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Hozzles
Builder
since
01-02-2019
17-10-2019
325
Posts
801
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17-10-2019
07:10 PM
2 Kudos
Hi @ellabuck_x! It certainly does sound like a difficult situation! I'll admit that while I've never been in such a situation, I do know a few people who have been. I believe the number one key to a successful relationship is communication. If you're not communicating your thoughts and feelings, you can't really know what your partner is thinking. If you don't know that you're on the same page, it can lead to a lot of anxiety and second guessing that may harm your relationship in the long-term. For this reason, even though it is really scary, I would suggest you do have a conversation with your partner. Like @Tasi said, an honest conversation with him not only about your views on sex but also on your personal values and the future of your relationship would really benefit your long-term relationship. Maybe a little TMI, but I have spoken to young people in your situation and they have all found their relationships have benefited by reaching a compromise and knowing there's other ways to satisfy themselves/ their partners without intercourse. Again, it would be beneficial to speak to your partner -- I've found everyone even has different definitions for what actually 'counts' as sex! Also, although it can be embarrassing and daunting, it's important to remember to do your research and know the risks as although other sexual activities may not personally count as sex, they still can run the risk of STIs and pregnancy so it's important to be safe nonetheless. I was wondering if there was anyone you could speak to about this, apart from your partner? Maybe you could speak to a professional, for example I know headspace clinics have a lot of information not just about mental health but about youth sexual health and they usually have walk-in appointments/ clinicians available. Again, I admit I've never been in this situation, but it would be worth it to gather some info and get things off your chest. I hope all goes well for your relationship, and I'm glad you're having fun with him and thinking towards the future!
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17-10-2019
06:25 PM
2 Kudos
Hi @Ally12345! Welcome to the forums. I agree, your such an articulate writer and I would highly suggest you do try writing if you're not already! Like @Tasi said, I hope it was therapeutic to write. I find finally putting my thoughts into words is always therapeutic. Your post really touched me, and I relate to a lot of these feelings. I had a really bad breakup in January and although it was so long ago I feel like it's still affecting me. It's weird how feelings can so quickly change from love, to grief and sadness, to anger, to acceptance and regret over having allowed myself to be so 'blind' and letting myself be treated badly. Romance can often come with rose-coloured glasses, and if there are problems in a relationship then there's a tendency to see the other person as 'perfect' and blame yourself for the downfalls. But the truth is that everyone is human, and no one is 'perfect'. One of life's most precious gifts is other people and the lessons they teach us - you can hold onto that for as long as you need Exactly right @Bre-RO! What a beautiful way to put it.
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17-10-2019
06:04 PM
2 Kudos
Climate change and mass animal extinction . I went to the aquarium yesterday and as stunning as it was sometimes I feel ashamed to be human amongst fellow humans who are destroying the planet. It makes me so sad that animals we know today might not even be around in as little as a decade. I have such faith in recent generations, though, and if enough people speak up about it that's how change happens. If you could pitch an idea for a movie, what would it be about?
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17-10-2019
05:57 PM
1 Kudo
I haven't really been much of a gamer (aside from Sims + Animal Crossing ), but I love the sound of these type of games and would definitely love to get into them more one day! I love real life escape rooms and unsolved mysteries so I'd assume my interests will cross over. I have played one game for uni that might fit around the theme, it's called 'Gone Home' and it's such a beautiful game . It's hard to praise it without spoilers, ahah, and as a game that's more like an interactive story it's best to go into it not knowing anything, but what I can say is that it does portray LGBT+ themes very well.
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13-10-2019
04:08 PM
1 Kudo
Do you have a tradition for grand final? No -- to be honest I couldn't care less about football! It's just another day for me. This year I spent it finalising an assignment, so I didn't even get to enjoy a public holiday! Is daylight saving time good or evil? Good! The first few days can be evil, because I get stressed about time sometimes and losing an entire hour of my day makes me really anxious. But it's good once I get used to it, and good to get energised in the sun and it makes me feel like I have more time to get things done! Where is your favourite place to go during Spring time? Like @May_, probably anywhere in nature! A walk in the park, most likely! What is your favourite Spring superhero? Hmm... anyone trying to get out in the sun to fight away those Winter blues!! What would your ideal Halloween costume be? My go to costume is always the Grim Reaper, for some reason. I also like vampires and Disney villains -- my last costume was Scar from the Lion King. One day I'm love to be a medieval plague doctor! I just love the aesthetic so much. @jasmine12345678 Welcome to the forums! To answer your question, I also like reading (anything unconventional and creative with realistic characters are my favourite)! My other hobbies would be writing and learning about different things. I guess some qualities of mine would be creative, curious, and kind!
