Hi @KjStormy, I just wanted to say that I can relate to having "intrusive daydreams" (good description, btw) and that I have coped with this in the past and present by having a list ready of positive thoughts. I especially relate to having thoughts of a loved one being hurt. In the first years after my son was born I was obsessively worried about him. I'd have very detailed stories go through my mind in which he died, I had to attend the funeral, then the emotional turmoil I might feel afterward and the wreck my life would turn into, thoughts of suicide, etc. etc.... I'd find myself crying in the middle of the day even though he was right there in my arms, safe and sound. I'd feel very silly once I realized how unrealistic my thoughts were. (Laughing helps!!!)
The first thing I'd do is remind myself that obsessing over someone's well-being does not actually help them, or myself. I would then find something constructive to do, like play with my son or do something to make myself happy if I was at work or school or something. In your case, maybe you could just send this boy a message saying that you are thinking of him and hope he is doing well. Like I said, in the moment though, it is really helpful to me to have positive thoughts or nicer daydreams to replace the scarier ones with. I'd choose a "happy place" to imagine, or certain memories that I like to visit. Sometimes I look at pictures of cats. Seriously. Whatever makes you happy, dude.
You could have a conversation with him about it, but it is still up to you to handle your emotions regarding this. And the way I ALWAYS start difficult conversations- awkwardly. I tell myself 123 GO then I just start talking. I haven't figured out an alternative. It works, though. Lol. :)
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Thank you thank you- @Kit I have been talking to my friends about it because I know it is a tendancy of mine to isolate myself when it comes to these particular relationships. I got some good feedback. Some of my friends are questioning if he is even telling the truth which now I realize is a huge possibility. He called me like five times in a row tonight and I just let it riiiiing and didn't even feel bad. There are better, much more worthwhile people in the world that I could be meeting and I am not wasting one more moment on him. He had his chance. Moooooving on. Not looking back :) The encouragement helps! I will be focusing on my self, thanks for the link.
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I broke up with him about four years ago. Pretty typical emotional and physical abuse. No broken skin or bones, but a few bruises. I won't get into detail because that's not the point.
He started emailing me very recently, told me some sad things about his life, and we began a communication that has evolved into him apologizing in a way that makes me feel great, you know? He's not asking for forgiveness, just wants to let me know what a jerk he knows he is. Awesome.
I JUST got out of another abusive relationship and I guess I'm emotionally vulnerable. This last one was easier and I guess I'm learning but I've just caught myself because I'm starting to have stupid thoughts about the new improved apologetic abuser.
Today he wrote me again and told me that he has been in an abusive relationship and it has escalated to the point where he fears for his life since she moved in about a week ago. His email is dripping with humiliation and shame. I feel awful for him.
I write him back and tell him what I think is pretty sound advice to anyone in an abusive relationship. Then I stop to ask myself how far I would go to help this person who has shown no real proof to me that he truly has changed from when I last saw him four years ago.
I'm a big softie and my first instinct was to tell him I'd go and fight her off if I had to. I didn't tell him that. But... what is wrong with me?
I think this is the point at which I should put my head on straight, quit feeling so sorry for him and keep contact with him limited. I just moved back to the same state as him and though it would be difficult to see him in person, it's now much more possible. I just got out of a relationship and I'm already having fantasies about sleeping with him because the sex, from what I remember, was pretty awesome. He is still heroin to me, apparently.
Somebody tell me how to not become too involved. I know I don't need to get back with him. I gave him my phone number oh no. :(
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