Dear Dad, Being stuck inside has made me think a lot about you. About how you walk into the room and I just have to walk out. About how sometimes I walk the long way around to my room from the dinning table to avoid walking past you. It’s like there’s this invisible barrier I made around you. I don’t know if you notice it too. Funny how even though we have been stuck in the same house for almost all year we go about not saying as must as two words together a day. Sometimes I wish that things could go back to how it was when I was littler, when I used to find you early in the morning watching the world cup, just sitting next to you and enjoying that comfortable 6am silence against the back drop of soccer commentary. I wish that we could still go for those 30 min bike rides in between your work breaks, how you taught me how to check if my tires are flat and how to pump air into them. My bike was the only one that was new, I remember you bought it and put it together by yourself. You never really spend money on these things, the other three bikes were ones you found on the side of the road, with their tacky brakes and rusty chains. But I guess you wanted something special for my 12th birthday. But now the wheels are rusted, the chains don’t really run smoothy anymore and the spiders in the shed have taken residence beneath the seat, curtained behind thick cobwebs. 7 years is a short life span for a bike. I have been going for walks lately, usually along the bike track. I feel like I should tell you how much the landscape have changed in the area, they cut down a lot of trees and now the dust on the ground clouds the air with the smallest gust of wind. A red blur would cover the track ahead and I always have to turn back. I’m not really sure what changed over these years. Did you suddenly not like the world cup anymore? I remember you used to get frustrated when the goalie fails to stop a goal, you would complain that he was taking bribes. I didn’t think you were serious though. Did you also get tired of riding the bike with us anymore? Was having to pump air into the old tires every evening too much work? That must be it wasn’t it? So much work only for it to go flat the next day. Well once this year is over, when there is not a pandemic for a reason for us to be stuck together…I might be seeing you less. And for the record whatever the reason was that made us drift apart, for you to choose not to attend my high-school graduation, for us to act like strangers underneath the same roof, know that I still wish that things could go back to how they were and that I wish I could tell you the things in my life that I have to hide from you. But maybe like the tires of an old bike not matter how long it stays flat, it could be a full again, but only if we bother to work on it. From, your daughter ... View more

Dear you, I know you thought this year was going to be great, you finally don’t have to go back to stuffing ur bag into the tiny metal locker, seeing those people who make ur blood boil with their ignorant preaching. The year started off great, you counted down from ten with the people u cared most about, ur crush even invited u to hang out even though u didn’t go u knew that this year is going to be so much fun because u will get to hang out with her from now and then. But plans don’t stick not when there’s a pandemic, i know u were really excited for this year, u were going to get fit, and start training for a job that u would be proud of, u were going to make so many friends at uni being in ur first year! Sorry this year is so disappointing and u feel worse than u did last year. But i think things will work out, things always do, i hope u don’t stress too much and focus on healing instead. when the world opens up again, u will be ready! love, you ... View more

@WheresMySquishy  Thank you for checking up, i have been feeling better lately, even though my anxiety has been affecting my social interactions i have not been avoiding them and i think it helping me to get better.  ... View more

@scared01  i have just accepted that there will always be times where i will feel completely stressed out and overwhelmed with thoughts i can't control. i have been feeling alright this past week, and i know this won't last long but at the moment i'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts. I think my anxiousness is a built up of stresses that i have not yet resolved and it's hard to pin point the exact trigger and how to stop it but i think just reminding myself that everything eventually will sort itself out is the type of mindset that help snaps me out of it for a moment. ... View more

@TOM-RO  Thanks for ur reply and i'm sorry for replying so late. I'm feeling a little bit better now, i realised i need to work on myself more. I have been listening to a negative voice in my head telling me that i'm not good enough and overthinking and stressing about things i can't control. I have been doing the things i enjoy lately and seeing some old friends whom i almost forgot how comfortable they made me feel. Thank you for ur tips about writing my feelings down! ... View more

