there's a chance that she is intentionally playing games.    It's hard for me to tell what her true intentions are. On one hand, she has very kind, sweet and caring sides and on the other very rude and aggresive sides (all people have these sides but hers are especially volatile and extreme). She's told me before she thinks she's bipolar but I don't think it's that, because she switches between her moods very quickly, like she can sometimes switch 2-3 times a day, maybe it's borderline personality disorder, which will also explain how she moves through guys very quickly without looking back and still keeps the past guys on as 'just friends' (tbh between the breakup and her meeting this new guy in one week, she was still flirting and hooking up with me and right up until Thursday night when she met the new guy said she still had feelings for me), and how she gets very upset when alone.  ... View more

Thank you both. I've thought about blocking her, but I'm nervous to because in the past she's threatened selfharm at the thought of me leaving her. Like once I said to her maybe we won't work out because of the religioius differences and she said something along the lines of 'it's not good to say this to someone with a history of selfharm'. She also said she was cutting herself when she found out her new BF was planning a holiday during the winter break. So she seems to have extreme and serious reactions triggered by people leaving. I think she is in a bad way now because i didn't engage with her messages yesterday.    She claims i'm the only person she talks to about this stuff, but I don't really believe that's true and I've told her she needs professional help but she doesn't do anything beyond that. The uni counsellor told me that it's unfair on me to be her support person for these issues and if I ever think that she is really at risk I should communicate with her parents or something like that to tell them.    The uni counsellor is a good idea. I actually went there last week and have another appointment Monday. I told her uni work was going ok, but now exams are getting closer and I'm quite behind so I might bring the issue with work up when I see her on Monday. I wonder if they could defer one exam for a bit of time, that would help take heaps of pressure off of me.  ... View more

I was so kind and caring to her, I spent hours of my time focusing on her and talking to her about her issues and would help her with all her uni assignments and quizzes, like proofread and help he research etc. etc., even at the expense of my work and now I'm quite behind in uni work. I feel like she took advantage of my kindness and kept on pushing the boundaries further and further to see how far she could push things, until she relegated me to 'best friend' and then just found a new BF, thinking I would be ok with it, because I was ok with all the stuff that went on prior (some things i wasn't ok with but just acted like i was because I didn't want her to get upset with me and leave me, but she ended up leaving anyway). ... View more

Thanks a lot, this forum is a big help, i'm glad I found it. Yeh I think she may have elements of narcissism as well. Honestly, when I was with her I thought she was quite self absorbed and when I met her for sushi a few weeks back I told her that she should understand that most people wouldn't want to be friends after what happened and she replied saying 'well we aren't most people'. And whenever I tried looking up relationship advice and stuff like that online, she would reject it saying I shouldn't compare her to 'average girls'. So she definitly does have some attitudes of superiority. She is also incredibly insecure on the inside and told me she acts confident even though she isn't on the inside, another narcissistic trait I think. I tried diagnosing her and understanding what was going on when I was with her but ultimately it doesn't really change anything now. We also had a fair bit working against us in the relationship, because even though we were from the same religion, she was very religious compared to me so to go long term with her I would have had to change my lifestyle substantially, but if things worked out for us I would have done that. But given her behaviour and also the lifestyle differences, it gives me more motivation to move on and realise things weren't going to work. Honestly, I wasn't so upset about the break up, but the way she just moved on and now says things are so much better etc. hurts the most. But I do think deep down she misses me, because her new BF is very busy during the day and doesn't see her as much as I used to, and she gets feelings of loneliness when she is on her own, which is probably why she tries to text me in the afternoons (and not mornings when she works and goes to gym or in the evenings when she is with her family or BF).   She has a habit of just cutting friends out of her life at the first sign of conflict, and she has blocked me a couple of times when I tell her how I feel about what happened (stupidly I've responded by convincing her to unblock me and apologising which probably empowers her but I'm not doing that anymore), and she takes any sort of criticism, even constructive, very badly and responds with either aggression or just turning off her phone and ignoring me, even when we were together.  ... View more

Thanks all. For a month after the break up we were in contact a lot but I told her to give me some space for 10 days and she messaged me again yesterday and was quite rude. She messaged me 'hey how are you' and I read the message but didnt reply as i was driving and then within a few minutes of me not replying she asks 'what is your issue, I'm trying to be nice'.   it really doesn't make sense to me the way she is acting, if she valued me so little that she could move on in a week, why does she want me to reply to her immediately and engage with her?   She was often insensitive to my feelings in the relationship, like if I sad I was feeling down she would say, 'you dont know what depression is like' and say she feels worse and if I talked about my dad losing his job she said she lost all respect for me, as her father was unemployed for longer than that. I also have a hernia atm and require surgery and she got annoyed if i talked about the surgery (she said if I delayed the surgery she would never talk about it again with me), she broke up with me the friday before my surgery so I became sick and the surgery needed to be delayed.    She hasn't been so nice to me but I just wonder if maybe she is a nice girl and I could have done things differently, and maybe the new BF is having all her nice sides because he's doing things differently idk. Her first BF who she was with for 11 months, needed to go to hospital and be treated by psychologists after the break up and has now completly blocked and cut her out of his life so maybe there is something with the way she acts, she never has said a single nice thing about him at all.    She has mental health issues and I tried hard to help her, in the last 3 weeks of the relationship there was a lot of pushing and pulling where she would break up with up with me and then get back together and she said she wasn't sure if it was 'her or her illness'. And before the pushing/pulling started she said she becomes 'rude, down and impulsive' and she 'can't control it' and wanted to not talk to me to protect me from it. But if she really gets like this because of mental illness then I think she shouldn't have found a new BF and should have got treatment first.    ... View more