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- About litgym
litgym
Uber contributor
since
29-05-2018
07-11-2019
3654
Posts
3408
Kudos
0
Solutions
03-10-2019
02:44 PM
1 Kudo
@Andrea-RO i have bloody anorexia. since when was saying “i want to lose weight” breaking guidelines, I’m not saying figures or methods. this is bull. im quitting
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02-10-2019
08:34 PM
1 Kudo
oh wow very impressed!! @Bananatime04 i wish i still competed but i can barely walk without needing to faint and the coaches at my club are not nice at all :( wow !! what tumbling are you working on ? yes the money is always great, isn’t it ?? especially since it’s the hollies and you can go on a big shop !
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02-10-2019
08:27 PM
1 Kudo
it’s okay :/ @mrmusic yeah it’s kinda scary to take them. the aliens haven’t been around for ages till yesterday that came back. my high dose of meds scared them away but now they are back because they aren’t scared anymore. they are telling me to stop taking them and i want to stop. i like the aliens. i need to stop taking them so the aliens can always be with me. its okay, not really in the mood to contact any need helplines and they probably won’t be that helpful honestly
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02-10-2019
05:43 PM
1 Kudo
it’s great to see you again @mrmusic things have been harder then ever. not feeling too good right now. i want to stop taking my meds. i want the aliens to always be around but my anti-psychotic stops them. but i need them. i want them.
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02-10-2019
04:50 PM
2 Kudos
1. saw my gp 2. yolo-d it and wearing short sleeve and shorts. very insecure of my stomach, thighs and sh scars but here i am in shorts and a t-shirt for an hour and a half !! 3. not crying my way home on the bus like i do every week after i see my gp
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02-10-2019
04:48 PM
2 Kudos
hey @Bananatime04 hope you are feeling better then last night ! where do you work ? do you find working a good distraction for yourself ? if so maybe you should try getting more shifts ?! also are you still a gymnast ?🤸♀️🤸♀️
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02-10-2019
04:46 PM
1 Kudo
awwww thank you ! @Bre-RO i told my gp about the aliens she didn’t say much honestly. I don’t know about safety with aliens, I guess lifeline, I contacted lifeline last night. oh gosh drinking is so embarrassing 🤦♀️🤦♀️ my gp if i don’t stop she’ll have to tell mum fuck. i don’t need more shit. and i told her how im back into stealing....im so disappointed in myself. i feel like such a huge failure and disappointment. i really value my gp’s opinion, she means every single thing to me and i want her to think im a good person, I want her to like me. but right now i just feel so bad for drinking so much and for stealing again.
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02-10-2019
12:23 PM
1 Kudo
hey :) @Bre-RO thank you i thought i was doing really well with the trauma to do with sexual assault but now it’s just back down again. weekly ecg’s are hard enough for me, that is enough for me to handle. i have no choice in it and i just feel so uncomfortable. i guess so, i haven’t contacted them yet. still very unsure because in the past all they want to do is report it :/ yeah it’s a lot having him back. and of course as usual he gets my sister more things. like im not jealous but i wish we were just treated equally. i know she does she him and i don’t but eh. the aliens are driving me crazy. telling me to die. i tell myself everything freaking day to stop drinking but i can’t. i told myself in july, to stop and it’s just getting worse. I only feel safe talking to my gp, im seeing her this afternoon. but i really don’t want her to weigh me because ive gained :( 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 and i don’t want to get an ecg done. i want to talk to her about the sexual assault but im too scared. i don’t know what to do anymore. also im terribly sorry i haven’t emailed you guys back, still figuring out how to respond :/
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01-10-2019
09:14 PM
2 Kudos
i know when i was banned, it made me extremely angry and upset. my feelings were out of control because bpd likes to be a bitch. but looking back now, after a long 7 month I definitely benefited from it. i know it may seem scary or something but there are positives @Bananatime04 do you mind just briefly explaining your supports atm ? like is struggling still a big secret to everyone, are your parents aware you are struggling with mental health ?
