I love this! And you’re support is always so good. I’ve still got a couple of years, but I do recognize when I need to focus on only myself and have a little break (like before). But I’m happy to know you’ll be here @scared01! 💜😊 ... View more

Hey @scared01! I know I haven’t been on for a while. Got back about a month ago. Good to see you still here! 💜👍🏼 ... View more

Hi @MB95    No worries about the posts and of course every person and their family will be different. My Mum is actually quite naturally anti-psychology or medication or any practitioner help really. It took her a long time to accept the fact that she couldn’t help and I needed more specialist support. Even now, she wonders if I’ll continue medication and seeing someone regularly.  So to get her to see someone is basically out of the question. That being said, she tried once because all of my drs told her to, but never again.  I came to accept the fact that no matter what I said or did, she wasn’t going to change her mind and so now I don’t take responsibility for her feelings and I’m able to let her deal with her own feelings because there’s nothing I can do, so I’ll just focus on my own.  But how are you going tonight?  I know you said you feel like people think you’re lying but I agree with everything @scared01 has said.   And so see coming on here as a bad thing. It’s great! You’re actually actively seeking help which is a massive achievement.  ... View more

Hi @aphrodite96, I just wanted to say that I’m here to support you. I think you’ve been so brave and courageous to share this on here and although it may be hard to believe right now, the others are certainly right that it isn’t your fault. You need to put yourself first now and do what’s best for you and only you. 💜 ... View more

Hey @MB95,   I know you’ll be going to your appointment soon, but I thought I’d let you know that it’s absolutely fantastic you managed to write that much! 👍🏼 Don't feel embarrassed about it. I would definitely still give it to her and she can read it in her own time, perhaps before your next session.  I think my method was because I used to do it frequently and she’d read it on the spot, but as a first letter, that’s great and also about how long mine was! 😆   Hopefully it helped putting some of those ideas onto paper too!   I’ll let you go to the appointment, but I just want you to know that I’m really proud of you for writing it and definitely think you should give it to her. You are absolutely doing all the right things! 👍🏼😀   I hope it goes well. 😊 ... View more

Me too @Jess1-RO! ... View more

Hey @MB95,   I hope you’re doing okay. I think it’s great you’re going to write a letter to your psych.  What I used to do when I wrote to them, is I’d make a list of everything I wanted to mention. Then I’d put that list into an order. After that, I would write proper paragraphs or more about each. Now, I did this because it was actually a mindfulness activity I found helpful and allowed me to get everything out of my head and onto the page. I would then read back through it and really cross out (like scribble and press hard into the paper :P ) the irrelevant things I may have rambled about. That way I had a shortened piece of writing to give them that still included the main points. When I had my final letter, I would rip up all of the drafted papers and throw them away. To me it was sort of like letting them go or detaching the stresses from me and it would take a huge weight off my shoulders (especially those little irrelevant things I scribbled out).  This may be something you would like to try which also serves as a grounding/self-awareness/mindfulness activity whilst being productive in getting to the point for your psych.  Also, it doesn’t really matter, but I liked to header my topics so that in future, my psych could easily find what I expressed rather than reading a slab of paragraphs looking for one point.  That’s just one thing I used to do and it may or may not be beneficial for you. But regardless of what you decide to do, I think it’s great you’re going to write her one!   Let us know how it goes and if you need any ideas.  ... View more

Hi @MB95, I know it can be so hard to tell others and you may even think it wasn't worth it, but I can assure you it is. What you achieved to be able to tell your parents is a massive step and more details can be explained later. It's always that first step which is the hardest. My parents were also quite good at hiding their feelings, but I could tell it was affecting them quite a bit. Being my parents, they didn't want me to think they couldn't cope or were struggling because they knew I had enough to deal with on my own. This used to upset me so much and I regretted telling them (similar to you). However, a psych once said that firstly, you can't help others until you help yourself and secondly, that you're not responsible for the reactions or feelings other people have. Only they are responsible. And so only they can change it. That did make sense to me, so I tried really hard for the benefit of everyone around me, to get well so that I could help them. I also told my parents that I think they should go see someone; to get a referral from a GP just to talk it through. I also gave them a few helpline numbers and websites for parents such as KidsHelpline and I know there's a parents forum section on here. They were very appreciative and assured me they were fine. I have been secretly quite worried about them (and still am), but i've found little hints that they have actually been getting some help and talking to people which i'm really happy about. I ask them outright and they say they've tried some face to face sessions etc. but now it's more just on the phone when they need it. And actually, it's usually just talking with each other or me that they find the most helpful. When i'm able to clarify things, it puts their mind at rest. I know you mentioned you don't think your Mum especially could take it, but perhaps let her know that you're open to questions. Because she won't ask a question she can't take an answer for. Even my Mum took quite a while to ask me some things because she wasn't prepared for the possible answer (esp. around safety). But when she was ready, she did and I helped to clarify things and she no longer catastrophes' everything. I know it's a really tricky situation and all families are different, but if you can, just try and be open. That doesn't mean you have to tell them everything, it just means being open to answer any questions so that your parents can take their own time with it. You don't have to tell them anything until they ask, if this is something you'd prefer. Give it a go, if you can. Try and be as honest and I can assure you that they won't ask things that will 'break' them when you answer because when you ask a question, you already know the possible answers so they've got to have thought about it to come up with it. But that does mean you have to let them know that you actually will answer questions, otherwise they won't ask. I hope some of that makes sense. Good luck with it and do let us know how you go. ... View more

