I want to go back to me before the event happened.  Why do so many images and other sensory stuff play over and over on my mind.  Why is everything so triggering. Why did it have to me.  ... View more

Last week I started studying. I'm finding it really hard to cope with even though it's only 3hrs a week. I nearly had a meltdown in class yesterday and it's left me shaking all day. In bad days my illness really gets in the way. I was so confused and muddled and then scared. I couldn't follow what the teacher doing and I got so flustered too.  I know this happens to other people without a psychotic illness but for me it's really extreme. There's all this other noise in my mind and even though my medication is stopping my voices atm it's not stopping the negative symptoms for me. Last time I studied it wasn't this bad so I'm scared, I'm scared I'm losing my brain and intelligence.  Also when I try to speak up in class I get all jumbled, stuttered and start confusing myself even more because I can't say what I want, like when I start talking I lose all track of what I'm trying to say.    I wish I could fix this. I'm scared it's a part of cognitive decline you hear about in schizophrenia and that it will continue to get worse.  ... View more