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01-10-2019
09:03 PM
2 Kudos
hey that’s okay ! not saying being banned is a positive thing but it does have some positives in it, for example taking a break off the forums and just having some space. it may seem difficult at first but it gets easier, and honestly who knows you might not be banned x @Bananatime04 i completely understand what you mean, i wish annabeth was still here, i miss her so much :( i know the feeling when someone else replies to someone’s thread and then your reply is just sitting for hours with no reply, i know that feeling and it can suck :( especially if you really need someone to talk to. im always here
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01-10-2019
08:43 PM
4 Kudos
hey @Bananatime04 i can see you are really struggling atm and im sorry to hear that. i know haven’t been on for 7 months so I have no idea what you are particularly struggling with atm but we are all here for you ive been where you are now. feeling so low and that there is no escape, and trust me i still feel like that. your mind tells you such horrible things and it takes over you. but none of that stuff true. i know it’s all hard for everyone to prove something to someone else. but maybe just try a little if you can to believe us ? take it into thought, “maybe i do mean something?” that’s always better then “i don’t mean anything”. i hear you, i truely do. the whole idea that mod/squad/community managers play favourites. i really do hear where you are coming from. especially since i have bpd, relationship and connections are something very hard for me to deal with and it’s taken a long time to get better with the unknown. i feel as if the forums have kind of died in a way, it’s still alive of course ! but a lot quieter i must say. sorry if this all jibajab. honestly don’t know where im going with all of this. but i just want to let you know you’re not alone and i truely do understand how you feel
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01-10-2019
05:42 PM
1 Kudo
thanks for being so kind and understanding :heart @Bre-RO the thing is my gp is the only person that knows about the sexual assault and i do NOT want to tell anyone else. it took me about 6 months just to tell my gp it happened :( i have to get weekly ecgs that makes me uncomfortable enough, just writing this im crying. it’s too hard, im just an object to guys, i have no feelings. every time i look at myself i feel horrible, i feel so fat and violated. i haven’t spoken to anyone about my suicidal thoughts today, but i might later. i might contact 1800 respect :/ not sure. the aliens havent been around for 4 months and now they are back....i was doing so well and now i don’t even know. ive been drunk 7 times this week :/ aliens are back, im in a bad place. my “father” just landed back in syd from france and he has made things worse, bringing all the bad and trauma thoughts. i need my gp. and just 2 hours ago i was officially diagnosed with anorexia:( but my fuxking friend ERGH is triggering and shit, i need to be worse then her it’s not fair. bpd is such a bitch
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01-10-2019
03:29 PM
1 Kudo
@Bre-RO ah it’s horrible :( my work friends were laughing at me and saying how entertaining i was, like i guess i was but i didn’t mean it. i don’t care what my fav manager thinks because i know she is gonna start laughing her head off at me this weekend which is fine but the other manager AH. he’s one of my favs too but i think he hates me now :( ill make a new thread soon, but i don’t have the right amount of time right now but here’s a quick little vent; so I just met my paediatrician for the first time, and I really don’t like her and this. I’m hungover from last night and I’m in such a bad mood and I’m just so sad. I’m bawling my eyes out right now because she wanted to check my heart beat and o had no choice and then I was like stop stop because it made me feel so uncomfortable due to the MANY times I’ve been sexually assaulted and all the trauma around that. and the aliens are back and driving me insane, the whole appt I couldn’t sit and kept looking behind me because they were there. This makes me so uncomfortable and suicidal, I’ve been so happy lately and then this appt has just ruined everything. I have mascara all over my face right now sitting in the waiting room. I really don’t like this :( sorry if i breached guidelines and mums here with me so im safe eh
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01-10-2019
08:49 AM
3 Kudos
thank you x @Maryhadalittlelamb @scared01 oh well can’t do anything about it now ! @Anonymous i forgot to tag you above but how im feeling right now is described above z
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01-10-2019
08:45 AM
3 Kudos
awwwww @Bananatime04 you’re the sweetest naw missed you a lot loki x @lokifish @Bee it’s been kinda difficult, i haven’t really been on the forums much but definitely a lot of conflicting thoughts. im so stupid. yesterday i went to maccas, the one i work at. it was the most embarrassing thing, i was very drunk. one of my managers was like “*name* are you drunk?” And I just stood there for a while and then said how do you know. Ergh and then my other manager told me off for distracting everyone. it was so embarrassing and i feel so bad. im working all weekend, and I don’t know what to do. my fav manager is gonna bring it up and laugh at me. and then the other one who told me off probably hates me now and stuff ERGH. im so anxious and freaking out, what if they fire me ? like my fav manager knows i do stuff I think because i go for a smoke on break and stuff, she’s really chill. AH THIS IS SO FUCKING EMBARRASSING AND I FEEL AWFUL
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26-09-2019
12:43 PM
4 Kudos
awwww jess, lots of love @Jess1-RO hey ! @Maryhadalittlelamb nice to meet you, I dont think you were around when I was on months ago ! that's very sweet of you
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25-09-2019
11:56 AM
3 Kudos
yesterday;
- im good with my best friends now
- was so EXTREMELY happy
- stayed for dinner at her house :)
- my FitBit came
today;
- GP and I have matching FitBits
- took the bus and said in the park with a friend from work before my GP appt
- bloods and ecg are okay
- had a nice conversation with the nurse
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24-09-2019
10:29 AM
4 Kudos
awwww thanks @Bee , i hope you’re doing well hey @Bre-RO it’s nice to meet you ! i look forward to chatting with you and the others on the forum x
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23-09-2019
12:50 PM
6 Kudos
Hey !!!
