Hey @Hannah-RO @thank you for your kind words! I haven’t been up to anything in particular lately as my mums been at home for a little while. Hard to do things that I want - like baking and drawing and such. Recently I have wanted to try some make up and things...just cause it feels so good not to exactly wear it but just being a little creative and trying out new things feels awesome. I have had this urge to develop a new style lately. Something...unique and different..I sort of want to build a new me - one that’s...confident in her own skin...hence the make up (even tho I am horrendous at it 😅) My mum doesn’t exactly want me to wear make up...it usually leads to discussions where she often asks how I have time to do this but not things that are important. It’s been a bit hard...at home with her unfortunately. Every time we have talked, she has like asked me about what my friends have gotten, and saying things like “they will probably get a higher ATAR than you” but I just don’t care about that stuff anymore. It’s exhausting. When she does say these things..I immediately feel like some sort of constricting feel in my chest...I started to understand that their words...are having a bigger impact on me than I imagined. I don’t know...to be honest I am a little worried. I feel like my health is going down the drain...and it’s just so frustrating. Experiencing pain and not being able to do anything about it other than take medication is just..difficult. I lost my will to eat for the past couple of days as well...because this mindset of “why eat when it’s not doing anything” has sort of settled in. I have just been...moping about it. I don’t want to keep...starting over again. This whole “new me” thing...I am doing it only because..it makes me feel happy to try something new and be able to experiement with my clothes and such. But...otherwise, I know that there is no...sort of hope driven purpose behind it. On the bright side..I am meeting with my psych next week tho...which I am excited about. And yeah, being friends with her is a major thing I am looking forward to! I do know everyone but one girl in that group. They have all been super nice and considerate to me...plus they are just so genuine and only build each other up from what I have seen in class. I just hope it..works out and that if it does, it doesn’t just abruptly stop once school ends. These are people I want to learn and grow from...and i think they can make me happy when I need it the most 😊  ... View more

Hey @sunnygirl606    Reading over the thread...gosh all this must be so hard. I am so sorry you had to go through all of it. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you lately. The only thing ...I wanna say is that..don’t lose hope. It’s pretty difficult, but I promise it will be worth it in the end when everything will finally be okay. I hope you are doing alright now! Just hang in there. Sending lots of virtual hugs ❤️ ... View more

Hey @Macaria    There is something about finding someone you can sort of relate to...I am glad you reached out because it means so much to me ❤️ I don’t know...it never gets any easier to be honest. There is some part of me that just wants them to be proud at least once for my sake but I have come to terms with that might not ever happening...not because I am not good enough, but just because that’s who they are. I think I really needed to hear this...ATAR release is in two months or so, and I just don’t know what to expect. I am trying to make the best of what time I have left but it’s difficult because I logically can’t make sense of how I can bring anything back up...especially because of my dad barely talking to me these days.   On the bright side...I did talk to my friend yesterday. And.....she said she would be happy to have me in her group. I was super honest with her...explaining how unhealthy my relationship with my other friends was..and yeah. I can’t wait...for a new chapter to begin! ... View more

Hey @Maddy-RO whoops, it was my bad - a huge typo, I just said that I am going to ask her to ask her friends if that’s okay! And then probably make a decision based on that. I don’t want to intrude at all...just want to make sure it’s absolutely okay to abruptly join them. Hopefully it goes well 🤞 I will make sure to update about it soon! ... View more

Hey @Hannah-RO! I have made the decision to give it a go anyway. I actually have a carpooling thing with one of the girls in that group, and I am gonna see her on Monday. I might ask her then if it’s okay I hang out with them a little and ask her to chem ck with everyone else. I haven’t done this in a long time, but I can’t wait. Once I realised that this is something I had to do to better my mental well being...I knew I couldn’t just let it go and had to do something about it!  ... View more

Hi @th967, this is pretty much just what I needed to hear ❤️❤️ Lately  I have been feeling a little regretful. After mentioning how I could have..approached that nice group earlier on...and possibly had a much better time at school...I just don’t know how to forgive myself and at the same time have th courage to change things. Any advice..? Ik the only thing to do is talk to them...but maybe a little encouragement would be super appreciated...I really need it 😅😅 ... View more

Hi @Hannah-RO @featuringme @Anzelmo @wanderingwasp @November13 @sunnygirl606 @LeapofFaith and @Wolfie_ I am glad that this thread helped you guys in some way, gratitude is so so important right now 😊 Reading about the amazing things that you guys are all grateful for gives me so much hope and things to look forward to! Keep being awesome  ❤️❤️  ... View more

