Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx I will try to give you a proper response when I have the head space, but for now just want to say we care about you here and you’re not alone when you have us!! These experiences and feelings sound so painful and isolating, please remember bullying is not your fault and you deserve so much better    ... View more

Thanks for your support tonight @scared01  I have to go get ready for work tomorrow cause I have to leave by 5am but I might log on again tomorrow. Hope you have a restful night  ... View more

That sounds very hard on you @scared01 it seems like we’re going through similar things at the moment  Hugs.  I appreciate the suggestion, it’s difficult because I’m working 7-3 atm and it takes me 2 hours to get home or to my community health service so I can’t really organise an appointment for another month or so. I’ve been over and over it in my head and there’s really no solution, either I tell someone how I feel, go to hospital, let everyone down and get screamed at or I just pretend everything’s fine and fall apart very quietly where nobody can see. Or I die.  Everything is so much and I am so tired :(  ... View more

Thanks @scared01  I know if I tell my psych what’s been going through my head lately she absolutely will want me to go step up step down at least. Which like...would be okay with me, I feel like that level of care is what I need right now. If the acute team came to my house I’d just lie and say I was fine anyway because my parents are here all the time so I couldn’t say anything they might overhear. I just don’t want to hurt my mum/siblings/grandparents any more than I already have...my mum told me last time I went to hospital that I almost gave my grandma a heart attack and that I traumatised her and my sisters, I just don’t want to cause any more harm :(  ... View more

Thanks @xXLexi_Lou122Xx. Hugs, I hope you feel better soon    Yeah exactly @scared01! I feel so so guilty that I can’t make them feel better but the stress also triggers my own depression and sh urges :( and I really feel like I need a time out, maybe step up step down or even hospital because it’s been getting that bad lately, but I’m too scared to ask because my mother would take it as a personal attack :(  I’m reading some comforting spiritual stuff and listening to loud music so I’m safe, I probably won’t call khl tonight but it’s a good option for another time, thanks heaps  ... View more

Sorry for not replying to anyone’s threads recently @Bananatime04 @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @scared01 Hope you’re all doing okay    I’m really really really sad. Everyone at home is super depressed and it’s making me so anxious and guilty constantly and I just want to die 24/7. I know I should tell someone how bad I feel but my mum would be soo angry if I got hospitalised and I can’t face any more guilt rn. I was thinking about seeing if the chaplain at the hospital where I work is around tomorrow and could pray for me or something but I only have 30 minutes for lunch and it takes a while to walk to the chapel so idk if I’d have time.  ... View more

Thank you for the reply @xXLexi_Lou122Xx  I don’t usually work but I’m on a clinical placement right now, as a nurse.   I’m sorry to hear you’re worried about school :( Do you have a favourite teacher or a year advisor who you could talk to?   I’m not feeling well tbh. Everything just kinda sucks right now, except my fave tv show, which is the one thing that makes me feel better, even though I know that’s lame.  ... View more

I’m glad that you had a good time with your chaplain @xXLexi_Lou122Xx. Chocolate milkshakes are my fave!  I’m really sorry you’ve been feeling so bad lately. What supports do you have right now in terms of counsellors or doctors? I think your plan of drawing and wrapping up in a blanket is great. Maybe you could watch a funny movie or make yourself a hot drink? You’re not doing anything wrong; things are just rough sometimes. With time and support they won’t hurt so much  ... View more

Oh also as far as I know there's no reason why you couldn't eat meat @Saltwaterdreamtime! As far as I know it is only something the catholic church asks its members to do, there's no interruption to meat supply in shops or anything like that :)  ... View more

I agree it can feel frustrating to have to stop everything @Saltwaterdreamtime. I personally would prefer if we didn't have religious public holidays because it doesn't seem fair to only have holidays on Christian holidays and not, say, Eid or Passover, but I know this weekend is very important to some people so it's nice they can celebrate. I look at it like, even though I'm not religious, I get a long weekend which is pretty nice! Or, for people who are working, they get paid extra money which is always helpful. And it's a good excuse to eat cheap chocolate! :)    Maybe you could plan something to do with your brother who lives with you, go to a park or take the dogs for a walk or watch a movie together? Or, maybe you could make up some little gifts for when you see your other siblings, even if you don't celebrate easter lots of kids are still happy to get a few chocolate eggs!  ... View more

