Today's my birthday but i'm very lonely since i've got no people in my life to celebrate the occassion with me or even wish me one, what could i do to make my occasion happy and a worthwhile one? ... View more

Hi again just giving an update on my last post, i was doing really good for a period of time but things have rapidly slipped downwards. Since my relationships with friends and family have pretty much disintegrated lately i've been going out trying to find new people but it's been no success mainly due to no one really understanding why i'm agender and that i'm a lot happier than say compared to my original identity as a boy, the attempts beat me up badly mentally and became really depressed. The last time i talked to my psychiatrist (a while back) regarding my depression he recommended me to start with anti-depressants if they worked he would let me continue with em depending on my mood, if they didn't work the only other solution was to go to a local mental health inpatient unit for a couple to few weeks. I honestly don't want to go on anti-depressants or anything similar at all whether it's good or bad due to my past overdosing problem which left me with a traumatic effect where everytime i see pills/drugs from chemists i get a sick sometimes nauseating feeling, and i too don't want to stay in a mental health unit either. Ever since i told my old psychiatrist i was suicidal i've been getting calls from mental health hotlines pretty much everyday which sometimes i pick up but most of the time i refuse to answer, i'm really scared that out of nowhere during my day i could have a mental health team that will come to my place and escort me possibly to that mental health unit cause i mostly don't pick up the helpline calls.    ... View more

Hi, i'm agender, 21 just have to say whoever reads this some stuff that i've written is disturbing. I was born as a boy. i was raised pretty much by my father for the first 10 years of my life as my mother was a cop 24/7 then studyed for a few years at night school to be a teacher, my relationship with her from age 10 til now isn't good and has been deteriorating more each year. Growing up with my dad around was horrible he did drugs, smoked/drank heavily, was always out at parties leaving me alone at home plus i was physically abused by him from age 6 to 15  for reasons that i still have no idea why even today which as a result left me with PTSD. I was diagnosed with mild Autism at the age of 3 from then til age 15 i had a countless number of speech therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists etc. School whether if it was primary or high was very traumatic had hardly any friends (only 1) i was bullied heavily and physically abused by teachers and students. From age 10 til now my life's been a misery i did drugs from age 10 to 21. I was an alcoholic for a while, i decided at one point that i had to go to rehab which did wonders and i've been off drugs and alcohol since then. But after wrecking my brain with the drugs and alcohol over that long period of time i've noticed that i hulicinate, can't walk properly (straight) and that i always make quiet random noises and talk to myself without thinking it. I'm also suicidal my last attempt was last month as a result i lost my relationship with my second family as soon as i told them, i always call helplines when i feel suicidal. Just to finish it off i've now got no friends and don't talk to my family at all, if anyone reads this and relates to this story in any way and wants someone to talk to please chat to me here. who knows one of you could be my 1st friend that would make me so happy.  ... View more