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DruidChild
Uber contributor
since
28-05-2016
30-12-2020
4584
Posts
3560
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0
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12-08-2020
08:31 PM
@Sophia-RO It's been hard to do anything. Just getting out of bed takes hours. I've been missing meals because I can't manage to make myself cook anything. I see my case manager in a week. Family is not helpful I just have to fake being okay around them and take care of them. My partner is lovely and supportive but because we're long distance there's only so much she can do. I just wish we were closer so I could get a hug :( I'm teaching myself maths (I checked out of even trying to understand maths in like yr8 because I was so depressed in high school but I wanna understand it now) so I did some online lessons for a distraction. I might just try to sleep.
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12-08-2020
04:06 PM
Thanks @Taylor-RO. I tried really hard to get some things done today (housework) but I feel so spacey and it took me like 3 hours to wash some dishes because I kept freezing and spacing out and having intrusive thoughts. The sink overflowed and I just let it because I couldn't make myself move to turn the tap off. So now I'm distracting myself, or trying to, but nothing's really working because I feel so restless and weird but also a bit frozen.
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09-08-2020
04:19 PM
So I trained as a nurse and everyone thought I'd love it...but unfortunately I've realised it isn't for me. I 'd really like to move into a STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics) job but I don't really know what kind of jobs are available for someone without a science degree (nursing is kind of related though) or what kinds of study I could do. I'm especially interested in biology and chemistry!! Any RO peeps working or planning to work in stem fields?
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09-08-2020
04:13 PM
Thanks @Sophia-RO. Honestly it seems a little pointless because they're community mental health and community mental health has never helped me before. But I'm feeling a bit better today, still really really sad and anxious but my head is a bit clearer.
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08-08-2020
03:02 PM
1 Kudo
Thanks @Eden1717 I really appreciate your kindness Thank you @Sophia-RO I actually did write stuff down and show it them because I'm not great with talking but all they did was put me on new medication which doesn't do anything really.
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08-08-2020
10:14 AM
Colouring is good too @Taylor-RO :) Kind of? It's more like...in my head it's a bad dream and I'm stuck there. Like I've slipped into another universe. And I can't get back. I keep trying to explain this to my mental health team but they still won't help me wake up.
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07-08-2020
02:35 PM
@Maddy-RO I'm doing a coloured pencil drawing of lots of Mother Mary icons, but I'm going to take a break to draw some wattle blossom that I saw the other day. I'm trying to stay busy but I keep freezing and getting lost in my head and it's hard to come back. I miss hospital, I wish I was safe there and not here.
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07-08-2020
01:31 PM
Thanks @Maddy-RO. Today has been another bad day. I'm trying to stay distracted with drawing and housework.
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06-08-2020
05:14 PM
I had a panic attack and my mother yelled at me. So frustrated with her and her quiet homophobia.
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06-08-2020
02:16 PM
@Eden1717 @A_Friend @Maddy-RO Thank you heaps I hope you are all doing okay Eden1717 that could be part of it I think!! I will bring it up with my case manager when I see her in a couple of weeks. I've been drawing and sitting in the sunshine and talking to my partner which has all really helped. I'll try to do some painting later maybe because that usually helps, too. Maddy, yeah I'm safe. It's just past trauma stuff, not anything current. Thanks!
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06-08-2020
12:49 PM
Kinda I don't know why I'm feeling so bad though like it was a small thing and I'm not worried about it anymore but everything's suddenly worse like my abandonment anxiety and my brain is going really fast and I keep having strong intrusive thoughts?? And just. I feel really really ecstatic and also so so sad. It's weird. The not wanting to be touched is in relation to... something else. I am trying really hard to cope i had a shower and made food and did some housework and I'm drawing again now. @Maddy-RO
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06-08-2020
06:37 AM
1 Kudo
@Eden1717 @A_Friend Thank you both so much. I made a nest of blankets and pillows and did some drawing and watched TV and texted a friend. My partner's been talking to me via text through the night/morning which helps a lot, she's so good. Something really triggering happened yesterday and I'm still just feeling really. Dirty and frightened and like I need to hide somewhere safe where no one can touch me, forever. A closet would be really good but I don't have one unfortunately. And my bed's not high enough to get under.