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06-10-2019
05:45 PM
1 Kudo
I feel content today. It's been so so long since I've felt relaxed/ happy for no reason that it actually took me about five hours to recognise I was happy and not sick or anything. The cat date went well. There was two I really liked! One was a bigger (but younger) male that was born as a stray, so he was really nervous and timid. But you could tell he was trying his absolute hardest to be brave and smoochy! He is very smoochy with his foster family. He sounds like me in cat form, ahah. The other is more playful and outgoing! She has had kittens but she's still very young, and she has a really unique coat that's like a mix between calico and tabby. She also looked affectionate but more high energy. It's going to be tough to decide! I also visited the shelter and there were lots there, too! I wish I could keep them all hahah I have tried some services before, but most of the time I'm too anxious to pick up the phone. I've tried online chat, too, and that's helpful sometimes. I think the main thing is learning how to enjoy things again. Everything gets ruined by OCD/perfectionism but I feel like none of my psychologists have recognised that yet. Like, I remember when I was 14 I used to compulsively search my first sentence of my story on google to see if I was accidentally plagiarising. Even reading or watching a movie is sometimes troubling because my mind has to make sure I'm paying attention to every sentence, and if I feel like I haven't understood completely I have to turn back a few pages and reread/ go back and re-watch. So at that point reading/watching anything isn't enjoyable. Another thing is drawing/ even adult colouring books -- everyone I speak to says adult colouring books are supposed to be very relaxing but they just stress me out because I'm worried about making a mistake! Ugh, it's annoying. I'll try to bring it up next time I see a professional.
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04-10-2019
06:04 PM
Thanks @Bre-RO. I'm just so tired. I just want to lie in bed and sleep all day. Nothing's enjoyable for me anymore, even activities that are meant to make my relax. Like, I can't even play Sims or Animal Crossing anymore because I feel like I'll mess up the story line or my town. I don't know how I will ever improve from this. Like I said, I haven't really made a friend in 7 years. Only one person other than family talks to me on a regular basis. Yesterday, I went outside to a meeting, and when they asked me a question my brain went completely blank and I didn't feel like talking at all. How am I going to survive in the adult world? I'm basically a child in an adult body, anyway. I don't know how anything works. I'm so tired of the mental health system. Everyone says to me the only good psychologists in our area don't bulk-bill, but I really can't afford it. Research says therapy for major depression/ anxiety is most beneficial if done intensely. How on Earth can this be done with Medicares 10 free sessions! I'm forced to use them sparingly like gold, and when I do we sit there in silence for forty minutes while she says I probably need to change my meds. I'm pretty sure my current one does CBT, but what we've been doing isn't really CBT at all, so...? A few good things for next week: -Tomorrow, I'm going to a lady's house to see if she has a cat I'd like to adopt (she's part of a rescue organisation!). -I also might be able to donate blood again (depends on my iron!).
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02-10-2019
11:49 AM
Thanks again. So sorry for the lack of updates. Sometimes it's exhausting even just talking online . I'm back from my holidays, that went really well. I love being out in nature and getting outside, like I said I hate being at home because that's where I spend most of my time depressed. I've been feeling really down. I saw my psychologist the day after I got home and she called my GP to get my meds changed again even though I've been on them for two weeks. My GP said it was a bit ridiculous she dragged me up to see him after only two weeks. I don't know if I'll go back to her again, because I'm so tired of every session just being silence and 'how's your medication?'. But on the other hand, I know I need help but I'm too exhausted to go through the entire process of getting to know someone and retelling my story again. My uni psychologist was very good but I missed my second appointment due to me being on holiday and I have to call to make a new appointment. It took a lot of mental energy to call up the first time. Uni is... eh. I completed my last assignment of the term and have an exam in two or so weeks that I need to study for. I'm about five weeks behind in content and need to catch up but my brain won't let me concentrate on the big blocks of text. There's no pictures in the textbook and it's driving me mad . I have to study from the textbook, though, because they base the exam off it. I have no idea what I do with my time. I've been thinking I shouldn't even be calling myself a writer, because I don't really write. The longest thing I've ever written is only about 30K words, and I've never even finished anything apart from, like, 5 short stories. The only things I really write are for school. How on earth can I even call myself a writer, then? I make ideas in my head and that's it. I don't even think I enjoy anything creative because it all makes me so anxious. I don't even know who I am if not creative, though. It's like I've just built my hobbies and personality out of lies because there's nothing else there. I'm feeling useless. I've been at uni for so long. I'm getting older and older and I still feel like I'm barely anymore than twelve, mentally. Apart from my ex I haven't made any new friends in about seven years. I just feel stagnant. I'm so lonely and exhausted and it's really, really hard not to think that I'll be stuck like this forever.
