Hey @Bananatime04    You are so precious! I got to this post a bit late but I wanted to check in with you and ask how both you and your mum are. Have things gotten any better? You are such a caring and sweet loving daughter. I'm proud of you for looking after her even when you are feeling stressed and upset.   I can relate to feeling a little helpless when trying to help loved ones. It's hard to watch them struggle so much. Personally, it's my sister for me. I've learnt to understand that there are times they do need your help and you can keep doing the things you're already doing such as being a listening ear, making sure she's eating and drinking enough, or just sitting next to her and giving her a cuddle. Sometimes though, they are better off with just having some space to themselves. Also, it's sometimes hard for people when they're so down to look very appreciative of the little things you do to help them feel better. So, don't be discouraged by the lack of improvement or energy or gratefulness that is shown to you! I'm sure in her heart, she's proud of who you are as a caring daughter and is very thankful to you.    Hope you're having a good day today!  ... View more

Hey @Pasta    I'm so sorry you've been feeling that way      It can be really confusing when you feel like you're meant to feel a certain way or react a certain way to an event or situation but it doesn't happen for you. From what I'm reading, I also think that you have gone through a lot of emotional things and your body and mind are perhaps just a little confused on how to process these things and really face them head-on. In the past, I've also felt numb for a period of time after going through a really upsetting and stressful thing. I think taking a lot more me-time and really trying to actively force myself to sit down, reflect and process everything that had just happened really helped me. I started to feel things again, and more importantly, allow myself to do so.    I hope you're doing okay today  You are strong and you will get through this confusing and darker time. But rest assured, you're not alone here! We're here to help.  ... View more

Thanks @Jess1-RO for popping by!  I'm at uni and I'm only beginning tomorrow, but some positives that I'm looking forward to are seeing uni friends again more regularly and having a routine and schedule to live by. I'm the kind of person that loves to be doing things hahaha so having 3 months of holiday felt almost too long somehow and I'm actually excited to get back to classes! I'm excited to learn more about something I'm interested in and passionate about    ... View more

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx    I'm so glad you're starting to find your feet. Starting at a new school always comes with new challenges but I'm sure you will find more and more things to love and look forward to as you get used to your new environment.  ... View more

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx    I'm sorry to hear that your relationship with your sister is one that is of tension and argument. I know that arguments can hurt you a lot, especially if it's with someone you love or are just close to. My sister is younger than me and we've definitely had our fair share of heated arguments, but over time luckily, it got a little better. Also though, I realised that no matter how much we fought and things, we had each other's backs at the end of the day, especially if we needed it, or if one of us found out someone had hurt the other. I hope you'll reach that stage soon!    For now, maybe have a chat with your parents about it? Explain that it's taking an emotional toll on you and that you don't mean to just tell on her or something, but you genuinely just want a better relationship with her and to be able to talk to her well. I believe the rough patch will come to an end eventually. When there's too much noise, try doing some self-care. When things get heated at my house, I often isolate myself from the situation, put on my favourite music, do something I love and calm myself down before trying to have a conversation with them again. There's usually no point in trying to talk to someone when either them or you are feeling especially emotional. Maybe try and clear your head space and then talking again when things are better?  ... View more

My three positives are 1. My boyfriend surprised me early with the most delicious macaroons and a self-care day together because we can't celebrate Valentine's on Friday.  2. Made plans with friends after not going out for a few weeks and I'm super excited to see them on Thursday  3. My classes for uni are all settled and I feel organised and just ready for the semester to start ... View more

Hey @Gorda   Thank you for reaching out about this! I want to echo @Bre-RO in that I think it's so brave of you for asking for advice on your situation. We're here to support you and will try to give you as much advice as we can.    I think having another conversation with the person you're seeing is definitely a good idea. When you are comfortable and have sorted out in your head everything you would like to address, maybe have a chat? I suggest you make sure he knows it's a serious chat where you would like to sit down and talk to him privately, rather than just a passing-by conversation in a hectic setting.   When you initiate it, I think something like "hey, so you know how I've set my boundaries on how far we go intimately, I wanted to talk to you about them so that we're on the same page." And then you could add how that time when you were at his house and both of you were drunk, you thought about it afterwards and you felt uncomfortable about the situation and that you think setting a boundary for when either one of you is drunk before it happens again is a good idea.    Good on you for reaching out here and I'm proud of you for being open to chatting with him. Conversations about intimacy with your partner is definitely an important one and one that every couple should have. Let me know what you think  ... View more