Dear past/future me, I know you have so much anxiety about the future, you've always had. Maybe it's because of the absurd notion that you have about never being good enough, or the scary belief that maybe you're not a good person - because who you are and what you are goes against what you have been taught was "right"and "normal". I know sometimes you lie awake at night regretting the things you never said and dreading the words you that eventually need to say. I know sometimes you wish you weren't yourself and i know you hate feeling this way because you know you can't change. I know no matter how many people tell you it's okay to be who you are you will always feel alone and ashamed. You are probably wondering if all those prayers and wishes that you blow from birthday cakes of wanting true happiness eventually came. The answer is yes-and no. The truth is you were happy for a while but then there was also sadness and pain and guilt. You met new friends and then you lost some really important ones too. If you can learn one thing new it is that you can't prepare for life, life prepares you. Nothing lasts forever so learn to appreciate it when it lasts and learn to let things go when they hurt. Best of luck to future you.   - Me  ... View more

Dear best friend, I know i haven't been present lately and i know you can feel it when i'm distancing myself, when i avoid your eye contact. When i pretend i can't feel your concerned gazes. I'm sorry i brush it off by saying i'm okay when you try to reach out to me. It's just so hard to tell you how i feel, when i could potentially ruin our entire friendship by three simple words that i let slip out casually but secretly hold so much weight. I can't tell you how i feel because i simply refuse to let myself feel this way. If i can't accept it how can you? It's so hard seeing you everyday and not be able to stop how i'm feeling. How can i tell you that you are the reason i'm feeling this way? Please stop making me feel this way or just give me some space. Love, your friend ... View more

Dear Creator, I don't mean to be negative, but why are we here? Why is there so much hate and pain? Why do we have to live through all this shit when we all die in the end anyway? What is our purpose in this world? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel, is all the pain all part of a greater outcome? Why did you create something so horrible? Are you even real or is this all a joke?  ... View more

Dear [name], Sometimes it's really hard to tell what's on your mind, sometimes you tell me one thing but your actions say another. I'm scared and i don't know why, sometimes i feel like i could never bare to lose you and other times i wish i never met you. You're the person who understands me the most but the person who fails to read me the most. Sometimes i feel like my mind is playing tricks on me, why do you do this to me? ... View more

@Eden1717 I'm sorry that your psychologist is leaving. It must really suck to have that one person who you could talk to not be there for you anymore. I think its understandable that you're sick of people telling you to get professional help as if it will just make all your negative feelings go away.  I think sometimes the best person to help us is ourselves, no one knows us better than ourselves. But it can be really isolating and lonely when we shut others out. It's hard to face things on our own and that's when we need people to confide in, to listen and to understand us. Not everyone knows what to say or understand how we feel but we still need to communicate our feelings if not to someone then to ourselves. I recommend writing everything down when you feel over whelmed sometimes we don't want to talk to someone but writing down our thoughts help release some of those emotions. I hope you feel better and know that we are also here to listen. ... View more

I know exactly how you feel, i think every time i got out to a social event i would feel really anxious, my stomach would constrict and i would feel like i could not breathe. Sometimes it would happen when i walk through the front gates of my school or on the car ride to my friend's party. During the holidays I flaked out on plans so much that my friends started planning things without me. But the problem for me isn't that i didn't like social event or hanging out with my friends, it's that i feel really exhausted and lonely when i did. Words don't come out so easily when your an introvert it's almost like we speak a different language, it's rare that we find someone who understands us, someone we can connect with and feel comfortable with. All i can say is just to keep being yourself, it's okay to be afraid sometimes, it's okay to say no to plans because you don't feel up to it, but we have to remember that we aren't alone, that there is someone else who feels as uncomfortable as us, we just have to take things one step at a time, one conversation at a time. The more we embrace these fears the faster we can overcome them.  ... View more

I just binge-watched all three seasons of Faking it. At first, i thought it was a cliche teenage drama but this show really pushed the boundaries of cliche stereotypes and now i don't know what to watch anymore.   ... View more