Hey @Sophia-RO    @Yeah I might ask them if I can hang out with them some time. I this this is what I can do for myself at the least to cope up with the school. The good news is...I finally got through all my applications, including the undergrad Med one 🥳    I was so exhausted after that...I had to do pretty much all of it on my own...and the constant thinking and doubt as I was writing these applications was almost too much. I kept editing and kept writing rough copies...to just get it right. I wish I didn’t have to doubt myself so much...I know how much this means to me...and I am glad to be able to look at it in a new light. I learnt a lot about myself through the experience too. I hope...it happens..just need a fresh start you know? I just wanna be able to do something I love..and that I am actually good at. Fingers crossed...☺️   ... View more

Hey @Taylor-RO, I absolutely agree with you...in fact I was strolling through some other forums and found people with almost identical situations to mine. Yeah, I have had to emotionally shut off from a couple of people - including certain teachers as well unfortunately. It leaves me feeling lonely and isolated...and I genuinely get that part of it is my fault. But I don’t...know if I can help it anymore. I met a friend in Chem. She is super nice...and has a lovely group of friends who are so so supportive of each other. I have always wanted to talk to them and be friends with them. I am also super close with another member of the group. But because it’s so late in the year, I feel like there is no point going to that group and making a change. And...to be honest I feel like I would be anxious...having to impress a whole bunch of people to be a part of their group. I don’t know...what I can do...the obvious answer would be to ask. It’s just so difficult 😓    That’s why I thought maybe I could talk to them all individually and develop one on one friendships with them. During English class earlier on in the year, they all eagerly invited me to participate in their group...but unfortunately I was already in one. I sort of regret that decision...maybe things could have been different if I had asked. 😞 My current friends don’t really like having me around. I have strong opinions...on some things - especially when it comes to guys and such. From my own experience I sort of try and advise them to drop all the boy drama...and just focus on themselves. But they don’t see that in a positive way...just see me as some sort of villain. When I finished a recent test of mine, one of my friends asked the girl sitting next to me as to what questions came up - because my school doesn’t bother to change papers between classes. And I got frustrated and just told them to stop, and she made a big deal out of it...saying that she cried the entire day because I said that and that she didn’t mean to mean it like that. I don’t know what else she could have meant..and I didnt know what to say to that...honestly. I am honest to myself...and I want to be with others, but it seems impossible with the group I am currently in.  You are exactly right...I would,like to have someone care for me and stand up for me and be there...even though it gets a little hard. I am a lot to handle I definitely get that...I am opinionated  and very honest - and socially awkward 😅 but..I just want someone who tries to understand. But even if I don’t find that person...I believe I will be capable of leading an independent life. I have a whole bunch of things I want to do for my future...including travelling to so many places, raising awareness for what’s important to me and getting involved to make an impact in our society. I wouldn’t want a relationship that demands me to devote myself to it, because I don’t want to. I believe we only live once...and I don’t want to live it away settling down for anyone else.  ... View more

Hey @Snowy_Triangle    I feel you completely. Honestly...tell me about it. The most amazing thing about Reach Out is the fact that we can come together and share our experiences. I am super happy that you decided to do that...because I understand that this isn’t an easy thing to be going through. There is a constant animosity between the rest of my family and I. My friends are pretty much non existent...and I feel exactly the way you do. I am so grateful because I couldn’t place what I felt in words...but you have and I admire that so much.  There were many times I felt isolated...but the best thing I have done for myself is look into ways I can develop a relationship with myself. The sad reality of this world is that we often meet people who don’t anyways mean well for us...but that is okay. I am much stronger today because I am able to say that I have myself at the end of the day. Hail, sunshine, storms or blue skies..I can count on me. And that is such an amazing feeling.  COVID has been a hell of a tough time...especially for people away from their families and friends at the moment. Is there anything you could look into that can ease that a little bit? Things that you can do to just...build a relationship with yourself for the time being? Journaling could be a great place to start. I also do things like pretend I am on a cooking show (cringe, but it’s so much fun 😝) or go on a mini shopping spree online - just to treat myself. I am a 100% sure that everything will ease up once restrictions are out of the way - and I really do feel that you will meet some great people at uni once COVID eases up. Just hang in there..and let us know how you go ❤️❤️ ... View more

