turn on suggestions
Auto-suggest helps you quickly narrow down your search results by suggesting possible matches as you type.
Showing results for
- ReachOut Forums
- >
- About Alec29
Alec29
Super frequent scribe
since
28-10-2016
27-12-2017
38
Posts
11
Kudos
0
Solutions
27-12-2017
06:46 PM
Hi everyone, So I have GAD, Hypochondria and Obsessive thoughts as well as a few compulsions and I'm on SSRI's for my various anxiety disorders and it's been brilliant and i'm only on 10mg a low does and I have been for months and it's been great but both my GP and my Psychiatrist said that they think I should increase it to 15 mg but that really worries me for a variety of reasons 1. I have put on 8 kg's because of the medication & I hate myself, I was already very unhappy about my weight and was trying to lose some but now I have to lose even more & I can't seem to lose any. Im scared increasing the medication will make me gain even more. I have considered not eating, which I know is a bad idea. 2. Im anxious about taking my medication in general so I hate any kind of change around it. Im afraid I will get side effects. Im especially TERRIFIED of developing Serotonin Syndrome which is deadly 3. I thought I was doing ok, I have been heaps better so I didn't think I'd need to increase it. I will admit I have still been anxious and on top of all of my other anxieties some new obsessive and intrusive thoughts have been occurring, for example I got house plants in my room and I'm afraid that they will cause me to suffocate or hurt me at night because they respire and release carbon dioxide and use oxygen. Im also afraid that putting hoodies under the door (I do this to make a barrier so spiders can't crawl under the door while I sleep, I'v been doing it for over a year) will cause me to suffocate in my sleep from a lack of oxygen. So I can see why they think we should increase it, however I have been doing much better than when I wasn't. Also I have been feeling really bad about myself mainly due to my weight and hips & stomach. , I'm a psych student so I understand how quickly it can develop into mental health issues, but I hate my body and I haven't bought new clothes in 2 years because nothing fits and I cry and have a breakdown everytime I go shopping for clothes becuase I feel increadibly fat and nothing i want fits or suits my body so I have given up. So I just cry in change rooms get in a bad mood and want to die so I just complain and go home and be miserable. Sorry about that I just needed a rant I think.
... View more
27-12-2017
06:26 PM
Hi @letitgo Yes I have considered tutoring I really enjoy teaching others, however I have no clue how to get a job tutoring. I have looked online and done some research however it seems that people mainly want Uni students or graduates and why would any one hire me over someone in Uni?
... View more
19-12-2017
05:24 PM
1 Kudo
Hi @Mayaa99 Thanks yeah I worked hard for my ATAR, oh its actually 94.70 including bonus points hopefully I get accepted into the courses I want to do. No I haven't studied Japanese before, though I did Chinese for over 11 years and I hated it it was compulsory at school. Im not really watching anything specific just finishing off some tv series I havent finished.
... View more
19-12-2017
09:28 AM
3 Kudos
Hi @Mayaa99 Just thought I'd let you guys know that I got my ATAR today, I got 92.45 I'm happy with that. Japanese has been going well, I think. I picked it up because I found it interesting and I'm interested in the culture, I also watch a lot of anime.
... View more
14-12-2017
05:00 PM
Hi @Mayaa99 Thanks for the reply, sorry I didn't answer sooner. My ATAR results come out on the 19th of December I only need 65 but I wont be happy unless I get over 90, I'm a perfectionist. I have been reading some interesting stuff, honestly I'm not fussy I like most of the books I read. Iv also decided to teach myself Japanese though I often start things then stop so I'm not sure how long it will last. Im also trying to force myself to exercise as I am having issues with my weight and my anxiety meds have made me put on 10 kgs but I just hate exercise and specifically walking & Running and I cant afford to pay at all for exercise so I have no clue what to do.
... View more
22-11-2017
04:34 PM
2 Kudos
Hey @Bee Thanks for the support & reply In response to your question yes I do have plans I'm currently waiting for my ATAR and Uni offers, I plan to study Psychology Honours, I haven't 100% decided on my major yet, I'm switching between Human Neuroscience, Addiction Studies, Criminology or Sociology. I do think having something to do might help but I don't have any hobbies (unless reading & playing Pokemon counts ) and I don't have a job, though I do have a job interview next week, hopefully I will actual get this one.
