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Forwardthinking
Frequent scribe
since
08-10-2014
27-11-2014
17
Posts
23
Kudos
0
Solutions
27-11-2014
10:31 PM
1 Kudo
Big group hug to you all. Been lovely chatting and hearing everyone's amazing diverse and beautiful stories! Have a great night all. :)
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27-11-2014
10:26 PM
1 Kudo
@Sophie-RO wrote:
So we're running out of time so this is going to be the last Q for tonight... Discrimination and violence put LGBTQ individuals in particularly vulnerable positions with respect to mental health and suicide. What's something we can all do this week to make our communities more inclusive?
This is a great point.
I think we could all talk to someone who usually gets left out or whom we might overlook in our day to day lives. A nice, warm heartfelt smile and a small conversation can light up a person's day and who knows it might even save a life.
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27-11-2014
10:21 PM
2 Kudos
Questioning your gender is a different thing to questioning your sexuality, though there are some similarities, like a process of 'coming out/inviting in'. If someone came to you and told you that they were questioning their sexuality or gender, but they hadn't told anyone yet, what would you tell them?
I'd definitely thank them for trusting me enough to confide such a personal thing. I think I would listen instead of telling them anything because most of the time people want an ear. If they wanted advice I'd share some of my personal coming out experiences and help them plan it out a bit.
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27-11-2014
10:10 PM
1 Kudo
My partner and I recently got married ("married") and I was talking about marriage equality at work, and one of the ladies turned around and said "I completely agree that gay people should be able to get married - but don't know about them having kids. There isn't enough evidence to say the children won't be damaged".
Probably the first time my jaw has ever really dropped!
Needless to say, my partner I will be going ahead and having kids despite her unpopular opinion. We will make great mums! And there is no better ingredient that love and acceptance in a family :)
@lanejane When people pull out the "You can have this much of the cake" argument I go back to basics. I bring it back to the fundamentals of life.
Everyone is equal. When people make comments like that they are elevating themselves into a position of power that highlights their insecurities. Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud.
Glad you ignored it and are still looking forward to pro-creating ;)
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27-11-2014
09:58 PM
3 Kudos
In your opinion, when it comes to family is it easier to come out to siblings, parents, grandparents or extended family? Why?
I am a very planned person and so I thought about who I would tell, when and how.
I basically told every member of my direct family one by one. Basically whatever I thought was going to happen never did... My mother was the worst and my dad was the best yet I assumed the opposite. The fact is everyone comes from different backgrounds. Religious views, the way people were raised and their levels of confidence in their own sexuality influence their reaction.
To give you hope... When I came out to my mum I was standing in the doorway of the family home crying my eyes out explaining myself and how I felt. She stood there with a look of dissapoint and cold anger in her eyes. She said a few words and then wanted me to leave. Fast forward a few years and she lived with me and my ex boyfriend for a few months! Now she is perfectly comfortable with my sexuality and whilst we don't agree on everything, we dont need to. It's your life and realise you'll be happier being honest. Also don't feel like it needs to happen all at once. Some people come out a bit like an exploding rainbow, relax take a deep breath and think before you speak.
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27-11-2014
09:52 PM
1 Kudo
Think that's why I just keep telling people...I'm not interested. Tends to shut them up. Plus I feel that your relationships are so personal and private, yet it has become socially acceptable to question people about intimate details of their lives.
@_sagira_ When you're comfortable and when you're ready is when the time is right. Don't ever let someone make you feel less than amazing and realise that it may feel like a big deal now but so so many people have come out and will come out in the future and it's just a stepping stone to who you are meant to be! Good on you for being strong!
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27-11-2014
09:43 PM
2 Kudos
Coming out for me was the most difficult time in my life. It was also the most liberating and amazing time in life! I grew up in a christian family, christian private school, baptised, confirmed, ran the worship team at school and at Youth Group. I went to church 3+ times a week.
No one EVER comes out as gay at a christian school, it would be social suicide and you'd probably get expelled. I didn't come out until I was 19.