Hi @MB95,   That's great about the meds and I think you’ve done really well in taking on all of our suggestions and ideas.  Also, I did wonder whether that toddler analogy may be an odd one. But I just want to clarify that I didn’t mean it as someone being young, pathetic and helpless, but more that a toddler is growing up and learning and we are all growing and learning with mental health. Fortunately, we don’t often have these concerns as a toddler, but it means we have to start learning later in life.  I hope that makes a bit more sense because I certainly think you are more than capable and should give yourself more credit!   I'm clearly having an analogy day today haha.  ... View more

Hi @MB95,   Heads up: This is a very long post! :P Firstly, what you wrote made perfect sense! I’m sorry you had that pretty terrible day when coming off the medication. I remember I went away for a 3 day sport thing and forgot all of my medication. I knew what happened when I missed a dose so tried to mentally prepare myself. So, I always feel much more suicidal, moody, irritable and just sick. But, it’s still so hard to change that frame of mind when the effects are so major.  I’m glad that you’ll try and ween off them more slowly. However, and it’s totally a personal thing and I get you being anti medication, as I sort of am, but I can recognize that, yes, like you, they reduce some of the suicidal thoughts.  But, don’t you think the reduction of SOME of the thoughts is better than none? Think back to when you last felt suicidal and just how awful it was. Now think that if you come off the medication, that will be more frequent. I’m not wanting to sway you in a direction because it is your choice, but this is simply what I thought about when I was in the same position as you.  As for the time you’ve been on them, I definitely get that you thought you’d be feeling much better all round. Not so numb and less suicidal and less anxious, but tbh, compared to myself, I had no positive affects after 6 months of medication.  This is my fifth year on medication and we are still adjusting it all the time. Some of them have worked in some aspects, so we alter it to help other areas and then problems may arise so we try a new one altogether or add an additional one.  It is an extremely long and painful process, but now that I have found a concoction that, compared to when I first started, has absolutely changed my life for the better, I do not regret the 5 years of side effects and changing and everything. And it has been mentioned the long term goal will to be off all medication, but I can’t deny the fact it has helped. Mentally, it was hard to get my head around the fact that this medication was making me so sick but I should keep trying them, but now that there’s been some success, it is all worth it. And I constantly remind myself of the beginning and now and the comparison is great.  You’ve also got to take a bit of control. So I became sick of feeling just sad and crying about random things as a direct result of medication. It helped with anxiety and suicidal thoughts etc, but the crying was so annoying. So I just walked in to my psychologist who is also a psychiatrist and was like “I can’t take it anymore. I need to change the medication. I just cry over random things.” And he was like, right. Okay. Thanks for telling me and that same session he altered it and it was great. But had I not told him and sort of demanded a change, I likely would have stayed on that dose.  So maybe you can look at what the future of altering medication etc. holds for you. Because, I can assure you that the chances of finding a concoction of medication that does all those things you mentioned, is very likely,  but you just have to stick with it and accept it may take some time. 😃 👍🏼   Regarding the guilt, just think about when you do find the right combo of medication how much happier you and your family will be for you. You wouldn’t hesitate taking medication for pain if you broke your arm etc. And this is a type of pain. It’s a terrible mental pain which sometimes requires medication to help ease it.  Again, I don’t want to push you to do anything, I just want to give my perspective and experience so you can make a well-rounded decision. 😊   In terms of your psych, what I used to do when I thought, ”Nope. I’m not seeing them again.” I gave them 3 more sessions before making up my mind. Because I knew that the reason I disliked it may have been a result of many things unrelated to our relationship. So, perhaps I was having a particularly bad day or maybe they were! Or perhaps I wasn’t listening or was distracted. So I made sure to go another 3 times and if then I still believe it’s not a good fit, I’ll make the next move to find someone else.  And I know many people have said it, but it’s the job of a psych to take on your problems and help you work through them. When you hire a plumber to fix your leaking tap, you don’t feel guilty or like a burden for making them come and fix it and a psych is no different. It’s literally their job and it’s what you pay them for, just like a plumber. They actually need you for business but they’re obviously not going to abuse that also.  I would out rightly ask why she thinks fortnightly will be better and then that can help you ease into sharing your thoughts that you are struggling a bit more and would prefer weekly.    Just let her know that you’re not sure you’re ready to talk about ... trauma yet and maybe start with something easier. Just ease into it. Unfortunately it is a long and tiring process, but I guarantee it will be worth it!   And it’s so much easier to have support than do it alone. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved. In this time of great difficulty, relying on your psych is not a bad thing. It’s like when you’re a toddler. You have to have your parents there or you’ll do something dangerous or silly like run on the road. Until you learn and practice that that’s something you shouldn’t do, you have to rely on your parents.  Over time, your parents will slowly let you be more independent and learn and try things and I can assure you that your psych will ease you off relying on her. They’re a professional and know how to do it really well without leaving you feeling alone and incapable.  I know that was a ridiculously long post, but just wanted to get it down before I forgot haha.  You're doing so well @MB95! 💜 ... View more