I’m back after a long 7 month break from the forums :) I guess I’m just going to do a general update what has happened in the last 7 months ! Sorry if I accidentally break guidelines, I’m really trying not to.
Before I start, @annabethxchase , if you’re out there somewhere I love you with all my heart and I miss you endlessly. I know you’re not on the forums anymore but i love you so much and i hope you are doing okay 💖💖
My mental illnesses currently; severe depression, generalised & social anxiety, emerging borderline personality disorder and disordered eating (still going through the process of a specific ED). I’m on a high dose of an anti-psychotic and still on an anti-depressant.
I’ve still been in and out of hospital constantly. My last admission into ED was not pretty. Very distressed, hurting myself and others. Mascara all over my face. They wouldn’t give me any prn, I’m honestly surprised they didn’t restrain me or get security guards.
Well Feburary was not a pretty month for me. I was banned from every single helpline, not something I’m proud of. My bpd was out of control, very out of control. It’s disgusting how horrible I was to people especially counsellors/supports online. I feel awful and if I could go back and change that I would in a heartbeat. It was a completely different me. Everyone calls me the small cute bubbly girl who is so innocent and kind to everyone.I honestly don’t remember much more than that, it was a horrible month for me and a lot of dissociating.
March wasn’t any better. Struggled a lot with barely any supports. End of March I ended up in hospital because I had a dystonic reaction. To describe a dystonic reaction it looks like a seizure. I was taken straight to ICU and was almost tubed since I had trouble breathing. In March, I really struggled. My GP was on holidays and I was at my worst. I had a plan to die by my birthday. My old psychologist discharged me because apparently I wasn’t trying to help myself. She told me to choose between her or my GP, I chose my GP and she went full rage and said I swore at her and everything. Almost forgot, I got Glandular fever and was extremely sick and I couldn’t even go to school.
A positive of March is that I got more piercings !
Then April came around was still struggling because the fact was I was meant to be dead, not alive. My birthday eve, we went to the harbour for my birthday dinner with some friends it was a great night. I was happy :) and then of course, the taxi ride home I vomited ! I wasn’t even drinking, it was the glandular fever being a bitch. It was my birthday and I was so sick, I spent my birthday in bed. And my poor friends who slept over left early in the morning because I was sick :(
May I got very into using drugs. It was and still is a coping mechanism. Unhealthy coping mechanism. A lot of sleepovers getting drunk. Smoking and vaping constantly, im literally broke because I spend my money on that stuff. Substance abuse, im trying to stop and im getting better. Im trying but its so hard because I love it, I enjoy it. I went to a concert and I went to MeccaLand, it was heaps of fun. Self-harm was official the worst and constant, I don’t know how I didnt end up in hospital for it.
June I dont remember much. My eating was getting very bad, rapidly losing weight. I’m now severely underweight. I got the worst report ever, not because im a bad student but because I barely attend school. School is harder than ever for me. I have no teachers or supports at school. I meant to do half days but like I at least have 2 days off school a week. So I attend 1 1/2 a week. Ive had over 100 days off this year oops.
July I lost my best friends. I was upset because my best friend kept cancelling plans on me last minute to hangout with her boyfriend. And I told her about it, and ended up losing the whole friend group. They turned against me. They did a Group FaceTime to bitch about me. A week later I bumped into the guy who sexually assaulted me. Later that night I found out my “father” tried to take his own life. Worst month of my life, I can’t think of a worser time for me. School went back and I was bullied endlessly. The girls were spreading rumours about me and deliberately hurting me. That was the last thing on earth I needed. My “father” has been in a psychiatric unit for 2 months. I was very numb, I remember the first week I literally wasn’t hungry. I got a large chai latte and I had a couple sips within 2 hours, it went cold and I threw it out. I was so spaced out and just so out of it. His Cat now lives with us. 2 weeks ago today he was finally discharged. A week and half a go he flew out back to his hometown, in France. He’s in huge debt which makes it even harder finically than it already is.