Hey @Hozzles   I'm so sorry to hear that your situation isn't good right now. That sucks! The way that they talk to you and dismiss you and your situation so easily  It must be super frustrating for you!   I'm guessing you're studying a Psych degree right now? I'm currently starting one and have met with a careers advisor on campus to have a chat. Getting paid work as an undergraduate is really difficult because of things like confidentiality and the registration needed to actually practice as a psychologist. I was told to try and just do any kind of paid work I can, volunteer more with mental health-related projects and maybe try to apply for a part-time admin or receptionist job at a clinic.    As well as paid work, volunteering and other things are really important to employers these days too and show a broader scope of what you can achieve. So good on you for spending lots of time volunteering!  I also definitely agree in that I think a chat with your GP would be beneficial for you. Maybe he'll have some more advice.   I can understand it must be really frustrating and disheartening when you're stuck in a bad cycle that seems never-ending. I believe in you. You'll find what's right for you. If you haven't already, try to use your uni/college's resources to the best of your ability. In general though, as hard as it can be sometimes, block out those who don't believe in you and those who dismiss you and underestimate you. The fact that you're even trying to get a job right now is an achievement and something you should be proud of. Heal for you and for nothing/nobody else. It's something that makes you feel better and can uplift you.    ... View more

Aw thanks @Bee!  ... View more

Hey @Cherrybomb94   I'm sorry you've been feeling so isolated and are struggling with your self-worth. Firstly, thank you for being vulnerable and reaching out on the forums. I'm so glad you are willing to find yourself some help and advice. I apologise in advance for the long post, but I guess I wanted to share my story and give you hope for your current situation too    I can relate to you in the sense that it is difficult to feel like you are worthy of love, care and support when you haven't been receiving much of it for a while. Personally, my parents and I have a very different view of what is a 'happy' and 'good' life. For them, being financially comfortable to the point where you are able to give a lot to others is a happy and good life. For me, that doesn't matter as much as DOING the things that make me happy and being with the people I love. It's a stereotype for Asians, that parents want their kids to have a good job that pays well, and I guess sometimes, stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. They wanted me to be a doctor/lawyer and whatnot. But I chose a different path because it made me happier. As much as I hate the whole pressuring thing, I do understand my parents to an extent because I know that they're not TRYING to hurt me but they just genuinely think that what they believe is the best for me is perfect. That said, it made me feel like from then on, it was very difficult to please them or to feel like I could ever be enough for them. I didn't receive too much praise or encouragement and constantly felt like no matter what I chose to do or even who I wanted to be with (story for later I guess), was not going to be enough. And because of that, I felt like I wasn't capable of being loved. This feeling affected my relationships, even still, with my current boyfriend (who luckily is helping me on my own journey of self-worth, love and care). To give you some hope in this situation, I want to tell you that things do get better. Although my situation is difficult with my parents not approving of my boyfriend for quite a superficial reason, I want to tell you that I'm working towards getting to the other side of what you're feeling right now! I've finally come at peace with the fact that I need to stop trying to please people that can't be pleased with what I want and what is best for me. Just like I did, I believe you'll find somebody who truly loves you for who you are as a person and will remind you of your worth and how amazing you are. Sometimes, you just have to realise that different people might not treat you right or show their love for you as much as you would like, but at the end of the day, you do have to try and learn to love yourself first. Treat yourself. Do the things that make you happy. Because as long as you do that, you will be much MORE than enough for the right people. You can't please everybody. It's impossible! But when you find the right person, you'll recognise that you don't even have to try to be enough, because they'll see you for so much more than that. So I guess the main piece of advice I have for you is to do more self-care, reflect on who you are and what you love to do and what kind of person you want to be with.  ... View more

Hey @dragon3    So sorry that things got really stressful so quickly    I pretty much agree with everything @Bananatime04 said and would echo the advice. I also think that you should try your best not to let whatever your boyfriend says get to your head before understanding the other side of the story. Because remember, there's always two sides. I do think the main thing would be to have a serious sit-down chat with both your boyfriend to tell him how the things he's telling you about your current friends are bothering you and upsetting you, and also with your mum to tell her your concerns surrounding getting a job but also to tell her how best she could support you.    It's okay to feel a bit overwhelmed when school starts up again after the long summer break. Remember to breathe slowly and take time out of study,  social life and other extracurriculars just to do something you love. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?    We're here for you        ... View more