The fact is I knew nothing about sexuality or what being "gay" meant. I remember googling "How do you be gay?" "How should a gay man act?" If I could go back and tell myself advice for coming out it would be...
1- You care about it 100x more than 99% of the population ever will
2- It's only as big a deal as you make it.
3- People will actually respect you more for being honest and you'll strengthen some friendships.
4-Expect resistance and some pain from family members and some friends
5- Most of all time heals all. My parents sent me to counselling to pray the gay away. I was kicked out of my church music team which I'd served on for over 4 years. I lost a lot of "friends" from the church. But ultimately when I was honest and talked to people and showed them I was still just "me" nothing changed. Life goes on, people are more open around you because you were to them. The only thing that really changes is you can stop lying and start living. No matter what your fears are know that the price of coming out pays back 100 times as much as the pain it causes. <3
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27-11-2014
09:25 PM
1 Kudo
@lanejane wrote:
Question to the infobus community tonight - Does anyone on here often get confused about sex/gender and sexuality? What helped you to distinguish the three?
Great question @lanejane ! I used to see it as a very clear black and white the way I was raised religiously. A lot of people, especially men, still see it this way. We were raised with clear division between men and women and a large focus on loving the opposite gender. It was actually Trans people who opened my eyes to gender diversity and understanding it more clearly. I learnt that people can be born into a body they feel detached from gender wise. I learnt people can be on a spectrum between gay and straight and that bisexual people aren't just confused. A great modern day example of gender is Laverne Cox on Orange is the New Black. Her character goes through full surgery to become a woman whilst married to a woman with a child. It's eye opening and educational. I've definitely learnt that labelling gender is useless, it's best to ask someone how they feel rather than project our wishes onto them.
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27-11-2014
09:11 PM
So, to kick off our first question for you all tonight is: not everyone might be familiar with the concepts we'll talk about tonight - can you explain what sexuality; gender; and sex mean? And how are they different?
Hey Guys,
Ok so I'll do my best off the top of my head to answer these questions... Sexuality = Who you are physically attracted to. This is a mental/inner part of someone's being that cannot be altered and has direct effects to the way their body feels around certain people.
Gender and Sex I don't exactly know the key difference. If I had to guess I'd say Gender is what you classify yourself as Male/Female/Intersex/Androgynous etc etc
Sex would then be what you are based on what anatomy you have downstairs, etc..
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08-10-2014
02:24 PM
Hey @rt262 Thanks for the welcome!
Haha yes I'm always a busy bee, I'm one of those people who likes to stay busy and productive so my weekdays and weekends are always nice and full! Thanks so much! I can't wait to be done with it though I start studying another course next year in March part-time =P I've enrolled for Fashion Business just a one year course.
What are you studying? Your time in the sun sounds like it was nice and relaxing! I'm definitely welcoming summer into my life with open arms...
I'm a contemporary artist so I enjoy Ballads, pop, jazz, soul that kind of thing! I write a lot of my own music too. Are you musical? What are your hobbies?
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08-10-2014
01:39 AM
4 Kudos
Hey @motorhead
Man life can be so rough sometimes hey!
So proud of you for making the life changing decision to come out to your family!
Whilst they may not approve of your sexuality, i'm sure a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders having told the truth.
Definitely agree with the sharehouse ideas. If you can, find someone who is also gay or a girl at least who can make you feel comfortable, accepted and safe during this challenging period in your life. I myself didn't come out until after I finished school and moved out of home at age 18 because I knew how my parents would react (just like yours).
Sure enough when I came out my parents were furious and cold, my three brothers couldn't accept it and my older brother pushed me against a wall yelling at me saying I was abnormal and confused.
Guess what??? That was only 4 years ago, since then I've dated guys and my family grew to accept my sexuality, eventually my parents invited my boyfriend and I over for dinner. That led to the whole family meeting any partner I was dating and becoming fully comfortable with the situation. My family are very religious and yet they've changed dramatically from when I first came out, we joke about it and love each other and what you'll realise is time changes everything.