Hey @A_Friend    Firstly...I think you are really brave for putting this out there. It’s super duper okay to reach out about this...because I myself and a lot of others are going through similar situations. When I was reading ur post, I was mentally agreeing and ticking off things I can relate to 😆. I understand how you feel about being so isolated...when all you want is for your family to bring you up...not tear you down.  I have personally found Reach Out to be super helpful when things get especially tough at home. The people here are just so supportive and are just willing to listen.  I want to say that the biggest thing I have had to come to terms with is what I have control over and what I don’t. As much as I want my family to be my support system...I have had to accept that they sometimes aren’t. And that’s okay, even though it definitely doesn’t seem like it right now. If things don’t go the way that I need them to...I have found that it’s best to just say, “It’s alright” and focus on things important to me. Speaking of, do you have any thing that you particularly like doing as a hobby? I find it’s super helpful to get my mind distracted - whether that be watching a classic movie, or painting, or simply just listening to music and staring at the wall (it doesn’t sound that pleasing...but it oddly works. 😝) - especially when it goes down that gloom and doom spiral.   I feel that...this time has been particularly draining for you. The most important thing to remember is that...you’re here. You’re managing...and finding your way through even though life throws a few curveballs here and there. I think that’s so brave, and so courageous of you. I often needed someone to tell me that it’s going to be okay...and as cliche as it is..I want to tell you the same. It’s going to be...awesome. Things will work out, just hang in there and keep being yourself. You’re doing great ❤️ ... View more

Hey @Alia273    @I am really sorry that happened to you. My heart goes out to you...because that wouldn’t have been an easy thing to come to terms with. Are you feeling better now? Sometimes the stuff we are scared to do...like tell a specific person is exactly what we need to do. Your safety comes first. Is there any way for you to explain to your brother about the situation...and just ask for support, making it clear that you don’t want matters to escalate further? Don’t feel ashamed @Alia273, we are human at the end of the day. It’s okay to let loose sometimes..as long as that’s what feels right to you. I have had my fair share of things I am not so proud of...but the best thing you can offer yourself at the moment is forgiveness and love. You need yourself more than anyone else right now. Is there anyone else you trust that you can reach out to for help? Like a trusted adult that won’t make matters worse?    Hang in there ❤️❤️ ... View more

Hey @TOM-RO @and @sunnygirl606, it’s awesome to hear you guys say that 😊   It took a lot from me to open up to him, because I struggled last year as a result of the things he often did. I had to learn how to be independent...to shut people off. That’s a common response from people who have gotten hurt...I know a lot of people who have done that. And I honestly can’t blame them for it - I admire that in them. There were many times last year where I was so lost as a person. I didn’t know if it was depression..or just me going through a phase - my parents didn’t take it seriously...they barely talked to me during that time. And...it broke me that he was one of those people who sort of ignored me and didn’t talk to me for days on end especially when I needed him most. I was so dependent on him that I was so thankful when he finally decided to talk to me - stating that he just didn’t want to talk during all those days. This year started off with one thought: I never want to feel vulnerable with anyone again. Having ur feelings be dependent on someone else and their actions has been one of the most self destructive ways of thinking for me. I didn’t want to open up to him the other day...at all. I wanted to keep my distance...and be able to handle things on my own - because who knows who’ll be there at the end of the day. I kept denying that I was upset...even though I clearly was. But it was strangely so nice - that feeling when your muscles just relax and you feel like everything will ultimately be okay with just a small hug from anyone. I just want to have genuine people in my life - who support me for as long as they can. I don’t know if that’s asking too much...but that’s all I have ever wanted in the last few years. It gets tiring after a while to pick urself back up. There is only so much you can do on your own before it gets to you.    ... View more

Hey @TOM-RO,   This is now my new favourite quote ☺️ I read over the article just then and it was super awesome. It’s very weird when the mind just makes it seem like it’s the end of the world - I wish we weren’t wired to feel that way when something happens to go wrong. I am constantly surrounded by people who prioritise those with higher marks and such over those with lower marks. I had tuition just then, and there are three “smart” guys, who get amazing scores and are predicted to get duxes this year. When I am in that same environment - I don’t know, it’s like I don’t deserve to be there. I feel like the lecturer was teaching for the sake of those students...and specifically not me.  it was such a strange feeling...and I haven’t felt like this in quite a while. I used to feel it a lot last year...which wasn’t a great place to be at all. They are like Gods essentially, at my school. People are talking about them, teachers fawn over them. I feel like a part of me has moved on sure...but then there is another part of me trying to pull me down - constantly thinking these negative thoughts. Funny how...it’s me who wants to move on but me who manages to pull myself down 🤷‍♀️   ... View more

