Hey guys! It's been AGGGESSS since I was last online, and that's because I was going really well with all the things in my life and I was coping. But now once again I just have this urge to get thinner again, it's a recurring issue and I have tried many times to connect with an online counsellor at Kids Helpline but they won't let me connect with a counsellor unless it's my regular counsellor. It's hard because when they're available I'm busy, and when I log on all I need is someone to talk to but I cant.. I've tried the Butterfly Foundation as well but that's hard too because their online counselling service closes reasonably early and is only available Monday-Friday. I don't know..I guess I'm just going through a rough patch. But something feels different this time..like I'm not joking this time. This time it's for real, I just need to lose weight.. So yeah, that's what's going on for me right now, I just need to let it out sometimes because it all gets too much for me to handle on my own. Pillow ... View more

So grade 7 was when I first developed eating issues like anorexia and bulimia. At first it was just a desire to be thin and then I started taking drastic measures to assist in weight loss. During grade eight I had depression and I was self harming as well as the eating issues listed above. My friends convinced me to speak to the school counsellor which I did. After that, things got worse and I start becoming suicidal which is when my parents found out and I was referred to headspace. After a few months of talking to psychologist I thought I was fully recovered and I stopped seeing a psychologist altogether. Now I'm in grade 10 and I've noticed that my eating issues are starting to come back again. I feel that I'm really really fat and I've started to fall into those bad habits again. I tried talking to a counsellor online a couple of days ago and I've tried multiple times; but I can't get my regular counsellor and the counselling service wont allow me to speak to anyone else. This is making me feel extremely lost and I don't know to do any more. At times this week I've been feeling suicidal because I feel like not even the counselling service even care any more so I don't know what to do. Sorry for the super long post I feel really bad, this post has gone on forever but that's what's happening in my life. Pillow ... View more

Hey guys, it's been a long time since I've been on here and I really apologise for that. My life has been so busy lately with assignments and essays and stress and drama. Ugh! I've barely had time for myself. Anyway, so I've been recently slipping back into old habits. I've begun my bad eating habits again and then I can't take it anymore so I eat and then I get mad at myself for it, but I keep doing it. The only form of support I have is online support but that's only like once in 3 weeks if I'm lucky. My bad eating behaviours are resulting in me being cold all the time, feeling dizzy, sick, faint, sometimes it hurts to breathe and my heart feels a bit strange. But that may not be related to this I'm not sure. Also, last week my dog was put down. I didn't cry, which has made me feel bad, I feel like I needed to cry for him, I was upset but I just couldn't cry. I don't think I quite believe he's gone yet. Also, the school counsellor has emailed me and asked me to see her this Thursday, she's buying me a photo frame to put a picture of my dog in but I'm scared! I don't really like her, like I think she's nice but I have seen a lot of counsellors/psychologists and it just doesn't seem to help me, so I'm kind of over it. I am scared she will tell my parents things I tell her, and I don't know. I'm just stressed. Really really stressed. If you actually read all this, then you're pretty amazing. Thanks :p ... View more

Hey guys, It's me again. So I think I have hit rock bottom again, I've been doing some stupid things with my eating involving bulimic behaviour and restricting my eating as well. I'm also really nervous because tomorrow I have a compulsory talk about body image at school...the school counsellor J will be there. I'm scared because she doesn't know what's wrong with me at the moment but knows there is something going on because I was supposed to see her last week. I'm scared she will read my body language and figure it out. I'm so petrified. Oh and also I felt like I was going to faint this morning, I was soooo dizzy and nauseous it wasn't funny, I don't know what to do... I really need to speak to someone but the school counsellor hasn't emailed me yet...oh well I don't deserve the help anyway Pillow ... View more

