It started when I started feeling overwhelmed when confronted with my mistakes. I would feel attacked when I would get bad results no matter how hard I tried. It was small but it gave me relief. It stung a little and then my emotions evaporated. Apart from a little stinging I was fine. I promised myself it wouldn't happen again. Then I did it again today, my parents reminding me about my bad results and how I was a bad student, made those emotions come back. Then I hurt myself three times in a row. Then after the feelings went away I felt bad. I don't want this to happen again. It all happened because I am feeling immense academic pressure, I go to a selective school and I have to do at least 6 hours of homework per day (I'm a Year 9) plus study for all my subjects which are at a year 10 - 11 level. I came from a school that had no academic pressure, so I was always getting good marks. I haven't made any friends either so I feel lonely.Ever since I moved to a selective school, I've been feeling hopeless,lost , exhausted and worthless. Because all my life I've tied my self-worth to my academic achievements, my parents always reinforced the idea that if I am not the best I am not good enough. Or maybe it's a misunderstanding. I don't know but I feel guilty for my problems. Though my self harm is in its early stages so hopefully I never do it again.
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I guess I've been lonely, I don't know why no one at my school likes me. I go to a selective all-girls school and it has been hard. Academic pressure was intense as in my old school we had no academic pressure at all. The point is no one likes me, I feel incredibly lonely and sad. I feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong. I have never been able to make one good friend, they are exploitive or fake or something else. I just need to know, how do you make good friends?
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