Hey @sunnygirl606    I think that is an important thing to remember. I was thankful to have somebody with me today. He was a close friend of mine last year..before things started falling apart. And today I was able to be..vulnerable to him I guess. I cried...and it was just what I needed. There is something about having someone there. Even though I found no solution or which way I should turn to next...I still walked away feeling lighter and more like myself again. He gave me a lot of hope - which was surprising. The sad part of my reality is that I often try and find the underlying motive when someone tries to offer me support. But he was genuine, and i finally felt okay for the first time in a few weeks. I hope I get to meet more people like that in the future - that would be everything to me ☺️     ... View more

Hey @sunnygirl606 @and @th967 😊   Yeah...I got my estimate ATAR today. It dropped quite a bit from when I last checked. It literally felt like all my energy got drained out of me. My student adviser was so sorry for me. Seeing her so pitiful for me....idek it made me feel hopeless. Wasn’t an easy day. I was running around, trying to get teachers to reference for my application. It’s hard to not think “what’s the point”, because my atar is far from what they need for a competitive application. But yeah...somehow I was just able to say “It’s a part of life” and yeah...weirdly moved on and didn’t dwell on it. It was defs exhausting @th967 😅 but I guess...I am getting stronger. I even got up to talking to my careers adviser, who said that post grad med would be a much better option - not only because my atar doesn’t exactly reach what’s required for undergrad...but just cause some people have found that doing post grad med is more beneficial and almost easier.  @th967 @I am gonna visit her in two weeks time and try to talk to her about it. It’s hard cause no one around me knows really how I can move forward or how to improve when school is almost finished, which is of course completely fair. Just wished there was another way 😞   @sunnygirl606 naw thank you for that. That genuinely sounds great right about now. I have to get back into the groove of it all I guess 😇 and this is a perfect way to get started. I have no idea which way is forward to be honest...but I guess I will never know if I don’t start. Just...really really hoping something works out...idk if I have said that a lot...but I can’t even help it anymore 😆 all I can do now is hope and work as best I can...then just be done with it.   ... View more

Hey @Andrea-RO    Yeah yesterday was difficult. I made sure to not do anything for the evening though just to ease things up a bit. It helped to sort of turn my mind off and not think about anything for a few hours. Of course...this morning I am feeling a little stressed out because I am now a little behind. I have a bunch of school work to catch up on...and applications to fill (which have so many questions 😅) all by myself. Just hoping to take one thing at a time though - probably start of with getting those applications done so I can review them over the next few days. And then...focus on whatever comes next.  They haven’t really talked to me properly yet. But it is okay I guess, it is what it is, no point taking it to heart.  ... View more

Hey @th967 @sunnygirl606 and @Hannah-RO, thank you for all the support...I really mean it.  I had quite the tough day I guess. Hasn’t really been easy...I don’t feel like Anybody cares about me...which is completely okay, but that gets to you of course. I had a test today. I prepped for it all by myself...did all the research. Some people however did get some help from tutors - and knew exactly what to write. When I heard about all the stuff they wrote...just..I don’t know. I felt like I could have controlled it and done better...but I wouldn’t know what to do if I had another chance. I am proud I gave it my own best work and that I was able to come up with similar things they had in their responses - just..wish it turned out different.  I am so..so exhausted from living. Everything feels like it’s falling apart. Nobody cares...you know? No one really cares for me whatsoever...and that sucks. I just wish things were different...I wish something turned out okay..for me for just once. I hate having to pick myself up...every single time. I want to give up. On everything. I don’t want to care about what other people say...or think about me. I hate being the one person on the outside...watching as people get what they want, be happy with themselves. How nice would it be...to be so confident when you walk into the classroom - knowing that something will work out for you? I crave that. I haven’t seen...the light at the end of the tunnel. I found out today that I need to get teacher recommendations for my application to undergrad - because I only decided to apply two days ago. The teacher I asked, of course was asked by many others - more capable people I guess. And he didn’t try to hide that fact. I am trying to push on...it’s so so exhausting. I just wanna hit that pause button...for two three months on end...and just lay in bed and never have to get up. My friend asked him for it...and he told me to ask her about it instead. But she didn’t care to tell me anything about it...she didn’t want to, I could see that.  I don’t know...what to do. The cliche answer would be to never give up...and keep going. But I physically feel like I don’t want to anymore. I need to let go of something...everything is just too heavy. My parents haven’t talked to me since last night - just been making side comments...the people who I trusted at school showed me today that they don’t give crap about me - only want some sort of academic gain. How do you...I just have no idea. I feel like there is nothing to live for...as dangerous as that thought might be. It’s true..i have nothing going for me. I have no idea what I am doing here...and that is so scary.    ... View more

