I am sorry for your loss. From reading your story I think you did everything right. And even the things you thought you could've done better I think it must have been part of the process of what you were going through. What you went through I can imagine isnt easy.   I think you should keep your doors open for your family, you still have dad around. Respect if they want to be in contact with you or not. Let love lead the way.   Again Im sorry for your loss but reading what you wrote I think you've done great. ... View more

Hi @trashconverters   From my experience its a good idea to ask your pharmacist about side effects from anti-depressants. They can provide information such as likelihood of it happening, what are some initial signs to look for, what to do if it doe happen and as you asked if it can affect your gut.    I think being well informed about the medications we take can take a lot of fear out of taking them. Take care. ... View more

Got no advice but an internet hug for you. xoxo ... View more

Hi @JayTheSun   I watched a video on youtube once about introverts. It said that introverts are ppl that are just happy being on their own. When we are on our own too much then we arent use to having ppl around. We get nervous and we dont know what to say. We might be socially awkard and say the wrong things or cant read other ppl.    I want you to know that socialising takes practice and it isnt very hard. And it is something you can become really good at. Its like when you are learning something at TAFE. You dont expect that you can master your course on the first day!    Start off by asking people "How have you been?" or "How was your weekend?" and "What have you been up to?". Just ask these questions and listen to their response. These questions have no obligations for the conversation to continue sincere ppl just think that you are being nice. It would be up to you to decide if you want to go further.   Good luck and plz keep us updated. ... View more

Hi @Bee I hope you are feeling better. It really suck having health problems. I too suffer a lot of it. Im not sure if this is allowed by you can vent and talk to ppl like yourself over at the chronic pain subreddit.   Take care. ... View more

@Sadgirl   Hang in there, time will heal and you will be fine. You will be surprised how quickly it does heal.   If you want to forget him then when you miss him focus on that he lives too far and timing isnt right. Dont focus on missing him. Go out and meet friends, go out and do things you enjoy. Read a book, go exercise, play sports.   Take care. ... View more

I think you are torn because you want to answers that you dont have answers to. Whether your wife will change once she steps back.  How would a relationship with your gf change when you guys move closer together.   Simply you dont have the answer to these questions and neither do they. Stop the juggling these thoughts in your head and accept that you dont have the answers. Both decision seem like they are okay to me. Life is simply about choices we make and there may be no right or wrong.  ... View more

Im not sure if this helps you or not but this is my story.   In my previous relationship, maybe once or twice a year we would get in a big fight. I would yell and I would hold her down and threaten to hurt myself. I would do this because I felt like she wasnt hearing me and she doesnt understand that she is hurting me (ironic I know).    After we broke up (for different reasons) I went to a psychologist for my chronic pain issues and she asked about other things in my life and I told her about this behaviour. She then told me that it is never ever right to be abusive towards anyone. She asked me how I would feel if a man bigger than me reacted the way I did towards me. How would I feel?   That moment I realised what I was doing... I can will never be like that ever again cus I understand now that when I do that it doesnt achieve what I want to achieve which is for her to listen to the words Im saying (instead i was scaring her off). I am not actually expressing that her words are hurting me etc. Not having a proper convo. to solve the problem.   Ive told my friends and my new love about this and I know for sure that I will never be like that again. Hope my story helps. ... View more

Though my advice to you doesnt specifically.    My general rules of making friends are:   More the merrier. There are heaps of ppl that arent looking for friends. Dont put all your eggs in one basket and get disappointed that that one relationship didnt flourish. You will eventually be able to tell when someone wants to make new friends.   Giving and listening. Give and dont expect anything in return. Say nice things and do good things for others. Anyone and everyone.   There are heaps of resources online you can search. Search conversation starters and search for how to make good first impressions etc.   Lastly, I use to have a lot of problems making new friends then I started to become better and better at it. For most of this year Ive been ill and havent seen much of my friends let alone make new ones. Thing is Im not too fussed about losing my friends cus I know I can always make new ones and that the good friends that like me will always stick around.   Take care and glglgl   EDIT: Good places to start are facebook pages and meetup.com ... View more

My advices would be  1) start small for you to get use to sharing these type of things.  2) see how they engage in your problems and dont be put down if they did not respond the way you want them to. Thing is everyone is different. Some ppl are great and some ppl arent good at listening to other ppl's problems. Take care. ... View more

I'd speak with my GP and ask him/her more about herpes.  Chance of passing it to my partner, having kids, protecting your partner, talking about it to my partner etc. Thing is I think herpes can lie dormant for many many years so its really hard to say who you got it from. I think you speak to your GP to learn more about it.   Take care and dont even know if you should talk to this guy about the herpes. You know, being responsible and all. ... View more

From my experience there are no right or wrong answers. What you should or shouldnt do. Its all about the path we decided to take in the end.   From what Ive read it sounds like there is a bit of communication problem and impatience. Honesty is the best policy and be honest to yourself and him and dont be afraid if the truth has potential to hinder the relationship eg you wanting to take it slower. Also imo texting and messaging is a very poor way of communication. Try calling up or meeting up.   My 2 cents. Take care. ... View more