... View more
20-11-2017
10:51 PM
So I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, severe Hypochondria along with panic attacks and obsessions & compulsions and I have been trying to seek help. I have been on meds for a few months & it's the best decision iv made, however i'm not cured the meds just dull the symptoms but I still cant function like a normal human being & I cant cope with this, i'm going to die at some point & my life is just wasting away while i'm constantly scared & anxious. I hate leaving the house, I cant play sport because i'm afraid ill get hurt or the team will get mad at me because I suck, i cant even watch tv or read anything related to health or danger without freaking out and being convinced i'm dying & i'm constantly worried spiders are going to kill me in my sleep or that i'm just going to drop dead for no reason. I constantly feel like there is something wrong with me & none of my friends or family understand that I cant just stop being anxious or do things like a normal person. I have been on the waiting list for therapy for about 5 months and I called up today as I have my first appointment tomorrow and it turns out they didn't even book me in they forgot so now i have to wait at least another month & Im struggling. Im beginning to lose all hope, what even is the point of trying the therapy probably wont help, i can only have 10 sessions in a year as I just turned 18 and cant pay for my own meds let alone therapy & my family struggle financially so I cant ask them to pay for me because i'm unable to function normally. We are also going to be even worse financially soon as my mum has decided to divorce my step dad who is and has been emotionally abusive to me for years. I feel guilty about this because i'm the one he hates not my mum so she shouldn't have to suffer because of me. Im so worried about everything mainly my health, death & money and it makes everything so hard, I don't even know why I have mental health issues and it sucks. I also just finished school so I don't have studying to distract me or give me a sense of achievement anymore and I have no hobbies because they are expensive. I cant even get a job even though I try so hard and had almost perfect grades, nothing seems to be going right for me at the moment. Im kind of pathetic I cant even drive because im terrified of cars and driving im 18 I should be a responsable and able person but im not. Sorry I sound like im whining I know there are heaps of people worse of than me I don't even really know what the point of this post is i'm just really frustrated and stressed
... View more
15-10-2017
06:48 PM
Hi @letitgo The weekend has been ok I have just been studying, I don't really manage my self esteem I'v always had low self esteem and issues with my weight, I just try and keep busy and usually only do things I'm good at, luckily for me I do quite well in terms of grades (though im never 100% happy with them) so that helps my self esteem. I was anxious last night I was just reading a book and all of a sudden I had a tingling, buzzing heat like sensation go up my body and then my heart felt weird it kind of jumped it felt irregular so then I freaked out about that all night and today im still worried about it just not as much.
... View more
12-10-2017
12:35 PM
1 Kudo
Hi @Bee, I did actually see my psychiatrist yesterday and brought up feeling guilty about taking the medication and he said that I was definitely anxious, i mean i'm anxious about the fact that I don't think i'm anxious enough to be anxious . He thinks that I should continue taking the medication for the rest of the year and that should take it for most of next year while I settle into Uni which is a big life change, I am inclined to agree with him honestly the medication is the best decision iv made in my entire life, but I still feel like I should be more anxious (like I was before I took the meds, even though it was horrid). I sometimes think about not taking the meds so that Im anxious but I know as soon as I do that I will regret it. I know that taking the medication doesnt mean im cured, it just means that im masking and controlling the symptoms and that I need to control my own thoughts so I'm going to continue taking the medication. Thanks for listening, I dont really have anyone IRL that I can talk to, or anyone who understands.
... View more
12-10-2017
12:24 PM
Hi @letitgo, I have been ok, just busy with studying for my yr 12 exams which are in a few weeks, I have been feeling a bit rubbish about my weight and self esteem, I think the medication is making me gain weight, but I cant really complain as thats the only side effect I have.
... View more
12-10-2017
12:20 PM
Hi @Mily, Thanks for the reply, I called up the psych and they estimate it will be at lease another 4-6 weeks before I can get an appointment and iv already waited about 3 months which sucks but the service I'm on the waiting list for is free because I cant afford regular therapy and I feel guilty asking my parents to pay just because i'm an anxious wreck. I get 10 free session in a year period but thats not enough for me to connect with the therapist and solve my issues (I have a lot & they are kind of complicated), I have a psychiatrist, but he doest do therapy just manages my meds, he thinks that after my yr 12 exams I should see a clinical psych.