Thanks for tagging me in @WheresMySquishy! It’s an awesome chat and it’s great to be collectively brainstorming ideas we can all use to cope with school stress.  I am in year 12 currently and of course stress is...pretty much the most used word around here. I do have some study tips to share, some things I have personally found really helpful when managing day to day tasks. More than that though, just wanna emphasise that taking a break - no matter how long if that’s what you really need - or talking to someone when the stress gets to you, is absolutely okay. That’s something I have had to adjust to and understand. We are all human at the end of the day, not robots 🙃. This ties into my first tip: listen to your body - if you are exhausted take time off...if you feel overwhelmed, maybe try something else for the moment and come back to the task only when you are ready.  My second tip would be to learn how you work best. For me personally, when I get home after an hour and a half of travelling on bus, I find that I am extremely tired and don’t feel like doing anything. So I instead try to complete as much as I can during school hours and in class - this way works well for me. I also learnt that I am an auditory learner - meaning that I hate reading textbooks for hours on end and find moving around while studying a little distracting. I would love to hear about what works for you guys too 😊   Finally I think procrastinating is okay! I found that if you sort of accept it and adapt your study schedule to it...it would actually end up being helpful. I have had my fair share of moments where I can’t take my eyes of the screen - but what I do is basically build up the time I take to study and cut down the time I focus on other things. So when I first sit down, I am super distracted...so I spend a little bit of time on Pinterest, then spend ten minutes studying, and then come back to the screen again. The next time, I increase the time I study by about another ten minutes, and cut down socials to five minutes or so. Soon enough it will be a little easier to put away other stuff and focus on your task for a little bit longer.  Hopefully this helps 😁   ... View more

Hey @TOM-RO    Thank you so much for that ❤️ It really took a lot out of me to face that situation and literally not turn around and run off. And it paid off I think, which is so nice. I agree with you completely...the stuff my mind tells me when it’s in that anxious state is never really true. But the unfortunate thing is...we tend to believe it in the moment, despite knowing that the truth can be far from our perception of it. It’s played a huge part in my life, as I know it has with others...and it just sucks. I wish I could more effectively sort of step back and pull my mind from all those thoughts...but it’s just really difficult to do though.  I am currently applying to Unis at the moment...and I don’t know why but I really want to apply to an undergrad med degree. The thing is...I know I won’t be the most academic candidate that is applying...it’s significantly tough to get into their program. So making that decision...to even apply toook so much out of me. I am not sure if it’s just me...but sometimes, once in a while, my mind mocks me “Why are you even trying, it’s not gonna go anywhere, there are other people more worthy of it than you.” It hurts like hell that I think like that of myself..but I am going to apply anyway. I have nothing to lose...and to be honest as cliche as it sounds, I am following my heart ☺️. Who knows....maybe just...maybe something good might come out of it. Yeah, that’s what I am thinking too. I am just not...ready to even think about telling them just yet. Last night I was so exhausted and I finished what I wanted to for the day. I wanted to go to bed at 9 ish, and that’s what I did. My parents however, stopped me midway and said not so nice things about how much of a lazy failure I am. I just...walked off. Never have been able to talk back to them..but maybe I will get there some day. It’s tough, because every time I tell them this is my situation, they cut me off so rudely and say that I don’t know anything. Where can you even go with that? In fact, I once wrote them a letter. I told them I wanted to see someone about it...like a psych, because I genuinely felt so isolated and alone and completely hopeless. They mocked me for it, for months on end. They even said mental health issues aren’t really a thing...it’s just what we make of it. Like if we think we need help or something - we will..but if we don’t think that way, everything will be fine. It’s such a stupid thought. Mental health is such a relevant issue and the fact they said all that to me still sort of angers me. The other day my psych asked if I would like to tell my parents about our meetings - but when I told her about the situation...how they don’t believe in stuff like mental health issues - she thankfully understood and didn’t push despite being required to.  Just two more months...and I will be out of here. My parents want me to stay, which is ironic considering that they are the main reason that I am planning to leave. I am just hoping something good comes out of next year...fingers crossed. ... View more