August I finally started working at McDonalds. I got the job in July but after all that trauma and crisis, I didn’t work for about a month. First few shifts I was bawling my eyes out, but now I love it !! It’s a great distraction, I’ve made new friends and i get payed !! So far ive bought AirPods, Fitbit and 2 morphe palettes. Too make things worse my friend was admitted to a psychiatric unit and has been hospitalised for 2 months :( but she is finally discharged ! Another one of my friends is being triggering to the extreme and I HATE IT.
Positive of August is that I got my hair dyed pink and now its blonde !
It’s September now and ive made some positive progress ! I’m officially unbanned from Kids Helpline and ReachOut !! Sadly, im being threatened for an admission for my eating :( currently have weekly weight checks, bloods and ECGs. Self harm has gotten bad again :( im terrified to gain ah.
A lot of breakdowns and episodes later and here I am ! This is everything I can remember haha, and once again sorry @Jess1-RO and other community managers if I breached the guidelines at any point, complete accident if I have.
I miss you guys a lot and I look forward being back on the forums :)
@Bee @lokifish @letitgo @scared01 @Bre-RO @Claire-RO @mrmusic @Bananatime04 @N1ghtW1ng
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17-02-2019
05:13 PM
im not wanted here and i think ive finally decided to leave RO for good. im sick of this triggering environment and not being cared about. nobody listens and understands. all i do is fuck up, all i AM is a problem. i can’t do anything right. what’s the point if nobody cares ? so sick of this. i don’t think i want to be apart of this community anymore, @annabethxchase isn’t even on anymore either so there is no point. i wrote this for you gorgeous at a Mardi Gras festival that RO also attended. I hung this up at the R U OK stall, i miss you @annabethxchase
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16-02-2019
08:13 PM
6 Kudos
hey gorgeous! @IsabellasRecovery honestly urges are so hard !! many of the community like @gina-RO say ride the wave which is easier said than done ! have you made a self-love playlist ? the beautiful @Bee has a thread over here of self-love songs :) im going to tag some of the community who can give you some lovely advice and support @scared01 @annabethxchase @DruidChild @Bee @letitgo @lokifish @Jess1-RO @gina-RO
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16-02-2019
05:32 PM
4 Kudos
1. played the nintendo switch:) 2. have watched a lot of netflix 3. bought a new shirt !! 4. almost got squashed by a refrigerator, great timessss😬
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16-02-2019
05:19 PM
thank you mum gave me some medication last night and i went to bed early @queenP @TOM-RO i was safe. all my mind is thinking is about suicide. im safe but fuck my thoughts
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15-02-2019
08:23 PM
thanks, just i don’t know what to do anymore. all i can think of is suicide, suicide, suicide and repeat all over again ! @Eden1717
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15-02-2019
08:11 PM
thanks @Eden1717 khl almost called an ambulance on me :( i am safe it’s just the thoughts are so intense and im just really over this
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15-02-2019
06:39 PM
he wants me to start off with the one on one stuff and wait till i get a bit older since there isn’t really any groups around my age @Eden1717
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15-02-2019
05:49 PM
so he thinks i have bdp and so do i but because im too young he won’t diagnose me with a personality disorder. so i have emerging bpd, i honestly match bdp perfectly but of course im not a psych @Eden1717 he is also getting me to start DBT and he wants me to connect to a new crisis team in a different suburb but he isn’t sure if they’ll accept me !
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15-02-2019
05:21 PM
4 Kudos
1. saw my psychiatrist:) 2. got a really good hot chocolate ! 3. watched some netflix 4. ate a bit too much chocolate because i was a a very low point during the day :( but the chocolate was good haha 5. spoke to a supervisor from khl and it went well :)
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My Recent High Fives Received
Subject | High Fives | Posted |
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1 | 20-08-2018 04:46 PM | |
1 | 08-01-2019 07:35 PM | |
1 | 03-10-2019 02:44 PM | |
1 | 01-10-2019 05:42 PM | |
1 | 02-10-2019 12:23 PM |
My Recent High Fives Given
Subject | High Fives | Author | Latest Post |
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2 | |||
1 | |||
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5 |
Public Statistics
Date Registered | 29-05-2018 06:27 PM |
Date Last Visited | 07-11-2019 11:04 PM |
Total Messages Posted | 3,654 |
Total High Fives Received | 3588 |
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11:04 PM
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