@Bee  Thank you for the analogy, that does make a lot of sense because i feel like there are times where my cup builts up so much that just one drop overflows the whole cup and I'm left wondering why that tiny drop effects me so much but it's only because i haven't emptied the cup in a long time. I feel like this week everything has been happening all at once. Exams got me so exhausted and lack the emotional energy to talk to my friends. I have been feeling really irritated with myself and I ended up lashing out on my brother, my mum and a close friend of mine. I don't know why i felt so irritated and angry towards people that care about me. I have been saying things out of frustration. I feel like I'm letting everyone down and honestly don't feel like trying anymore. I made plans with my friends for the coming weekend but right now i feel like I'm not up for it. I don't think i have anymore energy to anything at all. ... View more

It's kinda like going to the doctors for when you feel really sick but when you're sitting in the waiting room you start to question your symptoms and suddenly you think you may not be as sick as you think. This is how i feel whenever i feel like telling my mum about these feelings, it's like my brain plays tricks on me.  ... View more

@Bee, @Erin-RO and @LeoTheLion Thank you for the reply, I have spoke with my friend who has depression and he told me that no matter how hard taking the first step in talking to my parents about depression is, it's that best way to get help. Even though every bone in my body is telling me not to worry them or let them know that there is something wrong with me (I know technically it's normal to have mental illness but to me it feels humiliating). Although in my case no matter how bad my depression gets i still feel the need to keep going keep smiling, it doesn't affect me on a daily basis like it does for my friend. So I'm not sure if telling my parents is a good thing, they have a tendency to overreact and analyse everything. I feel like if i speak to my parents about the possibility of having depression they might ask me for reasons on why i feel this way; and I don't really have one. Its just helpless when I don't know why i feel this way so I don't know how to solve it. I'm not sure if i made any sense. ... View more

@Erin-RO Thanks for the support, I have never used a hotline before, I'm pretty bad with talking about how i feel, even with my friends or family. I have a counsellor at my school but i have never felt like i could talk to her, i'm pretty sure students only go to her if they wanted to skip class or use her colouring books. I will check out the link though. Thank you ... View more

Dear [name], You're an idiot, you have no idea what you could have done. You have no idea how much damage and pain you could have caused. Life is fragile and you almost took yours away. F--k you for being so inconsiderate. F--k you for having the nerve to make plans together and decide to throw it all out the window. I'm sorry i didn't make you feel like you can come to me for help. I'm sorry I didn't check up on how you were doing, I'm sorry I didn't have the right words to make it go away, I'm sorry lacked the emotional energy to reply to your last message. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me and I'm sorry I became so distant. I guess i just wanted to block it out too. We all have our problems and it's okay not to feel okay but it's not okay to give up, it's not okay to leave behind your friends and loved ones. But you're still here for a reason and there's so much more to life than you have yet experienced. You hit rock bottom last night and there will be more obstacles in life but i hope you see that things will go up from now. It has to get better. -R ... View more

Dear everyone, I don't know how or why our society came to condemn and undervalue the issue of mental illness. Our cries for help is seen as a cry for attention, showing emotions are seen as weakness. Suddenly it's rude to say you're having a bad day if someone asks how you are, it's only correct and polite to say you're good. Mannerisms and social conventions are all built on everyone putting on a facade, we lie just so the other person won't have to feel uncomfortable, suddenly talking about our problems is a waste of somebody's time. "Teenagers are all angsty," they say, "mood swings," they say, "just trying to get attention," they say. Well, I don't even know what to say, i have a friend who is depressed and I don't know what to say to make it all go away. I wish i could say it's just "teen angst" and that it will all go away, but the truth is mental illness stays with us and we are all made to keep it to ourselves like it contagious, like it's insignificant, like it's a burden. Why do we have to hide it? Why can't we just talk about it without mocking it or justifying it? - R ... View more