... View more
06-10-2017
11:24 AM
Hi everyone To be honest i'm not sure what the point of this post is, maybe to vent? I suffer from severe GAD, Hypochondria & possible OCD and have done so for about a year, it was slowly getting worse and I was convinced I was dying all the time, every second of everyday I was anxious and was worried that I was dying of some unknown health condition, this health condition ranged from cancer, strokes, heart attacks, blood clots in my neck name a medical condition I thought I had it. I also cant drive I have my L's because i'm to scared to drive in case I hurt myself or someone else, i also am real anxious if i'm in the car and someone else is driving (especially my grandpa who i'm worried will have a heart attack or stroke behind the wheel) I also have a ritual I perform nightly surrounding checking my room for spiders and I put hoodies under the door so spiders cant get in while I sleep, i also compulsively check my body for signs of illness (I still do both these things but its not as bad as before). So I finally went to the GP who put me on meds, I was on them for a week and they made it worse so I stopped and got put on the waiting list for a psychologist but I was told it would be 3 months before I got an appointment ( i have been told this will be even longer wait now), so a few weeks later i went back to the GP to get different meds because I couldn't cope. I found that they started working in about a week and a bit and Im only on 10mg (a low dose) and I have noticed that my general anxiety had almost gone away (i still have bad days & panic attacks) and that even when I did get anxious it was much easier to control ( I couldn't control the anxiety at all before) While I still cant deal with people being sick and I go a bit over the top with sanitising stuff and making people wear gloves etc. It's much better and I feel guilty about this, I somehow feel as if that i'm not anxious and that i'm over reacting or just made it up and that it's all just in my head, I feel guilty for taking the medication because I feel like i'm just being stupid and thats theres nothing wrong with me, even though I was so scared all the time, i couldn't control my anxiety and I was having panic attacks every night begging my mum to take me to the ER at 1 in the morning. I know its stupid to feel this but for some reason I do, i just feel like because the meds worked quick, were very effective and were low dose that i'm overreacting and that i'm not anxious to be on meds.
... View more
27-07-2017
10:09 PM
Hi @Bree-RO Im not currently seeing a professional besides my Gp and will be seeing the people at headspace in a few months, I was on medication for my anxiety for a week but then i stopped because i felt even more anxious and I had side effects so I stopped but im going to try and see her again to try more meds while i wait for my appointment, I hate taking them because I have health anxiety so meds and side effects aren't good for my anxiety. I ave tried meditation before and sometimes it works others it doesnt I have been doing meditation/mindfullness apps on my phone in the last week though. Currently im not doing well im very scared and panicky and am crying, I have a slight swelling of the neck and my mum is trying to reassure me its just a muscle thing like a tight or over worked muscle but i cant get the thought of it being a blood clot out of my head and I want to go the ER to have a scan done or at least a GP for reassurance but she wont take me. My anxiety is getting worse its always really bad at 9:30 (because thats when I go to bed) and 11:00pm and after (this is when my parents go to bed) this is because im alone and its harder to get help and if i call out for help they wont here me and if for some reason I cant get up and get them im afraid ill die. if im aroun people and I have a stroke, heart attack etc. its easier to get help if there are people around.
... View more
27-07-2017
09:02 PM
HI Everyone I have developed severe Generalised anxiety and Health/illness anxiety. I am constantly anxious all day everyday and I constantly feel as if Im dying of a health issue, this issues switches between blood clots in my neck (most common) Heart attacks, Pulmonary Embolisms, various cancers, strokes, brain aneurysms, rare bacteria and viral infections and illnesses, internal bleeding, meningitis, phenomena etc. I have chest pain/discomfort and a tightness and throbbing in my neck, weird feeling almost like its a nerve thing in my head practically everyday and its really worrying. I am constantly anxious all the time and worried about the fact that im dying or could be dying in the future even if I have no physical symptoms and its getting worse. I am having what I think are panic attacks regularly ranging from the start of a panic attack (mild) to me going into my Mum & step dads room at ridiculous hours crying, panicking presenting with a variety of concerning physical symptoms that are indicative of heart attacks, strokes, meningitis etc. and begging them to help me, to call a doctor or take me to the ER. Its stupid because logically I know that nothing is probably wrong with me and that its probably anxiety or something like a muscle ache but its the fact that there is always a chance (however small it may be) that i'm right and that something might actually be seriously wrong and requires medical attention is really distressing but my parents wont take me seriously. I will often go to the doctor with my symptoms and they will dismiss me in a subtle way and say its fine or nothing etc and they wont take me seriously because i'm 17 and anxious, I just want the doctors to take me seriously and to do some tests to check my health and then if the results are clear I can (hopefully) put my mind at ease so that way I know its almost certain my symptoms are anxiety or stress induced. Im also scared to go to sleep in case I die in my sleep as there are a few medical conditions that can cause you to just die in your sleep without warning and this is really terrifying because I don't have any control over it. I have been to the GP and given a mental health care plan and have been refereed to headspace which is good but I have just been told that I wont get my first session for 2-3 months and I don't think I can cope that long with the anxiety and I also have to worry about yr 12 and im doing academic subjects. I feel like im losing it and im not coping.