Ooh, I also completely forgot! The appeal..so it went a little south initially because the teacher refused to give me anymore marks. I got where she was coming from though - which then put me in a challenging situation; should I walk away and try to learn from it, or try and get marks because this could seriously affect my ATAR. I initially followed through with the former...but then some friends convinced me to go see the faculty head about it.  I was hella nervous...I almost thought I was going to get suspended. My anxiety spiked through the roof - it was...a very difficult experience because I couldn’t stop shaking. But...he was just so kind and so awesome. He even gave me a few extra marks, which I am super glad for. After that, it was like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders.  I think it’s safe to say the first week of school has been full of pros...and some cons. The biggest con being I haven’t exactly told my parents yet about my scores. I don’t know what to do. I feel like..I need to protect myself from that. They are going to say some not so very nice things and as much as I try to not take it to heart...you just can’t help it sometimes. That’s why I told myself...that when the time is right I would tell them. But I am scared that that time would be never. Not sure, what to do mmm ... View more

Hi @Andrea-RO and @sunnygirl606! I am glad to say that...things are looking up. The visit with the psychologist went really well I think. I surprisingly found it comforting to talk to her about everything going on. I think...being able to explain to someone really helps cause it makes you sort of step back and see the simplicity of the situation. She asked me a few questions and I now have another one booked in two weeks time. She even taught me some anchoring techniques - and made it clear that it’s okay to say no if I have to. To be honest...at times I did find it to be awkward...but it was an overall hopeful and exciting experience. How have you guys been holding up? ... View more

Hey @sunnygirl606 thank you so much for that ❤️ First day of school wasn’t so bad. Luckily I got all my classes, and great new teachers! I even talked to my student adviser...and opened up to her a little bit. She often told me that it was great I got an offer to study at ANU...but I was able to explain that there are things going on at home that...I really need to be able to get away from - which is why getting into another uni is so important for me. She offered to book me with the psychologist later on...and now she just emailed me to let me know that I am going to talk to my first psychologist on Wednesday. I am...happy that I am taking a step to do something about everything 😊 ... View more

Hey @sunnygirl606  Everything seems so difficult right now..I have been meaning to make some notes on what to say to my teacher...but just couldn’t get myself to. My school psychologist is completely booked out...I have never had the chance to speak to her unfortunately..so that isn’t an option mm. I don’t feel like doing anything at all which scares me. I have to be ready..you know? It’s freaking me out but at the same time it’s like I can’t do anything about it.  ... View more

Hey @Taylor-RO  Yes..just can’t. I don’t know..somewhere inside, I made the decision to not talk to anyone anymore. My parents haven’t been really that nice lately. I feel so scared to even ask to buy notebooks for the new term...because they often tend to mock me for it and claim that it’s a waste of time. The one friend I always trust enough to confide in directly told me that it’s pretty much pathetic to talk about what’s going on with me everytime we talk. I understand him...I do. It’s hard when that’s all you can think about...and when he is the only person you trust enough to talk to. Just it..I don’t know. I don’t feel like trying with other people anymore...I have only ever gotten hurt. I don’t think I have met anyone who genuinely cares without it being a part of their profession. I don’t know what to look forward to tomorrow. My grades are pretty much down the drain...and in two months time I am supposed to get my ATAR. My friends barely care enough for me and just think my emotional swings are over dramatic more than anything. They won’t even listen to me @Taylor-RO...they talk about drama..and boys and school...and when I say a single word, they just ignore me or even sometimes laugh. My parents are the same...when I was younger I just learnt that I shouldn’t speak out of turn..because it used to sometimes irritate my dad and I would get in trouble for having fun without studying. Now when I speak...they just say it’s all an excuse...they cut me off and tell me that I don’t know anything and whatever I am saying is utterly bs. I barely talk to them now anymore...and even for that I get mocked. On top of all this...I am just..so scared to appeal with my teacher tomorrow...I am usually super soft spoken, so demanding something doesn’t sit well with me. I have been so upset for the past two days...just couldn’t get through at all. I feel incredibly vulnerable and the worst part is...I don’t know what to do to help myself. Being ready and prepared..to me means that I would be looking forward to things - meeting my new teachers, reuniting with friends, looking forward to working hard. I would even plan out what to wear tomorrow...small things like that. At least I would pack my bag and have new stationary...which always seems to excite me...but I haven’t had the heart to ask my parents for it. Maybe some part of me believes them...in all that they say. I don’t know. Reading through my journal does help a lot...but I just..don’t want to feel like I have let myself down. It’s filled with so much hope...and I don’t know how I would personally take that. And some part of me wishes I can go back in time...start over again..have a little re do. But yeah...that’s impossible mm ... View more