Hi @lostinoz   Please keep fighting and dont give up. You mentioned a lot of things.   I personally would recommend you go see your GP about all this. I went through a tough time thinking I can handle things and spoke to my Dr about my troubles. He suggested doing a mental action plan and referred me to a psychologist. It really helped me a lot cus I had someone to talk to.    In the mean time life is full of ups and downs. You will ride this through. Its always a shock at the start. I like to take walks everyday and figure things out or just try to relax.   Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you... keep fighting. ... View more

Hi @BluesCluez   Don't give up and keep fighting. I believe things can always change and it only takes a slight spark/hope in your life to give meaning and hope to life.   I suffered debilitating pain years ago and was confound to my bed most of the day. Having chronic pain 24/7 and mental pain worrying about my life for months and months. That was incredibly hard.   Time passed and things changed. Most importantly I believe you can find a lot of your aid and things that you can do right now to improve your situation here on RO.    My advice to you right now is go take a 15-45mins walk everyday. Either relax or let your mind go free and think about things you want to do. Hobbies, school work, jobs, weekend, volunteering, etc. Find things that you want to do n life. (May take time)   There are heaps and heaps of info on RO on making friends and my tip to you are. Quantity, you just gotta meet a lot of ppl to find ppl that are open or people that "fit" you. Give, if you give without expecting anything in return. You will recieve.  Time, socialising takes practice. Like riding a bike once you know how to do it. You'll always know how. I like to start off with asking people how their day is going. Then ask them what they've been up to. Take care. ... View more

Hi there,   I hope you are feeling a bit better. I think from reading your post, it sounds quite familiar to my situation with my ex. We had so much love that binded us for 5 years but you know at the end we just werent for each other.    From the looks of it I feel like he probably feels the same way about the relationship. I would advise talking to him about it. I think often you dont want to tell your partner that you are unhappy but if you dont then you guys cant really work towards anything. I remember when I raised the breaking up idea with her... she said shes been thinking about the same thing for a long time. Talk with him and your futuret will be clearer and whether you guys try hard to work it out... or you guys tell each other that you guys dont fit. Communicate with him.  Take care. ... View more

I think life is full of these kind of decisions. To stay or go home. To stay with him or break up? In my opinion there are no right or wrong answers. There is just the path you end up choosing. Do what you think is right after chatting to uni counsellor, friends at home, family and ppl on RO. Make an informed decision and stick to it. You will feel good about it in the end cus you've done all you can leading up to the decision. Cus asking advice from ppl can often change your mind or open up different options.   My best friend changed her course from OT to teaching and she couldntve been happier. My other good friend is now in his 3rd year and he questioned his course this entire time and is finishing off early next year. He'll take his degree and then decide later on what he wants to do... he still doesnt know what he wants to do :(   I finished my degree and on the very first day of uni I said I dont want to be a xxxx. But I was too lazy to change and the idea didnt come to mind (fear of falling behind). I ended up liking my job... so... I dont know. Its hard I know.   Good luck.     ... View more

Its late and I tired.    I just want to dedicate a song to you.   Maroon 5- Nothing lasts forever.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ2oe8SgUS8   Nothing lasts forever... things will always forever change. Might look dim now but things will always change. Dont give up. Keep fighting. You can do it. ... View more

I went to my GP and told him I wasnt feeling very good but I can cope.   He said its best to get on top of it instead of letting it slide. So I sought help and I agree with him. Best to get on top of it.   Take care. ... View more

Hi,   Im not sure if I can help you but I can only speak from my own experience. First I think true love is freeing. If you believe your ex is happier without you then you should want him to be happy. I met my ex only a few days ago after not seeing each other for over 2 years. We spoke a bit and though it stings a bit when she mentioned that they are getting married in November and that she is truly happy. Well, Im happy for her.   Second, we tend to want things that we cant or dont have. Maybe you are at this stage wanting to be in a relationship but you know what? I know there will be so many people myself included that is so jealous of what you have done in SA. Im sure maybe even your ex n his partner is probably very jealous of you. Im not saying making ppl jealous is a good thing, its just that I think you had a great experience and you did a wonderful thing. Which leads me to my last points...   Life is full of different pathways... you chose to be free and help others. You could have stayed with him but you couldnt. There is no right or wrong there is just the decisions we have made. And lastly, relationships imo are all about timing. Your time with your ex just didnt match.  You will find love again. You took a short break and now you are home. Its normal to not know where you are. But you will figure it out soon. I promise. ... View more

~hugs~   I might be wrong about this but I think you should focus on friendships first. I think its best not to focus on finding a partner until you are confident and comfortable with yourself. Ive been single for 3-4 years? and its been the best times of my life cus I get to focus on making myself happy.  Anyway, I hope the in your life the sun will shine bright soon. ... View more