... View more
08-07-2017
05:54 PM
Hi @letitgo Yeah Im trying to avoid googling the medication, and at the moment im not anxious because im about to fall asleep, i'm pretty sure its the medication i sleep for 11 hours and I have been awake for 4 hours and i'm so tired Im falling asleep while watching youtube. Im assuming its the medication iv been like this for the last few days and i feel kind of weak but after a few hours i start to get anxious again other than that Im doing ok
... View more
05-07-2017
10:39 PM
Hi @basketofmonkeys @Autumn23 @letitgo & @DirtWitch thanks for the replies, s orry for not replying I have been really busy, iv had a bunch of school work to do and organising and getting ready for my formal/prom (which was last Sat). I unfortunately decided to back out of going on camp I couldn't stop worrying and I just felt like it was better for me to not go than to stress about going for 3 weeks and stress while i'm there. I feel kind of weak for backing out but i felt like it was best and I am now relieved thats one last thing I have to worry about. In other news I went and saw my GP today and got a diagnosis (anxiety/possible OCD) and a mental health care plan, I also was prescribed medication for my anxiety, but my main anxiety is health related and medications have side effects which I am extremely anxious about. I have always been against taking the medication but its gotten so bad that i'm willing to try it just to make it go away, I was prescribed ... (i think its the same as ...) but im really worried about taking it what if I feel sick or i get kidney failure or something. It also didnt come with a sheet inside with all the info which I thought was strange, so I googled it but then it came up with reviews and one of them said something about kidney failure etc. and now im even more worried about taking it. Im supposed to go back in a week to check how the meds are going because I started on a real low dose and she's going to put together all the refers for psychologists and psychiatrists etc.
... View more
26-06-2017
06:42 PM
1 Kudo
Hi guys So Im in yr 12 I have achieved nothing in my whole life so I decided to get more involved in extra curricular's this year (mainly volunteering) and I volunteered for this program called CARA camp so I go with a bunch of other people to the the bottom of Mount Remarkable for 4 days and help out and engage and interact and look after kids with disabilities (mental and physical) who wouldn't be able to go on a 'normal' camp and do activities, however Im very anxious about it and I keep worrying about not being able to sleep, there being spiders (I have panic attacks and have OCDish tendencies and obsessions about spiders, Im not allowed to take bug spray to camp and I sleep with a can of bug spray so i don't know what ill do) Im worried something will happen to one of the kids and its my fault, Im extremely health anxious (i'm never not health anxious) and im worried ill get sick or something will go wrong and ill die or the ambulance wont make it in time (it will take at least 20 min) or something similar, im also worried about the bus trip because its long and i get travel sick and i'm really scared and don't want to go but I fell bad for backing out. Also the next bit may be TMI - i have issues with my bowels and digestive system so I elevate my legs on a stool when I do a bowel movement but I cant take a stool with me so Im worried about that. I also have so much homework and so many assignments to do that i'll probably die and Im worried I wont get them done if I go on camp. I wanted to go it seemed like a good idea but now i'm really unsure, if I go im worried and stressed the whole time, but if I dont i feel like im disappointing everyone and that i'll regret not going. I have 2 days to decide, what do I do?
... View more
13-06-2017
06:31 PM
1 Kudo
@TOM-RO Hi thanks for the reply sorry I haven't replied until now my laptop actually broke and is have repairs done which is probably one of the worst things to happen regarding my stress levels so I have 10+ assignments all due in the same week that haven't been done and I have tests so just my luck. My health anxiety is also causing me quite a bit of trouble at the moment @lokifish Ironically my psychology and many of my other teachers keep telling me I need to calm down and than my self doubt is unfounded and Im doing great and that my ATAR isn't going to matter in the end, I know this but I still feel the need to get the best score possible and beat everyone else. I have spoken to the councillor about my stress and anxiety in the past but not specifically about this issue im having at the moment as I haven't been able to get into see her as she's busy. I haven't used KHL before as I find it difficult to speak to people over the phone or text messages (I don't like the waiting and the suspense it makes me feel anxious, awkward and uncomfortable)
... View more
02-06-2017
09:44 PM
1 Kudo
Im in year 12 now and Im a mess my overall grades so far have been pretty good A-,A-, A, B+, A but im starting to lose it my life is a wreck I have way to much to do Im doing 4 hours study/homework every night + In class work and have 2 tests and 2 assignments all due on the same day I have 2 things due everyday for the next week im so stressed I cant cope I just want it to stop I kind of want to die but im scared of dying. I also have many chronic health conditions and have to decide if I want surgery but the risks arnt good and I have anxiety (about everything) and OCD specifically around dying and my health so I cant decide but im scared if I dont have the surgery it will hurt me. I only need an ATAR of 69 I can do that will all B- but i want above 90 why the do i care so much im losing my mind. I lost it tonight and have spent the last 3 hours sobbing because Im struggling with my english assignment. Im so stressed all the time that iv also scared that thats going to damage my health. If I cant cope with yr 12 how am I going to cope with 8-12 years of uni I dont even know what the point of living is anymore. Also have a stressful home life as my family fight all the time and my step dad hates me and is very mean. Im also stressed about money because i dont have a job and all my family goes on about is how we dont' have enough money. None of this probably makes any sense Sorry about the whining I know people have it much worse I just feel overwhelmed
