In a few months im going away on holidays, and I am terrified. I have ASD, and major parts of that are that I need schedules, consistency, and control in many areas including  morning and nighttime routines, activities, items, and food. I am really worried because I'm holiday I won't be able to have a consistent schedule to follow, I won't be able to bury myself in books and knowledge and I'll have to be in the real world with people, I won't be able to use my fork, my spoon, my cup with my food, and I won't be able to control my foods and have the dishes I like. I can't sit in my spot and close myself away from the world. Everything I do in my day is basically the same as the day before and I like it that way and I'm scared of the change. ... View more

So I have been invited to a birthday dinner for one of the people I go to school with, and I don't know what to do. People are telling me I need to go because it's her birthday and I should be doing it for her because she's my friend, but the thing about having a low self esteem is that I don't believe she would really care or want me there anyway. I HATE social outings with a passion and am t e r r I f I e d of going. Plus, it's an added thing I need to worry about in that I have dietary requirements and NOTHING they serve at the restaurant their going to can even be altered for me to eat. I don't know what to do, Im stuck in a spiral of not wanting to go, feeling guilty, and then wondering why I feel guilty because she won't care.  ... View more

I am so much better. A few months ago, I was self harming every night, I was considering running away, i constantly wanted to die. I started taking anti-depressants, things got better, and I feel happier, less stressed, and have been able to better control my desire to self harm. However, recently I feel like I'm starting to unravel. Thinking about the past, part of me wants to stop taking my meds so I can go back there because it's safer and I deserve it anyway. I want to feel sadder, I deserve all of it. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm going to sabotage all my progress. ... View more

One of my biggest triggers for my anxiety is yelling. It makes me feel absolutely ill when people are loud, angry, swearing, etc. because I feel like I've done something wrong. This makes living in my house quite hard. It's not like my family are abusive or anything, but when they're angry they rant, swear and lecture and even if I'm not on the receiving end I feel awful. I don't know what to do because this is their way of letting of steam and I can't expect them to stop. ... View more

I'm a cis f. I wear dresses and skirts, I like 'feminine' things, and I am anything but 'manly', yet I still suffer from what I can best describe as dysphoria. I hate my chest (and I'm very flat chested) and I only wear sports bras and loose clothing because tight shirts and normal bras make them more obvious. I'm also really thin and have short hair, so the rest of my body kinda looks like a boy anyway, and when my hair gets too long I hate it and I'm a bit concious of gaining curves. I literally have no idea what this means, am I fluid, do I just not like being more grown and  'sexual' if that makes sense. Anyone got any ideas?  ... View more

I'm so stupid. I hadn't self harmed for two weeks but today was awful and I couldn't stop myself. It feels like whenever things become stable and I am slowly climbing out of the dark hole I live in, I slip and fall right down to the bottom again. I still have two weeks till I see my counsellor and I have no one to reach out to. I don't know how I'm going to survive. ... View more

I self harm, and I want to tell my psychologist, but my parents can't know. Will they tell my parents? Or only if I'm in real danger? ... View more

I'm worried I might have an ED, and I don't know what to do. I can't tell my parents or psychologist or they'll stop helping me with my social anxieties and focus on that because it's more life threatening, and I need help on the other stuff. Plus, it makes me embarrassed to think I might be anorexic. The only issue is that my plan would be to wait and seek treatment after I leave home, but by the time that happens I would've had it for 6 years (I suspect I may have had it for 2-3 already) and after doing some research I have found that waiting that long would mean that I have essentially no chance of recovery. I might not even have one, but this doesn't seem like a disorder where diagnoses isn't obvious, what should I do? ... View more

So my psychologist wants to start giving me anxiety and depression medication to help with the stress I experience in social situations. The only thing that is confusing is that I don't have an anxiety disorder. Has this happened to anyone else ? I've never heard of meds being prescribed to people that haven't been diagnosed. ... View more