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21-09-2019
07:30 PM
4 Kudos
Thanks for the tag @Jess1-RO! So important and so relevant for me right now. Pick a gif that represents your relationship with study at the moment At the moment... Study is a huge trigger for me, for both anxiety and depression. I've been really struggling recently, but I'm slowly managing. Tell us a little bit about your studies I major in literature and psychology, and am hoping to go further in the neuropsychology field after 4th year. I'm currently third year, only doing one subject at the moment since I had to drop the rest due to anxiety/depression. Ideally, I would have completed my fourth year this year, but now I'll have to wait until 2021. It's been really tough, but I'd rather get through mature, healthy, and confident than not at all, or to do it poorly. What do you enjoy about your studies? A lot! I'm passionate about all of it. I love almost every book we read in literature, and I love analysing everything (which is part of why I struggle -- I have no idea when to stop researching when I start! Once I seriously contemplated paying $50 to gain access to an article so I can use it as a reference for one sentence. My OCD goes crazy). I love the theories of psychology and learning about what has worked and what hasn't, and understanding the weird, pink squishy organ that pilots us. What are the signs that you are stressed from studying/experiencing study stress? I don't eat, I don't sleep. I get nauseous. I stay up all night researching, go to sleep confident then wake up to a panic attack because I know I have to write. I have brain fog and nothing I write makes any sense. I can't focus on anything, or relax. I have thoughts of self harm. Not the best feeling. What are your top study stress busters/coping strategies? I really have no idea, I feel like I've exhausted all avenues and nothing really has been working for me. But I love to go on walks, and set myself some breaks to play with animals/ reax in the bath, do some meditation, etc. I have to learn to be kinder to myself. Also, uni psychologists tend to be really helpful. I've only had one appointment but they've understood the pressure I'm going through! Set a goal for managing study stress! Be kinder to myself, and take it one step at a time.
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16-09-2019
06:20 PM
Thanks again everyone. I'm feeling really down at the moment. I'm going away on holiday for a week tomorrow and instead of being excited I'm so down. I woke up to a panic attack today because I have so much to do. I still have to pack and I have an assignment due when I'm away. I'm just sitting here feeling sorry for myself because I don't even have to tell anyone I'm going (I'm going with my immediate family). No one will even miss me or realise I'm away. I'm still feeling awful about Tybalt. The vet sent us his pawprint, a nice card and a vial of his fur. I'm having awful luck with the shelter. The first cat I was interested in was named Hamlet, and I thought it must have been fate because it's also a Shakespeare name. But it turned out he suffered a seizure a few days prior to me looking at him and I couldn't put myself through dealing with another sick fur baby at the moment . There was another I really liked, he came up and sat on my lap in the shelter and was super friendly. But when we came back a few days later, he was in the process of being adopted by another family. . Both my mum and my brother think it's way too soon and I need to grieve more, but I don't know. I already have depression, and I have so much love to give another animal. They really, really help me.
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14-09-2019
11:46 PM
7 Kudos
I will reply to the rest of your lovely comments later, but I just wanted to say... welcome to the forums, @MKayla! We're all so glad you're here! You could start by reading this post. If you like you can click here to introduce yourself to the community, or if your having a tough time at the moment you can start a new topic by clicking the blue 'start a topic' button on the tough times board (or just follow my link!).
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14-09-2019
04:54 PM
Thanks again, everyone. I've been struggling really bad. I miss my Tybalt so much. it couldn't have come at a worse time. He was always like my therapy animal, sitting on my shoulder all the time and giving me cuddles and comfort when I'm down. I miss him so much. I've spent some time this week looking at shelter cats. I think I've found one I like, but I feel bad getting another furbaby so soon after Tybalt passed. Nothing can ever replace him, but there's so many shelter cats out there that need loving homes, and my heart feels empty without my own cat friend... (we have another cat but she keeps to herself and isn't a cuddler, ahah). At least I have been eating and sleeping better. I had my appointment with my uni psychologist, which was really good. I'm going on holiday with my family for a week, which should be okay. It would be nice to have a break (even though I'm probably going to spend some of it catching up on my readings). The day after I get back I have an appointment with my other psychologist, and I'm set to see the uni one again soon. I feel so bad for complaining, sometimes. I've seen a few posts from other students that mention they're struggling managing studying fulltime, while also working and taking care of their children. Like, these superstars out there are managing and here I am struggling with two units not even working, with barely any responsibilities! I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I have no idea how I'm going to be able to face the working world and other parts of the 'real world' when I can't even deal with uni etc.