Dear little genius,   It was my fault, i let you down, I spoke of hights and you watched me fall down. It was my fault, i can see the disappointment in ur eyes, i can see the shame, the diminishing hope, the embrassment and I'm sorry i let you down. I'm sorry for not being the example you were hoping for. I wanted so badly to explain myself but all i had were excuses and you don't deserve excuses. I can barely look you in the eye and you can barely look in mine. I promise to be better, but I'm so beaten down, I'm so burnt out and ashes don't rise. Ashes fade to black and will be long forgotten. I'm sorry I'm not who i appear to be, but this is who i am, who i was and who I've become, i am everything you wish I wasn't. Sorry i disappointed you.   -R ... View more

Do i wanna know? Arctic Monkeys ... View more

@gina-RO sorry for the late reply, i am feeling better than i did before. I find that sometimes i just need to lie down on my bed, close my eyes and just listen to music. I find that the more i try to stop the feeling of sadness the more intensely i feel it and the best thing to do is accept that this is how i'm feeling at the moment and try to remember that it will pass. Writing down my thoughts also helps, i find myself not being able to concerntrate on whatever i'm doing unless i write my thoughts down even if it is one sentence or a whole paragraph. As for talking to someone about these feelings i haven't had the courage to tell my family yet, part of the reason is because i'm not sure what this is yet and i don't want them to over react or ask me for reasons as to why i'm feeling this way. Sometimes i feel completely fine and sometimes i don't. It might not be anything but it could also be something. Mental illness is not something that is talked about in an open minded way in my family. I have an uncle who suffers from depression and he is a topic that is avoided at dinner tables, it's still very much a taboo subject.     ... View more

@ErinsAntics I come from a conservative household too and not only are my parents religious but they hold cultural values in a high regard. I attended an all-girls Catholic school for a year and having lived in an Islamic country for five years i am basically in somewhat of a bad situation for a queer teen. I guess that might be the reason why i find Love Simon so hard to relate to. I go to school everday and kids spew the words gay and faggot like meaningless insults and accusations. I keep my mouth shut when political issues concerning LGBTQ are mentioned over the dinner table because i can already feel my parents' tension and discomfort building with just a mere thought that two people of the same gender can fall in love.  I'm not saying I'm not grateful for the movie though because i definitely agree that it's a huge step for LGBTQ representation in the media and i got super excited when i watched the trailer. I can't say that 12 years old me would have ever imagined that in a few years i would be sitting in the cinema with my friends, watching a movie with a gay main character six months after just coming out to them. I was just disappointed that the reality of Love Simon isn't my reality. Hopefully in a few years it will be. ... View more

@sweet_baking I personally found Moonlight more relatable as it touches on darker themes such as substance abuse, bullying, struggle with identity and the vulnerability of love. It accurately depicts how hard it is to grow up especially while struggling with your sexuality and it has a more serious tone compared to Love Simon. The characters in Moonlight are very three dimensional and they feel like real people, there isn't a one-sided villain and you can clearly see how each individual character effect and help shape the main character into who he is at the end of the movie. The movie follows the main character's journey from a young child to a teenager and then into adulthood. The way they filmed the movie is one of the best things about it, some scenes are filmed in first person perspective and allow you to really put yourself in his shoes. There are also scenes where the audio and visuals are misaligned which represent how the character feels at that exact moment. Overall, it's one of my favourite movies due to its attention to detail and the way they capture the audience into the movie. The only criticism I have for the movie is that there are gaps between each chapter, the time jumps distance us away from the character only to draw us back in and leaving us again. It's almost as if the main character was a different person at different stages of his life which was the director's intention I suppose.  I really want to hear your thoughts on the movie too. I feel like Love Simon is a feel-good movie and Moonlight is more melancholic; both good in their own way. ... View more