... View more
19-05-2017
07:45 PM
@TOM-RO I don't really manage the thoughts of dying. If the thoughts are related to my health I usually panic and seek reassurance from mum or go a bit crazy in the internet with symptoms and the likelihood of getting specific illnesses and if it continues I go to the doctor. But if the thoughts of dying arnet immediately related to my health in the moment I usually jus get rea scared and sad, I realised that no mater what I do I will die eventually and that really scares me to know Im not in control and that I will cease to exist. I dont believe in heaven or the afterlife etc. I just think that when you die everything just stops and I cant imagine everything just stopping because if it all stopped my conciseness would not exist therefore I would feel or think nothing but i cant imagine what it would be like because if im dead i cant imagine anything. Sorry that probably didn't make much sense. No I havnt gotten any strategies yet I havnt seen her since our last appointment and once i told her about the death, health and general anxiety she wasnt quite sure how to help me at that moment
... View more
19-05-2017
06:41 PM
Hi @Bree-RO & @scared01 Thanks for the replies I currently see the school councillor for issues such as depression and gender dysphoria not anxiety. I only told her about the anxiety in our last session which was 3 weeks ago I think and I haven't had a appointment since so I haven't' gotten any advice yet. I think I could give externalising my anxiety a try. I have been a very anxious person for a long time so much so that I don't notice that Im anxious most of the time, its only in the last few months that its been getting much worse that I have noticed that Im having issues, thinking about dying all the time isn't very nice, due to me not knowing im anxious I don't actually do anything for the anxiety only the compulsive over checking regarding spiders and school work calms me down for a while. I also find I worry less if im real tired or depressed. The last few days have been a bit rubbish. The anxiety is not as bad as it was but still not good but I think its probably because now I feel quite sad and down and stressed with school. Iv cried in math 3 times this week II keep getting questions wrong in class and I just feel so useless that I kind of lose it and start crying and then I just feel really sad and stressed. Today I switched between ok to sad and crying in math to depressed for the rest of the day to anxious and then to irritated and angry.I just feel like evey thing is a bit to much
... View more
17-05-2017
08:34 PM
Hi, I have always been a fairly anxious person but i never considered it that bad or a problem but people in my life say i'm extremely anxious. I cant actually tell when i'm anxious anymore its so normal but lately it has escalated and my family and my school councillor and my teachers are concerned. I don't know where to start so i'll list all my problems 1. I have an intense fear of dying most of my anxiety is related to health and dying iv always been a hypochondriac but its getting ridiculous ie. chest pain = Heart attack, Wont go in water since I found out about a rare bacteria that lives in water and eats your brain and only 4 people in the world have survived, cant drive because im to scared to get in the car in case I crash and die, plane going over the house at night = Bomb or danger, scared of the beach because I dont know whats in the water, If death is mentioned I automatically start thinking about how I will die and I cant stop it happening eventually and will start feel teary and panicky I have to get rid of the thought etc. I could go on forever. 2. I have a problem with spiders, I have a process I do every night regardless of consequences or circumstances that I do to ease anxiety and stop spiders getting into my room. I check the whole room with a torch, floor behind bed under bed behind photos i even check the celling, the window frame and behind the blind. I remove the mattress to check the bed frame for spiders then I shake out all my bedding and put it on the bed then I spray all entrances and exits to room with bug spray then i build a barrier under my door with multiple hoddies folded to make my door almost air tight so the spiders cant get in, every time I leave the room at night I will repeat this process, sometimes I do it just to check before I actually sleep. Some people think this is a bit ritualistic and becoming OCDish but I don't do it in a particular order and I only do it at mums house (at dadsI room check but dont put up the barrier. I sleep with a can of bug spray and a shoe to kill spiders 3. Not sure if its anxiety. I am academically inclined but I ask all my teacher for reassurance and will check and re check all aspects of the assignment with the teacher so I know iv done it correct and if i'm over the word count I cant cut it in case I cut something good and make it worse. I cant do the assignments by myself for fear of sucking or ruining my grade or getting it wrong Am I too anxious whats going on? Help?