Hi @MB95,   I'm sorry to hear things have been a bit tough. It sucks doesn't it? You do something really hard and you push through (like when telling your parents) and then something else happens!  I actually really liked @MisoBear's response. Sometimes the truth can be hard to hear, but taking it from a logical perspective, what has been said is quite true. (Remember I like to look at things logically :P haha) This also goes the same for the medication. Do speak to a doctor if you can and as @MisoBear said, this is probably the time you most need to be on them.   So, if you really think about it, would you be better off without your psych? I understand the last session might not have been great, but before that, all I've heard from you was that she really understood you and it was finally someone you could talk to. I'm just pointing this out as a reminder as we often become tunnel visioned when we are feeling down. And that's how life regrets or mistakes are made, which ultimately make things worse. This very odd analogy just came to me, but i'm running with it... A psych is similar to owning a puppy (well i'm saying it is haha). You love it (talk to them) and you play all the time (visit weekly), but it also poops inside (offends us or says something we don't agree with) and chews your furniture at around 6 months when it's teething badly (says they want to meet less frequently). Do you send it back? No. You work it through and you make it clear to the puppy where it toilets and what it can and can't chew. Then you both find a happy medium. This is what needs to be done with your psych. Decide your boundaries around your trauma, work out the frequency of your visits and really make sure you're being honest from the start. The puppy won't know to stop chewing things unless you tell them not to which is the same as telling your psych you want to see her more often.   Sorry if that made no sense. I just think you have to take some time and focus on yourself and really think about what YOU want before making any decisions. You can do this and we're all here with you for each step of the way.     ... View more

Hi @MB95, I just wanted to let you know that I, along with the rest of RO are here to help support and encourage you. I'm sorry to hear that seeing your psych again wasn't that great, but i'm sure once you get into things again, it will be easier. You've had a stressful number of weeks so getting up and going is an amazing achievement! I would recommend calling a helpline. Like @Andrea-RO said, some of them differ a little bit, but if you think you need some safety help or coping tips for right now, then Lifeline is probably your best bet. I've used them many times and can certainly help in the short-term, if only to let you rant. @Eden1717 also mentioned the web chats which I find useful if I don't want people in the house hearing me call etc. However they have very long waiting times (usually) and you obviously don't get to talk about very much like you do over the phone. Let us know how the call goes and if it's really not great and you start to spiral, you are more than welcome to call back again and ask for a different person or try a different helpline. Their priority is your safety. ... View more

Hello @MB95!   I seemed to not have received RO notifications for this thread otherwise I would have returned earlier, so sorry about that! Nevertheless, I am ecstatic to hear that you managed to give your parents the letters. Regardless of the outcome, you got over that first, massive and extremely difficult step! That's what you need to focus on.   I have been catching up on the posts and honestly, everything you described is like a mirror of my family. My Mum would almost get annoyed at me and hated the fact i'll talk to a psych and not her. But I can assure you it will get better. If you give it your best by letting her know what you want and don't want from her, then that's all you can do. Relationships and communication are two-way things and you can't take responsibility for the way your parents feel.  I used to be extremely upset having told my parents anything and wished that I never did. However, when it was explained to me that it's not my responsibility to make my parents respond in a certain way, it helped to ease a lot of pressure and guilt. Of course I never purposely made them feel upset, but some news is taken better or worse than others and it's for them to work out.   If you can try and just focus on yourself a little more and let them worry about themselves, you'll find the stress and regret having told them will soon disappear. And in the long term, hopefully you will be able to see all of the positives that will come from that one step you made by giving them the letter.   What @Andrea-RO and @Janine-RO said was especially true regarding this whole process and with your psych. I understand you not wanting or thinking you need other supports, but on that one off occasion, you just may want to call them and having them already know how to help you, can literally save your life. I have a few supports in place myself. Some of which I was forced to make. Some I have never thought twice about contacting, but others, who may not have seemed likely at the time of forming the support, have actually been the most helpful. It's also a part of the psychs job which she is bound by if safety is a concern, but I can guarantee there are more positives than negatives when forming supports of any kind or level anyway.   I hope you have been alright the past couple of days and please feel free to ask any questions or get some tips on coping with this sort of thing. Many of us here have experienced very similar things and all of us have gotten/are getting though it and we are now even in this privileged position to help others as we keep fighting to the top.   Take care! ... View more

I can join for the first 20 mins or so but have sporting commitments later. But I look forward to reading your responses! ... View more

You have definitely given it a lot of thought and I’m just like “WOW!” Because you have already come so far and you’ve tried to work this out.  despite what happens, your psych will be proud of you for getting this far just as we all are here.  The tv and meditation sounds good. Hopefully you sleep a little better tonight.  Let us know how you go or if you’re unsure and whatever happens, know you have done so well already!! 👍🏼😊   Goodnight!  ... View more