Hey @T-A-LookingUp    Thank you for reaching out for some help. I'm so sorry you've been going through all this and that your partner is going through so much as well. It definitely seems like there have been a lot of different events and life stressors that add to the emotion on both his part and your part.    I agree with @Bananatime04 in that if you two haven't received professional help yet, it could be really beneficial for you. Hopefully, you are able to receive the advice and help you are looking for with different support networks. I am very glad though that you found support, encouragement and comfort in him when you were struggling too. Having a partner can definitely help you feel uplifted and not alone in times of need    I just want to acknowledge that it is okay to feel upset about your partner and lost on how else you could help him. It is probably difficult for him to control his emotions more especially whilst struggling with mental health and the other things life has challenged him with. From my understanding, I'm guessing those emotions are often channelled onto other people like you, but I'm sure he doesn't intend to hurt you. Please correct me if I'm off track. I'm sorry things have been hard for you and I hope you can find time to self-care. What are some things you like doing in your spare time? What relaxes you?    ... View more

Hi @chillywilly    I understand what you mean... I'm guessing it's kind of like having friends but feeling lonely at the same time. I feel like lots of us have a lot of 'friends' who are more people we know of or maybe say hi to, maybe meet once or twice a year but aren't too close to. I'm glad though that you have several close friends.    I firstly want you to try and search deeper for your self-worth and love. It sounds cheesy maybe, but honestly it is something that has helped me navigate my way around friends who are genuinely there for me and care about me, and friends who honestly don't really. It's also helped me spread love and I've actually found that me loving myself more and just being myself was more attractive to people. I'm also quite an outgoing, bubbly and sometimes strange gal haha. I used to be a bit worried that maybe people judged me for it, or that i was "high maintenance" and it exhausted people. But honestly, you'll find the right people and your true friends if you're yourself because it's then that you know they actually care for you and love you for who you are.    Along the way, I've had to stop contacting and cut out some people in my life that honestly weren't there for me at all and kind of just swept me to the side. It was definitely hard, especially since some of them were people I thought were close friends to me a few years back. But you learn, grow and move on.    I hope from this, you can learn that you are not alone, you are worth people who love you, look out for you and are willing to reach out first and catch up, and that as you go through the process of learning to not care as much about what people think of you (which i know is hard- i still struggle with this but I'm learning and getting better!), you will find that people will come to YOU. You can spread love, and stop trying as hard to find it.  ... View more

Hey @keezeik    I totally understand feeling anxious before starting to drive and I can see how being blind in one eye probably adds to that. I'm sure everyone has felt it before, and maybe even now they feel it after years of driving. I'm proud of you for taking this next step and reaching out for advice to better your safety on the roads!    The first thing I was taught to do before driving, was breathing actually! I found myself to be quite nervous behind the steering wheel for the first time. I think others picked up on it. What they suggested was that before every drive, and before even turning on the engine, sit in the car and make sure you position everything (seat, mirrors, maybe even sun shade) in a place that is most comfortable and safe for you. Then, just spend the first 10-30 seconds deep breathing and calming yourself. A few deep breaths can help slow down the heart and get you prepared to drive.    Another thing is, try to minimise distractions. The phone could be turned on silent since you can't touch it while driving anyway, tell other passengers in the car to minimise noise level, don't have music on too loudly and don't be tempted to go faster or do certain things in the vehicle because of other people on the road (e.g. tailgaters). You are the driver, and so YOU are in charge of the vehicle. You will make a good judgement on when to do things. That being said, as a beginner driver, listen to your supervisor but make sure only that person is giving you instructions. If you have more than one person telling you what to do in the car, sometimes it can be conflicting and confuse you more.    Hope this helps!  ... View more

Hi @Bananatime04   I agree with @Taylor-RO in that you are most definitely not alone in wondering about these big life questions. I have also wondered this many times before. The 'answer' to the big life question of what our purpose is and what happens after we die is definitely going to be different for everyone because it'll depend on personal values, beliefs, religion, life experience and lots of other things.    Personally, I'm a Christian but I can't say that I don't have moments where I get so confused and almost doubtful and unsure about things. This is where I think personal life experience can also affect how you think about these things and what your beliefs are. Mostly though, for me I try to think of it as the following- I'm living my life for the purpose of being able to help others and better myself. This broader but also in some ways narrow goal helps me focus back on the things that matter to me whenever I start to question these big things again. But yea, making smaller goals as well sometimes as your 'purpose' is helpful because it doesn't seem as pressuring or daunting, but can keep you grounded and point you towards a certain path    Hope this helps!  ... View more