Just realise you haven't changed, you've simply told the truth about who you are attracted to and that's so liberating. Give it time and space and answer any questions they have, they'll realise you aren't so different and you'll realise your family are just confused and need some time to adjust themselves.
All the best with it, good luck searching for housemates! Keep us all updated!
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08-10-2014
01:26 AM
Hey @j95 You seem like a person who wants results and improvement and to fix all the worries in your mind. Welcome to the world of overthinkers! We are more common than you think, we over-think, we stress, we snowball and get furiously angry for no reason sometimes.
I think one bit of advice I can give you is trust yourself and believe in you. It seems like everyone else is normal and we are crazy sometimes but there comes a point when you'll realise you're just like everyone else with your own strengths and weaknesses. if you're getting really angry (I struggle with this a lot) have a shower, go to gym/run/walk/swim (exercise!)... always helps me, also maybe even write it down. Sometimes I write great music out of my anger and frustrations because it's good material! If you don't write music try just writing down a story or poem or even just some pictures channel that frustration into something interesting and useful.
Remember emotions aren't bad it's how we react to them. You clearly care about improving yourself and that's awesome! Realise that you make the biggest impact on your own actions and once you start letting yourself being imperfect and feel these emotions you'll feel a lot more free.
Hope that helps! Happy to talk about anything and everything, just know you're far from alone
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08-10-2014
01:12 AM
1 Kudo
Hi @whydoibother Often when going to get help in the past (for the same things you're suffering from) I felt like I wanted a quick answer or for someone to say "do this" and it would go away. Just remember it's all a journey and it gets easier with time if you work together with your therapist and be open and honest.
Some tips with the panic attacks that I've found help me-
1 - When you are getting a panic attack often your breathing with become rapid and you'll feel overwhelmed. Focus on breathing in slowly through your nose and out through your mouth.
2- instead of trying to stop the anxiety and push it away, embrace it and acknowledge it exists then focus on what you were doing and breathe easy.
3 - Lastly write down all your triggers! I know personally when anxiety starts writing down what caused it helps as I then know exactly what to deal with and what to tell a therapist.
It's important to know everyone gets anxious and that some of us get it more frequently (and have panic attacks from time to time) accepting your anxiety and knowing your triggers will help you a lot.
Hope this helps a bit!
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08-10-2014
12:52 AM
1 Kudo
1. How did you spend the last weekend?
Last weekend I worked, taught some music students, went shopping, went to the gym both days, rehearsed for my recitals and watched some SATC (Circa Season 2)
2. What is something you are grateful for and why?
I'm grateful for so many things. Something I'm currently grateful for would be the gift of music. It's provided me with a hobby, a creative outlet, a talent and an ability to bring in money to support myself through study whilst helping others reach their own goals.
3. Tell us:what is your first impression of the forum community? (be nice!!!)
This is my first time on the forum! Everyone seems quite positive and uplifting which is great, the internet needs more forums like this. Looking forward to hopefully sharing some of my experiences and being a positive influence.
4. What's the last song you listened to (share the vid!)?
The awesome new song by 'The Script - Superheroes'. I love how uplifting and motivational this song is, it's like the little brother to their epic single 'Hall of Fame' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIm1GgfRz6M
5. What are you looking forward to this month?
This month is pretty huge! I finish my Bachelor of Music this month which is so exciting, three years of hard effort and many, many rehearsals finally coming to a close. Preparing for my brothers wedding next month which is exciting and also getting my outfit ready for my friends Halloween party.
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Subject | High Fives | Posted |
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2 | 27-11-2014 10:21 PM | |
1 | 27-11-2014 10:10 PM | |
3 | 27-11-2014 09:58 PM |
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Date Registered | 08-10-2014 12:42 AM |
Date Last Visited | 27-11-2014 11:34 PM |
Total Messages Posted | 17 |
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