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08-09-2019
08:14 PM
Thanks all again. I had to say goodbye to my cat tonight. I think I'm emotionally numb right now. Again, I'll call Lifeline if I start to feel unsafe. I'll update you all soon.
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08-09-2019
06:21 PM
I'll reply to all your lovely messages later but things have turned from bad to worse. My cat was just rushed to the emergency vet because he's having trouble breathing right now. I don't know what to do. I'm so sick of having to deal with one bad thing after the next. I just want one good day for once. This year I've had a break up, two stays in hospital, my lizard died, and now this. I might call Lifeline again later and I'm safe right now. I'm just so tired.
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06-09-2019
11:29 PM
5 Kudos
What's your favourite type of flower? Hmmm... it'd probably be between snapdragons, roses, and tulips! Probably tulips, actually. There's so many different varieties and I love the way they're planted in fields! You are going on a picnic what do you take? Like @letitgo, probably a book! For food, I love making cupcakes for my friends. I did it every month in Year 12. Also, you can't go wrong with a packet of Shapes. What's a baby animal that is surprisingly cute? @Bre-RO Yesss!!! Baby bats!!! What's something you are looking forward to doing now that the weather will be warming up? Getting outside, and getting some vitamin D into me. Also, reading outside! What's something underrated about Spring? Like @Jess1-RO, definitely the rejuvenation it seems to bring after a cold Winter. I know myself that Winter, even though I prefer it cold than hot, is probably the worst month for my depression as it really limits how much I get out (and how much sun I see!).
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06-09-2019
11:04 PM
2 Kudos
I haven't been in this thread forever! @mspaceK - Amazing as always, thanks for sharing! I love the imagery! Late replies, but... @Tiny_leaf - Wow, I feel the same way about my characters! I've had a few that have just taken over the entire story. Like, who do you think you are, side-character? @N1ghtW1ng - Yay, I love hearing other people talk about their characters! Trans representation in fantasy stories is something I'd definitely love to see more of!
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06-09-2019
10:58 PM
1 Kudo
Ahah, sorry I know it's all very confusing! I mean my current psychologist. I'm seeing the uni one Monday, and am booked in for an assessment at headspace in about a month. I'm feeling better about changing/increasing my medication. I really did think I was getting better, but again it's hard to tell when I feel I have fallen so hard. That's why I want to try once more with my psychologist, and make sure we're on the same page and my poor judgement of her wasn't just clouded with all my bad feelings. Thank you very much! It was a very hard thing to do (calling Lifeline, I've used online supports before but never called) but was very worthwhile and I'd definitely do it again anytime I wasn't feeling safe. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by so many caring people who understand what I'm going through. I'm feeling a bit better than I have been right now. I think I've decided to drop the unit, even if it means an extra year at uni. I'm going to try and be more proactive with my mental health, like making sure I'm eating, taking breaks, and socialising instead of isolating myself. Most of the people I've talked to (headspace, Lifeline) have advised me that one year is nothing compared to the rest of my life once I complete my degree. I'm still young, and I know a lot of people in my course that are mature-age students returning to study after work and kids, so I know I have all the time in the world. The Crisis Supporter at Lifeline told me that another year will make me more mature and empathetic, which will be beneficial as I go further in psychology, so that also made me feel a lot better ahah. Again, I'm so glad to be surrounded by amazing supports!