Hey @MB95, It's definitely not a problem if you can't do it tonight. As @hellofriend mentioned, there's no time limit. I guess you could call or text them if they have questions after you leave which could be something you prefer? or now, try and focus on clearing your headspace and just relaxing. Try some mindfulness or distractions to help get through tonight and to hopefully get some good sleep. I hope you had a happy New Year and whatever you choose to do, is neither right or wrong. You've got to be comfortable - you've got it! <3 ... View more

Hey @MB95, I think that's great that you've even managed to write the letter and are considering giving it to your parents. You should be very proud of yourself - a great start to the year! :P I'll just say it, but there is never a perfect time for this sort of thing and you could always come up with excuses not to. By the sounds of it, it's not that you don't WANT to tell them it's that you're SCARED to telling them and that's perfectly normal. If you didn't want to, you wouldn't have written the letter or reached out here, so go you!! 😃 I understand you must be so exhausted! I think you mentioned you had a dog earlier so perhaps you could give them the letters and then take the dog outside and just throw a toy so you don't have to walk. I think out of the 3 days you have described, tonight sounds like a plan, but you need not make yourself upset over it. I know you mentioned you aren't sleeping or eating properly and maybe once you've given it to them, you'll have a sense of relief that will make things better than you thought. I know you've got it in you and i'm sure this is a good decision for you and your family's long term benefit. The first step is always the hardest. Just take some deep breaths and if you can, just give it to them and get out of there if you need to. I'm really rooting for you and send you all my strength. <3 You can do it!! ... View more

Hi @MB95,   I had a nice Christmas and hope you did too, despite being understandably, very exhausted. 😃    I think giving them your psychs letter along with your own is a good idea. And I think if you just slipped it to them and then went out, that would be fine and you don't have to see their immediate reactions and, like you said, they can talk with each other. You can always write on the front of the note that "i'm going out, will be back soon and for just Mum and Dad to read it." Or something like that. Then they know you're alright having left and you will return.   And whilst your psych and everyone here would definitely be proud if you managed to tell your parents, don't feel overwhelmed by any pressure. I know that's easier said than done, but it is up to you what you decide.   I hope you have a great New Year and perhaps letting them know could be a New Years resolution you want to achieve before you have to leave? 😃    Take care ... View more

Hi @MB95, When I did tell my Mum about the depression and my feelings, she was honestly so relieved. Because then she knew exactly what it was. She could research it (that made her feel helpful and better) and she wasn’t left thinking the worst. My Mum didn’t really ask questions and I just sort of brought things up to her. So little bits at a time. If she did ask too much I’d just say I didn’t know and I was tired or something. You could always say your working it out with your psych to stop the conversation too. I definitely get wanting to do it on your own, but you are anyway! You’re the one seeing the psych and taking the meds and that won’t change. They’ll just be some extra support when your psych is away or you’re feeling down and need to call someone. And really, mental illness or not, this is what family is for. If you can think of it that way, it may help to reach out when you need it. Regarding the letter, I just thought that I’m sure your psych explained how much you care for them and don’t want to make them involved etc. So to give it to them could actually help make boundary’s if/when you do tell them. So they know you’re not wanting a thousand questions when you tell them. You could write it at the end so you don’t have to speak at all. I remember writing a letter to my Mum when I was having fairly negative thoughts and basically wrote that please don’t ask me questions when you’ve finished reading because it was hard enough to give it to you. To just space questions out a bit and if I don’t want to answer, not to push me. That sort of thing so that it wasn’t too overwhelming at once. I was so proud after I gave it to her and it was a good decision. You mentioned writing a pros and cons list. How’d that go? I hope you have a great Christmas and New Year! Take care of yourself and we’re here if you need some help with telling your family 💜😊 ... View more

Hi MB95, Firstly, congratulations for giving your psych the letter! That is such an amazing achievement! and you should be proud and it’s a great way to end this years sessions. Thanks for the advice with my own psych. I think I’ll see how I go on the day. But I’ve already decided that no matter what, I won’t get upset if I do or don’t. And yeah, that was my thought about me really showing how helpful he was given that I don’t normally hug people. But I’ll just see 😊 Hope you had a good day and you should be super proud of yourself. Also, don’t feel pressured to respond. I had like a year where I just didn’t respond and didn’t even sign in. There’s no time pressure and so feel free to take your time So you don’t get overwhelmed 👍🏼 ... View more