Hi John @Madino, I hope you are feeling better and I hope you can see pass this. This is a really good time to focus on yourself. Your passions, your new goals, your new friends, your new hobbies and your new life that you want to create for yourself. Its time to get self-centred and get excited by the awesome life you are about to create. It wont take long for you to discover your new dreams. With this new freedom you can further your education, start things that you have been putting off, create a new social circle etc. Start looking in some facebook groups, go on meetup.com, do some volunteering work (govolunteer.com.au). You are now free to discover how amazing our world is.    Its a truly amazing time to discover yourself. Enjoy being single. New love will come, I promise you.   I wont bore you with my story but its almost the same as yours. She ended up borrowing money from me to buy a house, we were together for 5 years and I paid for most things. I felt like if I love her then she should be happy and if shes not happy with me then she ought to fly away...  Take care my brother. ... View more

I hope you all will find good and long last friendships soon. Speaking from my own recent experience.  I think being exposed to many many people can make it easier to meet new friends. I know often I would put a lot of energy into one person to try and establish a strong relationship. A lot of times it comes off unnatural or there just isnt enough chemistry.  Lately Ive joined a lot of social groups. This way there are a lot more peole you can interact with and hence more opportunity to meet someone that is open to a new friendship and also someone that you have a good chemistry with.   Good luck and keep trying. Lots of great advice you can get from RO. ... View more

Hey @j95 Hope you are feeling better.   I know its hard to pull yourself up when you feel defeated. In the last month there's been a couple of times that feel like Ive just been suffocated with defeat. But you have to keep trying and keep fighting. Ive learn to try and find the "correct way" of thinking about things. For me I try to focus on the future and see what I can learn from the past.   Also there are many thoughts in my head that make me feel bad about myself. Ive been practising lately to ask myself if these thoughts are really "correct"?  Anyways Im a big advocate of trying your best. I know you are trying your best as long as you are doing your best it doesnt matter the result (its a work in progress anyway) then Im proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. Take care. ... View more

Hello @wanttohelp   As said its great that you are on this journy to help others. I am too on a similar boat as you. Keep it up. The advice that I want to give you even though you arent asking for it is that from my experience it can become quite frustrating that you feel that you arent helping enough, helping the people you want, hard to find things to do. I felt like I was hitting a brick wall a lot of times because my targets are very very hard to reach out to (pun intedned). And also I cant gauge how much help am I actually providing cus the dialogue is so short. I recently was talking to a friend about this and he said to me that I shouldnt focus my energy on my targeted audience. Even helping people without depression can still indirectly help them. I guess the pay it foward concept comes to my mind. So this year Ive applied for volunteering at palliative care, I organised a event where a group of my friends visit underpreveledged kids at an orphanage, I have visted a couple of times to animal shelters to walk dogs and help build stuff. Also Im thinking about writing a book as well (crazy I know). When you do these things you meet a lot of people and you can bring so much love and care to more people. Check out govolunteer.com.au if you are interested. (mods, welcome to take down link if inappropriate)  Best of luck. ... View more

I dont know if this will help but I think it may. I like to "focus" on that my life have different parts. A personal part that I focus on things that I want to achieve personally ie drawing, reading, gaming, exercising etc. And then there is the social part of my life ie going out with friends, texting friends, meeting new ppl etc. Im wondering if you are feeling alone even though you are not because there isnt much going on with you personally? If this is the case, I recommend you to do some meditation. I know it sounds corny or even just go out and take a walk/listen to music. You can find insiprations of what you like to do. All the best.  ... View more

I hope I can help you. Others have given great advice. I have had to let go 2 girls that I love very much because they were happier without me. True and long lasting love is one that is not self-fish. Its normal that when we love someone and they don't love us back. No matter what we do. Don't think just because we love them then they will love us. Ive had girls that cares for me but I just don't feel anything back. I just cant help it. Love her by being there for her, encourage her, support her. You dont need to be her partner to love her. Lastly, I know its hard. But when you feel down. Just think how happy she is... change your thoughts into how happy she is now without you. I think that can set you free. Take care. ... View more

I have no advice for you. Hugs and hope it all works out well in the end.   stay strong ... View more

Not much to add here but just wanna give you a hug. Though I dont have the same condition as you but I get to ask myself the "why me" question many times. I live with chronic pain and there are now a lot of things in life I cannot do and also having pain all the time is... well lets not go there. Im not sure if this video will help you but it helped me immensely. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX32U_hfri4 Take care and sending you lots of love. ... View more

xoxo ... View more

hey there,   It will all be okay soon.    A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend. When she asked to end it he just said okay and walked away. This hurt her immensely as he didnt fight for her. She told me in their relationship he never did much for her, didnt make her feel special, wasnt very romantic and in the end didnt even bother fighting for her. But she still goes on about how she wants him back and how much she loves him. I told her she has to focus on the relationship. He didnt input much and though she may love him but it wasnt a good relationship. And from the sounds of what you've said that this person is using your love to hurt you. You need to focus on that, that you deserve someone better that cares for you instead of hurting you. Life can have moments when it seems like its all against you but its just a phase. You can work hard and get out of that storm. Start by doing things you like, listening to music, reading books, sports etc. Then make some good friends (you can get and find GREAT advise about that here in RO).  Life have many aspects, hobbies, studies, work, relationships, family, love, etc. When one is dipping down... focus on other areas. Take good care. ... View more