Hey guys So today I was supposed to see my school counsellor but I totally freaked out. I ended up skipping the session and afterwards she saw me and my friend at lunch and talked to me about it. She's not as bad as I thought I guess..I patted her dogs hehehe :3 (she has dogs she brings into school that she owns to help people relax) But I'm so angry I skipped my session, I didn't end up self harming last night but I have everything ready to do it tonight I don't know if I will or not though. Time will tell and if it's meant to happen it will I guess... Also,I think my stomach is shrinking because I ate a meal today and it gave me terrible cramps and it wasn't overly large I had to stop halfway...is this bad? It happened last night and the night before as well..I also feel dizzy and light headed. ... View more

Hi guys, Sorry for another post you're probably sick of me by now, so sorry. Anyway, so I have to go and see the school counsellor tomorrow, let's call her J. So I really am scared of seeing J, I know I need the help from a counsellor but I'm just afraid and nervous. Today I nearly vomited because I felt so sick when she emailed me to confirm a session time. I'm petrified! I'm scared because I don't want my parents to find out and I don't know how much I can open up to J. If I don't open up..well I'll feel stupid because I'm the one who requested the session. I'm also really anxious that J will think my problems aren't big enough and she will think I was silly for wasting her time. I also really want to self harm tonight and I think I'm going to be breaking my 150 day clean period. I'm sorry I just can't do it anymore, and I need to go back to this. I will regret it and feel like a huge failure but it's one of the only things that keep me sane. Also, one last thing; I'm really scared of telling J how I actually feel. I feel suicidal again like I did last year and I know she will tell my parents if she finds out. I'm scared to let my real emotions show..what do I do? D: ... View more

Hey guys I haven't been online in AGGGESSSS but hopefully now I will be back on more frequently :) Anyway, so.. As you probably all know, winter is upon us. Last year it realised that the weather and the seasons affected my mood, and I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). So now that winter has come I can't help but feel a bit down and depressed. However, I have begun to return to disordered eating. This leaves me light headed, cold, nauseous and feeling weak but I want to be thin and I don't really care how I get there. I finally had the courage to email my school counsellor who took over from the really nice school counsellor last year. I don't like this new counsellor and I miss the old one but I know I need help, however she hasn't yet replied to me about having a session. So, I'm finding that now I'm facing anorexic behaviour and I've begun purging again I have no support. My friends don't know, my family don't know and all my psychologists and counsellors either face to face or online think I'm fully recovered and I thought that too. However that's not the case, I'm beginning to get self harm urges and I really want to go back to self harm, even now. Sorry for the long message I just feel really depressed and down and I needed to vent. Sorry... ... View more

Hey guys! I decided to make my very own thread...because well I haven't really done that before. The topic of this thread is 'What are your top 5 fears?' Here are mine: 1-The world ending during my lifetime 2-Being left alone in the dark 3-Horror movies coming true 4-I will lose my friends/family 5-Orlando Bloom not falling in love with me :p Great! Now it's your go! Hopefully you guys can come up with some way better ones than me! I hope that we can all get to know each other here at RO through posts like these, and maybe even discover a bit more about ourselves. I hope this thread goes well, it's my first attempt at this kind of thing so please, join in! :D Thanks!! ... View more

Hey guys! GUESS WHAT! It has been 100 days since I last self harmed! I am a bit proud of myself because I've come so far. It's amazing and a little bit surprising. So yeah...100 days...wow Hehe :3 just a quick little post, but I thought I would let you guys know ... View more

Hey guys! It has been aggggesssss since my last post. But I'm really glad to announce that I have overcome..well everything! I finished up my last session with my psychologist at headspace yesterday and do not need to go back as of yet. Apart from that session yesterday I have had no support or anyone to talk to for over 2 months and I have been coping fine. I have stopped self harming for about 3 months now; I haven't purged or starved myself for about that as well; maybe a bit longer. I am really proud of how well I'm doing actually... Anyway; thanks to everyone here at Reach Out for helping me through such difficult times; you guys are awesome! I now hope to help other people get through their tough times by taking the experience from getting through my own. Thanks again!! Pillow :-) ... View more