Hey @MB95, I agree about hearing things from people that have or are currently experiencing issues being helpful. Although, you'll find like 80% of Psychs have experienced mental health issues and was likely an influencing factor in their career choice. Which is also good because they do understand, they just may not share it in that professional setting. So my last session is next week with my psych and I decided (with the help of my Mum) that a card and a nice, proper pen was something he might like. He's been so lovely and financially understanding that I decided he deserved even more than chocolates (plus he's a male and I don't know anything about him and so a pen is generic). :P I would actually love to give him a hug because he has been so kind and generous, but the whole vibe i've given him over the two years has been that I hate affection so he may just be like, "what the heck?!" and wouldn't expect it haha. And I don't want it to end awkwardly. I'll probably just do my mini bows and one hundred thank you's hahaha 😃 Regarding seeing male psych's, I think out of the roughly 12 or so people i've seen, I think i've had around 4 or 5 males, so a fair few really. I'll definitely say it's different but it's also different every time you see any new psych. I don't know if it has anything to do with the gender, but I found it easier to say things without worrying about their response when speaking with a male. Perhaps it's that ingrained (not necessarily true) social construct that women are more responsive or sensitive or something. Idk, it's just a minor thing I did notice in that there was less over-thinking with the male psychs but I can't tell you why. It could also just be that I simply didn't get so worried anymore as time went on. However, I didn't like to discuss romantic relationship issues with them. Even this one of two years, I either skimmed over things or had to really put on a brave face to tell him anything about it. I think that's because I feel embarrassed more than anything else and it's things I haven't even told my Mum! If the chance arises or you are referred to a male in future, I definitely wouldn't let their gender put you off. It's something to try and just see how you go. They certainly won't be offended if you're reason to discontinue is because you feel a little uncomfortable him being a male (it happens all the time and for both genders). It's an interesting topic really and I always thought i'd never speak to a male about it and yet here I am... ... View more

Hi @MB95, I'm just going to start off by saying that I hope your sleep is alright because I notice some of your posts are at like 1am in the morning! :P (Well that's the time it shows me here in Sydney). So don't forget sleep is important! But, thank you for checking in with me too, and it's true that i'm doing much better. <3 I definitely get the opening up to your family. What @Jess1-RO is spot on and to add to it, I think that it could even be a matter of them actually knowing (or having a pretty good idea) but not putting pressure on you to come forward. They could approach you directly, but they may realise this could be upsetting or confronting especially if you are used to being the one that helps everyone. So I think they sound like they are being pretty respectful, and those messages your Mum have sent are so cute! I'll provide one perspective you could choose to look at the whole situation with your family (of course take it or leave it, but it helped me to get in touch with mine). I might do dot points to save the whole essays I like to write :P - You mentioned you aren't super close but perhaps this is something that could bring you together and be something that helps overcome some of the past family traumas you mentioned. - You said there wasn't anything much they can do. If you can, try and recognise how helpful some of even the smallest things are - an ear to listen, a contact you (at least) have at 2am when you're down, a shoulder to cry on or even just someone to send a message to make you smile for a moment throughout the day. If you really think about it, I think you'll find those tiny things can actually be life savers and more helpful than originally thought. (well I think so anyway 😃) - Asking for help can be soooo hard. Maybe try tiny steps first (unrelated things) such as getting your Mum to proof read a Uni assignment or to help wrap a present - anything. Then edge up to the "can I talk to you", "what's your opinion on psychologists" or "Do you have any coping ideas?" etc. etc. - Them worrying about you. This took me forever to realise (and they'd tell me ALL the time), but they actually worry soooo much more not knowing for sure. If you think about it, without you being even just slightly honest or open, their minds are just left to wonder. For my Mum, that was always her - thinking the worst and worrying i'd never come home again or the police would knock on the door or something. Reassurance goes a long way. - Them not sharing their issues with you - Tell them outright you want to help and ask how they are. Also recognise that if they don't tell you as much that this could be a great opportunity to focus on yourself. You'll likely recover a little quicker and therefore be able to help them even more later! YOu've got to help yourself before you can help others properly. I think you should be so proud for opening up to your psych about it and yes, it can be so exhausting but you did it! And crying is honestly a great de-stressor as well so don't see that as a bad thing. Being more open about it and not shutting the idea down is an excellent start. I think the letter your psych wrote is actually a really thoughtful and good idea. That way you don't have to initiate it either. If you don't mind me asking, is the letter sealed or have you read it? It could be a good idea to set up a table of pros and cons for giving the letter to your family and you can get some help from us too as there could be things you hadn't thought of! - Being used to hiding everything is definitely something I can relate to, but having people notice is also a sign that things may be slipping a bit and that's okay. Perhaps you could even talk to someone at work if you get on with them? - And of course your dog counts! As @Jess1-RO said, they are honestly the best practice and I used to talk to mine every day and they just seem to know don't they!? <3 - When I opened up to my family I was actually so desperate. I was on that line of really needing someone to do something now or I don't care, that's it and ending it all. - It took me ages and a lot of practise with my dog but I just straight up said, can you find me someone to talk to. They also had a big inkling I wasn't doing well and honestly, she was so relieved to have it confirmed and her worries lessened because I was then going to get some help too. So even if you don't go into detail but just let them know you're getting help. - The pushing people away I still struggle with and it certainly isn't ridiculous! But I think it's something that will get easier over time. If you can just push through the beginning, things get easier for sure. 😃It's like starting an assignment - you put it off and off and thinking about it makes you anxious but once you just start and write that first paragraph, there's just massive relief and it's so much easier after that. - Feeling incapable is certainly not something to describe asking for help. And is shows you're even more capable if you can actually because it's not an easy thing. - I get you wanting to wait until after you've recovered more to tell them, but they may feel like they've let you down through those toughest periods. Like they could have done more or noticed more. Idk but that's what my family told me when I had the same concerns. It probably took me a solid year when I noticed things weren't great and then when things got very bad, it took about 6 weeks to build up the courage and to practice to basically just blurt out that I want to see someone. That was it. The 6 week build up for a 3 second sentence. And that was the extent of it. She knew I wasn't great at talking so just asked if I was okay, let me know she was there for me and helped set up the appointment. We took it slow and the psych helped to progress the relationship more. I'm studying Health Science and Mastering in Nursing at the moment and hope to get into some more healthcare policy down the track so keen to help people out! I'm so sorry, that definitely turned into another essay, but oh well haha 😃 Hope your day's been alright today. ... View more

