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- About MemphisBelle
MemphisBelle
Star contributor
since
24-10-2014
11-01-2021
440
Posts
147
Kudos
0
Solutions
10-01-2021
11:27 PM
@Macaria Birthday isn't quite here, it's not till early April but still on my mind. @Taylor-RO I like video production and stuff of that nature hoping to go to Uni again, but my Uni was affected quite nasty by the Covid pandemic. So I'm just managing my free-time doing arts n crafts, all sorts of stuff. Drawing, cutting, pasting and a ton of stuff like that. That's really my main hobby
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10-01-2021
06:11 PM
2 Kudos
Does anyone else feel anxiety about birthdays? My 24th is coming up in April and I'm little stressed about it. I worry with every year, I'm further into looking weird and unstable. I've got so many weird ticks and hobbies, I only got officially diagnosed with autism spectrum (hope that's the correct term) when I was 20....so I'm still finding out about it even now. 24 is still the "young adult" range isn't it? I worry for the day I'm no longer in that range. With my issues, faults...I worry I'll get laughter my way. I understand the concepts of everyone is unique and what not. I just want to feel some assurance that I'm still in a young adult range and have plenty of life and things to explore. I worry about the days when I'm no longer in that range cause I don't know how I'll cope Just wondering if anyone understands or has ridden this boat themselves
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10-11-2020
05:31 PM
1 Kudo
So 23 to 28 is still young adult and definitely not middle age?
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08-11-2020
10:48 PM
2 Kudos
@Macaria Hey, it's a bit trick of a situation to help with.....there's just been so much happening lately. I might be getting promoted at work, someone I care about has come out as LGBTQ and I want to support them but don't know how to help. and I feel weird and embarrassed about myself, I like drawing little cartoons of boats and military themed figurines and cutting them out on cardboard...but I feel embarrassed about doing this at 23 and worry if I'll reach an age where that will be a dumb hobby. Like I dunno, would a 29 year old making cardboard figurines be silly?
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08-11-2020
09:37 PM
1 Kudo
I'm 23 I'm worried I'm now at a point where being in my situation is a bad thing and I'm to old for it Would people still consider 23 and up to 28 a young adult age?
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17-02-2020
12:03 PM
1 Kudo
@Janine-RO I don't know if people laugh at my jokes cause they find them funny or laughing at me for being a weirdo. I have bad memories that keep haunting me from school and early UNI days before I quit uni I got picked on at UNI for wearing the same 2-3 shirts often at one point, I just wanna be on the path to my chosen career future but getting on it is difficult. I had courses be cancelled, altered on me last minute it's demoralising. I just feel like I'm twiddling my thumbs doing barely anything.
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16-02-2020
11:50 PM
You ever feel like in your in an ongoing battle you just lose at constantly? That's been me recently I can't go into specific details, but I make steps to get better only to get kicked in the face and knocked down. Constantly
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15-02-2020
07:35 PM
It's just causing me pain now I can't stand getting laughed at, feeling I'm awkward person or basically having these weird thoughts about myself I ask for advice on how to stop it, but everyone tells me I'm fine and not to change I don't get it
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15-06-2019
03:13 PM
1 Kudo
4 years later, I do not regret my decision I looked at the video of the night, I would have gotten bored in 25 minutes and left. Also that night was the same night my art gallery had a movie night of a bad horror film. I went to that with my mum and had a much better time, just chilling with a film, Pepsi and Popcorn. As I've said before, make the right choice for YOU and YOU only. If you don't feel comfortable going, then please know its okay to make that choice and don't let anyone force you. If you do wanna give a shot, that's fine. So long as it is what you decide, no one else should decide for you
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01-06-2019
10:02 PM
I don't know who I should talk to... Uni classmates, boss at secondary job... I just feel like I'm useless, I carry a constant fear I'll be forgotten about or replaced....like who would go to me "Man...my life just wouldn't be what it is without YOU"
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20-05-2019
04:05 PM
@Jess1-RO @Tiny_leaf No one knows I feel this badly about these things. I don't know if I should say anything....people might not understand, not care etc.