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05-08-2020
06:37 PM
@Tiny_leaf I'm in NSW so no restrictions or anything to worry about. That's a really good idea, I could grab my weighted blanket and hide under that, thank you. @Eden1717 Thank you so much yes I will definitely try using a blanket. I'm feeling a bit worried that the world might be an evil simulation tbh.
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05-08-2020
05:14 PM
I feel like maybe I should go to the cops and explain that the world is really gross and they need to do something but I also know logically that's a bad idea.
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05-08-2020
05:12 PM
I feel like I need somewhere safe to hide, like in the woods or even in a city, just where no-one can see me. Does anyone know somewhere that I could go where I can't be touched? The only place I can think of is hospital and they won't let me go there because I'm not actively suicidal rn. It feels like the world is out to get me and my partner isn't replying to my messages which is freaking me out. The world feels really dangerous and it's making me want to throw up.
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29-06-2020
09:53 PM
3 Kudos
Those sound lovely @Tiny_leaf, weighted blankets are amazing, aren’t they? I’m sorry to hear you’ve been away from your other comfort items, I really hope things settle down soon and you can get back to a place that feels more familiar, safe, and comfortable
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29-06-2020
08:39 PM
2 Kudos
@WheresMySquishy So cool! I love the flexibility of your approach, mixing it up depending how you feel! Also such a lovely story, I’m glad childhood you found a way that you loved to write out your thoughts/ideas/stories! Have you found any good journalling apps? I’ve yet to find one that’s not too glitchy for me
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29-06-2020
08:36 PM
6 Kudos
I’ve been sleeping all over the place lately (different emergency dept’s, different hospitals, different family members couches) and it’s made me think a lot about what my comfort objects are - the things that no matter what’s going on or how bad things are, I can hold onto these things and know I’m going to be alright! When I don’t have much of a home, I’ll lay out these things and know I’m at least kinda home. For me, they’re: My denim jacket, it’s cosy and safe and warm and makes me feel like a badass!! My toy bunny, she’s so soft and I can squeeze her really tight when I’m scared. A small postcard icon of Mother Mary, I’m not super religious but something about the image brings me a lot of comfort! My boots with pride shoelaces, super comfy and tough and pretty. What are everyone else’s comfort objects?
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29-06-2020
08:13 PM
3 Kudos
What an awesome thread @Anonymous Right now I am grateful for my body for metabolising all my medication. I’ve had to hit my poor kidney and liver with a whole bunch of new things lately, due to physical and mental illness, and my body’s taken it all in it’s stride!!
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29-06-2020
08:07 PM
1 Kudo
Well done on starting hiking @JullyBean , that’s so awesome! What new fruit/veggie do you think you’ll try this week? 1. I own three plants, 2 succulents and a flowering plant 2. I can’t wear necklaces bc they annoy me too much!! I like bracelets, though. 3. I only ever drink coffee in hospital, at home I drink tea! 4. The last song I listened to was Bruises by Lewis Capaldi 5. I’m not a very good cook, I can make a mean box mix cake though!
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29-06-2020
08:02 PM
2 Kudos
I’m sure I’ve posted here before but it’s been a while! My pronouns are they/them, although if you really wanted to use he/him that wouldn’t bother me either. I’m non binary but I’m also a lesbian!! A lot of people get confused by that but actually in our community historically lots of lesbians use pronouns other than she/her or are gender non conforming, trans or non binary
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29-06-2020
07:53 PM
2 Kudos
“I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me.” - Cheryl Strayed
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29-06-2020
07:50 PM
3 Kudos
What a cool thread @WheresMySquishy !!! @Bananatime04 @xXLexi_Lou122Xx how have you guys been going with bullet journalling? It looks so artistic and cool I’ve found that structured journalling isn’t for me, but I started freestyle journalling about 3 years ago and now I have lots of messy volumes full of ramblings and breakdowns and love letters and poems and little drawings and notes! My current journal is just a paper notebook I got from woolies and I wrote a quote I really like from a play called Angels in America on the front: “But still, still. Bless me anyway. I want more life. I can’t help myself, I do.”