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06-09-2019
07:24 PM
Thanks again everyone. I saw my GP today, and he recommended I up my medication. I'm going to try and keep up with my psychologist, unfortunately I can't make an appointment with her until later in the month (four weeks away). I still don't know about dropping my unit. Sometimes I feel like I can do it by Sunday (due date of assignment + also the last date I can withdraw unit without failing it) but then depression and anxiety comes crashing down. I feel like if I take another year I'll beat myself up about not being able to do it the entire time, so I'm really not sure which way to go. I'm really struggling at the moment. I've since admitted to myself that I don't like being home, because when I'm home all I do is sit in bed all day and it's where I spend the most time depressed. Today I went up to sit at my mum's work just so I can be out of the house but not alone (I don't really trust myself being alone at the moment. My self-harm thoughts are getting worse by the day but even though I know I wouldn't act on them I'm starting to doubt myself as they get louder and more frequent. I'm safe now, by the way -- I just rang Lifeline for the first time about an hour ago and they really helped). Things are getting more and more bleak and I'm starting to forget how I ever made myself happy. Ugh, depression is so hard. I feel like I was doing so well and feel guilty for suddenly crashing so hard and fast.
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05-09-2019
01:15 PM
Sorry for the double post, but I'm seriously considering dropping another unit and only doing the one. However, this causes me to have an extra year before I can do honours. I figure it might be beneficial to do one unit a semester until I reach honours, so I can allow time for healing. I really don't know what to do, though. I don't want to add another year to my degree but my depression is getting worse by the day.
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04-09-2019
10:59 PM
1 Kudo
Awww, you're all so lovely. Thank you all very much for your kind words. An update on how I'm doing: Well, today my job search provider asked how uni was and I burst into tears. So, I think that's a good summary of how my mood is. I have an assignment due Friday but I'm not really sure if I'll be able to get it done at this point (Friday is an extension so I won't be able to get more time). Really, all I want to do is sleep all day and it's a struggle to do anything else. My mum was upset today because I pretty much nonstop cried for three hours and I feel so guilty for hurting her and having her see me like this, especially since I've been doing so well recently. I'm trying to stay positive but the moments come fleetingly. Probably a weird question, but does anyone know of any good foods to eat when you really don't feel like eating? My anxiety causes nausea which doesn't really help my low appetite at all, but today I brought some berries which I found to be very good to snack on/ get some healthy food into me without making me nauseous. In regards to other support, I've been accessing eheadspace and beyond blue chat which has helped a little. I might go to my local headspace centre tomorrow and see if I can talk to anyone there/ make an appointment. I'm actually looking forward to my GP appointment Friday because I feel so incredibly lost. @letitgo I think isolation is a big part of it! I live about two hours away from my uni (I travel by commute) so unfortunately I don't really have anyone doing my course to bounce ideas off or anything. I've actually been trying to get my mum to sit with me for a bit, which helps .
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01-09-2019
07:39 PM
I felt I should make another thread, because I'm really struggling at the moment. A year ago, I intermitted my uni course for a year because I felt it was best for my health. I couldn't physically start typing my assignments due to the fear of I don't even know what. Something I worked so hard on not mattering in the long run of things? Being critiqued? Not getting 100%? I don't know. But it got so bad that along with it I had thoughts of punishing myself with self harm. I never did it, but the thoughts were so scary I knew something had to be done immediately. I've really felt better for a while, during that year. I haven't had the best year in the world (break-ups, been in hospital two times, pet death...) but in the grand scheme of things I felt like I could cope and that I was doing so much better mental health wise. But now I'm back at uni, and I feel like I'm back at square one. I just feel completely defeated and hopeless. During assignments, I can barely eat or sleep or do anything to take care of myself. I know all my thoughts are irrational but I can't stop them. I have spoken to the disability resource centre so on every assignment I get I'm having to get extensions, but I feel bad for not being able to complete anything on time, especially with honours coming up. I recently decided to drop one of my units due to all the stress. I knew I should have taken on only two subjects (three still counts as full-time) but I guess I got overconfident. Dropping this late in the year means I still have to pay for it but my fees are currently covered by HECS-HELP, and I can apply to get it reimbursed. I know it's probably the best for my health but I still feel like I failed due to not being able to complete it. I was seeing a psychologist, but she is refusing to see me again until I get my medication reevaluated. I can't really make an appointment with my GP that easily (it's usually weeks in advance), and I've told her time and time again that I don't think my meds are the problem (I've changed them about four months ago and I think I've done so much better with them despite the uni trigger). But she pretty much hasn't let up about the meds since I started to see her, and when I did mention my struggles with uni she pretty much just said 'everyone struggles at uni' and left it at that. So, I'm thinking of changing psychologists. I have an appointment with the uni psychologist but that's two weeks away. I feel so disappointed in myself, and I feel bad for putting all my friends and family through everything I'm feeling. I don't want to burden anyone but I don't know what to do. I'm safe, by the way!
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