... View more
07-03-2017
06:34 PM
Hi everyone, Im currently 5 weeks into yr 12 and I honestly am sick of everything (not just school but life in general). I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression early 2016 I also have really bad self esteem and I got put on a mental health care plan but Iv havn't achieved anything with my psychologist I feel like every time i go im wasting my time, i feel uncomfortable, i dont connect with her, i only see her for 10 sessions a year which is very little as its on the plan and im 17 and cant afford to pay for therapy and I don't see the point, I had a session today and she said that i'm "hard to read' and that I always seem so put together, she thinks i'm doing ok and that i wont need to see her much longer just a catch up hear and there but i'm honestly getting worse I have been so down and sad most of the time since school started I have cried at least 4 times in every class because I feel stupid and worthless and if I don't get 100% i'm not happy I got a B+ on my first biology test and I was so disgusted with myself and like I suck and everyone is better and Im a burden, the anxiety is doing my head in and Iv started self harming again for the first time in 3 years and I have no clue why I just want to do it (iv only been doing this for 2 weeks) but I told her I was fine and Im honestly so glad I don't have to go to therapy anymore I have always wanted to be a psychologist but now i'm starting to think therapy is a bunch bollocks and a waste so im really conflicted. I also don't know what the heck to do I wont tell my parents any of this I HATE them being involved in my life especially emotionally and I also am really depressed about how even if i need help 10 sessions a year wont do much and I need more to connect with someone and I cant afford the sessions and neither can my family it just isn't possible and the fact that my family is struggling with money and I don't have any stresses me out. I also have a lot of relationship issues with my step dad and dad so that causes lots of fighting. even my body issues are getting worse I honestly am disgusted by my reflection I cant look in the mirror in the school bathrooms because I look so fat and gross and weird looking. Even my teachers are sick of me because im so negative all the time I also cant do any of the assignments by myself because i need reassurance i'm right, I feel pathetic I have no clue what the point of anything is anymore.
... View more
15-01-2017
04:50 PM
Hi everyone I have been seeing a psychologist since early 2016 but I dont think im getting anything out of it. At the begining of last year I started seeing the councillor at my school for symptoms of depression and chronic stress at first I was slightly uncomfortbale but I got over that in the first 1-2 sessions and now I enjoy going sure I still get uncomfortbale when discussing my issues especially when talking about my self esteem and low self worth but I still enjoy going and I get on well with her. Anyway after my first few sessions she suggested that i go see my GP to get a mental health care plan which I did after she diagnosed me with depression and then my mum found a psychologist close to our home and I started seeing my first psychologist, she was ok she was nice but once again I felt uncomfortbale but i got more used to her but she didnt think I was depressed probably because I am quite reserved and reluctant to talk about my negative emotions in a serious way. With her I was working on understnading my emotions beacuse all things im feeling tend to be expressed as anger and when around other people if Im sad it just becomes anger and I lash out but if im alone it just turns into very negative view of my self and life and I just cry and feel like everyone would be better off without me etc. While seeing the psychologist (I saw her once every 1-1 1/2 months) I continued seeing the councillor at school (i much prefer her to the psychologist I just get on better with her and we just seem to connect better) and I told her an issue that had been on my mind a lot and was causing a great deal of stress and worry and that was I thought I might of been transgender. After a few (3-4) sessions with my psychologist I switched to a new psychologist who specialised in Gender Identity Disorder, she luckly worked in the same practice as my original one did after about 3 sessions she diagnosed me with Gender Identity Disorder. We also talk about my self esteem and negative attitiude on everything I just dont think I connect with her I kind of feel awkward seeing her and during sessions i feel kind of "off" and uncomfortable and I once again dont think the therapy is helping me I still feel just as bad as I did before actually I think Im getting worse Iv now developed anxiety and Im having anxiety attacks about everything Im scared to get in a car im scared of being on the train I cant sleep beacuse im scared something bad will happen when I sleep im specifically terrified of spiders and i feel like they are all over me and are out to get me and that they are going to bite me while im asleep and ill die and the transgender thing is really having a negative effect on my lefe im just so worried and stressed about it and it just makes everthing much harder. I like talking to my school councillor, I even prefer talking to my GP but shes going on maternity leave in a month, I really dont like seeing my psychologist I dont know why It just feels "off" but It will be real hard to switch psychologists beacuse the one I currently see is the only one who specialises in Gender issues that isnt in the city and real expensive shes the only one in my area and I really dont want to be more of a burdern on my family than I already am by making them drive me to the city. I feel like I have too many issues to deal with and I dont know where to start and I have to go see my psychologist on the 23rd of Jan and I really dont want to I just feel uncomfortable and strange. Sorry its so long I just need to vent, any advice, suggestions or opinions are welcome
... View more
06-01-2017
01:18 AM
1 Kudo