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19-05-2019
11:30 PM
The title honestly describes what everything feels like right now. I feel like maybe things might go forward, but it all resets. The last 12 months have just been such a depressing experience, I can't help but reflect on all the past decisions I made, everything I did........it haunts me almost 24/7 Basically 2016 ended in a rough spot cause I fucked up University and was struggling to get started a new job but 2017 I got my stuff together....it was perhaps one of the happiest times ever. I could keep a job, I would go for weeks along this beautiful lagoon...by lord I loved it. I had dropped out of Uni, but I was doing poorly anyway...besides I had a job and was doing things most days of the week, but I wasn't having much luck trying to find a new career (I was rejected for a construction course....construction...most people could do that...but I failed) After about say...mid 2017...I just went downhill I was asked to act in plays, but I don't have the courage to act anymore. I used to love making people laugh in theater shows, but now I can't even speak for 5 seconds before my own voice weirds me out. Then there was the Autism Diagnosis, I had a bad fight with a friend and we didn't talk for 6 months, I was cyberbullied by another group of friends, several other friends just stopped answering my messages. Some people reckon I have PTSD cause I'm constantly thinking about these things and suffering anxiety as a result with heart-rates....sometimes crying. I don't know if I call that PTSD I don't know who considers me their friend or if they even want me in their lives anymore. It's hard to put these together, I feel so badly about what I've done...I feel like I've failed. Trying to write everything down is hard
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12-12-2018
12:01 AM
Everything feels like shit. I don't know if I want to return to UNI next year, I don't think anyone there likes me very much. I can't wait for lunch so I just go sit near the big pond and enjoy the air and silence of everything. I'm suffering some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder, I'm freaking out not having all the art supplies I should have and that I don't have things organized. My hobbies are dying......like 90% of them. I've been offered a job doing editing for Television Ads, I'm scared I'll fuck it up. Literally I was like "Yo I'm keen, you guys need help?" and they said "Sure, come show ups what you can do"...obviously they were pleased as I've been offered a position for next year. I'm nervous as hell...it could be awesome but the fear is getting to me big time as for my other hobbies....I loved video games but not anymore. There was this video game called Rainbow Six Siege, now I'm not the greatest player at it...but I still love and adore the game. I made friends with this one group who played it, they would often get rather vicious in matches. I would get called a "fucking sperg" and a "retard" on a constant level for not performing well. To the point I suffered an anxiety attack in the middle of a gaming match, I left the match and went offline on all my gaming specs and launched a single player game. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move....my body had just shut down....I almost couldn't breath it was that bad.They now asked me on a daily basis why I no longer play the game with them, I could try explaining their behaviour is seriously fucking off putting bigtime but they called me a snowflake cause they made fun of the fact I would say sorry when they raged at me. They're pretty much the only people I've been talking to, I'm completely alone. I'm alone, I have no friends...literally my Mum is the only person who I think will stick by me
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01-10-2018
10:23 PM
I'm not really feeling so well, this was a longtime coming I'm sick of being told I dream to much, or I'm unrealistic . I just wanna tell myself I can do that goal I want to do....but some of the people I know just wanna shoot me the fuck down, I mean goddamn it..my course is making your own video production... Who's to say I cant make a WWII Warship and Warplanes documentary??? Like seriously, the people saying this don't even do stuff in video. I'm going to bed soon so I wont be able to reply till tomorrow morbing.
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01-10-2018
07:13 PM
I feel like I want to cry honestly, everything is just bullshit. I lost more friends, why can't I ever keep any? They made fun of me for various reasons, even spamming me photos of sick animals and babies cause they knew I couldn't stand seeing things in pain and started to tear up. I'm emotional and worry so they reckon I deserve to be told to kill myself and that I'm dumb and unloveable. Hell I mentioned a previous falling out months ago.I cried one night and messaged him telling him I was sorry....he took me back though I recently got addicted to World of Warships and World of Warplanes, I love these games so much and as a result...I've made it a dream to make my own documentary on WWII battleships and WWII warplanes since I'm studying video production at UNI and I think its a great way to combine a subject I'm interested in with a career but several friends and family tell me this is stupid, not realistic and I will never do it. Fucking hell, is it even worth dreaming and hoping anymore? Don't be worried, im not in danger or wanting to harm myself or someone else but I am in one of those "Fuuuuuu" moods
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30-06-2018
04:24 PM
There was a period when I considered him to be very important to me, but that slowly died when we started falling out. He got annoyed with me worrying about things but I couldn't help it. Anxiety is a major part of me, I don't want it. This other group I worry about, they don't know the real me yet, what if they hate that and run as well? They want me around them, but im cautious cause it never ends well for me
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29-06-2018
12:09 AM
I'm not well right now in the slightest. I just had a friendship end and I'm not coping with it well. I'm try and sum this up quickly and simply. We met a little over a year ago and we were both big on video games, loved em with all our hearts. Now I'm not gonna bullshit around to much, I did make mistakes and handle a few things the wrong way...but I was never malicious or intending harm. I admit that I sometimes get to attached to people, but out of nowhere I see a public Facebook post from him talking about what a shitty awful person I am, when I go to him about it he snaps at me and we don't talk for weeks. A few weeks later we chat again and he says he was coping badly with stuff and handled it badly...so I'm like okay. Anyway things recovered for a brief moment but not long and we finally split. He got angry cause he was saying certain things to me that I found upsetting, his response was calling me a pussy and a wimp, someone who couldn't handle life. So I told him goodbye. I'm devested by this entire thing, it's crushed me. Now there is another group of people who have taken a liking to me, but I can't do anything. I'm just scared it will happen all over again. Damn it