Hey @sunnygirl606 @and @Hannah-RO  I have been feeling...overwhelmed lately. Couldn’t log onto Reach out for a while. School is supposed to start again tomorrow...and I am just not ready. I am not ready to face the teachers..not ready to see my friends...I am not ready at all to face what’s coming. My chest pains every so often...and it’s just so painful. It’s like it’s breaking apart and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t know how to start again. I don’t know if there is any hope in starting again. I don’t want to put myself through all of that again...I am just so exhausted. I don’t know...what to do. I feel like today is my only day to get things together before school starts...but I just can’t. I feel like I am stuck and don’t want to move forward.  ... View more

Hey @sunnygirl606 and @Hannah-RO @thanks so much for the lovely words ❤️ @Hannah-RO @I do like my assigned student adviser, she is super nice and so caring. Though I feel like I bug her too many times, because I always want to know about things I can do to improve my scores after a bad term. But she is definitely my favourite...and I am warming up to her which is nice 😊 I even emailed her yesterday and she made me think of the positives over the negatives and that reminder was really helpful too.    @sunnygirl606 it’s been a roller coaster ride to be honest from yesterday afternoon. It’s like this constant battle between the rational part and the anxious parts of my mind. One moment I am calm, thinking that this isn’t the end of the world, and that things will work out in the end like they are supposed to. Then the other part takes overs and reminds me of how well other people have done...and that the stuff I have gone through shouldn’t be an excuse for not doing as well. It’s exhausting. One of my tutors...she is such a lovely woman. She told us not to worry about our scores and that as long as we put in the work, we really should be proud. I took the time last night to let her know that even though my scores were lower than what I would have liked...I was still so proud. She read it..but didn’t exactly bother to reply which really put me down. I felt like I was making so much drama...for not even doing that well.  The good part of yesterday though...was that I got some time to download some awesome mental health apps last night...which really helped. There is one called Cove, where you get to make your own music and name it with how you feel...and at the end it’s like a music journal that you can look back on. I am grateful for that 😆 it really helped to cope last night.  Yeah, I definitely hope that uni would be different @Hannah-RO @and @sunnygirl606 . I think having someone there would be so  nice - a teacher who genuinely cares and mentors you and a friend who doesn’t judge but encourages you to do better. I really really hope that I can have a fresh start next year...and be who I truly want and need to be.   Unfortunately @sunnygirl606, I am afraid I don’t really have the option to separate from the crowd...because at the end I have to gather around the hall in order to get in anyway. It’s difficult not knowing what to do to cope when there is nothing...you can do in that situation.  I think...I am growing as a person which is something I have no doubt about. These past few years really made me understand how to believe in myself and persevere...and I think that’s such a priceless lesson. I just...wish there was someone else who thinks the same way and is actually proud of how far I have come mentally and emotionally - because academically...I haven’t really come that far. Before reach out...I have had to remind myself on my own so many times...which was just so difficult because I turn anxious in a minute or so flat. I am just super grateful to have your support ❤️ ... View more

Hey @Tiny_leaf, don’t worry about it, how have you been holding up?   Yes...getting anxious doesn’t help at all. It’s just so painful sometimes making it so hard to think clearly during it. I have no idea what to do..my doctor isn’t responsive at all...getting a different one right now just isn’t an option. I have tried box breathing techniques and such...they help for a little while but not as much. The only thing that really helps is some sleep to be honest. But my parents...make that so difficult. They often tend to mock me for it but...I am trying my best regardless to get some anyway.  That’s okay, but thank you for your support ❤️ Yes! Me too, I did that once, and ended up having to change everything the day before. The only thing though is that I don’t get enough guidance at school. How are you supposed to do well...when you don’t know what you have to do to get there? They assume we know everything because they assume everyone is academically strong here. And on top of that though, some of the students get extra help due to bias in tuitions as well as in class. Oh well, I can only do what I can. This is just something...beyond my control. No point stressing about it at all.  Yeah, I am hoping to talk to her next week...I just hope that something positive comes out of it. This is sort of the first time I am asking to appeal...so I am quite nervous. Hopefully all goes well ... View more