Hi everyone I jus really really need help or to vent I'm terrified. I never saw myself as an anxious person but the more I think about it I am I just generally anxious and am extremely negative I'm mainly anxious about my safety and health (every headache is a brain tumour and I havnt got my Ls get because I'm scared to drive) but the thing causing me the most anxiety and paranoia is spiders. I have always been scared of spiders but In the last few months it has become so bad it's interfering with daily life especially my sleep. I am so terrified I can't sleep I can't go to sleep before 3am because Iv gotten the idea into my head that 3am is when most the spiders come out so I have to stay up until then and everytime I find a spider I will add an extra hour on to when I go to sleep I'm a yr 12 student I can't afford to do this. I get the feeling like the spiders are watching me or seeking me out and are trying to get me I feel like they are crawling in my hair and on my body. If I find one or I get into these anxiety attacks where I'm freaking out and crying uncontrollably and I just can't think and I'm just so terrified I havnt sleep properly in about 3-5 months. My parents are unsympathetic they think I'm making up the spiders being in my room so often they tell me to get over it stop being a princess and they get very annoyed especially my step dad. I hate physical contact and I don't like emotional stuff with family but I am getting so terrified that I'm crying and wanting to hug my mum I'm so scared. While I'm scared of spiders if I see one in the lounge or outside I am cautious and I'll kill it but if it's in my room it becomes a real issue I'm specifically scared of them getting me when I'm sleeping if I'm asleep and get bitten I can't do anything if I don't wake up I can't get help and I'm vulnerable if I'm awake I can do something about it but if I'm asleep and unaware I'm in trouble. I also sleep with earphones in because I'm afraid they will climb into my ears and mouth and get in my eyes. It's also causing me to carry out compulsive actions I will every night regardless of the time or if I'm sick if I'm throwing up I will still do it I have to. I will take everything off my bed then shake out the pillows and quilt and sheet then I will put them back on my bed but making sure they don't touch the floor or the walls I will then shake out the curtains and check all windows and doors and shine a flash light down all sides of my bed all corners of the room and down every bit of furniture and under the bed and bookcases then I shake my sheets out again then get into bed but I'm still paranoid constantly. I will often check multiple times a night and I sleep with a can of spider spray and a thong to hit them with next to my bed and in reach For some reason my room seems prone to spiders I find them everyday they drop from the roof onto me when I'm sleeping and when on my computer and nothing I have tried stops them so I'm out of options I need to deal with this I can't take it anymore I'm so done with being terrified e every night I'm scared to sleep i dread it I spend time during the day worrying about sleeping and I don't like being in my room anymore I can't cope it's becoming to much I need it to stop and I don't know what to do. I see a psychologist but I don't really like her and I only see her once every month or two my next appointment isn't for 3 weeks and I don't think I can keep this up. Sorry I sound like a baby but I'm terrified and need help
... View more
10-12-2016
11:50 PM
@May_ I have considered changing Psychologists but I would have no clue where to start and how to pick a new one. The Psychologist is the only one who specialses in Transgender indiviudals and Gender Identity Disorder that isnt in the main city which is about 1 and a half -2 hours travel and thats if the traffic is good plus you have to pay for parking. Im already a burden to my family I dont want to make it worse by making them take me further away the currrent psychologist I see works for one of those GP super clinics its a 2-5 min drive from my house and I just feel bad for leaving and transfering psychologists I have already done it once I transfered from my old psychologist to this one as she specialsed in transgender but I was slightly more comfortable with the old one but I dont think I was getting anything out of it. I watch lots of TV shows I enjoy crime ones such as Law and Order: SVU & criminal minds and Bones I have been watching a lot less tv lately as I dont like sitting with my family and I dont have any say or control over what I watch so if i watch tv i stream it on my laptop which is often annoying and it buffers. Im honeslty not fussy with tv shows I also like documentaries and teen dramas like degrassi, i like british tv as well I also quite enjoy science fiction so things like Doctor who, i like anime as well I also love fantasy I have a giant harry potter fan I have scarves and merch and I have all the books and screen plays etc. I would as silly as i sounds like to play Quidditch but I cant find teams there is little in terms of culture and fun things that I enjoy to do in Adelaide in comparrison to bigger Australain cities and other countries but im hopping to find stuff in Uni. Yes I have signes up for the LAP mentoring program I start early next year im nervous and worried about the social bit and the kid not liking me or being annoing etc but im looking forward to it
... View more
10-12-2016
10:03 PM
@May_ None will allow me to due to my age and I dont have police clearence and I dont have experince in the field or with children. Though my school runs a well known program called LAP which is a mentoring program in which participants (mentors) are matched with a child who is signed up to the program this might be due to academic difficulties or social difficulties etc and we are matched with them based on forms we both fill out such as intersts and areas or skills and we spend one 50 min lesson a week with them doing whatever they want or need to do such as doing homework or building a science project like a volcano or drawing or playing sport or just talking etc this is for the year and I have signed up.