Today I practiced self care by sleeping in and by watching an episode of my fave show after studying for a bit :) Oh also eating some fruit!!  ... View more

1. Made a playlist for some characters from my fave show  2. Finished a third-ish of an assignment due in two weeks  3. Someone gave me some good and validating advice  ... View more

Thanks for everyone's support and lovely advice the other day  I'm grateful to be a part of this community!  Things have still been so hard. I am absolutely dreading going back to work on Tuesday :( It makes me feel so scared, worthless, and hopeless and most of the time I just want to die (am safe right now). The future doesn't look worth living to me.  Also, my mother's been really frustrating me :( She just keeps complaining and yelling about how she wishes she was somewhere else...I'm trying to understand her point of view and be neutral at least if not empathetic but it's so difficult when I have to do basically the same amount of stuff as her and I didn't even choose to be a parent. I know if I even suggested that I might need to go into hospital or step up step down she'd immediately get upset and accuse me of doing it for attention (like last time) or just yell about how she never gets a break and has to look after everybody. So I'm trying to hide how I really feel as best I can and just keep saying 'oh I'm just tired...'  ... View more

How are you going today @xXLexi_Lou122Xx? Did you have a good meeting with your chaplain? :)  ... View more

How did you go yesterday with the event @scared01? I'm sorry it was something you felt you had no choice in. Is there something you could do today to reward yourself for getting through it?    ... View more

Happy birthday @redhead! We're going to miss you so much, I'm wishing you all the best for the future!!  ... View more

I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are right now, hugs  I hope today goes okay for you. Are you safe atm?  ... View more

All good @Bananatime04 I'll just join in the next one! :)   Thanks so much @xXLexi_Lou122Xx :) ... View more

What an awesome idea, and thanks heaps for the tag @Bananatime04 :) Unfortunately I'm on the train home and will be for another hour but will def try to join in the next one!! Enjoy the movie, hope there's lots of laughs :) ... View more

Thanks @blobby :) Hope today has been better for you @xXLexi_Lou122Xx    @Jess1-RO Thank you for checking in! This morning was kinda rough and my thoughts got really dark. But I got through the work day (somehow) and afterwards one of the other students on prac with me asked me to go for a walk so we did that and it was nice! I can feel myself dropping now again though. It would help if I could sleep and eat properly but I can't seem to manage that AND working.  ... View more

Thanks @xXLexi_Lou122Xx  I am safe, sorry for not clarifying in my original post. I’m sorry you’re in the same way, I’m glad you’re safe though. Would you like to talk about how you’re feeling?  So far today I have made sure to have lunch outside, because being in nature helps me, and being careful not to overshare because when I’m exhausted that becomes a problem for me and then people get angry at me. Tonight I have to do family stuff idk it’s really a matter of completing these five weeks through sheer force of will...   Nice! Ravenclaw :) Have you ever played that app game called like ‘hogwarts adventure’ or something? ... View more

Thanks guys @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @scared01  Sorry for not replying last night, I went to bed too, and then I’ve been at work all day. Today was harder. I feel the same at all my pracs...the sensation that I am fading away, the belief that life is not worth living, the mind numbing exhaustion. I don’t know how to keep going, but I know I have to, or people will get mad at me :(    I like Harry Potter too Lexi :)  ... View more

Thanks for checking in @scared01. I was okay most of today, not feeling much, but I just got hit by the nighttime sadness/anxiety...I’m so, so, so tired (prac + depression + awful nightmares). I wish I could just fall apart for a while and go to hospital and not study or work or do anything except rest and colour in and talk and be listened to - I know that’s selfish and lazy but the world is SO MUCH and I need it to stop for a while! I know I have to shut down how I really feel and keep everything together or else everything gets screwed up (everyone’s drilled that into me for long enough) so I just have to force myself to keep going, however burnt out I feel. The psychologist keeps telling me to be mindful, but how can I be when every second of my life is part of what builds my (stupid, horrible, obligatory) future, AND the future of everyone around me? I can’t be functional AND okay inside...I have to choose. Sorry for the rant. I’m just so sick of everything rn. Thanks for listening  ... View more