@sweet_baking I personally found Moonlight more relatable as it touches on darker themes such as substance abuse, bullying, struggle with identity and the vulnerability of love. It accurately depicts how hard it is to grow up especially while struggling with your sexuality and it definitely has a more serious tone compared to Love Simon. The characters in Moonlight are very three dimensional and they feel like real people, there isn't a one-sided villain and you can clearly see how each individual character effect and help shape the main character into who he is at the end of the movie. The movie follows the main character's journey from a young child to a teenager and then into adulthood. The way they filmed the movie is definitely one of the best things about it, some scenes are filmed in first person perspective and allow you to really put yourself in his shoes. There are also scene where the audio and visuals are misaligned which represents how the character feels at that exact moment. Overall it's one of my favourite movies due to it's attention to detail and the way they encapture the audience into the movie. The only criticism i have for the movie is that there are gaps between each chapter, the time jumps distance us away from the character only to draw us back in and leaving us again. It's almost as if the main character was a different person at different stages of his life which was the director's intention i suppose.  I really want to hear your thoughts on the movie too. I feel like Love Simon is a feel-good movie and Moonlight is more melancholic; both good in their own way. ... View more

@ErinsAntics I agree it was a great film and there isn't many main stream movies with Lgbtq characters as leads. I really liked the fact that it was a coming of age film and it is relatable to most teens gay or straight. The movie just had a really nice atmosphere to it and i liked how it's lighthearted and it didn't feel as if it was condemning. I do feel however, that Simon's situation is not an acurrate representation of all Lgbtq people. Ofcourse the point of the movie is to spread a positive message and show everyone that being gay is okay. But the movie to me didn't effectively pull my heart strings, i felt like the movie focused more on romanticising Simon's situation rather than elaborating on how hard it is to accept your sexuality and come out to friends and family. I felt like Simon was essentially in the best situation possible, his family was really accepting, so was his friends. Eventhough he was outed instead of coming out on his own, not much repercussions were shown. Although i did get teary eyed during the scene with Simon and his father, i felt like more should be focused his coming out journey than all the drama with love triangles and betrayals. But overall it was definitely a good watch,the soundtrack was great, and some of the shots were very aesthetic.    I do recommend the movie Moonlight, which is a movie about a queer teen's journey of coming out in a black neighbourhood. Let me know your thoughts on the movie if you do watch it. ... View more

Dear friend, i wish you knew just how much you matter to everyone, i wish you knew that not even a singer drop of your tears are worth the person who caused you pain. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, maybe then all your insecurities will disappear and be replaced with admiration and joy. I wish you knew that you are perfect inside and out, you are more than enough and even when you feel like you aren't. I wish you put yourself first, i wish you you knew you don't need anyone to judge your worth. I wish you knew. ... View more

@_cripplingdepression_ Feeling the same thing right now actually, I'm hanging out with my friends at this exact moment and i have never felt so lonely in a while. I keep checking on my phone and wishing the time goes on quicker. I keep checking my chats wishing i could distract myself by starting a conversation with whoever is online. I'm usually one of the most talkative in the group but lately i feel like I can't even formulate words. I have been feeling down this whole week and I'm supposed to feel better when I'm with my friends, but right now i feel worse, it's ironic because my friends are supposed to be the people that I'm most comfortable with, I'm not supposed to feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I don't know why I'm feeling so down lately. It's the worse because I can't even explain why I'm sad. ... View more

@sociallyawkwardgirl Not a stupid concern at all. I'd be lying if i said that thought never went through my mind either. It's one thing to come out to your friend and another thing to confess your feelings to someone. It sucks when you have to worry about whether or not they will have that sort of reaction when you come out especially from your best friend. But i think we always assume the worst possible situation, it's hard to predict what sort of reaction your friends will have. Some of my friends just didn't have any reaction, one of my friends even came out back to me. Fortunately I didn't really have a negative response from any of my friends infact some of them were even excited to know if my crush is a girl, since i never really said much when they were always talking about which guys they liked. But even if your friend does react badly I'm sure they will come around to see that you are the same person you are regardless of who you are attracted to. If you think that coming out to your best friend will change how close you guys are then maybe wait for the right time to do it. Try and bring up a conversation about lgbt+ with your best friend and see how they react to it, it may help you see whether they are comfortable with it. My friends for example were always fangirling about Magnus and Alec (from Shadowhunters) and that's how i knew that they wouldn't have a negative reaction if i chose to come out to them.  I hope it helps, tell me how it goes.   ... View more