Hey @MB95, I’m so glad that your last session went well! And yes, chocolates was a great idea! <3 And I get you about the hugging. It can be weird to know, but I guess if you’re not sure, it’s probably best not to or if you're comfortable enough, you can just say “can I hug you goodbye?” Then you’ll know for sure. When I left one of my psych’s for good, I did give them a hug (actually they gave me one), mind you, I’d seen her daily for a year so we were close I guess. I’m also not one for showing any affection so she was actually happy I did. I can’t exactly remember, but I don’t think I did for one of the male’s I was seeing because I just thought he’d think that was weird (and I’m not a very young girl or anything). I think I just thanked him a lot and did mini bows and he shook my hand hahaha 😂 Awkward but also not really because he was nice and I think I managed to show him my appreciation. I’ll be finishing up for good with this latest psych and I was actually wondering about getting him a gift with the card or if I shake his hand etc. So thanks for asking this, because now I can have a proper think! 🙏🏻 I might get him chocolates! 💜 But honestly, it’s just up to you what you feel like. But don’t beat yourself up over it. Like the gift ideas, it’s no big deal in the end 👍🏼 And yes, sorry, was not very clear on my experience side of things. Although it’s all from personal experience (ie I don’t strictly study it), I got so familiar with all the programs and therapy types etc. they used to get me to run the classes (esp. in group settings in hospital) 😂 I know that sounds really weird, and a bit sad now I think of it, but I had plenty of time to learn it all. 🤷🏼‍♀️😅 ... View more

Hi @MB95, I’m glad some of this had been helpful. And thanks for asking about me too. It is so much easier to give advice and then not take it on yourself, isn’t it! But I’m doing well now and actually that’s majorly due to my family. I know you mentioned you’re going back home to your family and told @Bre-RO that they don’t know about your struggles. Well this used to be the case for me as well. And I’m also in my 20’s. I know it may seem like there is no point in letting family know because you don’t live with them anymore or because you can’t just visit them whenever you want, but if I can achieve anything right now, I’d love for you to even just re-consider this. I wonder if there is any particular reason why you haven’t let your family know? Or is there a sibling or particular family member you are/were a little closer to? Honestly, since my family have known, everything has gotten so much easier. As I said before - a problem shared is a problem halved. My Mum would help find doctors for me to see, do research on medication when I didn’t want to do anything. She’d help look up different sport groups for me to join and honestly, it was that help and little push that’s got me out the other end. Now, this can come from a friend too and I’m glad to hear you are going to try and find someone that you may be able to get a bit closer to next year. I’ve been very lucky with the support I’ve had from everyone, but obviously there’s different family relationships with people and this might not be an option for you, but if there is someone that you are able to call and they can come over if you’re feeling really down, or someone to vent to, it will make a world of difference. It will then help with the loneliness too and break this awful cycle. But just something to think about 😃 And the spinal cord thing was all I could think of haha! I think you mentioned you did anatomy and I do some too so thought it would be fitting haha. (plus that’s literally what I research in my spare time) 😝 Yeah, I do the diary often, although I’ve been heavily relying on calendars in my phone recently and then right before I see my psych, I’ll have a look over the week at the events and it will refresh my memory (just if you can’t be bothered with the sentences). Like I’ll even put in “remind so and so that I’ll be away” or that I should walk my dogs to a different park today Haha. Because I really forget everything! And I think having the separate posts is good! It can help separate them so it’s more manageable to recurve some tips. And we’ll done on being so proactive on what you’re experiencing too - it’s a great sign of recovery. Be in touch soon ... View more