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29-06-2020
07:42 PM
1 Kudo
1. Talking to my gf over text 2. Saw my grandparents, my grandfather gave me a huge warm smile 3. Doctor Who season 12 is on iView again so I can rewatch the whole series!!!
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29-06-2020
07:40 PM
So well done on finding those positives @Saltwaterdreamtime , I’m so sorry to hear about your partner - hope their family recovers soon
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29-06-2020
07:37 PM
1 Kudo
Thanks @Taylor-RO Nice to see you, too!! Thank you for validating those reasons...tbh one of the main things was the racism...I didn’t even realise how much it had affected me until I was talking to the psych in hospital, who was also a person of colour, and telling her how I get weird looks when I go grocery shopping and kept being told by MH up there that it was my social anxiety. And she was like “No, what you experienced was real, and it’s not crazy to be upset at not having a sense of belonging in your community.” That was such a relief. Plus, how much I miss my family in this city. I was stable for the first time in years at the end of last year, and then I started working and everything went downhill I desperately want to quit, but I’m so scared of disappointing my grandparents, or of being lazy or privileged. The frustrating thing is I know exactly what I want to do (Cert 4 in Design then my diploma of Visual Arts) but it’s definitely not what I should do (stay in this job or find other stable work as a nurse).
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28-06-2020
04:21 PM
1 Kudo
Hahaha @N1ghtW1ng love it 453 461 453 462 453 463 453 464 453 465
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28-06-2020
04:19 PM
Thank you so much @Andrea-RO . I really appreciate that I feel so torn...I’m meant to move to another ward next week and part of me feels like I should give it a go and see if it’s better there, but most of me feels so awful about doing that that I want to throw up. Honestly just hate that we have to labour for a living haha. I just want to make art and be kind to people!!
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27-06-2020
08:42 PM
Hi everyone. It’s been ages since I’ve been here but I guess I felt in need of some community and peer support at the minute. Since I was here last, I moved to another city, got a job, had a relapse and started self harming again, attempted suicide, had 4 trips to ED and spent two weeks across two different psych units. I also started long distance dating the most awesome and amazing person (which kinda made up for the rest of it)! I’m currently staying with my parents, which is a bit of a nightmare, and planning to quit my job and move back to my home city. The reasons I want to quit are: I’m working in a public hospital and I feel like the hospital system harms patients and I don’t to be part of it; full time work is exhausting and leaves me no time to work on my own recovery; the number of people I had to interact with and the constant noise badly affected my mental health; plus the suburb I moved to is racist and homophobic which was affecting me to the point I didn’t want to leave the house. Butttt this job is a really great opportunity AND I feel guilty and anxious about wasting the financial help my family gave me to help set up here. I’m planning to beg community MH to let me see their social worker with the aim of getting into a disability employment service who can help me find part time work. But I feel so ashamed at the thought of being unemployed and also a lot of grief at leaving my flat - as scary and isolated as it’s been the last few weeks, I still really am going to miss it and the beginnings of a home I built there :( Please tell me that I’m not throwing my life away? Because I really feel like I am.
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My Recent High Fives Received
Subject | High Fives | Posted |
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1 | 08-08-2020 03:02 PM | |
1 | 06-08-2020 06:37 AM | |
1 | 29-06-2020 07:37 PM | |
1 | 29-06-2020 08:07 PM | |
2 | 29-06-2020 07:53 PM |
My Recent High Fives Given
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Date Registered | 28-05-2016 11:51 AM |
Date Last Visited | 30-12-2020 01:58 PM |
Total Messages Posted | 4,584 |
Total High Fives Received | 3507 |
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01:58 PM
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