There is nothing wrong with me. I have been to psychologists, doctors, counsellors, and psychiatrists seeking help, and not once have I had any proper diagnoses for a mental illness. At the same time, I live in a stable family, with a nice house in a nice area, and go to a school where there are basically no bullies or assault, and I am in a class where there are none at all. My family are well off as well financially, and they love me and treat me well. From this, it would be assumed that I am reasonably happy, but I am not. I overthink things, I get terribly stressed and worried over many things people would call insignificant, especially if it has social aspects. I feel constantly either sad, agitated, or simply a little below mediocre. I hate myself, I self harm, I think about suicide, and I experience panic attacks. I find it difficult to leave the house due to feeling low and stressed around people. My attendance at school is awful because I find it so challenging to be around the students and teachers, and if I spend to much time socialising, I fall into a consistently dark state where all I can do is lie around and want to die/harm myself. When teachers look at what I'm doing, I get sweaty and a tight chest. I sometimes feel like I'm being watched, or someone is staring at me. I sit alone in most of the time because I don't want to disturb people, and partner work makes me feel ill. Why is it that my privileged "perfect" self struggles and needs all this help when everyone around me can put their hand up in class, attend school, get along with everyone, and manage their insecurities and worries. I know people hide a lot of struggle, but this is different, they can be social, I see them do it, I see them smile, they all look healthy, I don't. ... View more

I am trapped. It is dark, or grey, or maybe damp at the best of times. I can survive the damp, and most of the time, I can survive the grey. The only issue is when it's black, and I am empty and full to the brim at the same time. This requires one thing to calm down, to try and pull myself from the void, which is to harm myself until I don't think anymore, till I am numb. I am in the grey, I am not currently in danger, I need not to hurt myself, but at the same time I want to. I want to push myself to my boundary, I want to skydive, I want to stand in the cold with no jacket. I want to be alone, cold. I want to make myself numb. ... View more

The thing with  social anxiety that is so frustrating is that it bites you on the ass during the hols when you least expect it. For example, since school broke up I haven't really spoken to anyone, or generally just left the house. I have felt quite comfortable, and had begun to think that my anxiety was going quite well, that was until I clicked messanger for the first time all holidays to reply to all my birthday wishes. All of a sudden, it all turned upside down. I could feel my stomach churn as I opened each one, and my stress levels increase as I went to reply. I was asked to go out with friends, and I couldn't not make up an excuse and decline. The little voice in the back of my brain whispered that they would be happy about it, they only asked because they're nice, they don't really want you there. I couldn't finish replying to everyone, I went off messenger. I'm really not okay, but no one can help me. I'm currently underweight, and till I get to a good physical health, my mental state won't be improved, nor will doctors help me. I'm lost and scared and I have to survive on my own for months till I reach the right weight. There is still much work to do. ... View more

Ever since I was little, I wanted to be a figure skater. Unfortunately, we didn't live near an ice rink, and I was unable to take lessons. Now, I'm 15, and yesterday I ice skated for the very first time. It was possibly the best experience of my life, I felt free and the closest to happy I've been in years. I've had dreams of who I wanted to be before, but this is something deeply emotional that I can't even describe, every moment since it ended I have wanted to be back on the rink. It was an enormous release, more than reading or music or anything else I've tried. I want to be a figure skater, but I feel somewhat embarrassed by this dream because I've always been the 'smart' one in the family, not the athlete, and I feel like people will think it's ridiculous. I don't know how I'm so supposed to convey how strong my passion is to my family, and that I need to do this. I don't think they would let me, after all it would include moving to try and accomplish a dream I should've started ages ago. I need this. ... View more

So basically, my family and some friends have this inside joke that's kinda homophobic, and we brought a pride flag to give them for Xmas as a joke. This is a bit awkward because I'm a closeted bisexual/ lesbian (questioning). Not only that, but I really want a pride flag, and it kills me to be so close to  and literally have bought one, yet I can't even keep it. The main point I suppose of me writing this is to ask if anyone has any ideas on how I could get a flag without my parents knowing. I don't have a credit card, and we live in a small town where I doubt I'll be able to find one. Any ideas?  ... View more

Currently I have a really low weight and it's really bad and I know I need to eat more but I just can't. I don't think I look fat or anything but I feel so bloated and I don't like eating. Does this mean I have an ED? I know it can't be anorexia because I can tell I look too skinny but despite that I just find it hard to eat more than what I usually do, and if that regular pattern is ruined i feel really low for ages. I'm pretty obsessive with a lot of different "rituals" in my life, like I have to be sleeping on my left side, with no noise or light, after going to the bathroom once, with a pikachu soft toy, or I can't sleep. Another example is my strict afternoon schedule that makes me feel ill if I break it, and when I clean I can't leave any marks behind, and it takes hours to vacuum a single small room. Does this just mean my perfectionist personality is to blame and I don't actually have an ED? I'm so confused. ... View more