Hey @MB95,   Firstly, I think it's great to be looking for some support around loneliness. It's a big issue and you're right, it effects everyone at some point.   I think it was great you were able to ask your psych to see her twice, given it was the last week. It shows great initiative and although she initially declined, now you've got another the next week! See, that wouldn't have happened if you didn't ask - go you! And she seems really willing to help you which is great.   Regarding things to do now that Uni is over, I know that can be really hard. I love @Andrea-RO's post on doing some hobbies or joining a group. I know you said you love rock climbing, but are frightened to go alone. I think small steps are key with this. Perhaps you could join the FB group and message the person who posted it. You could ask for the details and say you'll be there. (It's always easier via message). Then, when the day arrives, having said that you would come, can be that extra motivator to get there. Although you will likely still feel scared or even guilty if you don't go, once you make that initial visit, i'm certain it will be so much easier after that! It's just the getting started that's tricky.   The pushing people away when you do finally make the effort to go out etc. is something I definitely get. But for this, I think it's just practice. You can start slow. Small chit chat at the beginning, then ask how they are. They will likely ask how you are and maybe you can just say that you're actually not 100%. Maybe that's enough for that day and when you meet again, you could go into it a little more if you feel comfortable. It is highly likely you'll actually feel better after it because i'm sure they'll be supportive and also because sharing a problem is a problem halved. It takes some weight off you and over the break when your psych isn't around, still having someone (even just to listen) can be very effective.   When I feel lonely, I like to do something a little productive. So maybe clean the bathroom or my room, or re-arrange the furniture or get rid of clothes that don't fit. Because I can do that on my own, but my mind is still busy and distracted (plus its productive!). You could always volunteer at a salvation army or Vinnies store (assuming you have those near you) - they are always in need of people and especially at this time of year. I also have dogs which are a massive go-to for me so I don't really experience loneliness much anymore. You could always suggest minding a pet if some friends are going away or they need a break (assuming they have a pet).   Making a bucket list is another good thing. Like it could be really tiny stuff like finding out more about the spinal cord if that's something that interests you (that's just a random topic :P ). I can find myself researching for hours and it's not a chore because it's interesting. And then you can start ticking it off over the holidays.   I would also recommend having a list of those helplines and services in case you are getting a bit down. It can be hard to have a long break between psych appointments but they can be handy in the interim - even if they just listen. Coming on here is also great. One thing that could be something you do, is to have a mini diary for the time between your psych appointments. Just write one or two sentences each night about significant things or feelings you had that day and then when you see them next, you won't forget (I do all the time! haha) when they ask about your break.   Hope some of that helps, even if it just gets you thinking. Not all things will work for everybody, but just experiment a little and don't forget to have a break! Holidays are meant for rest too!   ... View more

@MB95, you are so very welcome! I’m pleased to hear that even one thing has been helpful. Regarding the chocolates and cards, I think that’s a great idea and you’re right, who wouldn’t accept chocolate! 😂 And doesn’t everyone love to feel appreciated 👍🏼 I think just writing down that little phrase about letting the psych do her job is a good idea. It can help reinforce it until one day it will just be a habit to open up, knowing it’s for the best. The homework! Yeah, I wasn’t a huge fan haha. It is often progress sheets or things you fill out everyday for a few weeks or similar. Honestly, yes, it is best to try and do them because I think they use them as sort of a piece of ‘hard evidence’. So they can keep it with their notes and maybe repeat that down the track and compare the two. Their aim with this, is that you fill it out daily when that day has happened because they only speak to you once a week. And the day you see them, you may feel particularly down or better which could subconsciously make you overlook things from the other days in the week. I hope that sort of makes sense? So basically, if you can push through and fill it out, even just really basically or briefly when you’re meant to (instead of all of it, the day before) that is best and it will help them do their job if you can complete it properly. I did used to get very overwhelmed and thought it was stupid and I didn’t need it, but then I realised that people do their jobs differently, and clearly the homework is something they find helpful to have. And I also realised that I was overwhelmed because I wouldn’t do it and then get all anxious and feel bad and do it quickly right before the appointment or not at all. It’s exactly the same as studying - if you do a tiny bit each day, it is so much more manageable. Just set a time (mine was right before bed), to do that little bit and then by your next visit, the whole thing will be done! You could start by telling her that you’re now going to try and break it down and do a little bit each day, but for this week, it got a bit overwhelming and you were busy. @Bee is so great. Always helps everyone too! 💜 I apologise for my essays too haha. But do feel free to ask any other questions (Un-related if you like too. I’ve got experience in most aspects of MH hahaha). ... View more

Hi MB95, I definitely get you with the worrying. I used to be an extreme worrier. Over the smallest things, I’d make myself almost sick. But I heard that little mantra from somebody and I wrote it down. I then read it slowly about 10 times and spent some time really thinking about it. And I was like “OMG! That is actually so true!” So the next time something came up, I just reminded myself of that and it definitely brought the levels down. Now it’s just a habit that when I immediately react to something, that mantra pops into my head. It was by no means a quick process but over time (5 years), I’m now down to almost 0 worry about anything! :P I think it’s about recognizing the steps. Even a small amount of progress needs to be rewarded. Regarding the psych referring you on; looking back, I’m so glad that my initial psych did. Because if I had of stayed with her, I wouldn’t have gotten the best support I needed. Things would have been slower to improve and for the both of us, it was best. She was out of her depth and I needed a different sort of focus. Having her tell me relatively early on also helped with the whole separation as well. I was upset and didn’t want to tell her for fear of this, but she outright said that if I’m not honest, I won’t get the best care (from her or someone else) and may end up in hospital for example. Regarding new psychs, they will always refer you on and set you up with someone. Someone mentioned it (I forget who) that they have that duty of care and they can’t just leave and not tell you or pass you along to someone else. They may also pass you to your GP who may have better psyc contacts as well. Every time I changed, I got to have an initial one or two sessions as a sort of assessment to see if they might be able to help and if I liked them (remember it’s a two-way thing). For some of them ie. when leaving hospital, the old one would sit in with the new one to help this out. But when not in hospital, they may either overlap or start like the week or two after one has left. But they’ll always tell you about the helplines that’s are there if that two week gap is too long or recommend a Uni counsellor etc. Regarding the gifts, I tend to think that a) I don’t really know them so what would I buy anyway and I’ll save my money haha. B) A simple thank you card actually goes a lot further than a gift and it’s up to them whether they keep that or not, but it won’t be something they refuse Upfront like they might with a gift (although unlikely). And c) it is their job really and I guess you don’t really buy gifts for your dentist or GP etc. I know it’s a bit different as you seem them frequently and they know more personal details, but that’s what they get paid for :) Having said that, I did get one of mine a gift because they went above and beyond. I was living in this place and was seeing them daily for about a year, so it was a looser sort of relationship. But I think a card is both thoughtful and safe and shows your appreciation really well. You’ll get there! It just takes time and practice. That switch may be one that slowly flicks and it may not even happen with this psych. Or it could be something you see on your own! Just remember that they can’t do their job if you’re not telling them everything. 😃 Give yourself a break and reward those steps (such as speaking out on here). let me know if you have any other questions or need clarification etc. have a good one! ... View more