Hey @sunnygirl606 and @Tiny_leaf @this will be a heck of a long message...so I am gonna split them up into two.   @sunnygirl606 i really am grateful to hear these kind words from you. They make my day so much better. I did just then get my scores. They weren’t amazing...lower than what I usually get. But guess what...I surprised myself today. I looked at them one by one super calmly and I was just so proud...of the work that I put in. I am just so so grateful to even learn about all these amazing things - especially soemthing as vast as integral calculus. I think knowing that this is what life is...a bunch of failures, a bunch of successes..helps. I am able to say that this is okay...and that this isn’t the end of the world...and that this isn’t my best...this isn’t all that I can do... and that I can learn from it and do better next time. Even..remotely thinking all this is such a proud accomplishment for me.  I am definitely going to take a day off today as you suggested, catch up on some movies...maybe get into some art as well 😊   I sent an email directly to my teacher and I have to go talk to her next Monday or so. I really do feel that something is off...so if she doesn’t really respond, I might take it further and get it rechecked with another teacher thru the appeals process.  What if’s are just exhausting...and really unnecessary. I have been doing the questions method for a long time before college but abruptly stopped at the start of year 11 for some reason. I think it’s time I get back into it because Uni is approaching...and I really want to do something different to cope and be able to have a good time 😊   Aww, thanks @sunnygirl606, it really does get difficult sometimes. I don’t think I have genuine friends because people around me are so focused on competing with one another. Finding someone who truly cares for you at this college is really a challenge. And I have felt so lonely sometimes..but couldn’t do anything more than try and make things better - which often ended in vain. I think building a relationship with myself has been the single best thing I have ever done. That being said though..I am really hoping that in Uni next year, I get to meet some genuine people and be a part of an awesome friendship!   The pain really heightens when I stress myself out like @Tiny_leaf @suggested. It is definitely a compressive feeling...making it hard to breathe sometimes. Unfortunately things are complicated at home at the moment...and I haven’t been able to visit the doctor yet. I do take some pain medication if it gets unbearable...but it doesn’t do much. I tried some breathing exercises @Tiny_leaf @but it didn’t help as much as I would have liked it to. I am not really sure what I can do...other than try to not stress as excessively...which is a lot easier to say than do 😅   yeah...test halls are so scary here. I hate the five minutes before walking in, because that’s when people are usually buzzing around, quizzing each other. That really put me off, when we returned to face to face learning. But it’s gotten easier...the recent one I did wasn’t that bad. I managed to not panic..and thought clearly through the test. That was the one thing I was just so proud of when I walked back out...because it was such a huge surprise. That’s the thing though @sunnygirl606, it’s really difficult to find teachers who care at all for your well being. Other than student advisers, I would say nobody really cares much about anyone else at this college. It’s all about scores and ranking. If you aren’t up there...you are pretty much irrelevant.  Yes...for sure, and I think I am beginning to realise that. I think..it is okay to let go sometimes especially when things get hard. I was trying so hard to cope this past few months. And even despite that I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night because I wasn’t able to finish anything that day...and that made me get up and try my best anyway. And I am freaking proud of it all. Just...really hoping something works out in the end ❤️   ... View more

Hi @sunnygirl606 and @Bre-RO, thank you for your support ❤️ @sunnygirl606 they do bring in past students from time to time, but they don’t help much at all - I was really excited when I found out at the start of year 11, but it isn’t what they say it to be.  I think I felt better...until yesterday afternoon I got an assignment back. And it was so unfairly marked. I used lots of articles and such to support my argument, and in her feedback she simply says “little evidence and supporting argument”. I got...so upset yesterday. I trust teachers so much - I have a lot to learn from them, I have so much respect for them. Being so harshly and unfairly marked broke me...and I don’t know how to come up from that. The thing is tho..she is such a nice teacher. And it makes me doubt myself - because I am not sure if she is being true at all or not right now.  I am supposed to get my scores today...and I haven’t been able to get out of bed because of the fear and anxiety. My mind is full of what ifs...and I can’t seem to think positively about anything. I am so...scared, and so exhausted. I feel that as a physical pain..it’s so heavy to carry around. I don’t think I did the best I could because so much happened. People who I trusted left, i couldn’t reach my usual counsellor for days on end, and being back to face to face was so tough. I get really anxious in test halls...and the last time I sat there was last year before quarantine - which brought a whole lot of negative memories back. I just can’t stomach it - that I didn’t work hard enough and that I didn’t do my subjects any justice. Just..don’t know how to move on anymore. No matter how hard I try to get up...it’s like something pulls me down and it’s my fault many of the times - because there are times I just can’t work as hard as I wanted to. I end up looking down at myself...and it chips away at everything I have built till then. I don’t know what to do.       ... View more