... View more
10-12-2016
09:56 PM
@Mona-RO Yes I am seeing a Psychologist for multiplr reasons such as depression, anxiety, self esteem and gender identity disorder but I dont enjoy going I feel anxious waiting and once I get in I just feel uncomfortabale and I dont think I really connect or relate to my Psychologist I just dont like going and I dont feel at ease around her, shes nice and Im sure shes good at her job I just dont like it. I do see my school councilor and I do enjoy seeing her I get on much better I conncet well with her and feel at ease speaking to her she is also younger than my psychologist maybe that has something to do with it? I also see her a lot more often adn i dont have to pay to see her I only see my psychologist probably 1 every 1-2 months as she only works Mondays and is busy and im on the mental health care plan so I get 10 free sesions a year and I really cant afford anymore. No I havnt drawn in years it takes to long and stresses me out and im never happy with it beacuse its never perfect im also not creative so anything I draw is just me copying another drawing i also feel like its a waste of time I feel as if everyday the things i do are often a waste of time. There are currently no hobbies I really want to do sure there are things that I go oh yeah id like to do that or that seems cool but I dont have the time and I just cant be bothered it takes to much effort, sitting in my room watching tv is easier and a lot of time i get to caught up in getting it perfect for example i tried journaling it didnt work i didnt know what to write everything i wrote sounded dumb and i couldnt stand my writing etc. I tried learning multiple languages and I couldnt stick to it, I thought myself chess but I got bored and wasnt good at it
... View more
10-12-2016
06:17 PM
@May_Yeah I have considered it but Im having difficulty finding oportunites. I would like to do work expereince or volutneer work in areas im interseted in such as psychology, medicaine, or helping with academic things such as tutoring or stuff like that but due to patient confidentality I cant get any in the psychology field or in the medical field (eg. hospitals, GPs etc.) so that really sucks. I have looked for jobs and I did have one at McDonalds in the kitchen making food but it was aweful it was making me depressed and it wasnt worth the little money I got, that type of work just isnt for me. I have looked for paid jobs in psychology/social health field but was unseuccesful as im a high school student and im not qualified enough and also in terms of tutoring I am not qualified enough i have looked but people want uni students or people with degrees, why would they pay a high school student to help when they could pay someone more experienced. I would like to play a sport but I cant afford to join a club, I dont have much time due to studying, im unfit and to be honest pretty bad and lacking skills in sport, im also worried if i let the team down and dont want to be judged. Also when I say i go to the gym 3 times a week I mean i aim to sometimes I only get 1-2 times due to school, medical appoitments and sometimes Im just lazy but I dont think im seeing resutls so my will is declining quickly.
... View more
10-12-2016
01:20 PM
@May_ I dont really have anything else that I really work hard to achieve other than academics and I dont really have anything else that gives me that rewarding feeling other than academics or other people praising me or my work though I do enjoy helping people especially giving advice or teaching so helping people in areas that im good at and that I enjoy it doesnt give me as big a rewarding feeling as getting good grades & I dont have much oportunity to do these things. I dont really have any hobbies or skills or anything im terribale at sport and I cant sing or dance or draw so I just kind of sit on my bed and read or midlessly browse youtube & Google. I have recently started going to the gym 3 times a week, I wouldnt say I enjoy it I feel sick and dizzy often after and I cant breathe im very unfit but its ok I like the thought of going I just dont like how I feel after the gym or during (especially cardio its horrid I cant breathe and I feel sick)
... View more
My Recent High Fives Received
Subject | High Fives | Posted |
---|---|---|
1 | 13-06-2017 06:31 PM | |
1 | 02-06-2017 09:44 PM | |
1 | 19-12-2017 05:24 PM | |
3 | 19-12-2017 09:28 AM | |
2 | 22-11-2017 04:34 PM |
Public Statistics
Date Registered | 28-10-2016 06:50 PM |
Date Last Visited | 27-12-2017 07:48 PM |
Total Messages Posted | 38 |
Total High Fives Received | 11 |
Contact Me
Online Status |
Offline
|
Date Last Visited |
27-12-2017
07:48 PM
|
Recent High Fives from:
Latest Tags
No tags yet