I feel very lonely. It’s weird I’m a very extroverted person, but at the same time most people unless they really get to know me just kinda laugh me off. I’m really good at cracking jokes, but that has left me in a position where no one takes me seriously. Everyone just kinda knows I’m a head case. I have several very close friends, but at times it feels like I’m a kinda hard person to maintain a friendship with, like I’m high maintenance or something. I’m sick of being labeled. I’m actually kinda smart. I’m gay too, but at the small school I go to there are actually zero out of the closet boys. I fell in love with my best friend and that has been really rough on me. He understands me more than anyone I know we share music with each other and could laugh w each other for no reason. I’m always pushing myself to keep up with him in cross country and he’s always pushing myself to be more accepting of myself. Ever since I told him I had feelings for him though he’s left me kinda in the cold. He’s still there for me, but less. He’s scared I’ll become emotionally dependent on him. I have depression. I feel constantly empty. Self harm has become a regular habit. How come friends barely ever text me first? My parents could no longer afford counseling. I wanna place where I can meet and connect w people. Where my overly happy disposition and my emotions are welcomed instead of approached cautiously by others. I wanna spread love instead of searching for it. I’m admittedly an American. There’s no decent American version of this website.
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