Hey @Anzelmo  I think my first post on the forums was also about kinda the same thing. For me, it was particularly about how important it is to make sure you help yourself before you help others, the importance of self-care and knowing your limits. I personally also deal with a lot of things whether it be with family or friends, and I used to put so, so much more pressure on myself to be the strong one all the time and keep it together. What I realised towards the end of high school a few years back was that your mental health will take a hit too if you don't look after yourself first. After being a perfectionist, juggling finishing high school and dealing with a lot of difficult and heartbreaking situations, I found that I had developed anxiety when I finally allowed one of my closest teachers to come with me and get me a session with the school counsellor. It was then that it really clicked that I needed help too and that it was ok not to be strong all of the time. You need a break too!    Something I've learnt while being a builder on these forums is that it is good to help others but instead of sounding like you are forcing things for them to do, ask more questions like "how does this feel?", "what kind of things are you already doing to help?", "what other methods do you think would be useful?". That way they feel supported, comforted and safe, rather than like they're just being told what to do.   What are some things you like to do in your spare time? What relaxes you?  ... View more

Hi @JDF12,   Thank you for telling your story and I'm sorry you've had to deal with such a hard situation. I know first hand what it's like to have 2 family members argue very loudly constantly. Not to the same extreme as you, but I know that it is hard on everyone else around the people who are in conflict. The advice @Janine-RO gave is basically what I did to distract myself and also to protect myself from being affected by the noise around me. Some days it will be harder for different reasons to allow yourself to take time for self-care or to block them out with other distractions. I believe in you though and you will get through this. What worked for me sometimes was listening to music. Sometimes, you quite literally have to block out the noise and that might work for you too. Hope you feel much better soon.  ... View more

@gmusicj  I'm so sorry you've been through that! I just wanted to hop on to say thank you for your bravery. I think the advice the others on this thread have given is great. I hope you're able to find peace and that you can get the help that you need and deserve. Whenever you need any peer support, remember we're here for you in the forums.  ... View more

Hey @Blurryphaced,  Firstly, I also want to comment on how beautifully you expressed yourself in writing. What a gift it is to be able to write out your story and your emotions. I'm so happy that you are able to express yourself more clearly through writing.    Your story is so moving and I am so sorry that you are affected by the bushfires. I understand that it must be terrifying facing not only the evident danger of the fires but also the uncertainty that comes with fleeing your home and having to go through long periods of just sitting and waiting. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it must be really hard for you right now, especially since your comfort items and sense of routine that you use to help get through your anxiety and Asperger's is all a bit muddled right now. Just remember that we're here to listen and to help out.    Today is Friday, and I just wanted to make sure someone checked in with you. Could you please give an update when you are able to? I'd love to be a source of comfort for you in this difficult time. Hopefully you are able to keep all of your comfort items and you can get back to your everyday routine asap. For now, don't forget to use any other methods to calm yourself that don't need the items you had to leave at home. This might be deep breathing or since you are a fantastic writer, you could journal and let out your emotions on paper. There's an app called SmilingMind that I think might help you. It's a meditation app where another person's voice guides you through it. They help you breathe and count with you so that when you feel alone, you can count on hearing someone else's guidance.    Sending love your way  ... View more

@Janine-RO Omg that is so cool haha!! Classically trained sax player! Dang... my sister plays the clarinet and she really really wants to learn sax asap. Yea I completely agree. It's so important if you can, to make sure you make time for your hobbies throughout studying.   Same here with exercising. I walk more to places I usually go to that are closer to home and I also do quick but intense exercises that are only 10 minutes at home. Gotta ease my way into it haha  ... View more

@Hozzles Hey! Thank you for all your answers and explanations!    Firstly, I completely understand the situation with your mum right now. My mum was like that too. It took a long while for her to get over the stigma of mental health and accept that my sister especially needed a lot of professional help, but she finally got there. She also would be very supportive in word, try to comfort her, try to inform herself online, but when it came to the harder times, she would get a bit lost. She didn't quite know how to best support my sister and sometimes even took out the stress on her. I understand from their point of view that it can get tiring to keep helping and maybe not see as much progress as they'd like. But it's not your fault! You are not a burden! Your mum would want and choose to be there for you over and over again. Sure, she might be tired at times but she'll always be there for you, not only because you might need it, but because she WANTS to. If she needs help, she could also reach out to somebody and talk to them. My mum did that with my sister's psychologist in the last 10 minutes or so of her session. The psychologist brought her in to ask how she was doing too. And I personally think that's really important. For those who are supporting others to also know they have a support network. Hopefully that way, your feeling of guilt will lessen    With travelling and affording things, I completely relate too. It's hard to find the help you really need sometimes and do all the things you want because of financial limitations  I guess you can't do too much about that other than try to find a job when you feel ready to take one on. Europe does sound so lovely though! I haven't been yet and it's definitely something on my bucket list!   Also, feeling 'normal' of course does take time. Don't beat yourself up for it though! As you are on your journey to recovery, little by little you'll notice yourself improving on one thing at a time. I believe in you! Maybe try to challenge yourself little by little, but remember to ask for help when you need it. It's healthy to ask for things when you feel that you need it or you feel that you might put yourself or other people in danger. So good job for that! I think maybe you could try to challenge yourself by doing things that are of little to no risk. Things such as taking a call yourself one day when you feel confident enough, or just like you want to challenge yourself. You don't need to be alone! Maybe you could try taking a call with your mum next to you as a backup?    Anyway, sorry for the long post! I hope some of this helps or encourages you            ... View more

