Thank you for sharing your experience! I just want to say I'm very proud of you for distancing yourself from him. I may not know the guy but it sounds like he didn't have any respect for you. Feelings are wild and illogical and, ironically without thinking, we can manipulate ourselves to focus solely on the good in people and ignore their red flags. I laughed with you when you said this guy missed your friendship. A reality check will do him good.
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Hi everyone, I want to use this as more like a vent outlet so please don't feel obligated to give me advice (though I will happily take it). I'm taking care of myself, but I think this will help me. ‐--------‐----------------- I haven't been very happy as of late. That is because I'm going through an essential but painful stage in my life that is experienced universally, so much so that it's expressed in countless of sad songs and is an ingredient for empowering self love films. Unrequited love. It sucks. So to set the scene; I have been friends with this guy through our senior years of high school. Not close-close friends, but close enough to be deemed a good friend in his eyes - and close enough for me to form the biggest crush on him I've ever had in my life. He dated during that time, on and off, and even tried to hit it with my best friend. I went through an array of emotions as most of us do in our young years: questioning our self worth because of some guy who most defientley isn't worth our time. Skip to four years later after we've mutually gone our separate ways after school, we meet again. By that time I am still proud to say that I have blossomed into the kind of person he grew very attracted to, and after an experimental kiss and days of texting we became friends with benefits for months. We grew very close and I would often visit him when he wanted to see me. We formed new friends together and shared funny sweet moments that haunt me now. The internal debate of whether or not to ask the "what are we" question grew louder by each month, until I got very jealous at a party when a girl flirted with him. I told him how I felt. I was ready to accept the end of our 'relationship'. Then he tells me that despite the many people he felt attracted to, I'm the one he would consider actually dating. Sweet words became the aphrodisiac to incredible love making, and we decided to save the rest of that conversation till the morning. Which...we never did. I decided to rely on time and faith that what he said was true. I didn't want to pressure him into making us official. But my internal doubts were proven when I suspected he was interested in other people, particually a friend of mine who shared the same goth aesthetic as him. Jealousy kicked in again and it was almost as if I could SEE a better chemistry between them. Spoiler alert, they're now together. But that was after I asked him about how he truly felt about me. Turned out he was seeing other people as well as me, and I didn't know about it. The worst thing? He apologised for leading me on. It clicked in my mind that he is considering other (better) people and he didn't want a relationship with me. Keep in mind, he IS an emotional guy who cares a great deal. I could feel his guilt, but we both knew where this had to head. I ended things there, and I'm proud that I did. He and I are still friends. We just don't talk much. Now here comes the heartbreak episode. I went through the stages of grief for the first time. I couldn't eat, I felt depressed, everything reminded me of him, nothing felt right. I kept thinking about the people who seemed right for him and consequentally felt my self esteem drop. My guilt still resides within me thinking about my lingering feelings towards him. Tonight I avoided a group video chat knowing that he and his new girlfriend were on call while spending the night together. There are so many friends within our group that I don't wish to part from, but since I'm friends with both him and his girlfriend, there's only so much confrontation I can take. He probably doesn't realise I still feel this way. And he moved on SO QUICKLY. Almost immediatley found a more compatible person. I've had to set boundaries for myself. I've avoided hangouts with friends knowing I would have to see them together. I unfollowed them both on social media. And I'm practicing self love every single day. Life reminds us that it sucks with these scenarios, however I am extremely lucky to have friends on my side who are kind to both me and him, but will look at the situation and tell me it's not my fault for feeling what I feel. I am reminded of the love around me, even if it's not from him. -------------------------- Anyway, y'all ever had that feeling?
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