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13-03-2018
07:33 PM
The acne is only minor, it hits my face mildly from time to time but I hate it...there's a red mark that appears in the centre of my forehead...people make that dumb Ghandi joke about it ugh.. I'm really upset about the fact I could go bald.....I all ready look weird as it is but I don't think I can handle it, my parents thing the treatments, hair growth gels and etc are complete bullshit and don't want to me to waste my time and money on them....I feel helpless I've tried watching videos on YouTube from other bald guys who are like "There's nothing wrong with being bald, own it" and my Mum has been like "You like the actor Ed Harris and Jason Staham...there's bald actors in the world" knowing about my TV and Film production career dreams... i'm getting a scalp exam tomorrow
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04-03-2018
06:00 PM
I'm just so freaked out by it, I've had some bad acne which leaves bad marks and it looks freaky, my face is fat whilst I'm practically a medium stick figure. I might suffer male pattern baldness I can't look in the mirror without cringing....I'm so stressed and freaked out about everything right now
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23-02-2018
10:48 PM
@Nick-RO I feel like kinda a jerk, a hand was reached out to me...but I cowered away
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22-02-2018
01:59 PM
This week has been a disaster Was going to meet the lecture, but I fucked up....thought I had more time than I did and I missed my bus and the meeting....cleared it up with him later but still... The second one....oh boy...this was so wrong of me and I admit it was wrong in so many ways.. So one of the older students has a friend who's in the same course as me, apparently this person to suffers from anxiety and stuff like that. She asked if her friend could connect with me and all that stuff and I said no......I was to nervous, to scared to talk to or even interact with anyone. "You can do better than me for that advice" It's to late to do anything now, I presume he's found a group but still......I feel so bad for it...I know it was a horrid thing....but I didn't know what to do
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20-02-2018
10:56 PM
@Bree-RO There may or may not be an compulsory event on I get that a lot of what I'll be doing is group based, but other than that...I do NOT want to draw attention to myself in any way shape or form
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20-02-2018
08:38 PM
O-Week event today, thought I'd risk it I went to the meet and greet, lasted 30 mins and then they were like "Now we're going round the room and I want each of you to say some interesting things about yourself"..... Then I got frightened and left, I shouldn't have done it I'm really not looking forward to the next day
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16-02-2018
04:14 PM
@lokifish Up and down, O-week is coming up and I'm not really that pumped about it. I don't know how I feel about "new friends", I've never had one last long. I'm having trouble thinking a lot, the anxiety just gets to me all the time. The only person I'm actually friends with and talk to regularly lives in Melbourne and our only communication is via mics on video games
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09-02-2018
05:03 PM
Things haven't been well I remember ages ago wishes my autism could be zapped away, but now I feel like even if that was gone...it wouldn't help at all. I feel ashamed and embarrassed about being weird and eccentric, it doesn't feel "wonderful" when I'm getting called the R-word for the 80th time. People think I'm abandoning my "true identity" but I'm not, I'm just toning it down and not being so over-the-top I feel like no one understands my feelings about it
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05-01-2018
11:43 PM
1 Kudo
@BeeIt's not your fault I'm just unsure how to handle uni really.....I really don't know what to do about it I don't even really want to go to O-Week...I'm hoping it's not compulsory
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05-01-2018
11:06 PM
1 Kudo
@ElleBelle I'm studying Television Production and Broadcasting @TOM-RO I have no interest in forming any connections, I don't want anyone there to get to know me at all. Cause last time, everyone found a few things and felt they felt enough to judge what I was and wasn't capable of...it angered me to no end
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04-01-2018
11:18 PM
1 Kudo
@Sally-RO I don't know it's a little bit of both really. I just feel like I don't want to really take part in the social side of it, just go to class really
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04-01-2018
09:08 PM
1 Kudo
So I'm preparing to go back to UNI and I'm incredibly scared about it. I think I've come to a sad realization, I feel like I'm much happier when I'm on my own....I feel so bad about this...apparently I was told when I was younger I didn't like playing with other kids in primary school and was much happier playing in the sandbox by myself. I almost don't really want people to know the real me....cause the real me is emotional as hell and hard to listen to.......I feel like I'm probably just going to go to the classes then go home as soon as it's done. I don't think I'll go to O-Week either, I don't like talking about myself at all. Is it bad to not really like social events and socializing?
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31-12-2017
08:17 PM
1 Kudo
@Bee It's a YouTube channel called "I Hate Everything" (it sounds awful, but if you watch it it's much more lighthearted) he presents funny little reviews on movies and rants about annoying things (eg cellphones in movie theaters)....the video is called "I hate Anxiety' where he talks personal experiences...the video was the catalyst that made me accept my autism. I feel kinda weird, like I'm not braking down crying every couple of nights and having to hide it like I used to.....I'm just sorta like "Damn....this is it now....all righty then".....I never imagined I would get diagnosed like this so it's still kinda a shock to my system....it's hard to describe this feeling.
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My Recent High Fives Received
Subject | High Fives | Posted |
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2 | 10-01-2021 06:11 PM | |
1 | 10-11-2020 05:31 PM | |
1 | 08-11-2020 09:37 PM | |
2 | 08-11-2020 10:48 PM | |
1 | 17-02-2020 12:03 PM |
My Recent High Fives Given
Subject | High Fives | Author | Latest Post |
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3 | |||
1 | |||
1 | |||
1 | |||
2 |
Public Statistics
Date Registered | 24-10-2014 04:50 PM |
Date Last Visited | 11-01-2021 01:34 AM |
Total Messages Posted | 440 |
Total High Fives Received | 145 |