Hi @MB95, sorry for the delayed reply. It could just be something that has happened over time, but I've really come to realise that there really is no point in worrying. I'll do my best to concisely explain this: When you worry about something happening, you are essentially going through those feelings twice. Once when you worry about it possibly happening and then again if/when it actually does happen. And to me, the logical thing is to just remove that initial worry because you have no control overf events happening (such as a psych leaving etc.), so there's no point in having this worry that may not even happen. Does that sort of make sense? It's basically my mantra that enables me to be positive on most things. I know what I can and can't control and I chose to just wait and see what happens. Why chose to be sad or anxious!? I will just say that there are some definite negatives to this way of thinking if you become too extreme, but if you can adopt a little bit of that belief, I think you might find it helpful to just see how (almost) silly or unhelpful it is to worry before anything has even happened. Sorry, I feel like I just said 'worry' like 100 times! Hahaha. I guess i'm just trying to say that things can really have a huge difference if you just re-frame them slightly. And yes, I got really upset when my first pych moved me on (she didn't feel specialised enough). I was annoyed and upset because I actually wanted to talk to someone and then they couldn't see me anymore. I remember just looking at it (logically again) and seeing that it was neither of our fault, it was just the way it was. I also knew that if I held onto this and got really upset, that actually wouldn't change anything - it would just make me anxious and upset (like the worry). Easier said than done, but continuously looking forward (or at least at the present) can help with those fears around separation or loneliness. You honestly never know what's around the corner but if you are forever hoping for something or dreading something, are you ever really living? Anyway, I saw many other psychs and I moved on from leaving them just as I moved on as a person. In terms of adjusting to this recent move, I've already seen my new psych (so we are overlapping these last few weeks) that has been recommended by them. He's asked how it's going and if i'm frightened or sad or whatever, but for me, i'm not really feeling anything. Again, from a logical point of view, a psych is a psych and yes, you have to get on with them, but they all have the same end result in mind and that's to help you improve. Out of the 12 or so i've seen, there were only 2 that I didn't feel I was progressing much with (but not necessarily disliked). Regarding the time it took for me to open up, it was quite quickly when speaking with strangers i.e doctors and psychs because I didn't have as many emotional ties to them. I couldn't really offend them or hurt them or go against their wishes, so I just let them do their job and for that to happen, I had to tell them everything they needed so they could help. It's with my friends and family that I find it more difficult because you do see them all the time and you have established relationships and they aren't trained to be non-judgemental etc. etc. So again, logic helped me through it and I have no issue speaking to any (somewhat qualified) person. The family and friends, i'm working on, but honestly, speaking openly is so liberating, especially given my fears around speaking with my family and if it helps, knowing they are legally bound by confidentiality (within reason) takes even more pressure off. I'm actually so excited for you, because it does take those brave first few steps, but when you are able to speak openly, you'll feel it too - it's so freeing just to say it aloud and then any strategies etc. you're given are like a big bonus. But keep asking any questions. I honestly think I just had to flick that switch and see the logic one day and I haven't looked back since (hence my poor explanations :P ). Take Care! ... View more

Hey @MB95,   I definitely get your worries around speaking to your psych.  I’ve had many over the years and have definitely gotten better with the practice!   My current one of two years is actually leaving in a few weeks and whilst it’s sad and we got on and I could open up, I see it as a good opportunity to start fresh. There’s a clean slate that won’t be influenced by things I’ve said a long time ago that may not be relevant now.  I think writing things is a great idea, especially if it’s hard to talk. Even if it’s just dot points! What’s also really helpful but scary to do, is to actually tell them you’re nervous or unsure. They will likely talk a little more and ask specific questions that means you can just answer without over thinking it.  I've gotten to the stage where I feel I can be open straight away. I just don’t have the worries I used to and I know it will all be confidential etc.  Practice makes perfect!   Let us know how you go and what you found scary or hard.  ... View more

Hi @Charli_le_monke ,   how have you been the last few days? Just letting you know I’m also here to help listen and support you if you need.  Stay safe 😃  ... View more