!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!   last term i lost my best friend. he's been struggling for years and he just couldn't do it anymore. i cant get the image out of my head i never even got to meet him, we were friends since 2016. he was abused his whole life and in his suicide letter he addressed me as the person who kept him going for this long. i cant eat or sleep and i feel sick to my stomach, i'm only 14 and he was only 15. i feel like throwing up right now i'm in class and i'm starting to want to do bad things to myself. i have friends and family but i just miss him the most and i feel guilty that i couldn't save him. the day i got home i saw i had a message from him and i was so excited, turns out it was his grandma explaining that he was gone, he had resorted to drugs and alcohol but he was seriously the sweetest person i have ever come across in my life. id always like to say that if he were an animal he'd be a golden retriever.  i believe in reincarnation and i have a feeling ill see him again one day, or maybe im just hoping that. i would do ANYTHING just to be able to talk to him once more, just to tell him that i'm sorry, to beg him to stay. id do anything just to say goodbye. i never got to hug him, to see him wheeze in real life. to listen to his singing. to tell him how much i appreciate and love him. i miss him every single day and it only happened a month ago. i miss you Dylan and i'm sorry.  ... View more

last night my friend started a live with me and her friend kept telling us to make out and do inappropriate stuff, i left because i was uncomfortable, she said it was funny. i went downstairs to calm down with her cat. when i walked back up i heard her misgendering me and saying "i thought i was her friend not the damn cat" she then started another live a bit later, even though i clearly didn't want to. before she started it she said "(her boyfriend) wont be on and (my partner) wont be on we can do whatever we want we can make out we can dance we can take our shirts off." i didn't respond and stayed lying on the floor. she started trying to pull me up to go on the live with her. her friend came on the live and i said something rude that i shouldn't have because i was angry. she started shouting at me and i went downstairs and left her house. (bearing in mind it was dark.) and i started running. when i finally got back i ranted to her mum about how child services came to my house recently. i was crying and when my friend got back from looking for me she was laughing. i feel so uncomfortable and upset. today she acted like nothing happened. i know i should talk to her but i don't know i feel like shit about it. i was assaulted and groomed 2 years ago (why child services came to my house like 3 days before) i know how it feels when a friend says they're uncomfortable with you. i don't want to hurt her. ... View more

honestly, I just want to restart my entire life, I've messed it up so far, I've just been broken up with, I'm scared ill never find love. I'm so unorganized and I'm failing in school, i don't have any proper friends, at least I have my family (mum dad and brother) ... View more