@Bre-RO Thank you!! Yes, I've noticed that too after creating this thread. I hadn't thought too much about beforehand but I'm understanding more and more why it's a bit of a struggle sometimes to make resolutions.    I'm the same with the goal to be more healthy and exercise more too this year! I've been pretty slack the past year and I'm more determined to get back on track. Thank you for what you do for this community!  ... View more

@Janine-RO Wow!! That sounds so amazing! It must feel so freeing to finally be able to take up things you love. Saxophone is one of my favourite instruments- i love love looveee the sound! I've played the cello for about 11 years now and I'm still playing in an orchestra despite uni, and although it gets stressful at times, I so recommend people keeping something they love doing throughout uni if possible. It feels so good to me when I sit down and am allowing myself to spend a few hours doing something I love.    I need to learn from you!  I don't exercise enough and that's one of my goals for this year. I'm so grateful to have joined this community as a builder and how I am able to get to know so many of you and your stories.    Thank you to everyone who's posted their reflections and goals! I've loved reading them so much  ... View more

Hey @Tiny_leaf No worries at all  YAY!! That's some progress then. I'm happy for you :)  Let me know how it goes! If you do have to have that conversation though and need some advice or a pep talk or someone to rant to, come back on the forums and we can have another chat.  ... View more

Hey @Hozzles!   I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been going all too well for you! It seems like your mum is getting more stressed about your situation which is in turn, making you feel worse. Perhaps you could sit down and have a chat with her. Talk to her about how she could best support you in this situation and figure out a plan together. Sometimes, uncertainty can be the main cause of anxiety and stress. If you know you have someone else who knows what is happening and you understand each other better, it could help    Now that it's a fresh year, I hope that it's a much better one for you and that you are able to find more time for self-care and long-lasting happiness    Also, the Grand Canyon!! That sounds amazing. Have you planned another trip for this year by yourself yet? Maybe that's something you could do. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? ... View more

Hey @Maryhadalittlelamb!   I understand and I'm glad that you were able to take a bit of a break! Those sound like nice ways to calm yourself down. Writing stories based on your life sounds like a really fun idea and it's completely understandable that you don't let anyone read them, because it is obviously quite personal. Crafts can always be fun whether you're good or not! Hahaha I often do crafty things but I can barely draw a stick figure. Even colouring-in can be therapeutic sometimes! I'm so happy you're going to try and do some more self-care. I hope you reach your goal and we'll be there for you along the way.    ... View more

Hi @mjaz0221,    I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It's completely understandable that you have lost trust in your friend after all those events. Hopefully, when you feel like you are able to, talk to her about the night and how when you're out (especially drinking), you'd like to stick together and not be left alone for both your own and her safety. I agree with @Andrea-RO and I think it is a good idea to get yourself some professional support. I'm glad you reached out here as well though. It's nice to get all the support you can get and I hope that we can support you throughout this. After you receive some professional help, or even during the process, remember you can also get advice, support or just comfort on this forum. We're here if you need it!   ... View more

@Tiny_leaf Thank you for letting me know! Have you had a serious talk recently with your parents? As in, sat them down and told them exactly what you need and the fact that you would love more support and time from them if they could? I'm sure your parents are very hard working but I feel that in your current situation, you should be getting as much help as you can if possible. So, maybe having a long sit-down chat with them about how they could best support you is something is needed and would benefit you.     Ask them things like--> I've been feeling particularly upset and exhausted lately dealing with (x, y, z)... I really feel as if I need some more professional help. I've done some research and if possible I'd love to get help from this psychologist (...). I understand you are very busy and thank you for working so hard, but I would love some more support so that my mental health can be better. It would really put a lot of stress off me and allow me to look after myself in ways I like to such as (x, y, z)...    Maybe this will help? Let me know what happens if you choose to!      ... View more